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at Saratoga 


RACIN’ AFTER FASHION, 


(Marietta Holley), 


Samantha at the Centennial," "My Opinions and Btittljll 
Babbit’s" "My Wayward Far dner," tic., etc. 


New York: 

THE F. M. LUPTON PUBLISHING COMPANY, 


WTTBRBD ACCORDING TO AcT OP CoNGRBSS, IN TNft f«AR 1887, BT 

HUBBARD BROTHERS, 

m THX Opficb of thb Librarian of Congress, At Washingtoif 
AU. rights reserved. 


By Transfer 
Maritime Comm. 


SEP 3 1940 


Contents 


CHAPTER I. PAGE 

SAMANTHA AT SARATOGA . . • .10 

CHAPTER II. 

ARDELIA TUTT AND HER MOTHER . • 26 

CHAPTER III. 

THE CHERITY OF THE JONESVILLIANS • • 40 

CHAPTER IV. 

ABDEUA AND ABRAM GEE . • .75 

CHAPTER V. 

WE ARRIVE AT SARATOGA . . .89 

CHAPTER VI. 

SARATOGA BY DAYLIGHT . . ; . 101 

CHAPTER VII. 

SEEING THE DIFFERENT SPRINGS . . 116 

CHAPTER VIII. 

JOSIAH AND SAMANTHA TAKE A LONG WALK . 128 
CHAPTER IX. 

JOSIAH’s FLIRTATIONS . • . .148 


fr 


CONTENTS, 


CHAPTER X. PAGB 

MISS G. WASHINGTON FLAMM . • • 174 

CHAPTER XL 

VISIT TO THE INDIAN ENCAMPMENT • . 200 

CHAPTER XII. 

A DRIVE TO SARATOGA LAKE . • . 221 

CHAPTER XIII. 

VISITS TO NOTABLE PLACES . . . 239 

CHAPTER XIV. 

LAKE GEORGE AND MOUNT McGREGOR . . 266 

CHAPTER XV. 

adventures at VARIOUS SPRINGS . . 279 

CHAPTER XVL 

AT A LAWN PARTY . ’ . . . 290 

CHAPTER XVIL 

A TRIP TO SCHUYLERVILLE . • . S15 

CHAPTER XVIIL 

THE SOCIAL SCIENCE MEETING | • • • 831 

CHAPTER XIX.: 

ST. Christina’s home . . • . 843 

CHAPTER XX. 

AN ACCIDENT WITH RESULTS . • • 860 




A SORT OF PREFACE. 

WBI0H rr IS NOT NECESSAKY TO READ. 

When Josiah read my dedication he said^itwua 
a shame to dedicate a book that it had took most a 
hull bottle of ink to write, to a lot of creeters that he 
wouldn’t ha^e in the back door yard.” 

But I explained it to him, that I didn’t mean 
tramps with broken hats, variegated pantaloons, ven- 
tilated shirt-sleeves, and barefooted. But I meant 
tramps with diamond ear-rings, and cuff-buttons, and 
Saratoga trunks, and big accounts at their bankers. 

And he said, “ Oh, shaw ! ” 

But I went on nobly, onmindful of that shaw, as 
female pardners have to be, if they accomplish all the 
talkin’ they want to. 

And sez I, It duz seem sort o’ pitiful, don’t 
to think how sort o’ homeless the Americans are a 
gettin’ ? How the posys that blow under the win- 
ders of Home are left to waste their sweet breaths 
amongst the weeds, while them that used to love ’em 
' are a climbin’ mountain tops after strange nosegays.” 
r The smoke that curled up ftom the chimbleys, a 

l'■' * 


A RUNNING VINE, 


2 

wreathin’ its way up to the heavens — all dead and 
gone. The bright light that shone out of the winder 
through the dark a tellin’ everybody that there wuz 
a Home, and some one a waitin’ for somebody — ^all 
dark and lonesome. 

Yes, the waiter and the waited for are ail a rushin^ 
round somewhere, on the cars, mebby, or a yot, a 
chasin’ Pleasure, that like as not settled right down 
on the eves of the old house they left, and stayed 
there. 

I wonder if they will find her there when they go 
back again. Mebby they will, and then, agin, mebby 
they won’t. For Happiness haint one to set round 
and lame herself a waitin’ for folks to make up their 
minds. 

Sometimes she looks folks full in the face, sort o’ 
solemn like and heart-searchin’, and gives ’em a fair 
chance what they will chuse. And then if they chuse 
wrong, shee’ll turn her back to ’em, for always. I’ve 
hearn of jest such cases; 

But it duz seem sort o’ solemn to think — ^how the 
sweet restful felin’s that clings like ivy round the 
old familier door steps — where old 4 fathers feet 
stopped, and stayed there, and baby feet touched and 
then went away — I declare for’t, it almost brings 
tears, to think how that sweet dingin’ vine of affec- 
tion, and domestic repose, and content — how soon 
that vine gets tore up nowadays. 

It is a sort of a runnin’ vine anyway, and folks 


OUR OLD 4 FATHERS. 


3 


use it as sech, they run with it. Jest as it puts its 
tendrils out to cling round some fepce post, or lilock 
bush, they pull it up, and start off with it. And then 
its roots get dry, and it is some time before it will be- 
gin to put out little shoots and dingin’ leaves agin 
round some petickular mountain top, or bureau or 
human bein’. And then it is yanked up agin, poor 
little runnin’ vine, and run with — ^and so on — and so 
on — and so on. 

Why sometimes it makes me fairly heart-sick to 
think on’t. And I fairly envy our old 4 fathers, who 
used to set down for several hundred years in one spot. 
They used to get real rested, it must be they did. 

Jacob now, settin’ right by that well of his’n for 
pretty nigh two hundred years. How much store he 
must have set by it during the last hundred years of 
’em ! How attached he must have been to it ! 

Good land ! Where is there a well that one of our 
rich old American patriarks will set down by for two 
years, leavin’ off the orts. There haint none, there 
haint no such a well. Our patriarks haint fond of 
well water, anyway. 

And old Miss Abraham now, and Miss Isaac— 
what stay to home wimmen they wuz, and equinomi- 
cal I 

What a good contented creeter Sarah Abraham 
wuz. How settled down, and stiddy, stayin’ right to 
home for hundreds of years. Not gettin’ rampent 
for a wider spear, not a coaxin’ old Mr. Abraham 


4 


SLIGHT PREPARATIONS. 


nights to take her to summer resorts, and winter hanta 
of fashion. 

No, old Mr. Abraham went to bed, and went to 
sleep for all of her. 

And when they did once in a hundijed years or so, 
^ake up their minds to move on a mile or so, how 
easy they traveled. Mr. Abraham didn’t have to lug 
off ten or twelve wagon loads of furniture to the Safe 
Deposit Company, and spend weeks and weeks a set- 
tlin’ his bisness, in Western lands, and Northern 
mines, Southern railroads, and Eastern wildcat stocks, 
to get ready to go. And Miss Abraham didn’t have 
to have a dozen dress-makers in the house for a month 
or two, and messenger boys, and dry goods clerks, and 
have to stand and be fitted for basks and polenays, and 
back drapery, and front drapery, and tea gowns, and 
dinner gowns, and drivin’ gowns, and mornin’ gowns, 
and evenin’ gowns, and etcetery, etcetery, etcetery. 

No, all the preperations she had to make wuz to 
wrop her mantilly a little closter round her, and all 
Mr. Abraham had to do wuz to gird up his lions. 
That is what it sez. And I don’t believe it would 
take much time to gird up a few lions, it don’t seem 
to me as if it would. 

And when these few simple preperations had been 
made, they jest histed up their tent and laid it acrost 
a camel, and moved on a mild or two, walkin’ afoot. 

Why jest imagine if Miss Abraham had to travel 
with eight or ten big Saratoga trunks, how could they 


/ 


ON THE GO. 


have be^ got up onto that camel ? It couldn't have 
been done. The camel would have died, and old 
Mr. Abraham would also have expired a tryin' to 
lift 'em up. No, it was all for the best. 

And jest think on't, for all of these simple, stay to 
home ways, they called themselves Pilgrims and 
Sojourners. Good land ! What would they have 
thought nowadays to see folks make nothin' of settin^ 
off for China, or Japan or Jerusalem before break- 
fast. 

And what did they know of the hardships of civil- 
ization? Now to sposen the case, sposen Miss 
Abraham had to live in Now York winters, and go 
to two or three big receptions every day, and to din- 
ner parties, and theatre parties, and operas and such 
like, evenin's, #nd receive and return about three 
thousand calls, aiid be on more 'n a dozen charitable 
boards (hard boards they be too, some on 'em) and 
lots of other projects and enterprizes — ^be on the go the 
hull winter, with a dress so tight she couldn't breathe 
instead of her good loose robes, and instead of her 
good comfortable sandals have her feet upon high- 
heeled shoes pinchin' her corns almost unto distraction. 
And then to Washington to go all through it agin, 
and more too, and Florida, and Cuba ; and then to 
the sea-shore and have it all over agin with sea bathin' 
added. 

And then to the mountains, and all over agin with 
olimbm' round added. Then to Europe, with sea 



6 


LUKER GATHERERS. 


sickness, picture galleries, etc., added. And so on 
home agin in the fall to begin it all over agin. 

Why Miss Abraham would be so tuckered out be- 
fore she went half through with one season, that 
she would be a dead 4 mother. 

And Mr. Abraham — why one half hour down at 
the stock exchange would have been too much for 
that good old creeter. The yells and cries, and di^ 
tracted movements of the crowd of Luker Gatherers 
there, would have skairt him to death. He never 
would have lived to follow Miss Abraham round 
from pillow to post through summer and winter sea- 
sons — he wouldn’t have lived to waltz, or toboggen, 
or suffer other civilized agonies. No, he would have 
been a dead patriark. And better off so, I almost 
think. 

Not but what I realize that civilization has its ad- 
vantages. Not but what I know that if Mr. Abra- 
ham wanted Miss Abraham to part his hair straight, or 
clean off his phylackrity when she happened to be out 
a pickin’ up manny, he couldn’t stand on one side 
of his tent and telephone to bring her back, but had 
to yell at her. 

And I realize fully that if one of his herd got 
stiayed off into anothe^j^ county, they hadn’t no tele- 
graf to head it off, but the old man had to poke off 
through rain or sun, and hunt it up himself. And 
he couldn’t set down cross-legged in front of his tent 


HAD 70 KILL A SHEEP. 7 

in the mornin', and read what happened on the other 
side of the world, the evenin^ before. 

And I know that if he wanted to set down some 
news, they had to kill a sheep, and spend several 
years a dressin’ off the hide into parchment — and 
kill a goose, or chase it up till they wuz beat out, for 
a goose-quill. 

And then after about 20 years or so, they could 
put it down that Miss Isaac had got a boy — ^the boy 
probably bein’ a married man himself and a father 
when the news of his birth wuz set down. 

I realize this, and also the great fundimental fact 
that underlies all philosophies, that you can’t set 
down and stand up at the same time — and that no 
man, however pure and lofty his motives may be, 
can’t lean up against a barn door, and walk off 
simultanious. And if he don’t walk off, then the 
great question comes in. How will he get there? 
And he feels lots of times that he must stand up so's 
to bring his head up above the mullien and burdock 
stalks, amongst which he is a settin’, and get a wider 
view — a broader horizeon. And he feels lots of times 
that he must get there. 

This is a sort of a curius world, and it makes us 
feel curius a good deal of the time as we go through 
it. But we have to make allowances for it, for the 
old world is on a tramp, too. It can’t seem to stop 
a minute to oil up its old axeltrys — it moves on, and 
takes ns with it. It seems to be in a hurry. 


s 


HULL NATION IN A HURRYi 


Everything seems to be in a hurry h^re below. 
And some say Heaven is a place of continual sailin’ 
round and goin’ up and up all the time. But while 
risin’ up and soarin’ is a sweet thought to me, still 
sometimes I love to think that Heaven is a place 
where I can set down, and set for some time. 

I told Josiah so (waked him up, for he wuz asleep), 
and he said he sot more store on the golden streets, 
and the wavin’ palms, and the procession of angels. 
(And then he went to sleep agin.) 

But I don’t feel so. I’d love, as I say, to jest set 
down for quite a spell, and set there, to be kinder 
settled down and to home with them whose presence 
makes a home anywhere. I wouldn’t give a cent to 
sail round unless I wuz made to know it wuz my 
duty to sail. Josiah wants to. 

But, as I say, everybody is in a hurry. Husbands 
can’t hardly find time to keep up a acquaintance 
with their wives. Fathers don’t have no time to get 
up a intimate acquaintance with their children. 
Mothers are in such a hurry — babys are in such a 
hurry — that they can’t scarcely find time to be born. 
And I declare for’t, it seems sometimes as if folks 
don’t want to take time to die. 

The old folks at home wait with faithful, tired old 
eyes for the letter that don’t come, for the busy son 
or daughter hasn’t time to write it — no, they are^ too 
busy a tearin’ up the running vine of affection and 
home love, and a runnin’ with it. 


BEYOND THE SUNSET 


Yes, the hull nation is in a hurry to get somewhere 
else, to go on, it can^t wait. It is a trampin’ on over 
the Western slopes, a trampin’ over red men, and 
black men, and some white men a hurryin’ on to the 
West — hurryin’ on to the sea. And what then ? 

Is there a tide of restfulness a layin’ before it ? ' 
Some cool waters of repose where it will bathe its 
tired forward, and its stun-bruised feet, and set there 
for some time ? 

I don’t s’pose so. I don’t s’pose it is in its nater 
to. I s’pose it will look oflP longingly onto the far- 
off somewhere that lays over the waters — beyend the 
sunset. JosiAH Allen’s Wifi. 

Niw Yoek, June, 1887. 


/ 


I. 

BAMANTHA AT SARATOGA. 

The idee ©n’t come to me one day about sundown, 
or a little before sundown. I wuz a settin’ in calm 
peace, and a big rockin’ chair covered with a hand- 
some copperplate, a readin’ what the Sammist sez 
about “ Vanity, vanity, all is vanity.” The words 
struck deep, and as I said, it was jest that very 
minute that the idee struck me about goin’ to Saratoga. 
Why I should have had the idee at jest that minute, 
I can’t tell, nor Josiah can’t. We have talked about 
it sense. 

But good land ! such creeters as thoughts be never 
wuz, nor never will be. They will creep in, and 
round, and over anything, and get inside of your 
mind (entirely unbeknown to you) at any time. 
Curious, haint it ? How you may try to hedge ’em 
out, and shet the doors and everything. But they 
will creep up into your mind, climb up and draw up 
their ladders, and there they will be, and stalk round 
independent as if they owned your hull head ; curious I 

Well, there the idee wuz — I never knew nothin* 

( 10 ) 


JOSIAH SCORFING, 


11 


about it, nor how it got there. But there it wuz, 
lookin’ me right in the face of my soul, kinder pert 
and saucy, sayin’, You’d better go to Saratoga next 
summer; you and Josiah.” 

But I argued with it. Sez I, What should we 
go to Saratoga for ? None of the relations live there 
on my side, or on hison ; why should we go ? ” 

But still that idee kep’ a hantin me; You’d 
better go to Saratoga next summer, you and Josiah.” 
And it whispered, Mebby it will help Josiah’s 
corns.” (He is dretful troubled with corns.) And 
so the idee kep’ a naggin’ me, it nagged me for three 
days and three nights before I mentioned it to my 
Josiah. And when I did, he scorfed at the idee. 
He s^id, The idee of water curing them dumb 
corns—” 

Sez I, Josiah Allen, stranger things have been 
done ; ” sez I, that water is very strong. It does 
wonders.” 

And he scorfed agin and sez, “ Don’t you believe 
faith could cure em ? ” 

Sez I, If it wuz strong enough it could.” 

But the thought kep, a naggin’ me stiddy, and 
then — here is the curious part of it — the thought 
nagged me, and I nagged Josiah, or not exactly 
nagged ; not a clear nag ; I despise them, and always 
did. But I kinder kep’ it before his mind from day 
to day, and from hour to hour. And the idee 
would keep a tellin’ me things and I would keep a 


12 


BR. GALE CONSULTED, 


tellin^ ^em to my companion. The idee would keep 
a sayin^ to me, It is one of the most beautiful places 
in our native land. The waters will help you, the 
inspirin’ music, and elegance and gay enjoyment you 
will find there, will sort a uplift you. You had 
better go there on a tower ; ” and agin it sez, Mebby 
it will help Josiah’s corns.” 

And old Dr. Glale a happenin’ in at about that time, 
I asked him about it (he doctored me when I wuz a 
baby, and I have helped ’em for years. Good old 
creetur, he don’t get along as well as he ort to. 
Loontown is a healthy place.) I told him about my 
strong desire to go to Saratoga, and I asked him plain 
if he thought the water would help my pardner’s 
corns. And he looked dreadful wise and he riz up 
and walked across the floor 2 and fro several times, 
probably 3 times to, and the same number of times 
fro, with his arms crossed back under the skirt of his 
coat and his eyebrows knit in deep thought, before he 
answered me. Finely he said, that modern science 
had not fully demonstrated yet the direct bearing of 
water on corn. In some cases it might and probably 
did stimulate ’em to greater luxuriance, and then 
again a great flow of water might retard tbeir growth. 

Sez I, anxiously, ‘^Then you’d advise me to go 
there with him?” 

Yes,” sez he, ^ on the hull, I advise yoa to go.” 

Them words I reported to Josiah, and ses I kl 
anxious axents, Dr. Gale advises m to 


••Aad when I did, he icorfcd at the idee.” 
2 


page H, 


14 JOSIAH SCORES AGAIN. 

And Josiah sez, I guess I shan^t mind what that 
old fool sez.” 

Them wuz my pardner’s words, much as I hate to 
tell on ^em. But from day to day I kep’ it stiddy 
before him, how dangT’us it wuz to go ag’inst a 
doctor’s advice. And from day to day he would 
scorf at the plan. And I, ev’ry now and then, and 
mebby oftener, would get him a extra good meal, and 
attack him on the subject immegatly afterwards. But 
all in vain. And I see that when he had that im- 
movible sotness onto him, one extra meal wouldn’t 
soften or molify him. No, I see plain I must make a 
more voyalent effort. And I made it. For three 
stiddy days I put before that man the best vittles that 
these hands could make, or this brain could plan. 

And at the end of the 3d day I gently tackled him 
agin on the subject, and his state wuz such, bland, 
serene, happified, that he consented without a parlay. 
And so it wuz settled that the next summer we wuz 
to go to Saratoga. And he began to count on it and 
make preparation in a way that I hated to see. 

Yes, from the very minute that our two minds wuz 
made up to go to Saratoga Josiah Allen wuz set on 
havin’ sunthin new and uneek in the way of dress 
and whiskers. I looked coldly on the idee of puttin’ 
a gay stripe down the legs of the new pantaloons I 
made for him, and broke it up, also a figured vest. 
I went through them two crisises and came out 
triumphent. 


JOSIAWS PREPARATIONS, 


15 


Then he went and bought a new bright pink neck- 
tie with broad long ends which he intended to have 
float out, down the front of his vest. And I im- 
megatly took it for the light-colored blocks in my silk 
log-cabin bedquilt. Yes, I settled the matter of that 
pink neck-gear with a high hand and a pair of shears. 
And Josiah sez now that he bought it for that pur- 
pose, for the bedquilt, because he loves to see a dressy 
quilt, — sez he always enjoys seein’ a cabin look sort o’ 
gay. But good land! he didn’t. He intended and 
calculated to wear that neck-tie into Saratoga, — a 
a sight for men and angels, if I hadn’t broke it up. 

But in the matter of whiskers, there I was power- 
less. He trimmed ’em (unbeknow to me) all off the 
side of his face, them good honerable side whiskers 
of hisen, that had stood by him for years in solemnity 
and decency, and begun to cultivate a little patch on 
the end of his chin. I argued with him, and talked 
well on the subject, eloquent, but it wuz of no use, I 
might as well have argued with the wind in March. 

He said, he wuz bound on goin’ into Saratoga with 
a fashionable whisker, come what would. 

And then I sithed, and he sez, — You have broke 
up my pantaloons, my vest, and my neck-tie, you 
have ground me down onto plain broadcloth, but in 
the matter of whiskers I am firm ! Yes ! ” sez he 
on these whiskers I take my stand ! ” 

And agin I sithed heavy, and I sez in a dretful 




A STAND ON WHISKERS. 


le 

impressive way, as I looked on ^em, Josiak Allen, 
remember you are a father and a grandfather I ” 

And he sez firmly, If I wuz a great-grandfather 
I would trim my whiskers in jest this way, that is if 
I wuz a goin’ to set up to be fashionable and a goin^ 
to Saratoga for my health.’’ 

And I groaned kinder low to myself, and kep’ 
hopin’ that mebby they wouldn’t grow very fast, or 
that some axident would happen to ’em, that they 
would get afire or sunthin’. But they didn’t. And 
they grew from day to day luxurient in length, but 
thin. And his watchful care kep’ ’em from axi- 
dent, and I wuz too high princepled to set fire to ’em 
when he wuz asleep, though sometimes, on a moon- 
light night, I was tempted to, sorely tempted. 

But I didn’t, and they grew from day to day, till 
they wuz the curiusest lookin’ patch o’ whiskers that 
I ever see. And when we sot out for Saratoga, they 
wuz jest about as long as a shavin’ brush, and looked 
some like one. There wuz no look of a class-leader, 
and a perfesser about ’em, and I told him so. But 
he worshiped ’em, and gloried in the idee of goin’ afar 
to show ’em ofiP. 

But the neighbors received the news that we wuz 
goin’ to a waterin’ place coldly, or with ill-concealed 
envy. 

Uncle Jonas Bently told us he shouldn’t think we 
would want to go round to waterin’ troughs at our age. 

And I told him it wuzn’t a waterin’ trough, and if 


17 


WHAT THE TEACHER 

it wuz, I thought our age wuz jest as good ft one as 
any, to go to it. 

He had the impression that Saratoga wuz a im- 
liiense waterin^ trough where the country all drove 
themselves summers to be watered. He is deef as a hem- 
lock post, and I yelled up at him jest as loud as I dast 
for fear of breakin’ open my own chest, that the water 
got into us, instid of our gettin^ into the water, but I 
didn’t make him understand, for I hearn afterwards 
of his sayin’ that, as nigh as he could make out we all 
got into the waterin’ trough and wuz watered. 

The school teacher, a young man, with long, small 
lims, and some pimpley on the face, but well meanin’, 
he sez to me : Saratoga is a beautiful spah.” 

And I sez warmly, It aint no such thing, it is a 
village, for I have seen a peddler who went right 
through it, and watered his horses there, and he sez it 
is a waterin’ place, and a village.” 

^^Yes,” sez he, it is a beautiful village, a modest 
retiren city, and at the same time it is the most noted 
spah on this continent.” 

I wouldn’t contend with him for it wuz on the stoop 
of the meetin’ house, and I believe in bein’ reverent. 
But I knew it wuzn’t no “ spah,’^ — that had a dread- 
ful flat sound to me. And any way I knew I should 
face its realities soon and know all about it. Lots of 
wimen said that for anybody who lived right on the 
side of a canal, and had two good cisterns on the place, 
and a well, they didn’t see why I should feel in a suf- 



. s 


Yes j ” le* he, “ on the hull, I advise it.” page 14. 


A STIDDY CONVERSATION, I9 

ferin’ condition for any more water ; and if I did, why 
didn^t I ketch rain water ? 

Such wuz some of the deep arguments they brung 
up aginst my embarkin’ on this enterprise, they 
talked about it sights and sights ; — why, it lasted the 
neighbors for a stiddy conversation, till along about 
the middle of the winter. Then the Minister’s wife 
bought a new alpacky dress — unbeknown to the 
diurch till it wuz made up — and that kind o’ drawed 
their minds off o’ me for a spell. 

Aunt Polly Pixley wuz the only one who received 
the intelligence gladly^ And she thought she would 
go too. She had been kinder run down and most 
bed rid for years. And she had a idee the water 
might help her. And I encouraged Aunt Polly in 
the idee, for she wuz well off. Yes, Mr. and Miss 
Pixley wuz very well off though they lived in a little 
mite of a dark, low, lonesome house, with some tall 
Pollard willows in front of the door in a row, and 
jest acrost the road from a grave-yard. 

Her husband had been close and wuzn’t willin’ to 
have any other luxury or means of recreation in the 
house only a bass viol, that had been his father’s — he 
used to play on that for hours and hours. I thought 
that wuz one reason why Polly wuz so nervous. I 
said to Josiah that it would have killed me outright 
to have that low grumblin’ a goin’ on from day to 
day, and to look at them tall lonesome willows and 
grave stuns. 


20 


LOW--NECKED DRESSES. 


But, howsiimever, Polly’s husband had died durin’ 
the summer, and Polly parted with the bass viol the 
day after the funeral. She got out some now, and 
wuz quite wrought up with the idee of goin’ {o Sar- 
atoga. 

But Sister Minkley, sister in the church and sister- 
in-law by reason of Whitefield, sez to me, that she 
should think I would think twice before I danced 
and waltzed round waltzes. 

And I sez, “I haint thought of doin’ it, I haint 
thought of dancin’ round or square ©r any other 
shape.” 

Sez she, “ You have got to, if you go to Saratoga.” 

Sez I, Not while life remains in this frame.”-^ v 

And old Miss Bobbet came up that minute — it 
wuz in the store that we were a talkin’ — and sez she. 
It seems to me, Josiah Allen’s wife, that you are too 
old to wear low-necked dresses and short sleeves.” 

And I should think you’d take cold a goin’ bare- 
headed,” sez Miss Luman Spink who wuz with her. 

Sez I, lookin’ at ’em coldly, Are you lunys or has 
softness begun on your brains ?” 

Why,” sez they, you are talking about goin’ to 
Saratoga, hain’t you ?” 

Yes,” sez I. 

Well then you have got to wear ’em,” says Miss 
Bobbet. They don’t let anybody inside of the in- 
corporation without they have got on a low-neoked 
dress and short sleeves.” 




COATS KINDER TINTED^ 2l 

%■ , 

And bare-headed,” sez Miss Spink ; if they 
have] got a thing on their heads they won^t let ^em 
in.” 

Sez I, " I don’t believe it.” 

Sez Miss Bobbet, It is so, for I beam it, and 
beam it straight. James Robbets’s wife’s sister had a 
second cousin who lived neighbor to a woman whose 
niece had been there, been right there on the spot. 
And Celestine Bobbet, Uncle Ephraim’s Celestine, 
hearn it from James’es wife ^hen she wuz up there 
last spring, it come straight. They all have to go in 
low necks.” 

^^And not a mite of anything on their heads,” says 
Miss Spink. 

Sez I in sarcasticle axents, Do men have to go in 
low necks too ?” 

No,” says Miss Bobbet. But they have to have 
the tails of their coats kinder pinted. Why,” sez 
she, “ I hearn of a man that had got clear to the in- 
corporation and they wouldn’t let him in because his 
coat kinder rounded off round the bottom, so he went 
out by the side of the road and pinned up his coat 
tails, into a sort of a pinted shape, and good land ! 
the incorporation let him right in, and never said a 
word.” 

I contended that these things wuzn’t so, but I 
found it wuz the prevailin’ opinion. For when I 
went to see the dressmaker about makin’ me a dress 
for the occasion, I see she felt just like the rest about 


AG AST AT THE IDEE, 


it. My dress wuz a good black alpacky. I thought 
I would have it begun along in the edge of the 
winter, when she didn't have so much to do, and also 
to have it done on time. We laid out to start on the 
follerin' July, and I felt that I wanted everything 
ready. 

I bought the dress the 7th day of November early 
in the forenoon, the next day after my pardner con- 
sented to go, and give 65 cents a yard for it, double 
wedth. I thought I could get it done on time, dress- 
makers are drove a good deal. But I felt that a 
dressmaker could commence a dress in November and 
get it done the follerin' July, without no great strain 
bein' put onto her ; and I am fur from bein’ the one 
to put strains onto wimmen, and hurry ’em beyend 
their strength. But I felt Alminy had time to make 
it on honor and with good button-holes. 

Well,” she sez, the first thing after she had un- 
rolled the alpacky, and held it up to the light to see 
if it was firm — sez she : 

I s'pose you are goin' to have it made with a long 
train, and low neck and short sleeves, and the waist 
all girted down to a taper?” 

I wuz agast at the idee, and to think Alminy 
should broach it to me, and I give her a piece of my 
mind that must have lasted her for days and days. 
It wuz a long piece, and firm as iron. But she is a 
woman who likes to have the last word and cariy out 
ber own idee^ and she ' insisted that nobody was 






He sa;rs to me, < Saratoga is a beautiful spalj.» »» 





24 


AS FER THE WAISTS 


allowed in Saratoga — ^that they wuz outlawed, and 
laughed at — they didn’t have trains and low necks, 
and little mites of waists no bigger than pipe-stems, 
Sez I, Alminy Hagidone, do you s’pose that I, a 
woman of my age, and a member of the meetin^ 
house, am a goin* to wear a low-necked dress ? ” 
^‘Why not?/’ sez she, ^4t is all the fashion and 
wimmen as old agin as you be wear ’em.” 

Well, sez I, It is a shame and a disgrace if they 
do, to say nothin’ of the wickedness of it. Who do 
you s’pose wants to see their old skin and bones ? It 
haint nothin’ pretty anyway. And as fer the waists 
bein’ all girted up and drawed in, that is nothin’ but 
crushed bones and flesh and vitals, that is just 
crowdin’ down your insides into a state o’ disease and 
deformity, torturin’ your heart down so’s the blood 
can’t circulate, and your lungs sa’s you can’t breathe, 
it is nothin’ but slow murder anyway, and if I ever 
take it into my head to kill myself, Alminy Hagidone, 
I haint a goin’ to do it in a way of perfect torture 
and torment to me, I’d ruther be drownded.” 

She quailed, and I sez, I am one that is goin’ to 
take good long breaths to the very last.” She see I 
wuz like iron aginst the idee of bein’ drawed in, and 
tapered, and she desisted. I s’pose I did look skair- 
ful. But she seemed still to cling to the idee of low 
necks and trains, and she sez sort a rebukingly : ' 
You ortn’t to go to Saratoga if you haint willin’ 
to do as the rest do, 1 s’pose/’ sez she dreamily^ 


THE DRESS COMPLETED. 


25 


^‘the streets are full of -wimmen a walkin’ up and 
down with long trains a hangin’ down and sweepin’ 
the streets, and ev’ry one on ’em with low necks and 
short sleeves, and all on ’em a flirting with some 
man.” 

Truly,” sez I, if that is so, that is why the idee 
come to me, I am needed there. I have a high 
mission to perform about. , But I don’t believe it is 
so.” 

“ Then you won’t have it made with a long train ?” 
sez she, a holdin’ up a breadth of the alpacky in front 
of me, to measure the skirt. 

No mom ! ” sez I, and there wuz both dignity and 
deep resolve in that ^^mom.” It wuz as firm and 
stern principled a ^^mom” as I ever see, though I 
say it that shouldn’t. And I see it skairt her. She 
measured off the breadths kinder trembly, and seemed 
so anxious to pacify me that she got it a leetle shorter 
in the back than it wuz in the front. And (for the 
same reason) it fairly choked me in the neck it wuz 
so high, and the sleeves wuz that long that I told 
Josiah Allen (in confidence) I was tempted to knit 
some loops across the bottom of ’em and wear ’em for 
jnits. 

But I didn’t, and I didn’t change the dress 
neither. Thinkses I, mebby it will have a good 
moral effect on them other old wimmen there. 
Thinkses I, when they see another woman melted and 


26 


SOOTHING A PARDNER. 


shortened and choked fur principle’s sake, mebby they 
will pause in their wild careers. 

Wall, this wuz in November, and I wuz to have 
the dress, if it wuz a possible thing, by the middle of 
April, so’s to get it home in time to sew some lace 
in the neck. And so havin’ everything settled about 
goin’ I wuz calm in my frame most all the time, and 
so wuz my pardner. 

And right here, let me insert this one word of wis- 
dom for the special comfort of my sect and yet it is 
one that may well be laid to heart by the more oppo- 
site one. If your pardner gets restless and oneasy 
and middlin’ cross, as pardners will be anon, or even 
oftener — start them off on a tower. A tower will in 
9 cases out of 10 lift ’em out of their oneasiness, 
their restlessness and their crossness. 

Why this is so I cannot tell, no more than I can 
explain other mysteries of creation, but I know it is 
so. I know they will come home more placider, more 
serener, and more settled-downer. Why I have known 
a short tower to Slab City or Loontown act like a 
charm on my pardner, when crossness wuz in his mean 
and snappishness wuz present with him. I have 
known him to set off with the mean of a lion and 
come back with the liniment of a lamb. Curious,' 
haintit? 

And jest the prospect of a tower ahead is a great 
help to a woman in rulin’ and keepin’ a pardner 
straight and right in his liniments and his acts. Some- 


QUELLING A PARDENER, 


27 


how jest the thought of a tower sort a lifts him up in 
mind, and happifys him, and makes hiin easier to 
quell, and pardners mud be quelled at times, else 
there would be no livin’ with ’em. This is known 
io all wimmen companions and and men too. Great 
great is the mystery of pardners. 





It 

A»DELIA TUTT AND HER MOTHER. 

But t@ resoom and continue on. I was a settin* 
one day, after it wuz all decided, and plans laid on ; 
I wuz a settin’ by the fire a mendin’ one of Josiah’s 
socks. I wuz a settin’ there, as soft and pliable in my 
temper as the woosted I wuz a darnin’ ’em with, my 
Josiah at the same time a peacefelly sawin’ wood in the 
wood-house, when I heard a rap at the door and I riz 
up and opened it, and there stood two perfect stran- 
gers, females, I, with a perfect dignity and grace (and 
with the sock still in my left hand) asked ’em to set 
down, and consequently they sot. Then ensued a 
slight pause durin’ which my two gray eyes roamed 
over the females before me. 

The oldest one wuz very sharp in her face and had 
a pair of small round eyes that seemed when they were 
sot onto you to sort a bore into you like two gimlets. 
Her nose was very sharp and defient, as if it vmz con- 
stantly sayin’ to itself, I am a nose to be looked up 
to, I am a nose to be respected, and feared if neces- 
sary.” Her chin said the same thing, and her lips 
28 


A HARD SIGHT. 


29 


which wuz very thin, and her elboea, which wuz veiy 
»harp. 

Her dress was a stiff sort of a shiniff poplin, made 
tight acrost the chest and elboes. And her hat had 
some stiff feathers in it that stood up straight and sort 
a sharp lookiff . She had a long sharp breast-pin sort 
a stabbed in through the front of her stiff standin’ 
collar, and her knuckles sot out through her firm lisle 
thread gloves, her umberell wuz long and wound up 
hard, to that extent I have never seen before nor 
sense. She wuz, take it all in all, a hard sight, and 
skairful. 

The other one wuzn^t no more like her in looks than 
a soft fat young cabbage head is like the sharp bean 
pole that it grows up by the side on, in the same garden. 
She wuz soft in her complexion, her lips, her cheeks, 
her hands, and as I mistrusted at that first minute, 
and found out afterwards, soft in her head too. Her 
dress wuz a loose-wove parmetty, full in the waist and 
sort a drabbly round the bottom. Her hat wuz drab- 
colored felt with some loose ribbon bows a hangin’ 
down on it, and some soft ostridge tips. She had silk 
mits on and her hands wuz fat and kinder moist- 
lookin’. Her eyes wuz very large and round, and 
blue, and looked sort o’ dreamy and wanderin’ and 
there wuz a kind^of a wrapped smile on her face all 
the time. She had a roll of paper in her hand and I 
didn’t dislike her looks a mite. 

Finally the oldest female opened her lips, some as 
3 


30 


A BAGFULL OF POEMS, 


a steel trap would open sudden and kinder skarp, 
and sez she : I am Miss Deacon Tutt, of Tuttville, 
and this is my second daughter Ardelia. Cordelia is 
my oldest, and I have 4 younger than Ardelia.” 

I bowed real polite and said, I wuz glad to make 
the acquaintance of the hull 7 on ’em.” I can be 
very genteel when I set out, almost stylish. 

I s’pose,” says she, I am talkin’ to Josiah Al- 
len’s wife?” 

I gin her to understand that that wnz my name 
and my station, and she went on, and sez she ; I 
have hearn on you through my husband’s 2d cousin, 
Cephas Tutt.” 

‘^Cephas,” sez she, bein’ wrote to by me on the 
subject of Ardelia, the same letter containin’ seven 
poems of hern, and on bein’ asked to point out the 
quickest way to make her name and fame known to 
the world at large, wrote back that he havin’ always 
dealt in butter and lard, wuzn’t up to the market price 
in poetry, and that you would be a good one to go to 
for advice. And so,” sez she a pointin’ to a bag she 
carried on her arm (a hard lookin’ bag made of crash 
with little bullets and knobs of embroidery on it), “and 
so we took this bag full of Ardelia’s poetry and come 
on the mornin’ train, Cephas’es letter havin’ reached 
us at nine o’clock last night, I am a woman of busi- 
ness.” 

The bag would hold about 4 quarts and it wuz foil. 
I looked at it and sithed. 


A SOARING GENIUS. 


31 


I see/^ sez she, that you are sorry that we didn^t 
bring more poetry with us. But we thought that this 
little batch would give you a idee of what a mind 
she has, what a glorious, soarin’ genus wuz in front 
of you, and we could bring more the next time we 
come.” 

I sithed agin, three times, but Miss Tutt didn’t 
notice ’em a mite no more’n they’d been giggles or 
titters. She wouldn’t have took no notice of 
them. She wuz firm and decided doin’ her own er- 
rent, and not payin’ no attention to anything, nor 
anybody else. 

‘^Ardelia, read the poem you have got under your 
arm to Miss Allen ! The bag wuz full of her longer 
ones,” sez she, but I felt that I mud let you hear 
her poem on spring. It is a gem. I felt it would 
be wrongin’ you, not to give you that treat. Read it 
Ardelia.” 

I see Ardelia wuz used to obeyin’ her ma. She 
opened the sheet to once, and begun. 

Jest the minute Ardelia stopped readin’ Miss Tutt 
says proudly: There! haint that a remarkable 
poem ? ” 

Sez I, calmly, Yes it is a remarkable one.” 

Did you ever hear anything like it ? ” says she, 
triumphly. 

^^No,” sez I honestly, never did.” 

^^Ardelia, read the poem on Little Ardelia 





'A -y.'. 

S - 'll ' 






\ • 





JOY AND BUSINESS. 33 

delia ; give Miss Allen the treat of bearin’ that beau- 
tiful thing.” 

I sort a sithed low to myself ; it wuz more of A 
groan than a common sithe, but Miss Tutt didn’t 
heed it, she kep’ right on — 

I have always brought up my children to make 
other folks happy, all they can, and in rehearsin’ this 
lovely and remarkable poem, Ardelia will be not only 
makin’ you perfectly happy;, givin’ you a rich in 
tellectual feast, that you can’t often have, way out here 
in the country, fur from Tuttville ; but she will also 
be attendin’ to the business that brought us here. I 
have always fetched my children up to combine joy 
and business ; weld ’em together like brass and steel. 
Ardelia, begin ! ” 

So Ardelia commenced agin’. It wuz wrote on a 
big sheet of paper and a runnin’ vine wuz a runnin’ 
all ’round the edge of the paper, made with a pen. 

Jest as soon as Ardelia stopped rehearsin’ the verses. 
Miss Tutt sez agin to me : 

Haint that a most remarkable poem ? ” 

And agin I sez calmly ,Vnd trutlifully, “ Yes, it is 
a very remarkable one ! ” 

^^And now,” sez Miss Tutt, plungin’ her hand in 
the bag, and drawin’ out a sheet of paper, to con- 
vince you that Ardelia has always had this divine 
gift of poesy — that it is not all the effect of culture 
and high education — let me read to you a poem she 


A POEM OF passion: 


S4 

wrote when she wuz only a mere child,” and Miss 
Tutt read : 

“LINES ON A CAT 
“written by ardelia tutt, 

^ At the age of fourteen years, two months and eight daya 

“ Oh Cat ! Sweet Tabby cat of mine ; 

6 months of age has passed o’er thee, 

And I would not resign, resign 
The pleasure that I find in you. 

Dear old cat ! ” 

Don’t you think,” sez Miss Tutt, that this poem 
shows a fund of passion, a reserve power of passion 
and constancy, remarkable in one so young ? ” 

Yes,” sez I reasonably, “ no doubt she liked the 
cat ! And,” sez I, wantin’ to say somethin’ pleas- 
ant and agreeable to her, no doubt it was a likely 
cat.” 

‘^Oh the cat itself is of miner importance,” sez 
Miss Tutt. “We will fling the cat to the winds. 
It’s of my daughter I would speak. I simply handled 
the cat to show the rare precocious intellect. Oh ! 
how it gushed out in the last line in the unconquera- 
ble burst of repressed passion — ‘ Dear old cat ! ’ 
Shakespeare might have wrote that line, do you not 
think so?” 

“No doubt he might,” sez I, calmly, “but he 
didn’t/^ 


PEGASUS. 35 

I see she looked mad and I hastened to say : He 
wuzn^t aquainted with the cat/^ 

She looked kinder mollyfied and continued : 

Ardelia dashes off things with a speed that would 
astonish a mere common writer. Why she dashed off 
thirty-nine verses once while she wuz waitin’ for the 
dish water to bile, and sent ^em right off to the printer, 
without glancin’ at ’em agin.’ 

I dare say so,” sez I, I should judge so by the 
sound on ’em.” 

Out of envy and jealousy, the rankest envy, and 
the shearest jealousy^hem verses wuz sent back with 
the infamous reques^hat she should use ’em for curl 
papers. But she sot right down and wrote forty- 
eight verses on a ^ Cruel Bequest,’ wrote ’em inside of 
eighteen minutes. She throws off things, Ardelia does, 
in half an hour, that it would take other poets, weeks 
and weeks to write.” 

I persume so,” sez I, I dare persume to say, they 
never could write ’em.” 

‘^And now,” sez Miss Tutt, the question is, will 
you put Ardelia on the bacWof that horse that poets ride 
to glory on ? Will you lift her onto the back cf that 
horse, and do it at once f I require nothin’ hard of 
you,” sez she, a borin’ me through and through with her 
eye*. It must be a joy to you, Josiah Allen’s wife, 
a rare joy, to be the means of bringin’ this rare genius 
before the public. I ask nothin’ hard of you, I only 
ask that you demand, demand is the right word, w)t 




36 FAME AND WEALTH, 

ask; that would be grovelin’ trucklin^ folly, but demand 
that the public that has long ignored my daugther 
Ardelia’s claim to a seat amongst the immortal poets, 
demand them, eompd them to pause, to listen, and then 
seat her there, up, up on the highest, most perpend ic- 
iler pinnacle of fame^s pillow. Will you do this ? 

I sat in deep dejection and my rockin’ chair, and 
knew not what to say — and Miss Tutt went on : 
^‘We demand more than fame, deathless, immortal 
fame for ’em. We want money, wealth for ’em, and 
want it at once ! We want it for extra household ex- 
penses, luxuries, clothing, jewelry, charity, etc. If 
we enrich the world with this rare genius, the world 
must enrich us with its richest emmolients. Will you 
see that we have it ! Will you at once do as I asked 
you to ? Will you seat her immegately where I want 
her sot ? 

Sez I, considerin’, I can’t get her up there alone, I 
haint strong enough.” Sez I, sort a mekanikly, I 
have got the rheumatez.” 

So you scoff me do you ? I came to you to get 
bread, am I to get w’orse than a stun — a scoff? ” 

I haint gin you no scoff,” sez I, a spunkin’ up a 
little, haint thought on it. I like Ardelia and 
wish her well, but I can’t do merikles, I can’t compel 
the public to like things if they don’t.” 

Sez Miss Tutt, You are jealous of her, you hate 
her.” 

No, I don’t,” sez I, I haint jealous of her, and 










gg HENS AND DOVES. 

I like her looks first-rate. I love a pretty young 
girl,” sez I candidly, ^^jest as I love a fresh posy with 
the dew still on it, a dainty rose-bud with the sweet 
fragrance layin^ on its half-folded heart. I love ^em,” 
sez I, a beginnin’ to eppisode a little unbeknown to 
me, ‘‘I love ’em jest as I love the soft unbroken 
silence of the early spring mornin’, the sun all palely 
tinted with rose and blue, and the earth alayin’ calm 
and unwoke-up, fresh and fair. I love such a mornin’ 
and such a life, for itself and for the unwritten 
prophecis in it. And when I see genius in such a 
sweet, young life, why it makes me feel as it duz to 
see through all the tender prophetic beauty of the 
mornin’ skies, a big white dove a soarin’ up through 
the blue heavens.” 

Sez Miss Tutt, You see that in Ardelia, but you 
wont own it, you know you do.” 

No ! ” sez I, I would love to tell you that I 
see it in Ardelia ; I would honest, but I can’t look 
into them mornin’ skies and say I see a white dove 
there, when I don’t see nothin’ more than a plump 
pullet, a jumpin’ down from the fence or a pickin’ 
round calmly in the back door-yard. Jest as likely 
the hen is, as the white dove, jest as honerable, but 
you mustn’t confound the two together.” 

“ A Am,” sez Miss Tutt bitterly. To confound my 
Ardelia with a hen ! And I don’t think there wuz 
ever a more ironicler ^ hen’ than that wuz, or a scorn- 
fuller one.” 


CAPACITY FOP SOARIN* 


39 


Why,” sez I reasonably. Hens are necessary 
and useful in any position, both walkin’, and settin’, 
and lay in’. You can’t get ’em in any position hardly, 
but what they are useful and respectable, only jest 
Ilyin’. Hens can’t fly. Their wings haint shaped 
for it. They look some like a dove’s wings on the 
outside, the same feathers, the same way of stretchin’ 
’em out. But there is sunthin lackin’ in ’em, some 
heaven -given capacity for soarin’ an for flight that 
the hens don’t have. And it makes trouble, sights 
and sights of trouble when hens try to fly, try to, and 
can’t ! 

^ At the same time it is hard for a dove to settle 
down in a back yard and stay there, hard and tegus. 
She can and duz sometimes, but never till after her 
wings have been clipped in some way. Poor little 
dove ! I am always sorry for ’em to see ’em a 
walkin’ round there, a wantin’ to fly — a not forgettin’ 
how it seemed to have their wings soarin’ up through 
the clear sky, and the rush of the pure liquid wind- 
waves a sweepin’ aginst ’em, as they riz up, up, in free- 
dom, and Iiappiness, and glory. Poor little creeters. 

^^Yes, but doves can, if you clip their wings, 
settle down and walk, but hens can’t fly, not for any 
length of time they can’t. No amount of stimulatin’ 
poultices applied to the ends of their tail feathers and 
wings can ever make ’em fly. They can’t ; it haint 
their nater. They can make nests, and fill them 
with pretty downy chicks, they can be happy and 


TUFF SIGHTS. 


40 

beautifui in life and mean ; they caii spend their lives 
in jest as honerable and worthy a way as if they wuz 
a flyin’ round, and make a good honerable appearance 
from day to day, till they begin to flop their wings, 
and fly — then their mean is not beautiful and in- 
spirin’ ; no, it is fur from it. It is tuff to see ’em, 
tuff to see the floppin’, tuff to see their vain efforts to 
soar through the air, tuff to see ’em fall percepitously 
down onto the ground agin. For they must come 
there in the end ; they are morally certain to. 

“ Now Ardelia is a sweet pretty lookin’ girl, she 
can set down in a cushioned arm-chair by a happy fire- 
side, with pretty baby faces a clusterin’ around her 
and some man’s face like the sun a reflectin’ back the 
light of her happy heart. But she can’t sit up on 
the pinnacle of fame’s pillow. I don’t believe she 
can ever get up there, I don’t. Honestly speakin’, I 
don’t.” 

Envy !” sez Miss Tutt, glarin’, shameless envy ! 
You don’t want Ardelia to rise ! You don’t want 
her to mount that horse I spoke of ; you don’t want 
to own that you see genius in her. But you do, Jo- 
siah Allen’s wife, you know you do — ” 

No,” sez I, I don’t see it. I see the sweetness of 
pretty girlhood, the beauty and charm of openin’ life, 
but I don’t see nothin’ else, I don’t, honest. I don’t 
believe she has got geniuwS,” sez I, ‘‘ seein’ you put the 
question straight to me and depend a answer ; seein’ 
her future career depends on her choice now, I must 



(■ 


SAMANTHA SPEAKS HEP MIND, 41 

tell you that I believe she would succeed better in 
the millionary trade or the mantilly maker’s than she 
will in tryin’ to mount the horse you speak on. 

Why/’ sez I, candidly, ‘‘ some folks canH get up 
on that horse, their legs haint strong enough. And 
if they do manage to get on, it throws ’em, and they 
lay under the heels for life. I don’t want to see Ar- 
delia there, I don’t want to see her maimed and lamed 
and stunted so early in the mornin’ of life, by a kick 
from that animal, for she can’t ride it,” sez I, hon- 
estly she can’t. 

There is nothin’ so useless in life, and so sort a 
wearin’ as to be a lookin’ for sunthin’ that haint there. 
And when you pretend it is there when it haint, you 
are addin’ iniquity to uselessnesa; so if you’ll take 
my advice, the advice of a well-wisher, you will stop 
lookin’, for I tell you plain that it haint there.” 

Sez MissTutt, “ Josiah Allen’s wife, you have for 
reasons best known to your conscience baulked my 
hopes of a speedy immortality. You have willfully 
tried to break down my hopes of an immense, imme- 
diate income to flow out of them poems for luxuries, 
jewelry, charity, etc. But I can at least claim this 
at your hands, I demand honesty. Tell me honestly 
what you yourself think of them poems.” 

Sez I (gettin’ up sort a quick and goin' into the 
buttery, and bringin’ out a little basket), Here are 
some beautiful sweet apples, won’t you have one ? ” 

Apples, at such a time as this I ” sez Miss Tutt 


42 


A FEARFUL SEEN, 


When the slumberin’ world trembles before the ad- 
vancin’ tread of a new poet — When the heavens are 
listenin’ intently to ketch the whispers of an Arde- 
lia’s fate — Sweet apples ! in such a time as this ! ” 
sez she. But she took two. 

I demand the truth sez she. And you are a 
base, trucklin’ coward, if you give it not.” 

Sez I, tryin’ to carry off the subject and the apples 
into the buttery; ‘^Poetry ort to have pains took 
with it.” 

Jealousy ! ” sez Miss Tutt. Jealousy might well 
whisper this. Envy, rank envy might breathe the 
suspicion that Ardelia haint been took pains with. 
But I can see through it,” sez she. I can see 
through it.” 

“ Well,” sez I, wore out, if they belonged to me, 
and if she wuz my girl, I would throw the verses 
into the fire, and set her to a trade.” 

She stood for a minute and bored me through and 
through with them eyes. Why it seemed as if there 
wuz two holes clear through my very spirit, and sole ; 
she partly lifted that fearful lookin’ umberell as if to 
pierce me through and through ; it wuz a fearful 
seen. 

At last she turned, and flung the apple she wuz a 
boldin’ onto the floor at my feet — and sez she, I 
scorn ’em, and you too.” And she kinder stomped 
her feet and sez, “ I fling off the dust I have geth- 
ered here, at your feeU’^ 


ENOUGH OF TROUBLES. 


43 


Now my floor wuz clean and looked like yeller 
glass, almost, it wuz so shinin’ and spotless, and I 
resented the idee of her sayin’ that she collected dust 
off from it. But I didn’t say nothin’ back. She 
had the bag of poetry on her arm, and I didn’t feel 
like addin’ any more to her troubles. 

But Ardelia, after her mother had swept out ahead, 
turned round and held out her hand, and smiled a 
sweet but ruther of a despondent and sorrowful smile, 
and I kissed her warmly. I like Ardelia. And 
what I said, I said for her good, and she knew it. I 
like Ardelia. 

Well, Miss Tutt and Ardelia went from our house 
to Eben Pixley’s. They are distant relatives of hern, 
and live about 3 quarters of a mile from us. The 
Pixleys think everything of Ardelia but they can’t 
bear her mother. There has been difficulties in the 
family. 

But Ardelia stayed there mor’n two weeks right 
along. She haint very happy to home I believe. 
And before she went back home it wuz arranged that 
she should teach the winter’s school and board to 
Miss Pixley’s. But Miss Pixley wuz took sick with 
the tyfus before she had been there two weeks — and, 
for all the world, if the deestrict didn’t want us to 
board her. Josiah hadn’t much to do, so he could 
carry her back and forth in stormy weather, and it 
wuz her wish to come. And it wuz Josiah’s wish 


44 


TITE NEW TEACHER. 


too, for the pay wu* good, and the work Mght — 
him. And so I consented after a parlay. 

But I didn^t regret it. She is a good little ereeter, 
and no more like her mother than a feather bed ii 
like a darnin^ needle. I like Ardelia ; so does Jo* 
Kah. 




m. 

THE GHERITY OP THE JONESVILLLMI. 

We have been havin’ a pound party here in Jones- 
ville. There wuz a lot of children left without any 
father or mother, nobody only an old grandma to take 
care of ’em, and she wuz half bent with the rheuma- 
tiz, and had a swelled neck, and lumbago and fits. 

They lived in an old tumble-down house jest out- 
side of Jonesville. The father wuz, I couldn’t deny^ 
a shiftless sort of a chap, good-natured, always ready 
to obleege a neighbor, but he hadn’nt no faculty. And 
I don’t know, come to think of it, as anybody is any 
more to blame if they are born without a faculty, 
than if they are born with only one eye. Faculty is 
one of the things that you can’t buy. 

He loved to hunt. That is, he loved to hunt some 
kinds of things. He never loved to hunt stiddy, 
hard work, and foller on the trail of it till he over- 
took success and captured it. No, he druther hunt 
after catamounts and painters, in woods where cata- 
mounts haint mounted, and painters haint painted 
Bence he wuz born. 

He generally killed nothin’ bigger than red g^pairrels 
4 4S 


46 


A STRANGE PROF/PENCE, 


and chipmunks. The biggest game he ever brought 
down wuz himself. He shot himself one cold day in 
the fall of the year. He wuz gettin’ over a brush 
fence, they s^posed the gun hit against somethin’ and 
went off, for they found him a layin’ dead at the 
bottom of the fence. 

I always s’posed that the shock of his death cornin’ 
so awful sudden unto her, killed his wife. She had 
been sick for a long spell, she had consumption and 
dropsy, and so fortli, and so forth, for a long time, 
and after he wuz brought in dead, she didn’t live a 
week. She thought her eyes of him, for no earthly 
reason as I could ever see. How strange, how 
strange a dispensation of Providence it duz seem, 
that some women love some men, and vicy versey and 
the same. 

But she did jest about worship him, and she died 
whisperin’ his name, and reachin’ out her hands as if 
she see him jest ahead of her. And I told Josiah 
I didn’t know but she did. I shouldn’t wonder a 
mite if she did see him, for there is only the veil of 
mystery between us and the other world at any time, 
and she had got so nigh to it, that I s’pose it got so 
thin that she could see through it. 

Just as you can see through the blue haze that 
lays before our forest in Injun summer. Come nigh 
up to it and you can see the silvery trunks of the 
maples and the red sumac leaves, and the bright 
evergreens, and the forms of the happy hunters a 


A BEREAVED HOUSEHOLD, 47 

passin^ along under the glint of the sunbeams and 
the soft shadows. 

They died in Injun summer. I made a wreath 
myself of the bright-colored leaves to lay on their 
coffins. Dead leaves, dead to all use and purpose 
here, and yet with the bright mysterious glow upon 
them that put me in mind of some immortal destiny 
and blossoming beyond our poor dim vision. Jane 
Smedley wuz a good woman, and so wuz Jim, good 
but shiftless. 

But I made the same wreath for her and Jim, and 
the strange mellow light lay on both of ^em, makin^ 
me think in spite of myself of some happy sunrisin’ 
that haply may dawn on some future huntin^ ground, 
where poor Jim Smedley even, may strike the trail 
of success and happiness, hid now from the sight of 
Samantha, hid from Josiah. 

Wall, they died within a week’s time of each 
other, and left nine children, the oldest one of ’em 
not quite fifteen. She, the oldest one, wuz a good 
girl, only she had the rickets so that when she 
walked, she seemed to walk off all over the house 
backwards, and sideways, and every way, but when 
she sot down, she wuz a good stiddy girl, and faith- 
ful ; she took after her mother, and her mother took 
after her grandmother, so there wuz three takin’ after 
each other, one right after the other. 

Jane wuz a good, faithful, hard-workin’ creeter 
when she whz well, brought up her children good as 


4S 


'HARD TIMES, 


ehe could, learnt ^em the catechism, and took in all 
kinds of work to earn a little somethin’ towards 
gettin’ a home for ’em ; she and her mother both did, 
her mother lived with ’em, and wuz a smart old 
woman, too, for one that wuz pretty nigh ninety. 
And she wuzn’t worrysome much, only about one 
thing — she wanted a home, wanted a home dretfully. 
Some wimmen are so ; she had moved round so much, 
from one poor old place to another, that she sort o’ 
hankered after bein’ settled down into a stiddy home. 

Wall, there wuz eight children younger than 
Marvilla, that wuz the oldest young girl’s name. 
Eight of ’em, countin’ each pair of twins as two, as 
I s’pose they ort. The Town buried the father 
and mother, which wuz likely and clever in it, but 
after that it wouldn’t give only jest so much a week, 
which wuz very little, because it said, Town did, that 
they could go to the poor-house, they could be sup- 
ported easier there. 

I don’t know as the Town could really be blamed 
lor sayin’ it, and yet it seemed kinder mean in it, the 
Town wuz so big, and the children, most of ’em, wuz 
so little. 

But any way, it wuz jest sot on it, and there wuz 
the end of it, for you might jest as well dispute tho 
wind as to dispute the Town when it gets sot. 

Wall, the old grandma said she would die in the 
streets before she would go to the poor-house. She 
bad come from a good family in the first place. 


WANTING A HOME. 


49 


They say she run away and left a good home and got 
married, and did dretful poor in the married state. 
He waz, shiftless and didn’t have nothin’ and didn’t 
lay up any. And she didn’t keep any of her old 
possessions only jest her pride. She kept that, or 
enough of it to say that she would die on the road 
before she would go to the poor-house. And once I 
see her cry she wanted a home soTbad. 

And lots of folks blamed her for it, blamed the 
old woman awfully. They said pride wuz so wicked. 
Wimmen who would run like deers if company came 
when they wuzn’t dressed up slick, they would say 
the minute they got back into the room, all out of 
breath with hurryin’ into their best clothes, they’d 
say a pantin’ “ That old woman ought to be made to 
go to the poor-house, to take the pride out of her, 
pride wuz so awfully, dretfully wicked, and it wuz a 
shame that she wuz so ongrateful as to want a home 
of her own.” And then they would set down and rest. 

Wall, the family wuz in a sufferin’ state. The 
Town allowed ’em one dollar a week. But how wuz 
ten human beings to live on a dollar a week. The 
children worked every chance they got, but they 
couldn’t earn enough to keep ’em in shoes, let alone 
other clothin’ and vittles. And the old house wuz too 
cold for ’em to stay in durin’ the cold weather, it wuz 
for Grandma Smedley,* anyway, if the children could 
stand it she couldn’t. And what wuz to be done. A 
cold winter wuz a cornin’ on, and it wouldn’t delay a 


60 


A P0UND PARTY PROPOSED. 


minute because Jim Smedley had got shot, and his 
wife had follered him, into, let us hope, a happier 
huntin' ground than he had ever found in earthly 
forests. 

Wall, I proposed to have a pound party for 'em. 
I said they might have it to our house if they wanted 
it, but if they thought they wanted it in a more 
central place (our house wuz quite a little to one side), 
why we could have it to the school-house. 

I proposed to Josiah the first one. He wuz a set-» 
tin' by the fire relapsed into silence. It wuz a cold 
night outside, but the red curtains wuz down at our 
sitting-room winders, shettin' out the cold drizzlin’ 
storm of hail and snow that wuz a descendin' onto 
the earth. The fire burned up warm and bright, and 
we sot there in our comfortable home, with the tea- 
kettle singin' on the stove, and the tea-table set out 
cosy and cheerful, for Josiah had been away and I 
had waited supper for him. 

As I sot there waitin' for the tea-kettle to bile (and 
when I say bile, I mean bile, I don't mean simmer) 
the thought of the Smedley s would come in. The 
warm red curtains would keep the storm out, but 
they couldn't keep the thought of the children, and 
the feeble old grandmother out of the room. They 
come right in, through the curtains, and the fire- 
light, and everything, and sot ri^ht down by me and 
banted me. 

And what curious creeters thoughts be, haint they? 


CURIOUS CREETERS: 


51 


and oncertain, too. You may make all your plans 
to get away from ^em. You may shet up your doors 
and winders, and set with a veil on and an umbrell 
up — but good land ! how easy they jest ontackle the 
doors and windows, with no sounds of ontacklin’ and 
come right in by you. 

First you know there they be right by the side of 
you, under your umbrell, under your veil, under your 
spectacles, a lookin’ right down into your soul, and a 
hantin’ you. 

And then agin, when you expect to be hanted by 
^em, lay out to, why, they’ll jest stand off somewhere 
else, and don’t come nigh you. Don’t want to. On- 
certain creeters, thoughts be, and curious, curious 
where they come from, and how. 

Why, I got to thinkin’ about it the other day, and 
I got lost, some like children settin’ on a log over a 
creek a rid in’ ; there they be, and there the log is, 
but they don’t seem to be there, they seem to be 
a floatin’ down the water. 

And there I wuz, a settin’ in my rockin’ chair, 
and I seemed to be a floatin’ down deep water, very 
deep. A thinkin’ and a wonderin’. A thinkin’ how 
all through the ages what secrets God had told to man 
when the time had come, and the reverent soul below 
was ready to hear the low words whispered to his soul, 
and a wonderin’ what strange revelation God held 
now, ready to reveal when the soul below had fitted 
itself to hear, and comprehend it. 


52 


GLOWING SBCRBTS, 


All I sueii mysteries as He will reveal to us if we 
will listen. If we wait for God^s voice. If we did 
not heed so much the confusing clamor of the world^s 
voices about us. Emulation, envy, anger, strife, 
jealousy ; if we turned our heads away from these dis- 
cords, and in the silence which is God’s temple, lis- 
tened, listened, — who knows the secrets He would 
make known to us? 

Secrets of the day, secrets of the night, the sun- 
shine, the lightning, the storm. The white glow of 
that wonderful light that is not like the glow of the 
sun or of the moon, but yet lighteth the world. Tliat 
strange light that has a soul — that reads our thoughts, 
translates our wishes, overleaps distance, carrying our 
whispered words after holding our thoughts for ages, 
and then unfoldin’ ’em at will. What other won- 
drous mysteries lie concealed, wrapped around by that 
soft pure flame, mysteries that shall lie hidden until 
some inspired eye shall be waiting, looking upward 
at the moment when God’s hand shall draw back the 
shining veil for an instant, and let him read the 
glowing secret. 

Secrets of language! shall some simple power, 
some symbol be revealed, and the nations speak 
together ? 

Secrets of song! shall some serene, harmonious 
eoul catch the note to celestial melodies ? 

Secrets of sight I shall the eyes too dim now, see 


LISTENING SOULi 


the feces of the silent throngs that surround them, 
the great cloud of witnesses ” ? 

Secrets of the green pathways that lead up through 
the blue silent fields of space — shall we float from 
star to star? 

Secrets of holiness ! shall earthly faces wear the 
pure light of the immortals ? 

But oh ! who shall be the happy soul that shall be 
listening when the time has fully come and He shall 
reveal His great secret ? The happy soul listening so 
intently that it shall catch the low, clear whisper. 

Listening, maybe, through the sweet twilight 
shadows for the wonderful secret, while the silver 
shallop of the moon is becalmed over the high north- 
ern mountains, as if a fleet of heavenly guests had 
floated down through the clear ocean waves of the 
sky to listen too — to hear the wonderful heavenly se- 
cret revealed to man — ^and a clear star looks out over 
the glowing rose of the western heavens, looking 
down like God^s eye, searching his soul, searching if 
it be worthy of the great trust. 

Maybe it will be in the fresh dawning of the day, 
that the great secret will grow bright and clear and 
luminous, as the dawning of the light. 

Maybe it will be in the midst of the storm — a 
mighty voice borne along by the breath of the wind 
and the thunder, clamoring and demanding the hearer 
to listen. 

Oh! if we were only good enough, only pure 
enough, what might not our rapt vision discern? 


64 


JOSIAH SURPRISED, 


But we know not where or when the time shall be 
fullj come, but who, who, shall be the happy smil 
that shall, at the time, be listening ? 

Oh ! how deep, how strange the waters wuz, and 
how I floated away on ^em, and how I didn’t. For 
there I wuz a settin in my own rockin’ chair and 
there opposite me sot my own Josiah a whittlin’, for 
the World hadn’t come, and he wuz restless and ill at 
ease, and time hung heavy on his hands. 

There I sot the same Samantha — and the thought 
of the Smedleys, the same old Smedleys, was a 
hantin’ of me, the same old hant, and I says to my 
Josiah, says I: “Josiah, I can’t help thinkin’ about 
the Smedleys,” says I. “ What do you think about 
havin’ a pound party for ’em, and will you take holt, 
and do your part ? ” 

“ Good land, Samantha ! Are you crazy ? Crazy 
as a loon ? What under the sun do you want to 
pound the Smedleys for ? I should think they had 
trouble enough without poundin’ ’em. Why,” says 
he, “ the old woman couldn’t stand any poundin’ at 
all, without killin’ her right out and out, and the 
childern haint over tough any of ’em. Why, what 
has got into you ? I never knew you to propose any- 
thing of that wicked kind before. I sha’n’t have 
anything to do with it. If you want ’em pounded 
you must get your own club and do your own 
poundin’.” 

Says I, “ I don’t mean poundin’ ’em with a club, 


THE CLEVER CREETER. 


55 


but let folks buy a pound of different things to eat 
and drink and carry it to ^em, and we can try and 
raise a little money to get a warmer house for ’em to 
stay in the coldest of the weather.” 

Oh ! ” says he, with a relieved look. “ That’s a 
different thing. I am willin’ to do that. I don’t 
know about givin’ ’em any money towards gettin’ ’em 
a home, but I’ll carry ’em a pound of crackers or a 
pound of flour, and help it along all I can.” 

Josiah is a clever creeter (though close), and he 
never made no more objections towards havin’ it. 

Wall, the next day I put on my shawl and hood 
(a new brown nood knit out of zephyr worsted, very 
nice, a present from our daughter Maggie, our son 
Thomas Jefferson’s wife), and sallied out to see what 
the neighbor’s thought about it. 

The first woman I called on wuz Miss Beazley, a 
new neighbor who had just moved into the neighbor- 
hood. They are rich as they can be, and I expected 
at least to get a pound of tea out of her. 

She said it wuz a worthy object, and she would love 
to help it along, but they had so many expenses of their 
own to grapple with, that she didn’t see her way 
clear to promise to do anything. She said the girls 
had got to have some new velvet suits, and some seal- 
skin sacques this winter, and they had got to new 
furnish the parlors, and send their oldest boy to college, 
and the girls wanted , to have some diamond lockets, 
and ought to have ’em but she didn’t know whether 


56 


AT MISS HESS' ES 


they could manage to get them or not, if they did, 
they had got to scrimp along every way they could. 
And then they wuz goin’ to have company from a 
distance, and had got to get another girl to wait on 
^em. And though she wished the poor well, she felt 
that she could not dare to promise a cent to ’em. She 
wished the Smedley family well — dretful well — and 
hoped I would get lots of things for ’em. But she 
didn’t really feel as if it would be safe for her to 
promise ’em a pound of anything, though mebby she 
might, by a great effort, raise a pound of flour for ’em, 
or meal. 

Says I dryly (dry as meal ever wuz in its dryest 
times), I wouldn’t give too much. Though,” says 
I, A pound of flour would go a good ways if it is 
used right.” And I thought to myself that she had 
better keep it to make a paste to smooth over things. 

Wall, I went from that to Miss Jacob Hess’es, 
and Miss Jacob Hess wouldn’t giv’^e anything because 
the old lady wuz disagreeable, old Grandma Smedley, 
and I said to Miss Jacob Hess that if the Lord didn’t 
send His rain and dew onto anybody only the per- 
fectly agreeable, I guessed there would be pretty dry 
times. It wuz my opinion there would be consider- 
able of a drouth. 

There wuz a woman there a visitin’ Miss Hess — 
she wuz a stranger to me and I didn’t ask her for 
anything, but she spoke up of her own accord and 
said she would give, and give liberal, only she wuz 


AT EBIN GAHVEN^SES. 


m 


hampered. She didn’t say why, or who, or when, but 
she only sez this that she wuz hampered,” and I 
don’t know to this day what her hamper wuz, or whd 
hampered her. 

And then I went to Ebin Garven’ses, and Miss 
Ebin Garven wouldn’t help *any because she said 
‘‘Joe Smedley had been right down lazy, and she 
couldn’t call him anything else.” 

But, says I, “Joe is dead, and why should his 
children starve because their pa wasn’t over and above 
smart when he wuz alive ? ” But she wouldn’t give. 

Wall, Miss Whymper said she didn’t approve of 
the manner of giving. Her face wuz all drawed 
down into a curious sort of a long expression that 
she called religus and I called somethin’ that b^ns 
with “ h-y-p-o ” — and I don’t mean hypoey, either. 

No, she couldn’t give, she said, because she always 
made a practise of not lettin’ her right hand know 
what her left hand give. 

And I ^aid, for I wuz kinder took aback, and 
didn’t think, I said to her, a glancin’ at her hands 
which wuz crossed in front of her, that I didn’t see 
how she managed ^it, unless she give when her r^ht 
hand was asleep. 

And she said she always gave secret. 

And I said, “So I have always s’posed — very 
secret.” 

I s’pose my tone was some sarcastic, for she says, 
Don’t the Scripter command us to do so?” 


AT MISS BOMBUS^ES. 


Says I firmly, I don^t believe the Scripter means 
to have us stand round talkin’ Bible, and let the 
Smedleys starve,” says I. I s’pose it means not to 
boast of our good deeds.” 

Says she, I believe in takin’ the Scripter literal, 
and if I can’t git my stuff there entirely unbeknown 
to my right hand I sha’n’t give.” 

“ Wall,” says I, gettin’ up and movin’ towards 
the door, you must do as you’re a mind to with fear 
and tremblin’. ” 

I said it pretty impressive, for I thought I would let 
her see I could quote Scripter as well as she could, if 
I sot out. 

But good land ! I knew it wuz a excuse. I knew 
she wouldn’t give nothin’ not if her right hand had 
the num palsy, and you could stick a pin into it — no, 
she wouldn’t give, not if her right hand was cut off 
and throwed away. 

Wall, Miss Bombus, old Dr. Bombus’es widow, 
wouldn’t give — and for all the world — I went right 
there from Miss Why mper’ses. Miss Bombus wouldn’t 
give because I didn’t put the names in the Jonesville 
Augur or Grimlety for she said, Let your good deeds 
so shine.’, 

Why,” says I, Miss Whymper wouldn’t give 
because she wanted to give secreter, and you won’t 
give because you want to give publicker, and you 
both quote Scripter, but it don’t seem to help the 
Smedleys much.” 


' QUOTING SCRIPTURE, 59 

She said ^^that probably Miss Whymper was 
wrestin’ the Scripter to her own destruction.” 

Wall,” says I, while you and Miss Whymper 
are a wrestin’ the Scripter, what will become of the 
Smedleys ? It don’t seem right to let them freeze to 
death, and starve to death, while we are a debatin’ on 
the ways of Providence.” 

But she didn’t tell, and she wouldn’t give. 

A woman wuz there a visitin’. Miss Bombus’es 
aunt, I think, and she spoke up and said that she fully 
approved of her niece Bombus’es decision. And she 
said, ^^As for herself, she never give to any subject 
that she hadn’t thoroughly canvassed.” 

Says I, There they all are in that little hut, you 
can canvass them at any time. Though,” says I, 
thoughtfully, Marvilla might give you some 
trouble.” And she asked why. 

And I told her she had the rickets so she couldn’t 
stand still to be canvassed, but she could probably 
follow her up aAd canvass her, if she tried hard 
enough. And says I, There is old Grandma Smed- 
ley, over eighty, and five children under eight, you 
can canvass them easy.” 

Says she, The Bible says, ^ Search the Sperits.’ ” 

And I was so wore out a seein’ how place after 
place, for three times a runnin’, the Bible was lifted 
up and held as a shield before stingy creeters, to ward 
off the criticism of the world and their own souls, 
that I says to myself — ^loud enough so they could 


60 


MISS PE TIN GILL. 


hear me, mebbe, " Why is it that whm myhoiy 
wants to d© a mean, ungenerous act, they will try to 
<|uote a verse of Scripter to uphold ^em, jest as a wolf 
will pull a lock of pure white wool over his wolfish 
foretop, and try to look innocent and sheepish/^ 

I don’t care if they did hear me, I wuz on the step 
mostly when I thought it, pretty loud. 

Wall, from Miss Bombus’es I went to Miss Petin- 
gill’s. 

Miss Petingill is a awful high-headed creeter. 
She come to the door herself and she said, I must ex- 
cuse her for answerin’ the door herself. (I never 
heard the door say anything and don’t believe she did, 
it was jest one of her ways.) But she said I must ex*- 
cuse her as her girl wuz busy at the time. 

She never mistrusted that I knew her hired girl 
had left, and she wuz doin’ her work herself. She 
had ketched off her apron I knew, as she come 
through the hall, for I see it a layin’ behind the door, 
all covered with flour. And after she had took me into 
the parlor, and we had set down, she discovered some 
spots of flour on her dress, and she said she ^^had 
been pastin’ some flowers into a scrap book to pass 
away the time.” But I knew she had been bakin’, 
for she looked tired, tired to death almost, and it wuz 
her bakin’ day. But she would sooner have had her 
head teok right off than to own up that she had been 
doin’ housework — why, they say that once when she 
wuz doin’ her work herself, and was ketched lookin’ 


THE FETING ILLS AND BiBBINk T5. 61 


awful, by a strange minister, that, she passed herself 
off for a hired girl and said, Miss Petingill wasfft 
to home, and when pressed hard she said she hadfft 
the least idee where Miss Petingill wuz.” 

Jest think on ^t once — and there she wuz herself. 
The idee ! 

Wall, the minute I sot down before I begun my 
business or anything. Miss Petingill took me to do 
about puttin’ in Miss Bibbins President of our Mis- 
sionary Society for the Belief of Indignent Heathens. 

The Bibbins’es are good, very good, but poor. 

Says Miss Petingill : It seems to me as if there 
might be some other woman put in, that would have 
had more influence on the Church.” 

Says I, Haint Miss Bibbins a good Christian sis* 
ter, and a great worker ? ” 

Why yes, she wuz good, good in her place. But/^ 
she said, the Petingills hadn’t never associated with 
the Bibbins’es.” 

And I asked her if she s’posed that would make 
any difference with the heathen ; if the heathen would 
be apt to think less of Miss Bibbins because she 
hadn’t associated with the Petingills ? 

And she said, she didn’t s’pose the heathens would 
ever know it ; it might make some difference to ’em 
if they did,’* she thought, for it couldn’t be denied,” 
rfie said, that Miss Bibbins did not move in the first 
iircles of Jonesville.” 

It had been my doiii’s a puttin’ Miss Bibbins i% 




02 PRIDE WUZ SO WICKED, 

and I took it right to home, she meant to have me, 
and I asked her if she thought the Lord would 
condemn Miss Bibbins on the last day, because she 
hadn^t moved in the first circles of Jonesville? 

And Miss Petingill tosted her head a little, but 
had to own up, that she thought He wouldn’t.” 

Wall, then,” sez I, do you s’pose the Lord has 
any objections to her working for Him now ? ” 

Why no, I don’t know as the Lord would ob- 
ject.” 

Wall,” sez I, we call this work the Lord’s 
work, and if He is satisfied with Miss Bibbins, we 
ort to be.” 

But she kinder nestled round, and I see she wuzn’t 
satisfied, but I couldn’t stop to argue, and I tackled 
her then and there about the Smedleys. I asked her 
to give a pound, or pounds, as she felt disposed. 

But she answered me firmly that she could’t give 
one cent to the Smedleys, she wuz principled against it. 

And I asked her, ^^Why?” 

And she said, because the old lady wuz proud and 
wanted a home, and she thought that pride wuz so 
wicked, that it ort to be put down. 

Wall, Miss Huff, Miss Cephas Huff, wouldn’t give 
anything because one of the little Smedleys had lied 
to her. She wouldn’t encourage lyin’. 

And I told her I didn’t believe she would be half 
so apt to reform him on an empty stomach, as after 
he wuz fed up. But she wouldn’t yield. 


GABRIEL BOYCOTTED. 


63 


Wall, Miss Daggett said she would give, and give 
abundant, oiily she didn’t consider it a worthy object. 

■ But it wuzn’t nothin’ only a excuse, for the object 
has never been found yet that she thought wuz a 
worthy one. Why, she wouldn’t give a cent towards 
painting the Methodist steeple, and if that haint a 
high and worthy object, I don’t know what is. Why, 
our steeple is over seventy feet from the ground. 
But she wouldn’t help us a mite — not a single cent. 

Take such folks as them and the object never suits 
’em. They won’t come right out and tell the truth 
that they are too stingy and mean to give away a 
cent, but they will always put the excuse onto the 
object — the ohjed don’t suit ’em. 

Why, I do believe it is the livin’ truth that if the 
angel Gabriel wuz the object, if he wuz in need and 
we wuz gittin’ up a pound party for him— she would 
find fault with Gabriel, and wouldn’t give him a 
ounce of provisions. 

Yes, I believe it — 1 believe they would tost their 
heads and say, they always had had their thoughts 
about anybody that tooted so loud— it might be all right 
but it didn’t look well, and would be apt to make talk. 
Or they would say that he wuz shiftless and extrava- 
gant a loafin’ round in the clouds, when he might go 
to work — or that he might raise the money himself by 
selling the feathers ofien his wings for down pil lei’s — 
or some of the rest of the Gabriel family might help 
him— -or something, or other — anyway they would 



MISS MOONEYES IDEAS. 


65 


propose some way of gittin’ out of givin’ a cent t© 
Gabriel. I believe it as much as I believe I live and 
breathe ; and so' does Josiah. 

Wall, Miss Mooney wouldn’t give anything because 
she thought Jane Smedley wuzn’t so sick as she 
thought she wuz ; she said ‘‘ she was spleeny.” 

And I told Miss Mooney that when a woman was 
sick enough to die, I thought she ort to be called sick. 

But Miss Mooney wouldn’t give up, and insisted 
to the very last that Miss Smedley wuz hypoey and 
spleeny — and thought she wuz sicker than she really 
wuz. And she held her head and her nose up in a 
very disagreeable and haughty way, and said as I left, 
that she never could bear to help spleeny people. 

Wall, all that forenoon did I traipse through the 
street and not one cent did I get for the Smedleys, 
only Miss Gowdey said she would bring a cabbage — 
and Miss Deacon Peedick and Miss Ingledue partly 
promised a squash apiece. And I mistrusted that 
they give ’em more to please me than anything else. 

Wall, I wuz clean discouraged and beat out, and so 
I told Josiah. But he encouraged me some by sayin’: 

Wall, I could have told you jest how it would 
be,” and, You would have done better, Samantha, 
to have been to home a cookin’ for your own famishin’ 
family.” And several more jest such inspiring ^ 
remarks as men will give to the females of their 
families when they are engaged in charitable enter- 
prises. 


66 


SPLENDID SUCCESS, 


But I got a good, a very good dinner, and it made 
me feel some better, and then I haint one to give up 
to discouragements, anyway. 

So I put on a little better dress for afternoon, and 
my best bonnet and shawl, and set sail again after 
dinner. 

And if I ever had a lesson in not givin’ up to 
discouragements in the first place I had it then. For 
whether it wuz on account of the more dressy look of 
my bonnet and shawl — or whether it wuz that folks 
felt cleverer in the afternoon — or whether it wuz that I 
had gone to the more discouragin’ places in the fore- 
noon, and the better ones in the afternoon — or whether 
it wuz that I tackled on the subject in a better way 
than I had tackled ’em — whether it wuz for any of 
these reasons, or all of ’em or somethin’ — anyway 
my luck turned at noon, 12 M., and all that afternoon 
I had one triumph after another — place after place 
did I collect pound or pounds as the case may be (or 
collected the promises of ’em, I mean). I did s^len- 
didj and wuz prospered perfectly amazin’ — and I 
went home feelin’ as happy and proud as a king or a 
zar. 

And the next Tuesday evenin’ we had the pound 
party. They concluded to have it to our house. 
And Thomas Jefferson and Maggie, and Tirzah Ann 
and Whitefield came home early in the afternoon to 
help trim the parlor and setin’ room with evergreen! 
and everlastin’ posies, and fern leaves. 


THE POUND PARTY. 


67 


They made the room look perfectly beautiful. 
And they each of ’em, the two childern and their, 
companions, brought home a motto framed in nice 
plush and gilt frames, which they put up on each side 
of the settin’ room, and left them there as a present 
to their pa and me. They think a sight of us, the 
childern do — and visey versey, and the same. 

One of ’em wuz worked in gold letters on a red 
back-ground — ‘^Bear Ye One Another’s Burdens.” 
And the other wuz Feed my Lambs.” 

They think a sight on us, the childern do — ^they 
knew them mottoes would highly tickle their pa and 
me. And they did seem to kinder invigorate up all 
the folks that come to the party. 

And they wuz seemingly Ugions. Why, they 
come, and they kept a cornin’. And it did seem as 
if every one of ’em hhd tried to see who could bring 
the most. Why, they brought enough to keep the 
Smedleys comfortable all winter long. ' It wuz a 
sight to see ’em. 

It wuz a curious sight, too, to set and watch what 
some of the folks said and done as they brought their 
pounds in. 

I had to be to the table all the time a’most, for I 
wuz appointed a committee, or a board — I s’pose it 
would be more proper to call myself a board, more 
business like. Wall, I wuz the board appointed to 
lay the things on — ^to see that they wuz all took car^ 


68 


QUEER VISITORS, 


of, and put where they couldn’t get eat up, or any 
other casuality happen to ’em. 

And I declare if some of the queerest lookin’ 
creeters didn’t come up to the table and talk to me. 
There wuz lots of ’em there that I didn’t know, folks 
that come from Zoar, Jim Smedley’s.. old neighbor- 
hood. 

There wuz a long tabic stretched acrost one end of 
the settin’ room, and I stood behind it some as if I 
wuz a dry goods mercliant or grocery, and some like 
a preacher. 

And the women would come up to me and talk. 
There wuz one womar who got real talkative to me 
Ibefore the evenin’ wur ©ut. She said her home wuz 
over two miles beyond Zoar. 

She had a. young babe with her, a dark complex- 
ioned babe, with a little round black head, that looked 
some like a cannor ball. She said she had shingled 
the child that day about eight o’clock in the forenoon ; 
she talked real confidelitial to me. 

She said the babe had sights of hair, and she told 
ter husband that day that if he would shingle the 
baba she would come to the party and if he wouldn’t 
shm;gle it she wouldn’t come. It seemed they had 
hadj ^ altercation on the subject; she wanted it 
shirked and he didn’t. But it seemed that ruther 
stay away from the party — he consented, and 
diingled it. So they come. 

^ They brought a eight pound loaf of maple sugar 


« It did seem as if every one of ’em had tried to see who could bring the most.” p. 67. 









70 


GENEROUS GIFTS. 


and two dozen eggs. They did well. Then there 
wuz another woman who would walk her little girl 
into the bedroom every few minutes, and wet her hair, 
and comb it over, and curl it on her fingers. The 
child had a little blue flannel dress on, with a long 
plain waist, and a long skirt gethered on full all 
round. Her hair lay jest as smooth and slick as 
glass all the time, but five times did she walk her 
off, and go through with that performance. She 
brought ten yards of factory cloth, and a good woollen 
petticoat for the old grandma. She did first-rate. 

And then there wuz another woman who stayed 
by the table most all the evenin’. She would gently 
but firmly ask everybody who brought anything, what 
the price of the article wuz — and then she would 
tackle the different women who come up to the table 
for patterns. I do believe she got the pattern of 
every bask waist there wuz there, and every mantilly. 

And Abram Gee brought twenty-five loaves of 
bread — of different sizes, but all on ’em good. And 
he looked at Ardelia Tutt every minute of the time. 
And Ardelia brought a lot of verses, — Stanzas on a 
Grandmother.” I didn’t think they would do Grand- 
ma Smedley much good, and then on the other hand 
I didn’t s’pose they would hurt her any. 

But we had a splendid good time after the things 
wuz all brought in — of course, bein’ a board the fore 
part of the evenin’ I naturally had a harder time than 
I did the latter part, after I had got over it. 


OFF TO THE SMEDLEY*S. 


71 


The children, Thomas J., and Tirzah Ann, and 
Ardelia Tutt, and Abram Gee, and some of the rest 
of the young folks sung and played some beautiful 
pieces, and they had four tablows, which wuz per- 
fectly beautiful. 

And then we passed good nice light biscuit and 
butter, and hot coffee, and pop corn and apples. And 
it did seem, and all the neighbors said so, that it wuz 
the very best party they had ever attended to. 

And before they went away they made a motion 
some of the responsable men did — some made the 
motions and some seconded ’em — that they would ad- 
journ till jest one year from that nighf, when if the 
Smedleys was still alive and in need — we would have 
jest such a party ag’in. 

And at the last on’t Elder Minkley made a prayer 
— a very thankful and good prayer, but short. And 
then they went home. 

Wall, the next mornin’ we started to carry the 
things to the Smedleys. It wuz very early, for Jo- 
siah had got to go clear to Loontown on business, and 
I wuz goin’ to stay yith the childern till he got back. 

It wuz a very cold mornin’. We hadn’t heard 
from the Smedleys for two or three days, because we 
wanted to surprise ’em, so we didn’t want to give ’em 
a hint beforehand of what we wuz a doin’. So, as I 
say, it wuz a number of days sense we had heard 
from ’em, and the weather wuz cold. 

When we got to the door it seemed to be dretful 




A SORRY SIGHT, 


73 

still there inside. And there wuz some white frost 
on the latch jest as if a icy, white hand had onlatched 
the door, and had laid on it last. 

We rapped, but nobody answered. And then we 
opened the door and went in, and there they all lay 
asleep. The children waked up. But old Grandma 
didn^t. 

There wuzn^t any fire in the room, and you could 
see by the freezing coldness of the air that there hadn’t 
been any for a day or two. 

Grandma Smedley had took the poor old coverin’s 
all off from herself, and put ’em round the youngest 
baby, little Jim. And he lay there all huddled up 
tight to his Grandma, with his red cheek close to her 
white one, for he loved her. 

Josiah cried and wept, and wept and cried onto his 
bandana— but I didn’t. 

The tears run down my face some, to see the chil- 
dern feel so bad when Grandma couldn’t speak to 
’em. 

But I knew that the childern would be took care 
of now, I knew the Jonesvillians would be all rousted 
up and sorry enough for ’em, and would be willin’ to 
do anything now, when it wuz some too late. 

And I felt that I couldn’t cry nor weep (and told 
Josiah so), the tears jest dripped down my face in a 
stream, but I wouldn’t weep — for as I sai& to niy- 
self: 

While the Jonesvillians had been a disputin’ back 



74 GRANDMA SMEDLEY^S RELEASE, 


and forth, and wrestin’ Scripter, and the meanin’ of 
Providence in regard to helpin’ Grandma Smedley 
and gittin’ her a comfortable place to stay in, and 
somethin’ to eat, the Lord himself had took the case 
in hand and had gin her a home and the bread that 
satisfies.” 


i 



IV. 

ARDELIA AND ABEAM GEE. 

Wall, I don’t s’pose there had been a teacher in 
our deestrict for years and years that gin’ better sat- 
isfaction than Ardelia Tutt, Good soft little creeter, 
the scholars any one of ’em felt above hurtin’ on her 
or plagin’ her any way. She sort a made ’em feel 
they had to take care on her, she wuz so sort a 
helpless actin’, and good natured, and yet her learnin’ 
wuz good, fust-rate. 

Yes, Ardelia was thought a sight on in Jonesville 
by scholars and parents and some that wuzn’t parents. 
One young chap in perticiler, Abram Gee by name, 
who had just started a baker’s shop in Jonesville, he 
fell so deep in love with her from the very start that 
I pitied him from about the bottom of my heart. It 
wuz at our house that he fell. 

The young folks of our meetin’-house had a sort 
of a evenin’ meetin’ there to see about raisin’ some 
money for the help of the steeple — repairin’ of it. 
Abram is a member, and so is Ardelia, and I see the 
hull thing. I see him totter and I see him fall. And 
prostrate he wuz, from that first night. Never was 


76 


ARDELIA'S HOPE, 


there a feller that fell in love deeper, or lay more 
helpless. And Ardelia liked him, that wuz plain to 
see ; at fast as I watched and see him totter, I thought 
she wuz a sort o’ wobblin’ too, and when he fell deep, 
deep in love, I looked to see her a follerin’ on. But 
Ardelia, as soft as she wuz, had an element of strength. 
She wuz ambitious. She liked Abram, but she had 
read novels a good deal, and she had for years been 
lookin’ for a prince to come a ridin’ up to their door- 
yard in disguise with a crown on under his hat, and 
woo her to be his bride. 

And so she braced herself against the sweet influ- 
ence of love and it wuz tuff — I could see for myself 
that it wuz, when she had laid out to set on a throne 
by the side of a prince, he a holdin’ his father’s scep- 
ter in his hand — to descend from that elevation, and 
wed a husband who wuz a moulder of bread, with a 
rollin’ pin in his hand. It wuz tuff for Ardelia ; I 
could see right through her mind (it wuzn’t a great 
distance to see), and I could see jest how a conflict 
wuz a goin’ on between love and ambition. 

But Abram had my best wishes, for he wuz a boy 
I had always liked. The Gees had lived neighbor 
to us for years. He wuz a good creeter and his bread 
wuz delicious (milk emptin’s). He wuz a sort of a 
hard, sound lookin’ chap, and she, bein’ so oncommon 
soft, the contrast kinder sot each other off and made 
^em look well together. 


^Shc had. been lookin’ for aprince to come a tidin’ up to their door in dis^ 
guise with a crown on under his hat.” page 76. 




78 


lofjE reciprocated. 


cumbrances only a mortgage of 150 dollars and a 
lame mother. But he laid out to clear off the mort- 
gage this year, and I wuz told that mother Gee wuz 
a goin^ to live with her daughter Susan, who had jest 
come into a big property — as much as 700 dollars 
worth of land, besides cows, 2 heads of cow, and one 
head of a calf. 

I knew Mother Gee and she wuz goin’ to stay with 
Abram till he got married and then she wuz goin’ to 
live with Susan. And I s^pose it is so. She is a 
likely old woman with a milk leg. 

Wall, Abram paid Ardelia lots of attention, sech 
as walkin^ home with her from protracted meetings 
nights, and lookin’ at her durin’ the meetin’s more 
protracted than the meetings wuz fur. And 3 times 
he sent her a plate of riz biscuit sweetened, sweetened 
too sweet almost, he went too fur in this and I see it. 

Yes, he done his part as well as his condition 
would let him, paralyzed by his feelin’s, — but she 
acted kinder offish, and I see that sonthin’ wuz in the 
way. I mistrusted at first, it might be Abram’s 
incumbrance, but durin’ a conversation I had with 
her, I see I wuz in the wrong on’t. And I could see 
plain, though some couldn’t, that she liked Abram as 
she did her eyes. Somebody run him down a little 
one day before me and she sprouted 'right up and 
took his part voyalent. I could see her feelin’s 
towards him though she wouldn’t own up to ’em. 
But one day she came out plain to me and lamented 




FIGHTING SHY. 79 

his condition in life. Somebody had attact her that 
day before me about marryin’ of him — and she 
owned up to me, that she had laid out to marry some- 
body to elevate her. Some one with a grand pure 
mission in life. 

And I spoke right up and sez, “ Why bread is jest 
as pure and innocent as any thing« can be, you won^t 
find anything wicked about good yeast bread, nor,” 
sez I, cordially, in milk risin^, if it is made proper.” 

But she said she preferred a occupation that wuz 
risin^, and noble, and that made a man necessary and 
helpful to the masses. 

And I sez agin — “ Good land ! the masses have 
got to eat. And I guess you starve .the masses a 
spell and they’ll think that good bread is as necessary 
and helpful to ’em as anything can be. And as fer 
its bein’ a risin’ occupation, why,” sez I, it is stiddy 
risin’, — risin’ in the mornin,’ and risin’ at night, and 
all night, both hop and milk emptin’s. Why,” sez 
I, I never see a occupation so risin’ as his’n is, 
both milk and hop.” But she wouldn’t seem to give 
in and encourage him much only by spells. 

And then Abram didn’t take the right way with 
her. I see he wuz a goin’ just the wrong way to win 
a woman’s love. For his love, his great honest love 
for her made him abject, he groveled at her feet, loved 
to grovel. 

I told him, for he confided in me from the first on’t 
and bewailed her coldness to me, I told him to sprout 


80 


ABRAM'S HUMILITY. 


up and act as if he had some will of his own and some 
independent life of his own. Sez I, Any woman 
that sees a man a layin’ around under her feet will be 
tempted to step on him/’ sez I. I don’t see how 
she can help it, if she calcerlates to get round any, and 
walk.” Sez I, Sprout up and be somebody. She 
is a good little creeter, but no better than you are, 
Abram ; be a man.” 

And he would try to be. I could see him try. But 
one of her soft little glances, specially if it wuz kind 
and tender to him, es it wuz a good deal of the time,, 
why it would just overthrow him agi’n. He would 
collapse and become nothin’ ag’in, before her. Why I 
have hearn him sing that old him, a lookin’ right at 
Ardelia stiddy : 

“Oh to be nothin’, nothin’!” 

And thinks I to myself, “ if this keeps on, you are 
in a fair way to git your wish.” 

He wuz a good singer, a beartone, and she a secent. 
They loved to sing together. They needed some air, 
but then they got along without it ; and it sounded 
quite well, though rather low and deep. 

Wall, it run along for weeks and weeks, he with 
his hopes a risin’ up sometimes like his yeast and then 
hein’ pounded down ag’in like his bread, under the hard 
knuckles of a woman’s capricious cruelty. For I must 
say that she did, for sech a soft littte creeter, have cold 
and cruel ways to Abram. (But I s’pose it wuz when 


ARDELIA^S EFFUSIONS, fj' 

she got to thinkin^ about the Prince^ or some other 
genteel lover.) 

But her real feelings would break out once in a 
while, and lift him up to the 3d heaven of happiness 
and then he^d have to totter and fall down ag’in. 
Abram Gee had a hard time onft. I pitied him from 
nearly the bottom of my heart. But I still kep’ a 
thinkin’ it would turn out well in the end. For it 
wuz jest about this time that I happened to find this 
poetry in a book where she had, I s’posed, left it. 
And I read ^em, almost entirely unbeknown to my- 
self. 

It wuz wrote in a dreatful blind way but I recog- 
nized it at once. I looked right through it, and see 
what she wuz a writin’ about though many wouldn’t, 
it wuz wrote in sech a deep style. 

“STANZAS ON BREAD; 



“ A LAY OF A BROKEN HEART. 

“ Oh Bread, dear Bread, that seemest to us so cold, 
#ft’ times concealed thee within, may be a sting ! 
Sweet buried hopes may in thy crust be rolled ; 

A sad, burnt crust of deepest suffering. 

“ There are some griefs the female soul don’t tdH, 
And she may weep, and she may wretched be ; 
Though she may like the name of Abram well 
And she may not like dislike the name of Gr— • 



She is a good little creeter, but no better than you are, 
Abram; be a man.” page So. 


MORE POEMS. 


83 


“ Oh Fel Ambition, how thou lurest U3 on, 

How by thy high, bold torch we’re stridin’ led ; 

Thou lurest us up, cold mountain top upon. 

And seated by us there, thou scoffest at bread. 

“ Thou lookest down. Ambition, on the ovens brim ; 

Thou brookest not a word of him save with contumalee ; 

And yet, wert thou afar, how sweet to set by him 
And cut low slices of sweet joy with G — 

“ Oh ! Fel Ambition, wert but thou away. 

Could we thy hauntin’ form no more, nor see ; 

How sweet ’twould be to linger on with A , 

How sweet ’twould be to dwell for aye with G — 

Wall, as I say, she gin good satisfaction in the 
deestrict and I declare for it, I got to likin’ her dret- 
ful well before the winter wuz over. Softer she wtiz, 
and had to be, than any fuz that was ever on any 
cotton flannel fur or near. And more verses she wrote 
than wuz_ good for her, or for anybody else. — Why she 
would write Lines on the Tongs,” or Stanzas on 
the Salt Suller,” if she couldn’t do any better ; it beats 
all ! And then she would read ’em to me to get my 
idees on ’em. . Why I had to call on every martyr in 
the hull string of martyrs sometimes to keep myself 
from tollin’ her my full mind about ’em unbeknown 
to me. For, if I had, it would have skairt the soft 
little creeter out of what little wit she had. 

So I kep’ middlin’ still, and see it go on. For she 
wuz a good little soul, affectionate and kinder helpful. 
A good creeter now to find your speks. Why she 


84 JOSTAH AND THE GIRLS, 

found ^em for me times out of number, and I got real 
attached to her and tisey versey. And when she came 
a visitin^ me in the spring (at my request), and I hap- 
pened to mention that J osiah and me laid out to go to 
Saratoga for the summer, what did the soft little cree- 
ter want to do but to go too. Her father was well off 
and wuz able to send her, and she had relatives there 
on her own side, some of the Pixleys, so her board 
wouldn t cost nothin\ So it didn’t look nothin’ on- 
reasonable, though whether I could get her there and' 
back without her mashin’ all down on my hands, like 
a over ripe peach, she wuz that soft, wuz a question 
that hanted me, and so I told Josiah. 

But Josiah kinder likes young girls (nothin’ light; 
a calm meetin’-house affection), it is kinder nater that 
he should, and he sez : ''Better let her go, she won’t 
make much trouble.” 

" No,” sez I, " not to you, but if you had to set 
for hours and hours and hear her verses read to you on 
€very subject — on heaven, and earth, and the seas, and 
see her a measurin’ of it with a stick to get the lines 
the right length; if you had to go through all this, 
mebby you would meditate on the subject before you 
took it for a summer’s job.” 

Wall, sez he, " mebby she won’t write so much 
when she gets started ; she will be kinder jogged 
round and stirred up in body and mebby her feelins’ 
will kinder rest. I shouldn’t wonder a mite if they 
did,” sez he. '^And then she can take a good many 






86 


STARTING FOR SARATOGA, 


steps for you, and I love to see you favored^” sez 
he. 

He wanted her to go, I see that, and I see that it 
wuz natur that he should, and so I consented in my 
mind — after a parlay. 

She found his specks a sight and his hat. Nothin’ 
seemed to please her better than to be gropin’ round 
after things to please somebody ; her disposition wuz 
such. So it wuz settled that she should accompany 
and go with us. And the mornin’ we started she met 
us at the Jonesville Depot in good sperits and a barege 
delaine dress, cream color, and a hat of the same. 

I hadn’t seen her for some weeks, and she seemed 
softly tickled to see Josiah and me, and asked a good 
many questions about Jonesville, kinder turnin’ the 
conversation gradually round onto bread, as I could 
see. So I branched right out, knowin’ what she 
wanted of me, and told her plain, that ^‘Abram Gee 
wuz a lookin’ kinder mauger. But doin’ his duty 
stiddy,^ sez I, lookin’ keenly at her, a doin’ his duty 
by everybody, and beloved by everybody, him and 
his bread too.” 

She turned her head away and kinder sithed, and I 
guess it wuz as much as a quarter of a hour after 
that, that I see her take out a pencil and a piece of 
paper out of her portmonny, and a little stick, and 
she went to makin’ some verses, a measurin’ ’em 
careful as she wrote ’em, and when she handed ’em to 
me they wuz named 


MAD WEATHER FOR POETRY. 37 

“A LAY ON A CAR; 

“or 

“the lesson op a locomotive.” 

After I had read it and handed it back to her, she 
sez, Don’t you think I improve on the melody and 
rhythm of my poetry ? I take this little stick with 
me now wherever I go, and measure my lines by it. 
They are jest of a length, I am very particular ; you 
know you advised me to be.” 

Yes,” sez I mechanikly, but I didn’t mean jest 
that.” Sez I, the poetry I wuz a thinkiu’ on, is 
measured by the soul, the enraptured throb of 
heart and brain ; it don’t need takin’ a stick to it. 
Howsumever,” sez I, for I see she looked sort a dis- 
apinted, howsumever, if you have measured ’em, 
they are probable about the same length ; it is a good 
sound stick, I haiut no doubt,” and I kinder sithed. 

And 'she^^z, What do you think of the first 
verse? Haint that verse as true as fate, or sadness, 
or anything else you know of? ” 

Oh yes,” sez I candidly, yes ; if the cars run 
backwards we shquldu’t go on ; that is true as any- 
thing can be. But if I wuz in your place, Ardelia,” 
sez I, I wouldn’t write any more to-day. It is a 
kind of muggy damp day. It is a awfully bad day 
for poetry to-day. And,” sez I, to get her mind 
often it, Have you seen anything of my compan- 
ion’s specks ? ” 


" ■- - ' ‘ * ^ '-^ / C ' " 

88 THE SPECKS FOUND, 

And that took her mind offen poetry and she went 
a huntin’ for ’em, on the seat and under the seat. 

She hunted truly high and low and at last she found 
’em on my pardner’s foretop, the last place any of us 
thought of lookin’. And she never said another 
word about poetry, or any other trouble, nor I nuther. 



WE ARRIVE AT SARATOGA. 

We arrived at Saratoga jest as sunset with a mid- 
dlin’ gorgeous dress on wuz a walkin’ down the west 
and a biddin’ us and the earth good-bye. There wuz 
every color you could think on almost, in her gown 
and some stars a shinin’ through the floatin’ drapery 
and a half moon restin’ up on her cloudy foretop 
like a beautiful orniment. 

(I s’pose mebby it is proper to describe sunset in 
this way on goin’ to such a d^jessy place, though it 
haint my style to do so, I don’t love to describe sun- 
set as a female and don’t, much of the time, but I 
love to see things correspond.) 

Wall, we descended from the cars and went to the 
boardin’ place provided for us beforehand by the look 
out of friends. It wuz a good place, there haint no 
doubt of that, good folks ; good fare and clean. 

Ardelia parted away from us at the depo. She 
wuz a goin’ to board to a smaller boardin’ house kep’ 
by a second cousin of her father’s brother’s wife’s 
aunt. It wuz her father’s request that she should 
get her board there on account of its bein’ in the 



Josiah Allen even went so far as to use language that gMted on my nerves.” p. gt. 






AT SARATOGA. 


91 


family. He loved to see relations hang together ; 
so he said, and get their boards of each other.” 
But I thought then, and I think now, that it wuz be- 
cause they asked less for the board. Deacon Tutt is 
close. But howsumever Ardelia went there, and my 
companion and me arrove at the abode where we wuz 
to abide, with no eppisode only the triflin’ one of the 
driver bein’ dretful mistook as to the price he asked 
to take us there. 

I' thought, and Josiah thought, that 50 cents wuz 
the outlay of expendatur he required to carry us where 
we would be ; it wuz but a short distance. But no ! 
He said that 5 dollars wuz what he said, that is, if 
we heard anything about a 5. But he thought we 
wuz deefj and dident hear him. He thought he 
spoke plain, and said 4 dollars for the trip. 

And on that price he sot down immovible. They 
arged, and Josiah Allen even went so far as to use 
language that grated on my nerve, it wuz so voyalent 
and vergin’ on the profane. But there the man sot, 
right onto that price, and he had to me the appeer- 
ance of one who wuz goin’ to sot there on it all night. 
And so rather than^ to spend the night out doors, in 
conversation with him, he a settin’ on that price, and 
Josiah a shakin’ his fist at it, and a jawin’ at it, I told 
Josiah that he had better pay it. And finally he did, 
with groanin’s that could hardly be uttered. 

Wall, after supper (a good supper and enough on’t), 
Josiah proposed that we should take a short walk, we 


92 


AN EVENING R A MB LB. 


two alone, for Ardelia wuz afar from us, most to tli« 
other end of the village, either asleep or a writin’ 
poetry, I didn’t know which, but I knew it wuz one 
or the other of ’em. And I wuz tired enough my- 
self to lay my head down and repose in the arms of 
sleep, and told my companion so, but he said : 

Oh shaw ! Let old Morpheus wait for us till we 
get back, there’ll be time enough to rest then.” 

Josiah felt so neat, that he wuz fairly beginnin’ to 
talk high learnt, and classical. But I didn’t say 
nothin’ to break it up, and tied on my bonnet with 
calmness (and a double bow knot) and we sallied out. 

Soon, or mebby a little after, for we didn’t walk 
fast on account of my deep tucker, we stood in front 
of what seemed to be one hull side of a long streetyall 
full of orniments and open work, and pillows, and flow- 
ers, and carvin’s, and scallops, and down between every 
scollop hung a big basket full of posys, of every beau- 
tiful color under the heavens. And over all, and way 
back as fur as we could see, wuz innumerable lights 
of every color, gorgeousness a shinin’ dowp on gor- 
geousness, glory above, a shinin’ down on glory below 
And sweet strains of music wuz a floatin, out from 
somewhere, a shinin’ somewhere, renderin’ the seen 
fur more beautiful to all 4 of our wraptured ears. 

And Josiah sez, as we stood there nearly rooted to 
the place by our motions, and a picket fence, sez he 
dreamily, 

I almost feel as if we had made a mistake, and 


BEULER LAND. 


93 

that this is the land of Beuler,^’ And he murmured 
to himself some words of the old him : 

“ Oh Beuler land ! Sweet Beuler land ! 

And I whispered back to him and sez— ^^Hushl 
they don’t have brass bands in Beulah land.” 

And he sez, How do you know what they have 
in Beuler ? ” 

Wall/’ sez I, ’taint likely they do.” 

But I don’t know as I felt like blamin’ him/ for it 
did seem to me to be the most beautiful place that I 
ever sot my eyes on. And it did seem fairly as if 
them long glitterin’ chains and links of colored 
lights, a stretchin’ fur back into the distance sort a 
begoned for us to enter into a land of perfect beauty 
and Pure Delight. 

And then them glitterin’ chains of light would jinc 
onto other golden, and crimson, and orange, and pink, 
and blue, and amber links of glory and hang there 
all drippin’ with radiance, and way back as fur as we 
could see. And away down under the shinin’ lanes 
the white statues stood, beautiful snow-white females, 
a lookin’ as if they enjoyed it all. And the lake 
mirrowed back all of the beauty. 

Eight out onto the lake stood a fairy-like structure 
all glowin’ with big drops of light and every glitterin’ 
drop reflected down in the water and the fountain a 
sprayin’ up on each side. Why it sprayed up floods 
of diamonds, and rubys, and sapphires, and topazaes^ 

V 


94 


^ CHARMING SOLOIST. 


and turkeys, and pearls, and opals, and sparklin’ ’em 
right back into the water agin. 

And right while we stood there, neerly rooted to 
the spot and gazin’ through extacy and 2 pickets, the 
band gin a loud burst of melody and then stopped, 
and after a minute of silence, we hearn a voice angel- 
sweet a risin’ up, up, like a lark, a tender-hearted, 
golden-throated lark. 

High, high above all the throngs of human folks 
who wuz cheerin’ her down below — up above the sea 
of glitterin’ light — up above the bendin’ trees that 
clasped their hands together in silent applaudin’ above 
her, up, up, into the clear heavens, rose that glorious 
voice a singin’ some song about love, love that wuz 
deathless, eternal. 

Why it seemed as if the very clouds wuz full of 
shadowy faces a bendin’ down to hear it, and the new 
moon, shaped just like a boat, had glided down, down 
the sky to listen. 

If the man of the moon was there he wuz a layin.’ 
in the bottom of the boat, he wuzn’t in sight. But 
if he heard that music I’ll bet he would say he wuzn’t 
in the practice of hearin’ any better. And Josiah 
stood stun still till she had got done, and then he sort 
a sithed out : 

1 Oh, it seems as if it must be Beuler land ! Do 
you s’pose, Samantha, Beuler land is any more beau- 
tiful ? ” 

And I sez, I haint a thinkin’ about Beulah.” I 



** Way up over all our heads stood a big straight soldier 
volunteerin’ to see the hull crew of ’em below.” p. 96, 


96 


AMID THE CROWDS. 


sez it pretty middlin’ tart, partly to hide my own 
feelin’s, which wuz perfectly rousted up, and partly 
from principle, and sez I, Don’t for mercy’s sake 
call it Beuler.” 

Josiah always will call it so. I’ve got a 4th cousin, 
Beulah Smith (my own age and unmarried up to 
date), and he always did and would call her Beuler. 
Truly in some things a pardner’s influence and en- 
couragement fails to accomplish the ends aimed at. 

Wall, it wuz after some words that I drew Josiah 
away from that seen of enchantment — or he me, I 
don’t exactly know which way it wuz — and we wended 
onwards in our walk. 

The hull broad streets wuz full of folks, full as 
they could be, all on ’em perfect strangers to us and 
who knew what motives or weapons they wuz a car- 
ryin’ with ’em ; but we knew we wuz safe, Josiah 
and me did, for way up over all our heads, stood a 
big straight soldier, a volunteer volunteerin’ to see 
to the hull crew on ’em below, a seein’ that they be- 
haved themselves. His age wuz seventy-seven as 
near as I could make out, but he didn’t look more’n 
half that. He had kep’ his age remarkable. 

Wall, it wuz, if I remember right, jest about now 
that we see a glitterin’ high up over our heads some 
writen’ in flame. I never see such brilliant writin^ 
before nor don’t know as I ever shall ag’in. 

And Josiah stopped stun still, and stood a lookin’ 


LETTERS OF FLAME, 


perfectly dumfoundered at it. And finally he sez, 
I^d give a dollar bill if I could write like that.’^ 

I see he wuz deeply rousted up for 2 cents is as 
high as he usually goes in bettin\ I see he felt deep 
and I didn’t blame him. Why,” sez he, jest im- 
agine, Samantha, a hull letter wrote like that ! how 
I’d love to send one back to Uncle Nate Gowdey. 

How Uncle Nate’s eyes would open, and he wouldn’t 
want no spectacles nor nothin’ to read it with, would 
he ? I wonder if I could do it,” sez he, a beginnin’ 
to be all rousted up. 

But I sez, ^‘Be calm,” for so deep is my mind 
that I grasped the' difficuties of the undertakin’ at 
once. How could you send it, Josiah Allen ? Where 
would you get a envelop ? How could you get it 
into the mail bag ?” Sez I, When anybody would 
send a letter wrote like that, they would want to write 
it on sheets of lightnin’, and fold it up in the envel- 
opin’ clouds of the skies, and it should be received by 
a kneelin’ and reverent soul. Who is Uncle Nate 
that he should get it ? He has not a reverent soul 
and he has also rheumatiz in his legs.” 

And then I thought, so quick and active is my 
mind when it gets to startin’ off on a tower, I thought 
of what I had hearn a few days before, ^)f how the 
secret had been learnt by somebody who lived right 
there in the village, of floatin’ letters up at sea from 
one ship to another, sigualin’ out in letters of flame— 


98 


BUSY THOUGHTS, 


Help I Fm a sinkin’!’’ or Danger ahead! Look 
out F’ 

And I thought what it must be to stand on a dusky 
night on a lone deck and see up on the broad, dark, 
lonesome sky above, a sudden message, a flash of 
vivid lightnin’, takin’ to itself the form of language. 
And I wondered to myself if in the future we should 
use the great pages of the night-sky to write messages 
from one city to another, or from sea to land, of dan- 
ger and warnin^; and then I thought to myself, if 
souls clog-bound to earth are able to accomplish so 
much, who knows but the freed soul goin’ outward 
and onward from height to height of wisdom may 
yet be able to signal down from the Safe Land mes- 
sages of help and warnin’ to the souls it loved below. 

The souls a sailin’ and a driftin’ through the dark 
night of despair — a dashin’ along through fog and 
mist and darkness aginst rocks. What it would be 
to one kneelin’ in the lonesome night watches by a 
grave, if the dark sky could grow luminous and he 
could read, — Do not despair ! I am alive ! I low 
you !” 

Or, in the hour of the blackest temptation and dread, 
^when the earth is hollow and the sky a black vault, 
and the only way of happiness on God’s earth seems 
down the dangerous, beautiful way, God-forbidden, 
what would it be to have the empty vault lit up with 

Danger ahead ! We will help you ! be patient a little 
longer 1 


FOLLOWING THE LIGHT. 


99 


Oh how fur my thoughts wuz a travellin’, and at 
what a good jog, but not one trace did my companion 
see on my forwerd of these thoughts that wuz a 
passin’ through my foretop : and at that very min- 
ute, we came up nigh enough to see that right back 
of the glitterin’ language overhead, went a long line 
of big, glowin’ stars of glory way up over our heads, 
and leadin’ down a gentle declivity — and Josiah sez, 
Let’s foller on, and see what it will lead us to, Sa- 
mantha.” 

Wall,” sez I, light is pretty generally safe to 
foller, Josiah Allen.” And so we meandered along, 
keepin’ our 2 heads as nigh as we could under that 
long glitterin’ chain of golden drops that wuz high 
overhead. And on, and on, we follered it dilligently; 
till for the land’s sake ! if it didn’t lead us to another 
one of them openwork buildiii’s, fixed off beautiful, 
and we could see inside 2 big wells like, with acres 
of floor seemin’ly on each side on ’em, and crowds of 
folks a walkin’ about and settin’ at little tables and 
most all of ’em a drinkin’. 

The water they drinked we could see wuz a bub- 
blin’ up and a runnin’/ over all the time, in big round 
crystal globed And up, up on a slender pole way 
up over one of the wells hung another one of them 
crystal bowls, a bubblin’ over with the water and 
sparklin’. 

And ag’in Josiah asked me if I thought Beuler 
land could compare with it? 


100 TIRED OUT 

And I told him ag’in kinder sharp, That I wu7.tt^t 
a thinkin’ about Beuler, I didn’t know any sech a 
place or name. I wish he would call things right. 

AVall, he wuz so dead tired by this time, that we 
sot sail homewards ; that is, my feet wuz tired, and 
my bones, but my mind seemed more rousted up than 
common. 


VI. 


SARATOGA BY DAYLIGHT. 

Wall, the next mornin^ Josiah and me sallied out 
middlin’ early to explore still further the beauties and 
grandness ©f Saratoga. I had on a black straw 
bonnet, a green vail, and a umberell. I also have 
my black alpacky, that good moral dress. 

My dress bein’ such a high mission one choked me. 
It wuz so high in the neck it held my chin up in a 
most uncomfortable position, but sort a grand and 
lofty lookin’. My sleeves wuz so long that more’n 
half the time my hand wuz covered up by ’em and I 
wuz too honorable to wear ’em for mits ; no, in the 
name of principle I wore ’em for sleeves, good long 
sleeves, a pattern to other grandmas that I might 
meet. 

I felt that when they see me and see what I wuz a 
doin’ and endurin’ for the cause of female dressin’ 
they would pause in their wild career, and cover up 
their necks and pull their sleeves down. 

Wall, it haint to be expected that I could walk 
along carryin’ such hefty emotions as I wuz a carryin’, 
and havin’ my neck held high and stiddy both by 

m 




102 


*^TIfEM DUMB SIDEWALKSr 


principle and alpacky, and see to every step I wuz a 
takin^ And, first I knew, right while I was enjoyin' 
the loftiest of these emotions, I ketched my foot in 
sunthin', and most fell down. Instinctively (such 
is the power of love) I put out my hand and clutched 
at the arm of my pardner. But he too wuz nearly 
failin' at the same time. It wuz a narrow chance 
that we wuz a runnin' from having our prostrate 
forms a layin' there outstretched on the highway. 

Instinctively I sez, Good land ! " and Josiah sez 
• — wall, it is fur from me to tell what he said, but it 
ended up with these words, “ Dumb them dumb side- 
walks anyway ; " and sez he, I should think it 
would pay to have a little less gilt paint and spangles 
and orniments overhead and a few more solid bricks 
unless they want more funerals here, dumb 'em ! " 

Sez I, “Be calm! who be you a talkin' about? 
who do you want to bring down your fearful curses 
on, Josiah Allen ? " 

“ Why, onto the dumb bricks," sez he. 

He wuz agitated and I said no more. But four 
times in that first walk, did I descend almost precipi- 
tously into declivities amongst the bricks, risin' si- 
multaneously on similar elevations. 

It wuz a fearful ordeel and I felt it so, but upheld 
by principle and Josiah, I moved onwards, through 
what seemed to be 5 great throngs and masses of 
people, 3' on the ground and 2 hiated up above us on 
tail pillows. 


/ 

A 


A PARASOL SHOW, 


103 


Them immense places overhead long as the streets, 
wuz kinder scalloped out and trimmed off handsum 
with railin’s^ etc. And on it — oh ! what a vast 
congregation of heads of all sorts and sizes and 
colors. And oh ! what a immense display of par- 
asols ; why no parasol store in the land could begin 
with what I see there. 

I can truly say that I thought I knew somethin’ 
about parasols ; havin^ owned 3 different ones in the 
course of my life, and havin’ one covered over. I 
thought I knew somethin’ of their nater and habits, 
which is a good deal, so I had always s’posed, like a 
umberell’s. But good land ! I gin up that I knew 
them not, nor never had. 

Why anybody could learn more on ’em through 
one jemey down that street, than from a hull lifetime 
in Jonesville. Truly travel is very upliftin’ and 
openin’ and spreadin’ but to the mind, both in para- 
sols and human nater. 

Wall, them 2 masses over our heads wuz 2, then 
the one in which we wuz a strugglin’ and the one 
opposite to it made 4. For anybody with any 
pretence to learnin’ knows that twice 2 is 4. And 
then in the middle of the broad street was a bigger 
mass of chariots and horsemen, and carts and car- 
riages, and great buggies and little ones, and big 
loads of barrels, and big loads of ladies, and then a 
load of wood, and then a load of hay, and then a pair 
of young folks pretty as a picture. And then camb 


104 


STRANGE DISPLAYS, 


eome high big coaches as big as our spare bed room, 
and as high as the roof on our horse barn, with six 
horses hitched to ^em, all runnin’ over on top with men, 
and wimmen, and children, and parasols, and giggles, 
and ha ha’s. And a man wuz up behind a soundin’ 
out on a trumpet, a dretful sort of a high, sweet note, 
not dwindlin’ down to the end as some music duz, 
but kinder crinklin’ round and endin’ up in the air 
every time. 

Josiah wuz dretful took with it and he told me in 
confidence that he laid out when he got home to buy 
a trumpet and blow out jest them strains every time 
he went into Jones ville or out of it. He said it 
would sound so sort a warlike and impressive. 

I expostulated aginst the idee. But sez he, You’ll 
enjoy it when you get used to it.” 

Never 1 ” sez I. 

" Yes you will,” sez he, and while I live I lay 
out that you shall have advantages, and shall enjoy 
things new and uneek.” 

Yes,” sez 1 feelin’ly, I expect to, Josiah Allen, 
as long as I live with you.” And I sithed. But I 
had little time to enjoy even sithin’, for oh ! the crowd 
that wuz a pressin’ onto us and surroundin’ us on 
every side, some on ’em ciirius and strange lookin’, 
some on ’em beautiful and grand. Pretty young girls 
lookin’ sweet enough to kiss, and right behind ’em a 
Chinese man with a long dress, and wooden shoes, 
and his hair in a long braid behind, and his eyes sot 


./ 


BLACK MA'S 


105 


in sideways. And then would come on a hull lot of 
wimmen in dresses ev’ry color of the rainbow, and 
some men. Then a few childern, lookin’ sweet as 
roses, with their mothers a pushin’ the little carts 
ahead on ’em. And if you’ll believe it, I don’t 
s’pose you will, but it is true, that lots of black ma’s 
had child ern jest as white as snow, and pretty as 
♦ rosebuds, took after their fathers I s’pose. But I 
don’t believe in a mixin’ of the rac^. And when I 
see ’em a kissin’ the pretty babys, I begun to muse a 
very little on the feelin’s of the indignent South, at 
havin’ a colored girl set in the same car with ’em, or 
on a bench in the same school room. 

I mewsed on how they held the white forms dost 
to their black breasts at birth, and in the hour of 
death — the black lips pressed to the white cheeks and 
lips, in both cases. And all the way between life and 
death they mingle dost as they can, some in some cases 
like the hill of knowledge. Then the contact is too 
dost, when they sot out to climb up by ’em. Truly 
there are deep conundrums and strange ones, all along 
through life ; though the white man may be, and is, 
deer up out of his way, on the sunshiny brow of the 
hill, and the black man at the foot, way down amongst 
the shadows and darkness of the low grounds. They 
don’t come very nigh each other. But the arms that 
have felt the clasp and the lips that have felt the kisses 
of that very same black climber all through life, moves 
’em and shouts ’em to ^^go down,” to ‘*go back.” 


106 


MIXED MULTITUDES, 


The contact is getting too dost, danger is ahead.’^ 
Curious, haint it ? Jest as if any danger is so dan- 
gerous as ignorance and brutality. Curious, haint it ? 
But I am a eppisodin’, and to resoom. 

Wall, right after the babies we’d meet a Catholic 
priest with a calm and fur away look on his face, a 
lookin’ at the crowd as if he wuz in it, but not of it. 
And then a burgler, mebby, anyway a mean lookin’ 
creeter, ragged and humble. And then 2 or 3 men 
foreign lookin’, jabberin’ in a tongue I know nothin’ 
of, nor Josiah either. And then some more childern, 
and wimmen, and dogs, and parasols, and men, and 
babies, and Injuns, and Frenchmen, and old young 
wimmen, and young old ones, and handsome ones, 
and hombly ones, and parasols, and some sweet young 
girls ag’in, and some black men, and some white men, 
and some more wimmen, and parasols, and silk, and 
velvet, and lace, and puckers, and ruffles, and gethers, 
and gores, and flowers, and feathers, and fringes, and 
frizzles, and then some men, some Southerners from 
the South, some Westerners from the West, some 
Easterners from the East, and some Cubebs from 
Cuba, and some Chinamen from China. 

Oh ! what a seen ! What a seen ! back and forth, 
passin’ and repassin’, to and fro, parasols, and dogs, 
and wimmen, and men, and babies, and parasols, to 
and fro, to and fro. Why, if I stood there long so 
crazed would I have become at the seen, that I should 


JOSIAH SCOOPED INi 107 

have felt that Josiah wuz a To and I wuz a Fro, or 
I wuz a parasol and he wuz a dog. 

And to prevent that fearful catastrophe, I sez, If 
we ever get beyond this side of the village that seems 
all run together, if we ever do get beyond it, which 
seems doubtful, le’s go and sit down, in some quiet 
spot, and try to collect our scattered minds.” Sez I, 
“I feel curius, Josiah Allen !” and sez I, “How do 
you feel ? ” 

His answer I will not translate; it was neither 
Biblical nor even moral. And I sez agin, “ Hain^t it 
strange that they have the village all run together with 
no streets turnin’ off of it.” Sez I, “ It makes me feel 
queer, Josiah Allen, and I am a goin’ to enquire into 
it.” So we wended our way some further on amongst 
the dense crowd I have spoken of, only more crowded 
and more denser, and anon, if not oflener, Josiah’s 
head would be scooped in by passin’ parasols, and then 
in low, deep tones, Josiah would use words that I 
wouldn’t repeat for a dollar bill, till at last I asked a 
bystander a standin’ by, and sez I, “ Is this village 
all built together — don’t you have no streets a turnin’ 
off of it?” 

“ Yes,” sez he, “ you’ll find a street jest as soon as 
you get by this hotel.” 

I stopped right in my tracts ; I wuz dumbfoundered. 
Sez I, “ Do you mean to say that this hull side of 
the street that we have been a traversin’ anon, or 





. J \ » tl 




STILL PRESSING ON, 

long before anon, — do say that this is all one 

buildin^ ? ” 

Yes mom,” sez he. 

Sez I, in faint axents, When shall wo get t# the 
end on it ? ” 

Sez he, You have come jest about half way.” 

Josiah gin a deep groan and turned him round in 
his tracts and sez, Le^s go back this minute.” 

‘ I too thought of the quiet haven from whence we 
had set out, with a deep longin’, but sech is the foree 
and strength of my mind that I grasped holt of the 
situation and held it there tight. If we wuz half way 
across it wouldn’t be no further to go on than it would 
to go back. Such wuz my intellect that I see it to 
once, but Josiah’s mind couldn’t grasp it, and with 
words murmured in my ears which I will never repeat 
to a livin’ soul he wended on by my side through the 
same old crowd — parasols, and wimmen, and dogs, 
and babies, and men, and parasols, and Injuns, and 
Spanards, and Creoles, and pretty girls, and old wim- 
men, and puckers, and gethers, and bracelets, and dia- 
monds, and lace, and parasols. Several times, if not 
more, wuz Josiah Allen scooped in by a parasol held 
by a female, and I felt he wuz liable to be torn from 
me. His weight is but small. 3 times his hat fell 
off in the operation and wuz reskued with difficulty, 
and he spoke words I blush to recall a& havin’ passed 
my pardner’s lips. 

Wall, in the fullness of time, or a little fot^ 

8 


no 


THE ESCAPE, 


truly I wuz not in a condition to sense things much, 
we arrove at a street and we gladly turned our 2 frames 
into it, and wended our way on it, goin’ at a pretty 
good jog. The crowd a growin’ less and less and we 
kep a goin’, and kep a goin’, till Josiah sez in weary 
axents : 

“ Where be you a goin’, * Samantha ? Haint you 
never goin’ to stop ? I am fairly tuckered out.” 

And I sez in faint axents, I would fain reach a 
land where parasols and puclters are not and dogs and 
diamonds are no more.” 

I wuz middlin’ incoherent from my agitation. 
But I meant well. I wuz truly in hopes I would 
reach some quiet place where J osiah and me could set 
down alone. Where I could look in quiet and re- 
pose upon that dear bald head, and recooperate my 
strength. 

We went by beautiful places, grand houses of dif- 
ferent colors but every one on ’em good lookin’ ones, 
a settin’ back amongst their green trees, with shady^ 
grass-covered yards, and fountains and flower beds in 
front of ’em, and more grand handsome houses, and 
more big beautiful yards, green velvet grass and beau- 
tiful flowers and fountains, and birds and beauty on 
every side on us. 

And though I felt and knew that in them big car- 
riages that was a passin’ 2 and fro all the time, though 
I felt that parasols, and puckers, and laces, and dogs, 
and diamonds, wuz a bein’ borne past me all the time, 


NICE CREETERS, 


111 


yet seek is the force of my mind that I could withdraw 
my specks from ^em, and look at the beautiful works 
of nater (assisted by man) that wuz about me on every 
hand. 

Finally my long search wuz rewarded, we came to 
a big open gateway that seemed to lead into a large, 
quiet delightful forest. And in that lovely, lonesome 
place, Josiah and me sot down to recooperate our 2 
energies. 

Josiah looked good to me. Men are nice creeters, 
but you don’t want to see too meny of ’em to once, 
like ways with wimmen. Josiah looked to me at that 
moment some like a calico dress that you have picked 
out of a dense quantity of patterns of calico at a store, 
it looks better to you when you get it away from the 
rest. Josiah Allen looked good to me. 

But anon, after I had bathed my distraedet eyes 
(as you may say) in the liniment of my pardner, I 
began to take in the rare beauty of the seen laid out 
before me and we arose and wended our way on- 
wards peaceful and serene, as 2 childern led on by their 
mother. 

Dear Mother Nature ! how dost thou restand soothe 
thy destracted childern when too hardly used by the 
grindin’, oppressive hands of fashion and the weeri- 
some elements of a too civilized life. Maybe thou art 
a heathen mother, oneducated and ignorant in all but 
the wisdom of love, but thy bosom is soft and restful, 
and thy arms lovin’ and tender. And, heathen if thou 


112 


JOSTAirS WILD COMMOTION. 


art, we love thee first and at last. We are glad to 
slip out of all the vain and gilded supports that have 
held us weeriiy up, and lay down our tired heads on 
thy kindly and unquestionin’ bosom and rest. 

As we rose from the soft turf, on which we had 
been a restin’, and meandered on through that beau- 
tiful park, (so tenderly had nature used him,) not one 
trace of the wild commotion that had almost rent 
Josiah Allen’s breast, could be seen save one expirin’ 
threeoh of agony. As we started out ag’in, he looked 
down onto ray faithful umberell, that had stiddied 
me on so many towers of principle, and sez he, in low 
concentrated axents of skern and bitterness, If that 
wuz a dumb parasol, Samantha, I would crush it to 
the earth and grind it to atoms.” 

Truly he could not forget how his bald head had 
been gethered in like a ripe sheaf, by 7 females, 
during that very walk, hombly ones too, so it had 
happened. But I sez nothin’ in reply to this expirin’ 
note of the crysis he had passed through, knowin’ 
this was not the time for silver speech but for golden 
silence, and so we meandered onwards. 

And it wuz anon that we see in the distance a fair 
white female a standin’ kinder still in the edge of the 
woods, and Josiah spoke in a seemin’ly careless way, 
and sez he, She don’t seem to have many clothes on, 
Samantha.” 

Sez I, “Hush, Josiah! she has probably over- 
slept herself, and come out in a hurry, mebby to look 




114 


ONLY A STATUE, . 


for some herbs or sunthin’. I persoom one of her 
childern are sick, and she sprung right up out of bed, 
and come out to get some wether-wort, or catnip, or 
sunthin\” 

And as I spoke I drawed Josiah down a side path 
away from her. But he stopped stun still and sez 
he, Mebby I ought to go and help her Samantha.” 

Sez I, ‘‘Josiah Allen, sense I lived with you, I 
don’t think I have been shamder of you ; ” sez I, 
“ it would mortify her to death if she should mistrust 
you had seen her in that condition.” 

“ Wall,” sez he, still a hangin’ back, “ if the child 
is very sick, and I can be any help to her, it is my 
duty to go.” 

His eye had been on her nearly every moment of 
the time, in spite of my almost voyalent protests, and 
sez he, kinder excited like, “ She is standin’ stun still, 
as if she is skairt ; mebby there is a snake in front 
of her or sunthin’, or mebby she is took paralysed, 
I’d better go and see.” 

Sez I, in low, deep axents, “ You stay where you 
be, Josiah Allen, and I will go forward, bein’ 2 females 
together, it is what it is right to do and if we heed 
your help I will holler.” 

And finally he consented after a parlay. 

Wall, as I got up to her I see she wuzn’t a live, 
meat woman, but a statute and so I hastened back to 
my Josiah and told him “ there wuzn’t no need of his 
help and he wuz in the right on’t — ^she wuz stun still.” 



ENDING THE WALK. 


He said he guessed we’d better go that way. 
And I sez, “ No, Josiah, I want to go round by the 
other road.” 

Wall, we got back to our abode perfectly tuckered 
out, but perfectly happy. And we concluded that 
after dinner we would set out and see the different 
springs and partake of ’em. Had it not been for our 
almost frenzied haste to get away from parasols and 
dogs and destraction into a place of rest we shoul^ 
have beheld them sooner. And our aftemoon'a 
adventures I will relate in another epistol. 


VII. 


SEEING THE DIFFERENT SPRINGS. 

Immegeatly after dinner (a good one) Josiah 
Allen, Ardelia Tutt and me sot out to view and look 
at the different springs and to partake of the same. 
We hadn’t drinked a drop of it as yet. Ardelia had 
come over to go with us. She had on a kind of 
a yellowish drab dress and a liat made of the same, 
with some drab and blue bows of ribbon and some 
pink holly-hawks in it, and she had some mits on 
(her hands prespired dretfully, and she sweat easy). 
As I have said, she is a good lookin’ girl but soft. 
And most any dress she puts on kinder falls into the 
same looks. It may be quite a hard lookin’ dress 
before she puts it on, but before she has wore it half a 
hour it will kinder crease down into the softest lookin’ 
thing you ever see. And so with her bonnets, and 
mantillys, and everything. 

The down onto a goslin’s breast never looked softer 
than every rag she had on this very afternoon, and no 
tender goslin’ itself wuz ever softer than she wuz 
on the inside on’t. But that didn’t hinder my likin’ 
her. 


116 


AN OPEN I/O USE, 


117 

Wall, anon, or a little before, we came to that long, 
long buildin’, beautiful and dretful ornimental, but I 
could see plain by daylight what I had mistrusted 
before, that it wuzn^t built for warmth. It must be 
dretful cold in the winter, and I don’t see how the 
wimmen folks of the home could stand it, unless 
they hang up bed quilts and blankets round the side, 
and then, I should think they would freeze. They 
couldn’t keep their house plants over winter any way 
—and I see they had sights of ’em — unless they kep’ 
*em down suller. 

But howsumever, that is none of my lookout. If 
they want to be so fashionable, as to try to live out 
doors and in the house too, that is none of my busi- 
ness. And of course it looked dretful ornimental and 
pretty. But I will say this, it haint bein’ mejum. I 
should rather live either out doors, or in the house, 
one of the 2. But I am a eppisodin’. And to resoom. 

Josiah Allen paid the money demanded of him 
and we went in and advanced onwards to where a 
boy wuz a pullin’ up the water and handin’ of it 
round. 

It looked dretful bubblin’ and sparklin’. Why 
sunthin’ seemed to be a sparklin’ up all the time in 
the water and I thought to myself mebby it wuz 
water thcfughts, mebby it wanted to tell sunthin’, 
mebby it has all through these years been a tryin’ to 
bubble up and sparkle out in wisdom but haint found 



Immcgeately after dinner (a good one) Josiah Allen, Ardelia 
Tutt and me sot out to view and look at the different springs and 
to partake of the same. We hadn’t drinked a drop of it as yet.** 
page fi6. 


WATER THOUGHTS, Hg 

any one yet who could understand its liquid language, 
Who knows now ? 

I took my glass and looked close — sparkle, sparkle, 
up came the tiny thought sparks! But I wuzn’t 
wise enough to read the glitterin’ language, No I 
wuzn’t deep enough. It would take a deep mind, 
mebby thousands of feet deep, to understand the 
great glowin’ secret that it has been a tryin’ to reveal 
and couldn’t. Mebby it has been a tryin’ to tell of 
big diamond mines that it has passed through — great 
cliffs and crags of gold sot deep with the crystalized 
dew of diamonds. 

But no, I didn’t believe that wuz it. That 
wouldn’t help the world, only to make it happier, and 
these seemed to me to be dretful inspirin’, upliftin’ 
thoughts. No, mebby it is a tryin’ to tell a cold 
world about a way to heat it. Mebby it has been a 
runnin’ over and is sparklin’ with bright thoughts 
about how deep underneath the earth lay a big fire- 
place, that all the cold beggars of mortality could set 
round and warm ihdr frozen fingers by, — a tryin’ to 
tell how the heat of that fire that escapes now up the 
chimbleys of volcanoes, and sometimes in sudden 
drafts blows out sideways into earthquakes, etc., could 
be utilized by conveyin’ it up on top of the ground, 
and have it carried into the houses like Croton water. 
Who knows now ? Mebby that is it ! 

Oh I I felt that it would be a happy hour for 
Samantha when she could bile her potatoes by the 


120 SPECULATIONS ON THE FUTURE. 

heat of that large noble fire-place. And more than 
that, far more wuz the thought that heat might become, 
in the future, as cheap as cold. That the little cold 
hands that freeze every winter in the big cities, could 
be stretched out before the big generous warmth of 
that noble fire-place. And who built that fire in the 
first place ? Who laid the first sticks on the hand- 
irons, and put the match to it ? Who wuz it that did 
it, and how did he look, and when wuz he born, and 
why, and where? 

These, and many other thoughts of similar size and 
shape, filled my brane almost full enough to lift up 
the bunnet, that reposed gracefully on my foretop, as 
I stood and held the sparklin’ glass in my hands. 

Sparkle! sparkle! sparkle! what wuz it, it wuz 
a tryin’ to say to me and couldn’t ? Good land ! I 
couldn’t tell, and Josiah couldn’t, 1 knew instinct- 
ively he couldn’t, though I didn’t ask him. 

No, I turned and looked at that beloved man, for 
truly I had for the time bein’ been by the side of 
myself, and I see that he wuz a drinkin’ lavishly of the 
noble water. I see that he wuz a drinkin’ more than wuz 
for his good, his linement showed it, and sez I, for he 
wuz a liftin’ another tumbler full onto his lips, sez I, 
Pause, Josiah Allen, and don’t imbibe too much.” 

« Why,” he whispered, you can drink all you are 
a mind to for 5 cents. I am bound for once, Saman- 
tha Allen, to get the worth of my money.” 

And he drinked the tumbler full down at one 






12 ? GETTING THE MONETS WORTH. 

swoller almost, and turned to tlie weary boy for aii« 
other. He looked bad, and eager, and sez I, How 
many have you drinked ? ” 

Sez he, in a eager, animated whisper, 9.’^ And 
he whispered in the same axents, 5 times 9 is 45 ; 
if it had been to a fair, or Fourth of July, or anything, 
it would have cost me 45 cents, and if it had been to 
a church soical — lemme see — 9 times 10 is 90. It 
would have cost me a dollar bill ! And here I am a 
havin’ it all for 5 cents. Why,” sez he, I never see 
the beat on’t in my life.” 

And ag’in he drinked a tumbler full down, and 
motioned to the frightened boy for another. 

But I took him by the vest and whispered to him, 
sez I, Josiah Allen, do you want to die, because you 
can die cheap ? Why,” sez I, it will kill you to 
drink so much.” 

“ But think of the cheapness on’t Samantha ! The 
chance I have of getting the worth of my money.” 

But I whispered back to him in anxus axents and 
told him, that I guessed if funeral expenses wuz added 
to that 5 cents it wouldn’t come so cheap, and sez I, 

you wont live through many more glasses, and you’ll 
see you wont. Why,” sez I, you are a drowndin^ 
out your insides.” 

He wuz fairly a gettin’ white round the mouth, and 
I finally got him to withdraw, though he looked back 
longingly at the tumblers and murmured even after I 
had got him to the door, that it wuz a dumb pity when 


I 

JOSIAH^S SENSATION, 12S 

anybody got a chance to get the worth of their money, 
which wuzn’t often, to think they couldn’t take advan- 
tage on it. 

And I sez back to him in low deep axents, There 
is such a thing as bein’ too graspin’, Josiah Allen.” 
Sez I, The children of Israel used to want to lay 
up more manny than they wanted or needed, and it 
spilte on their hands.” And sez I, “you see if it 
haint jest so with you ; you have been in too great 
haste to enrich yourself, and you’ll be sorry for it, you 
see if you haint.” 

And he was. Though he uttered language I wouldn’t 
wish to repeat, aEout the children of Israel and about 
me for bringin’ of ’em up. But the man wuz dethly 
sick. Why he had drinked 11 tumblers full, and I 
trembled to think what would have follered on, and 
ensued, if I hadn’t interfered. As it wuz, he wuz 
confined to our abode for the rest of the day. 

But I wouldn’t have Josiah Allen blamed more 
than is due for this little incedent, for it only illus- 
trates a pervailin’ trait in men’s nater, and sometimes 
wimmen’s — a too great desire to amass sudden riches, 
and when opportunity offers, burden themselves with 
useless and wearysome and oft-times painful gear. 

They don’t need it but seeing they have a chance 
to get it cheap, “ do^ cheap ” as the poet observes, 
why they weight themselves down with it, and then 
groan under the burden of unnecessary and wearin’ 
wealth. This is a deep subject, deep as the well from 


THE RACE FOR RICHES, 


124 

which my companion drinked, and nearly dnnked 
himself into a untimely grave. 

Men heap up more riches than they can enjoy and 
then groan and rithe under the taxes, the charity 
given, the envy, the noteriety, the glare, and the glitter, 
the crowd of fortune-hunters and greedy hangers-on< 
and the care and anxiety. They orniment the high 
front of their houses with the paint, the gildin^, the 
fashion, and the show of enormous wealth, and while 
the crowd of fashion-seekers and fortune-hunters pour 
in and out @f the lofty doorway they set out on the 
back stoop a groanin’ and a sithin’ at the cares and 
sleepless anxietes of their big wealth, and then they 
git up and go down street and try their best to heap 
up more treasure to groan over. 

And wimmen now, when wuz there ever a woman 
who could resist a good bargain ? Her upper beauro 
draws may be a runnin’ over with laces and ribbons, 
but let her see a great bargain sold for nothin’ almost, 
and where is the female woman that caii resist addin’ 
to that already too filled up beauro draw. 

A baby, be he a male, or be he a female child, 
when he has got a appel in both hands, will try to 
lay holt of another, if you hold it out to him. It is 
human nater. Josiah must not be considered as one 
alone in layin’ up more riches than he needed. He 
suffered, and I also, for sech is the divine law of love, 
that if one member of the family suffers, the other 
members suffer also, specially when the sufferin’ mem- 


V 


SAMANTHA UNJUSTL Y ACCUSED. 125 

ber is impatient and voyalent is his distress, and 
talks loud and angry at them who truly are not to 
blame. 

Now I didn’t make the springs nor I wuzn’t to 
blame for their bein’ discovered in the first place. 
But Josiah laid it to me. And though I tried to 
make him know that it wuz a Injun that discovered 
’em first, he wouldn’t gin in and seemed to think they 
wouldn’t have been there if it hadn’t been for me. 

I hated to hear him go on so. And in the cause 
of Duty, I brung up Sir William Johnson and others. 
But he lay there on the lounge, and kep’ his face 
turned resolute towards the wall, in a dretful oncom- 
fertable position (sech wuz his temper of mind), and 
said, he never had heard of them, nor the springs 
nuther, and shouldn’t if it hadn’t been for me. 

Why, sez I, A Injun brought Sir WiUiam John- 
son here on his back.'' 

'‘Wall,” sez he, cross as a bear, ^^that is the way 
you’ll have to take me back, if you go on in this way 
*auch longer.” 

In what way, Josiah ? ” sez I. 

Why a findin’ springs and draggin’ a man off to 
’em, and makin’ him drink.” 

Why, Josiah All/n,” sez I, “ I told you not to 
drink — don’t you remember ? ” 

“ No ! I don’t remember nuthin’, nor don’t want 
to. I want to go to sleep ! ” sez he, snappish as any- 
tiiing, so I went out and let him think if he wa^uted 
9 


w 


126 


JOSIAH CONVALESCENT. 


to, that I made the Sprip^s, and the Minerals, and 
the Gysers, and the Spoutin’ Kock, and everything. 
Good land ! I knew I didn’t ; but I had to rest under 
the unkind insinnuation. Such is some of the trials 
of pardners. 

But Josiah waked up real clever. And I brung 
him up some delicate warm toast and some fragrant 
tea, and his smile on me wuz dretful good-natured, 
almost warm. And I forgot all his former petulence 
and basked in the rays of love and happiness that 
beamed on me out of the blue sky of my companion’s 
eyes. The clear blue sky that held two stars, to which 
my heart turned. 

Such is some of the joys of pardners with which 
the world don’t meddle with, nor can’t destroy. 

But to resoom. Ardelia sot down awhile in our 
room before she went back to her boardin’ house. I 
see she wuz a writin’ for she had a long lead pencil 
in her right hand and occasionally she would lean her 
forrerd down upon it, in deep thought, and before she 
went, she slipped the verses into my hand. . 

Sez I, a lookin’ over my specks at Ardelia after I 
had finished readin’ the verses : “ What does ‘ ron ’ 
mean ? I never heerd of that word before, nor knew 
there wuz sech a one. ” 

Sez she, I meant ran, but I s’pose it is a poetical 
license to say ^ ron,’ don’t you think so ? ” 

Oh, yes,” sez I, Is’pose so, I kon’t know much 
about licenses, nor don’t want to, they are suthin’ I 


A RESKY THING. 


127 


never believed in. But/’ sez I, for I see she looked 
red and overcasted by my remarks, “ I don’t s’pose 
it will make any difference in a 100 years whether 
you say ran or ron.’' 

But sez I, “ Ardelia, it is a hot day, and I wouldn’t 
write any more if I wuz in your place. If you should 
heat your bra — , the upper part of your head, you 
might not get over it for some time.” 

But,” sez she, you have told me sometimes to 
stop on account of cold weather.” 

‘‘Wall,” sez I, “most any kind of weather is hard 
on some kinds of poetry.” Sez I, “ Poetry is sun- 
thin’ that takes particular kinds of folks and weather 
to be successful.” Sez I, “It is sunthin’ that can’t 
be tampered with with impunity by Christians or 
world’s people. It is a kind of a resky thing to do, 
and I wouldn’t write any more to-day, Ardelia.” 


And she heard to me and after a settin’ a while 
with us, she went back to Mr. Pixley’s. 





VIII. 

JOSIAH AND SAMANTHA TAKE A LONG WALK. 

Wall, we hadn’t been to Saratoga long before 
Aunt Polly Pixley came over to see us, for Aunt Polly 
had been as good as her word and had come to Sara- 
toga, to her 2d cousins, the Mr. Pixley’ses, where 
Ardelia wuz a stopping. Ardelia herself is a distant 
relation to Aunt Polly, quite distant, about 40 or 50 
miles distant when they are both to home. 

Wall, the change in Aunt Polly is wonderful, per- 
fectly wonderful. She don’t look like the same woman. 

She took her knittin’ work and come in the fore- 
noon, for a all day’s visit, jest as she wuz used to in 
the country, good old soul — ^and I took her right to 
^ my room and done well by her, and we talked con- 
siderable about other wimmen, not runnin’ talk, but 
good plain talk. 

She thinks a sight of the Saratoga water, and well 
she may, if that is what has , brung her up, for she 
wuz always siok in Jones ville, kinder bedrid. And 
when she sot out for Saratoga she had to have a piller 
to put on the seat behind her to sort a prop her up 
(hen’s feather). 

128 


AVI^T POLLY LIJ^ES THE VYATEES. 1% 

And now, she told me she got up early every 
mornin^ and walked down to the spring for a drink 
of the water — walked afoot. And she- sez, *‘It is 
astonishin^ how much good that water is a doin’ me ; 
for,” sez she, when I am to home I don’t stir out 
of the house from one day’s end to the other ; and 
here,” sez she, “ I set out doors all day a’most, a lis- 
tenin’ to the music in the park mornin’ and evenin’; 
I hear every strain on’t.” 

Aunt Polly is the greatest one for music I ever see, 
or hearn on. And I sez to her, “ Don’t you believe 
that one great thing that is helpin’ you, is bein’ where 
you are kep’ gay and cheerful, by music and good 
company ; and bein’ out so much in the sunshine and 
pure air.” (Better air than Saratoga has got never 
wuz made; that is my opinion and Josiah’s too.) 
And sez I, I lay a good deal to that air.” 

No,” she said, it wuz the water.” 

Sez I, The water is good, I don’t make no doubts 
on’t.” But I continued calmly — for though I never 
dispute, I do most always maintain my opinion — ^and 
I sez again calmly, There has been a great change 
in you for the better, sense you come here. Miss Pix- 
ley. But some on’t I lay to your bein’ where things 
are so much more cheerful and happyfyin’. You 
say you haint heerd a strain of music except a base- 
viol for over 14 years before you come here. And 
though base viols if played right may be melodious, 
yet Sam Pixley’s base viol wuz a old one, and sort® 


130 


THE LAST PVOED. 


cracked and grumbly in tone, and he wuzn’t much 
of a player anyway, and to me, base viols always 
sounded kinder base anyway.” 

And sez I, Don’t you believe a gettin’ out of your 
little low dark rooms, shaded by Pollard willers and 
grave stuns, and gettin’ out onto a place where you 
can heer sweet music from mornin’ till night, a liftin’ 
you up and makin’ you happier — don’t you- believe' 
that has sunthin’ to do with your feelin’ so much bet- 
ter — that and the pure sweet air of the mountains 
cornin’ down and bein’ softened and enriched by the 
breath of the valley, and the minerals, makin’ a balmy 
atmosphere most full of balm — I lay a good deal to 
that.” 

Oh no,” sez she, it is the water.” 

Yes,” sez I, in a very polite way, — I will be po- 
lite, — the water is good, first rate.” 

But at that very minute, word come to her that she 
had company, and she sot sail homewards immegetly, 
and to once. 

And now I don’t care anything for the last word, 
some wimmen do, but I don’t. But I sez to her, as 
I watched her a goin’ down the stairway, steppin’ 
out like a girl almost, sez I, ‘^How well you do 
seem, Aunt Polly; and I lay a good deal on’t to that 
air.” 

Now who would have thought she would speak out 
from the bottom of the stairway and say, No, it is 
the water?” 


SEPARATENESS OF THE WATER. 131 

Wall, the water is good, there haint no doubt, and 
anyway, through the water and the air, and bein’ took 
out of her home cares, and old surroundings onto a 
brght happy place, the change in Polly Pixley is sun- 
thin’ to be wondered at. 

Yes, the water is good. And it is dretful smart, 
knowin’ water too. Why, wouldn’t anybody think 
that when it all comes from the same place, or pretty 
nigh the same place anyway, that they would get kin- 
der flustrated and mixed up once in a while ? 

But they don’t. These hundreds and thousands of 
years, and I don’t know how much longer, they have 
kep’ themselves separate from each other, livin’ nigh 
neighbors there down under the ground, but never 
neighborin’ with each other, or intermarryin’ in each 
other’s families. No, they have kep’ themselves 
apart, livin’ exclosive down below and bubblin’ up 
exclusive. 

They know how to make each other keep their 
proper distance, and I s’pose through all the centuries 
to come they will bubble up, right side by side, en- 
tirely different from each other. 

' Curius, hain’t it? Dretful smart, knowin’ waters 
they be, fairly sparklin’ and flashin’ with light and 
brightness, and intelligence. They are for the healin’ 
and refreshin’ of the nations, and the nations are all 
here this summer, a bein’ healed by ’em. But still I 
lay a good deal to that air. 

Amongst the things that Aunt Polly told me about 


132 


THE NEW BEAU.'* 

\ 

wimmen that day, wuz this, that Ardelia Tntt had got 
a new Bo, Bial Flamburg, by name. 

She said Mr. Flamburg had asked Ardelia’s 3d 
cousin to introduce him to her, and from that time his 
attentions to her had been unremittent, voyalent, and 
close. She said that to all human appearance he wuz 
in love with her from his hat band down to his boots 
and she didn’t know what the result would be, though 
she felt that the situation wuz dangerus, and more’n 
probable Abram Gee had more trouble ahead on him, 
(Aunt Polly jest worships Abram Gee, jest as every- 
body duz that gets to know him well.) And I too, 
felt that the situation wuz dubersome. Fc^ Ardelia 
I knew wuz one of the soft little wimmen that has 
got to have men a trailin’ round after ’em ; and her 
bein^ so uncommon tender hearted, and Mr. Flamburg 
so deep in love, I feared the result. 

Wall, I wuz jest a thinkin’ of this that day after 
dinner when Josiah proposed a walk, so we sot out. 
He proposed we should walk through the park, so we 
did. The air wuz heavenly sweet and that park is 
one of the most restful and beautiful places this side 
of Heaven, or so it seemed to us that pleasant after- 
noon. The music was very soft and sweet that day, 
sweet with a undertone of sadness, some like a great 
sorrowful soul in a beautiful body. 

The balmy south wind whispered through the 
branches of the bendin’ trees on the hill where we sot. 
The light was a shinin’ and a siftin’ down through the 


A WALK IN THE PARK 


183 


green leaves, in a soft golden haze, and the music 
seemed to go right up into them shadowy, shinin^ path- 
ways of golden misty light, a climbin’ up on them 
shadowy steps of mist and gold, and amber, up, up 
into the soft depths of the blue overhead — up to the 
abode of melody and love. 

Down the hill in the beautiful little valley, all 
amongst the fountains and windin’ walks and white 
statutes, and green, green, grass, little children wuz a 
playin’. Sweet little toddlers, jest able to walk about, 
and bolder spirits, though small, a trudgin’ about with 
little canes, and jumpin’ round, and havin’ a good 
time. 

Little boys and little girls (beautiful creeters, the 
hull on ’em), for if their faces, every one on ’em, 
wuzn’t jest perfect ! They all had the beauty of child- 
hood and happiness. And'browds of older folks wuz 
there. And some happy young couples, youths and 
maidens, wuz a settin’ round, and a wanderin’ off by 
themselves, and amongst them we see the form of 
Ardelia, and a young man by her side. 

She wuz a loanin’ on the stun railin’ that fences in 
the trout pond. She wuz evidently a lookin’ down 
pensively at the shinin’ dartin’ figures of the trout, a 
movin’ round down in the cool waters. 

I wuzn’t nigh enough to ’em to see really how her 
companion looked, but even at that distance I recog- 
nized a certain air and atmosphere a surroundin’ Ar- 
delia that I knew meant poetry. 



^ My pardner seized me by the arms. 


i 







By THE TROUT POND, 135 

And Josiab recognized it too, and he sez to me, 
"We may as well go round the hill and out to the 
road that way,” sez he, (a pointin’ to the way fiuiihest 
from Ardelia) " and we may as well be a goin\” 

That man abhors poetry. 

Wall, we wandered down into the high way and 
havin’ most the hull afternoon before us, we kinder 
sauntered round amongst the stores that wuz pretty 
nigh to where we wuz. There is some likely good 
lookin’ stores kep’ by the natives, as they call the 
stiddy dwellers in Saratoga. Good lookin’ respectable 
stores full of comfort and consolation, for the outer or 
inner man or woman. (I speak it in a mortal sense), 

But with the hundred thousand summer dwellers, 
who flock here with the summer birds, and go out 
before the swallers go south, there comes lots of sum- 
mer stores, and summer shops, and picture studios, 
etc., etc. Like big summer bird’s-nests, all full and 
a runnin’ over with summer wealth, to be blowed 
down by the autumn winds. These shops are full of 
everything elegant and beautiful and useful. The 
most gorgeous vases and plaks and chiner ware of 
every description and color, and books, and jewelry, 
and rugs, and fans, and parasols, and embroideries, 
and laces, and etc., etc., etc. 

And one shop seemed to be jest full of drops of 
light, light and sunshine, crystalized in golden, clear, 
tinted amber. There wuz a young female statute a 
standin’ up in the winder of that store with her hands 


m 


CHOICE PICTURES, 


outstretched and jest a drippin’ with the great glowin’ 
amber drops. Some wuz a hangin^ over her wings 
for she was a young flyin’ female. And I thought 
to myself it must be she would fly better with all that 
golden light a drippin’ about her. 

Josiah liked her looks first rate. And he liked the 
looks of some of the pictures extremely. There wuz 
lots of places all full of pictures. A big collection 
of water colors, though as Josiah said and well said, 
How they could get so many colors out of water wuz 
a mystery to him. 

But my choice out of all the pictures I see, wuz a 
little one called “ The Sands of Dee.’^ It wuz Mary 
a callin’ the cattle home.” The cruel treacherus water 
wuz a risin’ about her round bare ankles as she stood 
there amongst the rushes with her little milk-bucket 
on her arm. 

Her pretty innocent face wuz a lookin’ off into the 
shadows, and the last ray of sunset was a failin’ on 
her. Maybe it wuz the pity on’t that struck so hard 
as I looked at it, to know that the cruel, crawli’n 
foam ” wuz so soon to creep over the sweet young face 
and round limbs. And there seemed to be a shadow 
of the cornin’ fate, a sweepin’ in on the gray mist be- 
hind her. ' 

I stood for some time, and I don’t know but longer, 
a lookin’ at it, my Josiah a standin’ placidly behind 
me, a lookin’ over my shoulder and enjoyin’ of it too, 
till the price wuz mentioned. But at that fearful mo- 


A HASTY RETREAT. 


137 


ssent^ my pardner seized me by the arm, and walked 
me so voyalently out of that store and down the walk 
that I did not find and recover myself till we stood 
at the entrance to Philey street. 

And I wuz so out of breath, by his powerful speed, 
that she didn’t look nateral to me, I hardly recognized 
Philey. But Josiah hurried me down Philey and 
wanted to get my mind offen Mary Dee I knew, for 
he says as we come under a sign hangin’ down over 
th© road, “ Horse Exchange,” sez he, What do you 
say, Samantha, do you s’pose I could change off the 
old mair, for a camel or sunthin’ ? How would you 
like a camel to ride ? ” 

I looked at him in speechless withering silence, and' 
he went on hurridly, It would make a great show 
in Jonesville, wouldn’t it, to see us cornin’ to meetin* 
on a camel, or to see us ridin’ in a cutter drawed by 
one. I guess I’ll see about it, some other time.” 

And he went on hurridly, and almost incoherently 
as we see another sign, over the road — oh ! how vol- 
lubly he did talk — Quick, Livery.” 

“ I hate to see folks so dumb conceeted ! Now I 
don’t s’pose that man has got any bosses much faster 
than the old mair.” 

^ Wing’s I ’ Shaw ! I don’t believe no such thing 
— a livery on wings. I don’t believe a word on’t. 
And you wouldn’t ketch me on one on ’em, if they 
had I” 

Yet Sing 1’” sez he, a lookin’ acrost the street 


r 


133 SAMANTHA NEEDS PEA YEE, 

into a laundry house. What do I care if you do 
sing? ’Taint of much account if you do any way. 
I sing sometimes, I yet sing,” says he. 

sez I in neerly witherin’ tones. I’d love 
to hear you sing, I haint yet and I’ve lived with you 
agoin’ on 30 years.” 

i Wall, if you haint heerd me, it is because you are 
deef,” sez he. 

But that is jest the way he kep’ on, a hurryin’ me 
along, and a talkin’ fast to try to get the price of that 
picture out of my head. Anon, and sometimes oftener, 
we would come to the word in big letters on signs, or 
on the fence, or the sides of barns, Pray.” And 
sometimes it would read, “ Pray for my wife ! ” And 
Josiah every time he came to the words would stop 
and reflect on ’em. 

^ Pray ! ’ What business is it of yourn, whether 
I pray or not ? ^ Pray for my wife ! ’ That haint none 
c of your business.” 

Sez he, a shakin’ his fist at the fence, "’Taint 
likely I should have a wife without prayin’ for her. 
She needs it bad enough,” sez he once, as he stood 
lookin’ at it. 

I gin him a strange look, and he sez, "You 
wouldn’t like it, would you, if I didn’t pray for 
you ? ” 

" No,” sez I, " and truly as you say, the woman 
who is your wife needs prayer, she needs help, mor’n 
half the time she duz.” 


STILL ON tSe go. 


139 

He looked kinder dissatisfied at the way I turned 
it, but anon he sez, ‘ Plumbin^ done here ! ' ” 

‘‘ I'd love to know where they are goin' to plum. 

I don't see no sign of plum trees, nor no stick to 
knock 'em off with." And agin he sez, You would 
make a great fuss, Samantha, if I should say what 
is painted up right there on that cross piece. You 
would say I wuz a swearin’." 

Sez I coldly, (or as cold as I could with my blood 
heated by the voyalence and .rapidity of the walk he 
had been a leadin' me,) There is a Van in front of 
it. Van Dam haint swearin'." 

“You would say it wuz if I used it," sez he 
reproachfully. “ If I should fall down on the ice, 
or stub my toe, and trip up on the meetin' house 
steps, and I should happen to mention the name of 
that street about the same time, you would say I wuz 
a swearin'." 

I did not reply to him; I wouldn't And ag'in 
he hurried me on'ards by some good lookin' bildin's, 
and trees, and tavreus, and cottages, and etc., etc., and 
we come to 'Caroline street, and Jane, and Matilda,, 
and lots of wimmen's names. 

And Josiah sez, “ I'll bet the man that named them 
streets wuz love sick ! " 

But he wuzn't no such thing. It was a father that 
owned the land, and laid out the streets, and named 
^em for his daughters. Good old creeter ! I wuzn't 




140 TlfE HA^ISTTED HOUSE. 

goin’ to kave him run at this late day, and run down 
his own streets too. 

But ag’in Josiah hurried me on’ards. And bimeby 
we found ourselves a standin^ in front of a kind of a 
lonesome lookin^ house, big and square, with tall 
pillows in front. It wuz a standin’ back as if it wuz 
a kinder a drawin’ back from company, in a square 
yard all dark and shady with tall trees. And it all 
looked kinder dusky, and solemn like. An^ a 
bystander a standin’ by told us that it wuz ^^ha’nted.” 

Josiah pawed at it, and shawed at the idee of a 
gost. 

But I sez, There ! that is the only thing Saratoga 
lacked to make her perfectly interestin’, and that is a 
gost ! ” 

But ag’in Josiah pawed at the idee, and sez, There 
never wuz such a thing as a gost ! and never will be.’^ 
And sez he, what an extraordenary idiot anybody 
must be to believe in any sech thing.^’ And ag’in he 
looked very skernful and high-headed, and once ag’in 
he shawed. 

And I kep’ pretty middlin’ calm and serene and 
asked the bystander, when the gost ha’nted, and 
where ? 

And he said, it opened doors and blowed out lights 
mostly, and trampled up stairs. 

‘^Openin’, and blowin’, and tramplinV^ sez I 
dreamily. 

Yes/’ sez the man, that’s what it dua/’ 



J42 


WHY TEETH CHATTER. 


And agin Josiah shawed loud. And agin I kep’ 
calm, and sez I, Td give a cent to see it.” And sez 
I, Do you suppose it would blow out and trample 
if we should go in ” 

But Josiah grasped holt of my arm and sez, 
^ Taint safe ! my dear Samantha ! don^t le\s go near 
the house.” 

^^Why?” sez I coldly, ^^you say there haint no 
sech thing as a gost, what are you afraid on ? ” 

His teeth wuz fairly chatterin’. Oh ! there might 
be spiders there, or mice, it haint best to go.” 

I turned silently round and started on, for my 
companion’s looks was pitiful in the extreme. But 
I merely observed this, as we wended onwards, I 
have always noticed this, Josiah Allen, that them that 
shaw the most at sech things, are the ones whose teeth 
chatter when they come a nigh ’em, showin’ plain that 
the shawers are really the ones that believe in ’em.” 

My teeth chattered,” sez he, because my gooms 
ache.” 

Well,” sez I, the leest said the soonest mended.” 
And we went on fast ag’in by big houses and little, 
and boardin’ houses, and boardin’ houses, and boardin’ 
houses, and tavrens, and tavrens, and he kept me a 
walkin’ till my feet wuz most blistered. 

I see what his aim wuz ; I had recognized it all the 
hull time. 

But as we went up the stairway into our room, 
perfectly tuckered out, both on us, I sez to him, in 


POWER IN A GROAN, 143 

weary axents, That picture wuz cheap enough for 
the money, wuznT it?^’ 

He groaned aloud. And sech is my love for that 
man, that the minute I heard that groan I immegetly 
added, “ Though I hadn’t no idee of buyin’ it, 
Josiah.” 

Immegetly he smiled warmly, and wuz very affec- 
tionate in his demeener to me for as much as two 
hours and a half. Sech is the might of human love. 

His hurryin’ me over them swelterin’ and blisterin’ 
streets, and showin’ me all the beauty and glory of 
the world, and his conversation had no effect, skercely 
on my mind. But what them hours of frenzied effert 
could not accomplish, that one still, small groan did. 
I love that man. I almost worship him, and he me, 
vise versey, and the same. 

We found that Ardelia Tutt had been to see us 
in our absence. She had been into our room I see, 
for she had dropped one of her mits there. And the 
chambermaid said she had been in and waited for 
us quite a spell — the young man a waitin’ below on 
the piazza, so I s’posed. 

I expect Ardelia wanted to show him off to us and 
I myself wuz quite anxus to see him, feelin’ worried 
and oncomfertable about Abram Gee and wantin’ to 
see if this young chap wuz anywhere nigh as good 
as Abram. 

Well about a hour after we came back, Josiah 
missed his glasses he reads with. And we looked aU 


144 


THE GLASSES FOUNDi 


over the house for ’em, and under the bed, and on the 
ceilin’, and through our trunks and bandboxes, and 
all our pockets, and in the Bible, and Josiah’s boots, 
and everywhere. And finely, after givin’ ’em up as 
lost, the idee come to us that they might possibly 
have ketched on the fringe of Ardelia’s shawl, and so 
rode home with her on it. 

So we sent one of the office-boys home with her 
mit and asked her if she had seen Josiah’s glasses. 
And word come back by the boy that she hadn’t seen 
’em , and she sent word to me to look on my pard- 
ner’s head for ’em, and sure enough there we found 
’em, right on his foretop, to both of our surprises. 

She sent also by the boy a poem she had wrote that 
afternoon, and sent word how sorry she wuz I wuzn’t 
to home to see Mr. Flamburg. But I see him only 
a day or two after that, and I didn’t like his looks a 
mite. 

But he said, and stuck to it, that his father owned 
a large bank, that he wuz a banker, and a doin’ a 
heavy business. 

Wall, that raised him dretfully in Ardelia’s eyes ; 
she owned up to me that it did. She owned to me 
that she had always thought she would love to be a 
Banker’s Bride. She thought it sounded rich. She 
said, banker sounded so different from baker.” 

I sez to her coolly, that it wuz only a difference 
of one letter, and I never wuz much of a one to put 
the letter N above any of the others, or to be haughty 


BIAVS PERSONAL BABTTS, 145 

on havin’ it added to, or diminished from my 
name.” 

But she kep’ on a goin’ with him. She told me it 
wuz real romanticle the way he got aquanted with 
her. He see her onbeknown to her one day, when 
she wuz a writin’ a poem on one of the benches in the 
j park. 

A Poem on a Bench ! ” 

She wuz a settin’ on the bench, and a writin’ about 
it, she was a writin’ on the bench in two different 
ways. Curius, haint it ? 

But to resoom. He immegetly fell in love with 
her. And he got a feller who wuz a boardin’ to his 
boardin’ place to interduce him to Ardelia’s relative, 
Mr. Pixley, and Mr. Pixley interduced him to Ar- 
delia. He told Ardelia’s relatives the same story — 
That his father wuz a banker, that he owned a bank 
amd wuz doin’ a heavy business. 

Wall, I watched that young chap, and watched him 
close, and I s^e there wuz one thing about him that 
could be depended on, he wuz truthful. 

He seemed almost morbid on the subject, and 
would dispute himself half a hour, to get a thing or a 
story he wuz tellin’ jest exactly right. But he drinked ; 
that I know for I know the symptoms. Coffee can’t 
blind the eyes of her that wuz once Smith, nor pepper- 
mint cast a mist before ’em. My nose could have 
took its oath, if noses wuz ever put onto a bar of Jus- 


KEEPING AN EYE ON BIAL. 


145 

tice — my nose would have gin its firm testimony that 
Bial Flamburg drinked. 

And there wuz that sort of a air about him, that I 
can’t describe exactly — a sort of a half offish, half 
familier and wholly disagreeable mean, that can be 
onderstood but not described. No, you can’t picture 
that liniment, but you can be affected by it. Wall, 
Bial had it. 

And I kep’ on a not likin’ him, and kep’ stiddy 
onwards a likin’ Abram Gee. I couldn’t help it, nor 
did’nt want to. And I looked out constant to ketch 
him in some big story that would break him right 
down in Ardelia’s eyes, for I knew if she had been 
brought up on any one commandment more’n another, 
it wuz the one ag’inst lyin’. She hated lyin’. 

She had been brought up on the hull of the com- 
mandments but on that one in particeler ; she wuz 
brung up sharp but good. But not one lie could I 
ketch him in. And he stuck to it, that his father wuz 
a banker and doin’ a heavy business. 

Wall, it kep’ on, she a goin’ with him through am- 
bition, for I see plain, by signs I knoo, that she 
didn’t love him half as well as she did Abram. And 
I felt bad, dretful bad, to set still and see Ambition 
ondoin’ of her. For ofl and oft she would speak to 
me of Bial’s father’s bank and the heft of the business 
he wuz a doin’. 

And I finally got so worked up in my mind that I 
gin a sly hint to Abram Gee, that if he ever wanted 


A HINT TO ABTAM. 


147 


to get Ardelia Tutt, he had better make a summer 
trip to Saratoga. I never told Ardelia what I had 
done, but trusted to a overrulin’ destiny, that seems 
to enrap babys, and lunatiks, and soft little wiramen, 
when their heads get kinder turned by a man, and 
to Abram’s honest face when she should compare it 
with Bial Flamburg’s, and to Abram’s pure, sweet 
breath with that mixture of stale cigars, tobacco, beer, 
and peppermint. 

But Abram wrote back to me that his mother wuz 
a lyin’ at the p’int of death with a fever — that his 
sister Susan wuz sick a bed with the same fever and 
couldn’t come a nigh her and he couldn’t leave what 
might be his mother’s death-bed. And he sez, if 
Ardelia had forgot him in so short a time, mebby it 
wuz the best thing he could do, to try and forget her. 
Anyway, he wouldn’t leave his dying mother for any- 
thing or anybody. 

That wUz Abram Gee all over, a doin’ his duty 
every time by bread and humanity. But he added 
a postscript and it wuz wrote in a agitated hand — that 
jest as soon as his mother got so he could leave her, 
he should come to Saratoga. 


IX. 

josiah’s flirtations. 


They say there is a sight of flirtin’ done at Sara- 
toga. I didn’t hear so much about it as Josiah did, 
naturally there are things that are talked ©f more 
amongst men than women. Night after night he 
would come home and tell me how fashionable it wuz, 
and pretty soon I could see that he kinder wanted to 
follow the fashion. 

I told him from the first on’t that he’d better let it 
entirely alone. Says I, Josiah Allen, you wouldn’t 
never carry it through successful if you should under- 
take it — and then think of the wickedness on’t.” 

But he seemed sot. He said it wuz more fash- 
ionable amongst married men and wimmen, than the 
more single ones,” he said it wuz dretful fashionable 
amongst pardners.” 

Wall,” says I, I shall have nothin’ to do with 
it, and I advise you, if you know when you are well 
off, to let it entirely alone.” 

Of course,” says he, fiercely, You needn’t have 
nothin’ to do with it. It is nothin’ you would want 
to foller up. And I would ruther see you sunk into 
148 


FLIRTATION DISCUSSED, 


149 


the ground, or be sunk myself, than to see you goin’ 
into it. Why,’’ says he, savagely, I would tear a 
man lim from lim, if I see him a tryin’ to flirt with 
you.” (Josiah Allen worships me.) ^^But,” says 
he, more placider like, men have to do things some- 
times, that they know is too hard for their pardners 
to do — men sometimes feel called upon to do things 
that their pardners don’t care about — that they haint 
strong enough to tackle. Wimmen are fragile creeters 
anyway.” 

Oh, the fallacy of them arguments — ^and the weak- 
ness of ’em. 

But I didn’t say nothin’ only to reiterate my utter- 
ance, that if he went into it, he would have to foller 
it up alone, that he musn’t expect any help from me.” 

^*Oh ho ! ” says he. ^^Oh ! certainly not.” 

His tone wuz very genteel, but there seemed to be 
sumthin’ strange in it. And I looked at him pity- 
in’ly over my specks. The hull idea on it wuz ex- 
tremely distasteful to me, this talk about flirtin’, and 
etc., at our ages, and with our stations in the Jones- 
ville meetin’ house, and with our grandchildren. 

But I see from day to day that he wuz a hankerin’ 
after it, and I almost made up my mind that I should 
have to let him make a trial, knowin’ that experience 
wuz the best teacher, and knowin’ that his morals 
wuz sound, and he wuz devoted to me, and only went 
into the enterprize because he thought it wuz fashion- 
able. 
















**l would tear a man lim’ from lim’ if I see him a tryin* to 

flirt with you.” p. 149. ^ 






THE ENGLISH GIEL, 


161 


There wuz a young English girl a boardin’ to the 
same place we did. She dressed some like a young 
man, carried a cane, etc^ But she wuz one of the 
upper 10, and wuz as pretty as a picture, and I see 
Josiali had kinder sot his eyes on her as bein’ a good 
one to try his experiment with. He thought she wuz 
beautiful. But good land ! I didn’t care. I liked 
her myself. But I could see, though he couldn’t see 
it, that she wuz one of the girls who would flirt with 
the town pump, or the meetin’ house steeple, if she 
couldn’t get nobody else to flirt with. She wuz born 
so, but I suppose entirely unbeknown to her when 
she wuz born. 

Wall, Josiah Allen would set and look at her by 
the hour — dretful admirin’. But good land ! I didn’t 
care. I loved to look at her myself. And then too 
I had this feelin’ that his morals wuz sound. But 
after awhile, I could see, and couldn’t help seein’, 
that he wuz a tryin’ in his feeble way to flirt with 
her. And I told him kindly, but firmly, ‘Hhat it 
wuz somethin’ that I hated to see a goin’ on.” 

But he says, Well, dumb it all, Samantha, if any- 
body goes to a fashionable place, they ort to try to be 
fashionable. ’Taint nothin’ I want to do, and you 
ort to know it. 

And I says in pityin’ axents but firm, If you don’t 
want to, Josiah, I wouldn’t, fashion or no fashion.” 

But I see I couldn’t convince him, and there hap- 
pened to be a skercity of men jest then — and he kep’ 


162 


DRAWING HIM ON 


it up, and it kep’ me on the key veavy as Maggie says, 
when she is on the tenter hooks of suspense. 

I felt bad to see it go on, not that I wuz jealous, 
no, my foretop lay smooth from day to day, not a 
jealous hair in it, not one — but I felt sorry for my 
companion. I see that while the endurin’ of it wuz 
hard and tejus for him (for truly he was not a addep 
at the business ; it come tuff, feerful tuff on him), the 
endin’ wuz sure to be harder. And 1 tried to con- 
vince him, from a sense of duty, that she wuz makin' 
fun of him — he had told me lots of the pretty things 
she had said to him — and out of principle I told him 
that she didn’t mean one word of ’em. But I couldn’t 
convince him, and as is the way of pardners, after I 
had sot the reason and the sense before him, and he 
wouldn’t hear to me, why then I had to set down and 
bear it. Such is some of the trials of pardners ! 

Wall, it kep’ agoin’ on, and a goin’ on, and I kep’ 
a hatin’ to see it^ for if anybody has got to flirt, which 
I am far from approvin’ of, but if I have got te see it 
a goin’ on, I would fain see it well done, and Josiah’s 
efforts to flirt wuz like an effort of our old mair to 
play a tune on the melodian, no grace in it, no system, 
nor comfort to him, nor me. 

I s’pose the girl got some fun out of it ; I hope she 
did, for if she didn’t it wuz a wearisome job all round. 

Wall, a week or so rolled on, and it wuz still in 
progress. And one day an old friend of ours. Miss 
Ezra Balch, from the east part of Jones ville, come to 


MISS BALCII ARRIVES. 


168 


see me. She come to Saratoga for the rheumatiz, and 
wuz gettin’ well fast, and Ezra was gettin’ entirely 
cured of biles, for which he had come, carbunkles. 

Wall, she invited Josiah and me to take a ride with 
^em, and we both accepted of it, and at the appointed 
time I wuz ready to the minute, down on the piazza, 
with my brown cotton gloves on, and my mantilly 
hung gracefully over my arm. But at the last minute, 
Josiah Allen said he couldn’t go.” 

I says Why can’t you go ? ” 

Oh,” he says, kinder drawin’ up his collar, and 
smoothin’ down his vest, Oh, I have got another 
engagement.” 

He looked real high-headed, and I says to him : 

" Josiah Allen didn’t you promise Druzilla Balch 
that you would go with her and Ezra to-day ? ” 

Wall yes,” says he, “ but I can’t.” 

''Why not?” says I. 

Wall, Samantha, though they are well meanin’, 
good people, they haint what you may call fashionable, 
they haint the upper 10.” 

Says I, Josiah Allen you have fell over 15 cents 
in my estimation, sense we have begun talkin’, you 
won’t go with ’em because they haint fashionable. 
They are good, honest Christian Methodists, and have 
stood by you and me many a time, in times of trouble, 
and now,” says I, you turn against ’em because they 
haint fashionable.” Says I, “Josiah Allen where do 
you think you’ll go to ? ” 


164 


NOT JEALOUS 


“ Oh, probable down through Congress Park, and 
we may walk up as fur as the Indian Encampment. 
I feel kinder mauger to-day, and my corns ache feer- 
ful.’^ (His boots wuz that small that they wuz sights 
to behold, sights !) We probably shan’t walk fur/’ 
says he. 

I see how ’twuz in a minute. That English girl 
had asked him to walk with her, and my pardner had 
broken a solemn engagement with Ezra and Druzilla 
Balch to go a walkin’ with her. I see how ’twuz, 
but I sot in silence and one of the big rockin’ chairs, 
and didn’t say nothin’. 

Finally he says, with a sort of a anxious look onto 
his foreward : 

^^You don’t feel bad, do you Samantha? You 
haint jealous, are you ? ” 

Jealous ! ” says I, a lookin’ him calmly over from 
head to feet — it wuz a witherin’ look, and yet pitiful, 
that took in tlie hull body and soul, and weighed ’em 
in the balances of common sense, and pity, and jus- 
tice. It wuz a look that seemed to envelop him all 
to one time, and took him all in, his bald ' head, his 
vest, and his boots, and his mind (what he had), and 
his efiforts to be fashionable, and his trials and tribu- 
lations at it, and — and everything. I give him that 
one long look, and then I says : 

^'Jealous? No, I haint jealous.” 

Then silence rained again about us, and Josiab 



156 UPPER TEN. 

spoke out (his conscience was a troublin’ him), and 
he says : 

^^You know in fashionable life, Samantha, you 
have to do things which seem unkind, and Ezra, 
though a good, worthy man, can’t understand these 
things as I do.” 

Says I; ^^Josiah Allen, you’ll see the day that 
you’ll be sorry for your treatment of Druzilla Balch, 
and Ezra.” 

Oh wall,” says he, pullin’ up his collar, I’m 
bound to be fashionable. While I can go with the 
upper 10, it is my duty and my privilege to go with 
’em, and not mingle in the lower classes like the 
Batches.” 

Says I firmly, “ You look out, or some of them 10 
will be the death of you, and you may see the day that 
you will be glad to leave ’em, the hull 10 of em, and 
go back to Druzilla and Ezra Balch.” 

But what more words might have passed between 
us, wuz cut short by the arrival of Ezra and Druzilla 
in a good big carriage, with Miss Balch on the back 
seat, and Ezra acrost from her, and a man up in front 
a drivin’. It wuz a good lookin’ sight, and I has- 
tened down the steps, Josiah disappearin’ inside jest 
as quick as he ketched sight of their heads. 

They asked me anxiously whete Josiah wuz and 
why he didn’t come ? ” And I told ’em, that Josiah 
had told me that mornin’ that he felt mauger, and he 
had some corns that wuz a achin’. ” 


DEACON BALCH OF CHICAGO, I57 

So much wuz truth, and I told it, and then moved 
off the subject, and they seein’ my looks, didn’t pur- 
sue it any further. They proposed to go back to 
their boardin’ place, and take in Deacon Balch, Ezra’s 
brother from Chicago, who wuz stayin’ there a few 
days to recooperate his energies, and get help for 
tizick. So they did. He wuz a widowed man. 
Yes, he was the widower of Cornelia Balch who I 
used to know well, a good lookin’ and a good actin’ 
man. And he seemed to like my appeerance pretty 
well, though I am fur from bein’ the one that ort 
to say it. 

And as we rolled on over the broad beautiful road 
towards Saratoga Lake, I begun to feel better in my 
mind. 

The Deacon wuz edifyin’ in conversation, and ho 
thought, and said, that my mind was the heftiest 
one that he hjad ever met, and he had met hundreds 
and hundreds of ’em.” He meant it, you could see 
that, he meant every word he said. And it wuz kind 
of comfortin’ to hear the Deacon say so, for I re- 
spected the Deacon, and I hum he meant just what 
he said. 

He said, and believed, though it haint so, but the 
Deacon believed it, that I looked younger than I 
did the day I wuz married.” 

I told him I didn’t feel so young.” 

“ Wall,” he said, “ then my looks deceived me, for 
I looked as young, if not younger.” 

U 


158 


EDIFYIN' CONVERSATION. 


Deacon Balch is a good, kind, Christian man. 

His conversation was very edifyin’, and he looked 
kinder good, and warm-hearted at me out of his eyes, 
which wuz blue, some the color of my Josiah’s. But 
alas ! I felt that though some comforted and edified 
by his talk, still, my heart was not there, not there 
in that double buggy with 2 seats, but wuz afur off 
with my pardner. I felt that Josiah Allen wuz a 
carry in^ my heart with him wherever he wuz a goin^ 
Curious, haint it ? Now you may set and smile, and 
talk, and seem to be enjoyin’ yourself first-rate, with 
agreeable personages all around you, and you do en- 
joy yourself with that part of your nater. But with 
it all, down deep under the laughs, and the bright 
words, the comfort you get out of the answerin’ laughs, 
the gay talk, under it all is the steady consciousness 
that the real self is fur away, the heart, the soul is fur 
away, held by some creeter whether he be high, or 
whether he be low, it don’t matter — there your heart 
is, a goin’ towards happiness, or a travellin’ towards 
pain as the case may be — curious, haint it ? 

Wall, Ezra and Druzilla wanted to go to the Sul- 
phur Springs way beyend Saratoga Lake, and as the 
Deacon wuz agreeable, and I also, we sot out for it, 
though, as we all said, it wuz goin’ to be a pretty long 
and tegus journey for a hot day. But we went along 
the broad, beautiful highway, by the high, handsome 
gates of the Racing Park, down, down, by handsome 
houses and shady woods, and fields of bright-colored 


BEAUTIFUL SCENES 


159 


wild flowers on each side of the road, down to the 
beautiful lake, acrost it over the long bridge, and then 
into the long, cool shadows of the bendin’ trees that 
bend over the road on each side, while through the 
green boughs, jest at our side we could ketch a sight 
of the blue, peaceful waters, a lyin’ calm and beautiful 
jest by the side of us — on, on^ through the long, 
sheltered pathway, out into the sunshine for a spell, 
with peaceful fields a layin’ about us, and peaceful cat- 
tle a wanderin’ over ’em, and then into the shade 
agin, till at last we see a beautiful mountin’, with its 
head held kinder high, crowned with ferns and hem- 
locks, and its feet washed by the cool water of the 
beautiful lake. 

The shadows of this mountin’, tree crowned, lay on 
the smooth, placid wave, and a white sail boat wuz a 
cornin’ round the side on’t, and floatin’ over the green, 
crystal branches, and golden shadows. It wuz a fair 
seen, seen for a moment, and then away we went into 
the green shadows of the woods again, round a corner, 
and here we wuz, at the Sulphur Springs. 

It wuz a quiet peaceful spot. The house looked 
pleasant, and so did the Landlord, and Landlady, and 
we dismounted and walked through a long clean hall, 
and went out onto a back piazza and sot down. And 
I thought as I sot there, that I would be glad enough 
to set there, for some time. Everything looked so quiet 
and serene. The paths leadin’ up the hills in diflerent 
directions, out into the green woods, looked quiet ; the 


160 


LEMONADE WITH STRAWS, 


pretty, grassy backyard leadin’ down to the water side 
looked green and peaceable, and around all, and be- 
yond all, wuz the glory of the waters. They lay 
stretched out beautiful and in heavenly calm, and the 
sun, which wuz low in the West, made a gold path 
acrost ’em, where it seemed as if one could walk over 
only a little ways, into Perfect Repose. The Lake 
somehow looked like a glowin’ pavement, it didn’t look 
like water, but it seemed like broad fields of azure and 
palest lavender, and pinky grey, and pearly white, 
and every soft and delicate color that water could be 
crystalized into. And over all lay the glowin’, tender 
sunset skies — it wuz a fair seen. And even as I 
looked on in a almost rapped way, the sun come out 
from behind a soft cloud, and lay on the water like a 
pillow of fire — jest as I dream that pillow did, that 
went ahead of my old 4 fathers. 

The rest on ’em seemed to be more intent on the 
lemonade with 2 straws in ’em. I didn’t make n© 
fuss. They are nice, clean folks, I make no doubt. 
I wouldn’t make no fuss and tell on the hired man — 
women of the house have enough to worry ’em any- 
way. But he had dropped some straws into our tum- 
blers, every one on ’em, I dare presume to say they 
had been a fillin’ straw ticks. I jest took mine out 
in a quiet way, and throAved ’em to one side. The 
rest on ’em, I see, and it wuz real good in ’em, drinked 
through ’em, as we used to at school. It wuz real 
good in Druzilla, and Ezra, and also in the Deacon. It 


FREE THINKERS^ CONVENTION, 161 

kinder endeared the hull on ’em to me. I hope this 
won’t be told of, it orto be kep — for he wuz a good- 
natured lookin’ hired man, black, but not to blame 
for that — and good land ! what is a straw ? — ^anyway 
they wuz clean. 

There wuz some tents sot up there in the back yard, 
lookin’ some as I s’pose our old 4 fathers tents did, in 
the pleasant summer times of old. And I asked a 
bystander a standin’ by, whose tents they wuz, and he 
said they wiiz Free Thinkers havin’ a convention. 

And I says, How free ? ” 

And he said they wuz great cases to doubt every- 
thing, they doubted whether they wuz or not, and if 
they wuz or when, and if so, why ? ” 

And he says, won’t you stay to-night over and 
attend the meetin’ ? ” 

And I says, What are they goin’ to teach to- 
night?” 

And he says, The Whyness of the What.” 

I says, I guess that is too deep a subject for me to 
tackle,” and says I, Don’t they believe anything 
easier than that ? ” 

And he says, “ They don’t believe anything. That 
is their belief — to believe nothin’.” 

Nothin’ ! ” says I. 

^^Yes,” says he, ^‘Nothin’.” And, says he, 

to-morrer they are goin’ to prove beyond any ques- 
tion, that there haint any God,^iibr anything, and 
never wuz anything.” 


162 


BETTER THOUGHTS, 


Be they ? sez I. 

Yes,” says he, and won’t you come and be con- 
vinced ? ” 

I looked off onto the peaceful waters, onto the 
hills that lay as the mountains did about Jerusalem, 
onto the pillow of fire that seemed to hold in it the 
flames of that light that had lighted the old world 
onto the mornin’ of the new day, — and one star had 
come out, and stood tremblin’ over the brow of the 
mountain and I thought of that star that had riz so 
long time ago, and had guided the three wise men, 
guided ’em jest alike from their three different homes, 
entirely unbeknown to each other, guidin’ ’em to the 
cradle where lay the infant Redeemer of the world, 
so long foretold by bard and prophet. I looked out 
onto the heavenly glory of the day, and then inside 
into my heart, that held a faith jest as bright and 
undyin’ as the light of that star — and I says, “No, 
I guess I won’t go and be convinced.” 

Wall, we riz up to go most immediately after- 
words, and the Deacon (he is very smart) observed : 
“ How highly tickled and even highlarious the man 
seemed in talkin’ about there not bein’ any future.” 
And he says, “ It'wuz a good deal like a man laughin’ 
and clappin’ his hands to see his house burn down.” 

And I sez, “ it wuz far wurse, for his home wouldn’t 
stand more’n a 100 years or so, and this home he wuz 
a tryin’ to destroy^ wuz one that would last through 
eternity.” “ But,” says I, “ it hain’t built by hands. 


BESIDE THE DEACON, 


163 


and I guess their hands hain’t strong enough to tear 
it down, nor high enough to set fire to it. 

And the Deacon says, Jest so. Miss Allen, you 
spoke truthfully, and eloquent.’^ (The Deacon is 
very smart.) 

When we got into the buggy to start, the Deacon 
says, I would like to resoom the conversation with 
you, Jo^iah Alienas wife, a goin^ back.” 

And Druzilla spoke right out and says, I will set 
on the front seat by Ezra.” I says, “Oh no, Druzilla, 
I can hear the Deacon from where I sot before.” 

But the Deacon says. Talkin’ loud towards night 
always offected his voice onpleasantly, mebby Druzilla 
and he had better change seats. 

Again I demurred. And then Druzilla said she 
must' set by Ezra, she wanted to tell him sumthin’ in 
confidence. ' 

And so it wuz arraigned, for I felt that I wuz not 
the one to come between pardners, no indeed. The 
road laid peacefuller and beautifuller than ever, or so 
it seemed under the sunset glory that sort o’ hung 
round it. Jest about half way through the woods we 
met the English girl, a stridin’ along alone, each step 
raore’n 3 feet long, or so it seemed to me. There wuz 
a look of health, and happy determination on her 
forwerd as she strided rapidly by. 

I would have fain questioned her concernin’ my 
pardner, as she strode by, but before I could call out, 
or begon to her she wuz far in the rearwerd, and goin’ 


164 


WHERE WUZ MY PARDHERf 


in a full pressure and in a knot of several miles an 
hour. 

Wall, from that minute I felt strange and curious. 
And though Druzilla and Ezra was agreeable and 
the Deacon edifyin’, I didn’t seem to feel edified, and 
the most warm-hearted looks didn’t seem to warm my 
heart none, it wuz oppressed with gloomy forebodings 
of. Where wuz my pardner ? They had laid out to 
set out together. Had they sot? This question 
was a goverin’ me, and the follerin’ one : If 
they had sot out together, where wuz my pardner, 
Josiah Allen, now? As I thought these feerful 
thoughts, instinctively I turned around to see if I 
could see a trace of his companion in the distance. 
Yes, I could ketch a faint glimpse of her as she wuz 
mountin’ a diclevity, and stood for an instant in sight, 
but long before even, she disopeered agin, for her gait 
wuz tremendous, and at a rate of a good many knots, 
she wuz a goin’, that I knew. And the fearful 
thought would rise, Josiah Allen could not go more 
than half a knot, if he could that. He wuz a slow 
predestinatur any way, and then his corns was feerful, 
and never could be told — and his boots had in ’em 
the elements of feerful sufferin’. It wuz all he could 
do when he had ’em on to hobble down to the spring, 
and post-office. Where ? where wuz he ? And she 
a goin’ at the rate of so many knots. 

Oh ! the agony of them several minutes, while these 
thoughts wuz rampagin through my destracted brain. 


THE END OF FLIRTATIONS. 

Oh ! if pardners only knew the agony they bring 
onto their devoted companions, by their onguarded 
and thoughtless acts, and attentions to other females, 
gin without proper reseerch and precautions, it would 
draw their liniments down into expressions of shame 
and remorse. Josiah wouldn^t have gone with her 
if he had known the number of knots she wuz a goin^, 
no, not one step — then why couldn^t he have found 
out the number of them knots — why couldn’t he? 
Why can’t pardners look ahead and see to where their 
gay attentions, their flirtations that they call mild and 
innercent, will lead ’em to ? Why can’t they realize 
that it haint only themselves they are injurin’, but 
them that are bound to ’em by the most sacred ties 
that folks can be twisted up in? Why can’t they 
realize that a end must come to it, and it may be a 
fearful and a shameful one, and if it is a happiness 
that stops, it will leave in the heart when happiness 
gets out, a emptiness, a holler place, where like as not 
onhappiness will get in, and mebby stay there for 
some time, gaulin’ and heart-breakin’ to the opposite 
pardner to see it go on ? 

If it is indjifference, or fashion, or anything of that 
sort, why it don’t pay none of the time, it don't seem 
to me it duz, and the end will be emptier and hol- 
lerer then’ the beginnin’. 

In the case of my pardner it wuz fashion, nothing 
but the butterfly of fashion he wuz after, to act in a 
high-toned, fashionable manner, like other feshionabl© 


100 CHASING THE BUTTERFLY, 

men. And jest see the end on’t why he had brought 
sufferin’ of the deepest dye onto his companion, and 
whai^ what hed he brought onto himself — onto his feet ? 

Oh! the agony of them several moments while 
them thoughts was a rackin’ at me. The moments 
swelled out into a half hour, it must have been a 
long half hour, before I see far ahead, for the eyes of 
love is keen — a form a settin’ on the grass by the 
wayside, that I recognized as the form of my pard- 
ner. As we drew nearer we all reco^ized the figure 
— ^but Josiah Allen didn’t seem to notice us. His 
boots was off, and his stockin’s, and even in that first 
look I could see the agony that was a rendin’ them 
toes almost to burstin’. Oh, how sorry I felt for 
them toes ! He was a restin’ in a most dejected and 
melancholy manner on his handy's if it wiiz more 
than sufferin’ that ailed him-^e looked a sufferer 
from remorse, and regret, and also had the air of one 
whom mortification has stricken. 

He never seemed to sense a thing that wuz passin* 
by him, till the driver pulled up his horses dost by 
him, and then he looked up and see us. And far be 
it from me to describe the Vay he l(joked in his 
lowly place on the grass. There wuz a good stun by 
him on which he might have sot, but no, he seemed 
to feel too mean to get up onto that stun; grass, 
lowly, unassumin’ grass, wuz what seemed to suit 
him best, and on it he sot with one of his feet 
stretched out in front of him. 


JOSIAH IN DISTRESS. 


167 


Oh ! the pitifulness of that look he gin us, oh ! 
the meakinness of it. And even, when his eye fell 
on the Deacon a settin’ by my side, oh ! the wild 
gleam of hatred, and sullen anger that glowed within 
his orb, and revenge ! He looked at the Deacon, and 
then at his boots, and I see the wild thought wuz a 
enterin^ his sole, to throw that boot at him. But I 
says out of \that buggy the very first thing the words 
I have so oft spoke to him in hours of danger : 
“ Josiah, be calm ! 

His eye fell onto the peaceful grass agin, and he 
says : Who hain’t a bein’ calm ? I should say I 
wuz calm enough, if that is what you want.” 

But, oh, the sullenness of that love. 

Says Ezra, good man — he see right through it all 
in a minute, and so did Druzilla and the Deacon — 
says Ezra, Get up on the seat with the driver, Jo- 
siah Allen, and drive back with us.” 

“ No,” says Josiah, I have no occasion, I am a 
settin’ here,” (looking round in perfect agony) 
am a settin’ here to admire the scenery.” 

Then I leaned over the side of the buggy, and 
says I, Josiah Allen, do you get in and ride, it will 
kill you to walk back ; put on your boots if you can, 
and ride, seein’ Ezra is so perlite as to ask you.” 

Yes, I see he is very perlite, I see you have set 
amongst very perlite folks, Samantha,” says he, a 
glarin’ at Deacon Balch as if he would rend him 
from lim to lim. But as I said, I have no occasion 


168 


jOSIAirs EXCUSES. 


to ride, I took off my boots and stockings merely— 
merely to pass away time. You know at fashionable 
resorts,” says he, it is sometimes hard for men ta 
pass away time.” 

Says I in low, deep accents, “Do put on your 
stockings, and your boots, if you can get ^em on, 
which I doubt, but put your stockings on this min- 
ute, and get in, and ride.” 

“ Yes,” says Ezra, “ hurry up and get in, Josiah 
4-llen, it must be dretful oncomfortabe a settin^ down 
there in the grass.” 

“Oh, no !” says Josiah, and he kinder whistled 
few bars of no tune that wuz ever heard on, or ever 
will be heard on agin, so wild and meloncholy it 
wuz — “ I sot down here kind o’ careless. I thought 
seein’ I hadn’t much on hand to do at this time o’ 
year, I thought I would like to look at my feet — we 
hain’t got a very big lookin’ glass in our room.” 

Oh, how incoherent and over-crazed he was a be- ' 
cornin’ I Who ever heard of seein’ anybody’s feet in 
a lookin’ glass — of dependin’ on a lookin’ glass for a 
sight on ’em ? Oh, how I pitied that man ! and I 
bent down and says to him in soothin’ axents : “Jo- 
siah Allen, to please your pardner you put on your 
stockin’s and get into this buggy. Take your boots 
in your hand, Josiah, I know you can’t get ’em on, 
you have walked too far for them corns. Corns that 
are trampled on, Josiah Allen, rise up and rends you, 
or me, or anybody else who owns ’em or tramples on 


JOSIAH RIDES, 169 

^em. It hain’t your fault, nobody blames you. Now 
get right in.^^ 

Yes, do,” says the Deacon. 

Oh ! the look that Josiah Allen gin him. I see the 
voyolence of that look, that rested first on the Deacon, 
and then on that boot. 

4.nd agin I says, Josiah Allen.” And agin the 
thought of his own feerful acts, and my warnings came 
over him, and again mortification seemed to envelop 
him like a mantilly, the tabs goin^ down and coverin' 
his lims — ^and agin he didn't throw that boot. Agin 
Deacon Balch escaped oninjured, saved by my voice, 
and Josiah's inward conscience, inside of him. 

Wall, suffice it to say, that after a long parley, 
Josiah Allen wuz a settin' on the high seat with the 
driver, ^a holdin' his boots in his hand, for truly no 
power on earth could have placed them boots on Josiah 
Allen's feet in the condition they then wuz. 

And so he rode on howewards, occasionally a lookin' 
down on the Deacon with looks that I hope the re- 
cordin' angel didn't photograph, so dire, and so re- 
vengeful, and jealous, and — and everything, they wuz. 
And ever, after ketchin' the look in my eye, the look 
in his'n would change to a heart-rendin' one of re- 
morse, and sorrow, and shame for what he had done. 
And the Deacon, wantin' to be dretful perlite to him, 
would ask him questions, and I could see the side of 
Josiah's face, all glarin' like a hyena at the sound of 
his voice, and then he would turn round and ossume 



When Josiah Allen emerged from his chamber, he wuz a changed man. page 172. 




AN' IGNOMINIOUS END. 


171 


a perlite genteel look as he answered him, and then 
he glare at me in a mad way every time I spoke to 
the Deacon, and then his mad look would change, 
even to one of shame and meakinness. And he in 
his stockin’ feet, and a pertendin’ that he didn’t put 
his boots on, because it wuzn’t wuth while to put ’em 
on agin so near bed-time. And he that sot out that 
afternoon a feelin’ so haughty, and lookin’ down on 
Ezra and Druzilla, and bein’ brung back by ’em, in , 
that condition — and bein’ goured all the time by 
thoughts of the ignominious way his flirtin’ had ended, 
by her droppin’ him by the side of the road, like a 
weed she had trampled on too hardly. And a bein’ 
gourded deeper than all the rest of his agonies, by a 
senseless jealousy of Deacon Balch — and a thinkin’ 
for the first time in his life, what it would be, if her 
affections, that had been like a divine beacon to him 
all his life, if that flame should ever go out, or ever 
flicker in its earthly socket — oh, those thoughts that 
he had seemed fo consider in his own mad race for 
fashion — oh, how that sass that had seemed sweet to 
him as a gander, oh how bitter and poisonous it wuz 
to partake of as a goose. 

Oh ! the agony of that ride. We went middlin’ 
slow back — and before we got to Saratoga the Eng- 
lish girl went past us, she had been to the , Sulphur 
Springs and back agin. She didn’t pay no attention 
to us, for she wu^ alayin’ on a plan in her own mind, 


172 


A CHANGED MAN, 


for a moonlight pedestrian excursion on foot) thait 
evenin^, out to the old battle ground of Saratoga. 

Josiah never looked to the right hand nor the left, 
as she passed him, at many, many a knot an hour. 
And I felt that my pardner’s sufferin’ from that 
cause was over, and mine toO, but oh ! by what agony 
wuz it gained. For 3 days and 3 nights he never 
stood on any of his feet for a consecutive minute and 
a half, and I bathed him with anarky, and bathed 
his very soul with many a sweet moral lesson at the 
same time. And when at last Josiah Allen emerged 
from that chamber, he wuz a changed man in his de- 
meanor and liniment, such is the power of love and 
womanly devotion. 

He never looked at a woman durin’ our hull stay 
at Saratoga, save with the eye of a philosopher and a 
Methodist. 


And bathed his very soul with many a sweet moral lesson.” p. 172. 






X. 


MISS G. WASHINGTON FLAMM. 

Miss G. Washington Flamm is a very fashion- 
able woman. Thomas Jefferson carried her through 
a law-suit, and carried her stiddy and safe. (She wuz 
in the right offt, there haint no doubt of that.) 

She had come to Jonesville for the summer to board, 
her husband bein’ to home at the time in New York 
village, down on Wall street. He had to stay there, 
so she said. I don’t know why, but s’pose sunthin’ 
wuz the matter with the wall ; anyway he couldn’t 
leave it. And she went round to different places a 
good deal for her health. There didn’t seem to be 
much health round where her husband wuz, so she 
had to go away after it, go a huntin’ for it, way over 
to Europe and back ag’in ; and away off to California, 
and Colorado, and Long Branch, and Newport, and 
Saratoga, and into the Country. It made it real bad 
for Miss Flamm. 

Now I always found it healthier where Josiah wuz 
than in any other place. Difference in folks I s’pose. 
But they say there is sights and sights of husbands 

and wives iest like Miss Flamm. Can’t find a mils 
m ^ 


PORTRAIT OF MISS FZAMM, I75 

of health anywhere near where their families is, and 
have to poke off alone after it. It makes it real bad 
for ^em. 

But anyway she came to Jonesville for her health. 
And she hearn of Thomas Jefferson and employed 
him. It wuz money that fell onto her from her father, 
or that should have fell, that she wuz a tryin^ to git it 
to fall. And he won the case. It fell. She wuz rich 
as a Jew before she got this money, but she acted as 
tickled over it as if she wuznft worth a cent. (Human 
nater.) She paid JThomas J. well and she and Maggie 
and he got to be quite good friends. 

She is a well-meanin^, fat little creeter, what there 
is of her. I have seen folks smaller than she is, and 
then ag’in we seen them that wuznft so small. She is 
middlin’ good lookin’, not old by any means, but there 
is a deep wrinkle plowed right into her forward, and 
down each side of her mouth. They are plowed 
deep. And I have always wondered to myself who 
held the plow. 

It wuz’nt age, for she haint old enough. Wuz it 
Worry ? That will do as good a day’s work a plowin’ 
as any creeter I ever see, and work as stiddy after it 
gits to doin’ day’s works in a female’s face. 

Wuz it Dissatisfaction and Disappointment ? They, 
too, will plow deep furrows and a sight of ’em. I 
don’t know what it wuz. Mebby it wuz her waist 
and sleeves. Her sleeves wuz so tight that they kep’ 
her hands lookin’ a kinder bloated and swelled all the 


176 


DOG WORRJMENT, 


time, and must have been dretful painful. And her 
waist — it wuz drawed in so at the bottom, that to tell 
the livin^ truth it wuzn^t much bigger’n a pipe’s taiL 
It beat all to see the size immegatly above and below, 
why it looked perfectly meraculous. She wouldn’t get 
her hands up to her head to save her life ; if she felt 
her head a tottlin’ ofiP her shoulders she couldn’t 
have lifted her hands to have stiddied it, and, of 
course, she couldn’t get a long breath, or short ones 
with any comfort. 

Mebby that worried her, and then ag’in, mebby it 
wuz dogs. I know it would wear me out to take such 
stiddy care on one, day and night. I never seemed 
to feel no drawin’s to take care of animals, wash ’em, 
and bathe ’em, and exercise ’em, etc., etc., never haviu^ 
been in the menagery line and Josiah always keepin’ 
a boy to take care of the animals when he wuzn’fc 
well. Mebby it wuz dogs. Anyway she took splen- 
did care of hern, jest wore herself out a doin’ for it 
stiddy day and night and bein’ trampled on, and 
barked at almost all the time she wuz a bringih’ oil 
it up. 

Yes, she took perfectly wonderful care on’t, for a 
woman in her health. She never had been able to 
take any care of her children, bein’ very delicate. 
Never had been well enough to have any of ’em in 
the room with her nights, or in the day time either. 
They tired her so, and she wu^ one of the wimmen 
who felt it wuz her duty to preserve her health for 


NEGLECT OF CHILDREN, 177 

her family’s sake. Though wkm they wuz a goin’ to 
get the benefit of her health I don’t know. 

But howsumever she never could take a mite of 
care of her children, they wuz brought up on wet 
nurses, and bottles, etc., etc., and wuz rather weakly, 
some on ’em. The nurses, wet and dry ones both, 
used to gin ’em things to make ’em sleep, and kinder 
yank ’em round and scare ’em nights to keep ’em in 
the bed, and neglect ’em a good deal, and keep ’em 
out in the brilin’ sun when they wanted to see their 
bows ; and for the same reeson keepin’ ’em out in their 
Bttle thin dresses in the cold, and pinch their little 
arms black and blue if they went to tell any of their 
tricks. And they learnt the older ones to be deceitful 
and sly and cowerdly. Learnt ’em to use jest the 
same slang phrases and low language that they did ; 
tell the same lies, and so they wuz a spilin’ ’em in 
every way ; spilin’ their brains with narcotics, their 
bodies by neglect and bad usage, and their minds and 
morals by evil examples. 

You see some nurses are dretfnl good. But Miss 
Flamm’s health bein’ so poor and her mind bein’ so 
took up with fashion, dogs, etc., that she couldn’t 
take the trouble to find out about their characters and 
they wuz dretful poor unbeknown to her. She had 
dretful bad luck with ’em, and the last one drinked, 
so I have been told. 

Yes, it made it dretful bad for Miss Flamm that her 
health was so poor^ and her fashionable engagements 


178 the science of dogs. 

so many and arduous that she didn’t have the time 
to take a little care of her children and the dog too. 
For you could see plain, by the care that she took of 
that dog, what a splendid hand she would be with 
the children, if she only had the time and health. 

Why, I don’t believe there wuz another dog 
in America, either the upper or lower continent, 
that had more lovin’, anxus, intelligent, devoted 
attention than that dog had, day and night, from 
Miss Flamm. She took 2 dog papers, so they say, 
to get the latest information on the subject; she 
compared notes with other dog wimmen, I don’t say 
it in a runnin’ way at all. I mean wimmen who 
have gin their hull minds to dog, havin’, some on ’em, 
renounced husbands, and mothers, and children for 
dog sake. 

You know there are sich wimmen, and Miss 
Flamm read up and studied with constant and 
absorbed attention all the latest things on dog. 
Their habits, their diet, their baths, their robes, their 
ribbons, and bells, and collars, their barks — nothin’ 
escaped her ; she put the best things she learned into 
practice, and studied out new ones for herself. She 
said she had reduced the subject to a science, and she 
boasted proudly that her dog, the last one she had, 
went ahead of any dog in the country. And I don’t 
know but it did. I knew it had a good healthy bark. 
A loud strong bark that must have made it bad for 
her in the night. It always slept with her, for she 


Doa-woRSHm 


179 


didn^t dasfc to trust it out of her sight nights. It had 
had some spells in the night, kinder chills, or spuzzums 
like, and she didn’t dast to be away from it for a 
minute. 

She wouldn’t let the wet nurse tech it, for her 
youngest child, little G. Washington Flamm, Jr., 
wuzn’t very healthy, and Miss Flamm thought that 
mebby the dog might ketch his weakness if the nurse 
handled it right after she had been nursin’ the baby. 
And then she objected to the nurse, so I hearn, on 
account of her bein’ wet. She wanted to keep the dog 
dry. I hearn this ; I don’t know as it wuz so. But 
I hearn these things long enough before I ever see her. 
And when I did see her I see that they didn’t tell 
me no lies about her devotion to the dog, for she jest 
worshiped it, that was plain to be seen. 

Wall, she has got a splendid place at Saratoga; a 
cottage she calls it. I, myself, should call it a house, 
for it is big as our house and Deacon Peddick’ses 
and Mr. Bobbett’ses all put together, and I don’t know 
but bigger. 

Wall, she invited Josiah and me to drive with her, 
and so her dog and she stopped for us. (I put the 
dog first, for truly she seemed to put him forward on 
every occasion in front of herself, and so did her high- 
toned relatives, who wuz with her.) 

Or I s’pose they wuz her relatives for they sot up 
straight, and wuz dretful dressed up, and acted awful 
big-feelin’ and nev^r took no notice of Josiah and 


180 


A PLEASURE RIDE. 


me, no more than if we hadn’t been there. But good 
land ! I didn’t care for that. What if they didn’t 
pay any attention to us? But Josiah, on account @f 
his tryiii’ to be so fuslnonable, felt it deeply, and he 
sez to me while Miss Flamm wuz a bendiu’ down 
over the dog, a talkin’ to him, for truly it wuz tired 
completely out a barkin’ at Josiah, it had barked at 
him every single minute sense we had started, and 
she wuz a talkin’ earnest to it a try in’ to soothe it, 
and Josiah whispered to me, I’ll tell you, Saman- 
tha, why them fellers feel above me ; it is because I 
haint dressed up in sech a dressy fashion. Let me 
once have on a suit like their’n, white legs and yellow 
trimmin’s, and big shinin’ buttons sot on in rows, and 
white gloves,^and rosettes in my hat — why I could 
appear in jest as good company as they go in.” 

Sez I, You are too old to be dressed up so gay, 
Josiah Allen. There is a time for all things. Gay 
buttons and rosettes look well with brown hair 
and sound teeth, but they ort to gently pass away 
when they do. Don’t talk any more about it, Josiah, 
for I tell you plain, you are too old to dress like them, 
they are young men.” 

Wall,” he whispered, in deep resolve, I wiZ^have 
a white rosette in my hat, Samantha. I will go so 
far, old or not old. What a sensation it will create 
in the Jonesville meetin’-house to see me come a 
walkin’ proudly in, with a white rosette in my hat.” 


ASPIRATIONS IN PRESS, Igl 

You are goin’ to walk into meetin’ with your hat 
on, are you ? ’’ sez I coldly. 

Oh, ketch a feller up. You know what I mean. 
And don’t you think I’ll make a show? Won’t it 
create a sensation in Jonesville ? ” 

Sez I : Most probable it would. But you haint 
a goin’ to wear no bows on your hat at your age, not 
if I can break it up,” sez I. 

He looked almost black at me, and sez he, Don’t 
go too fur, Samantha ! I’ll own you’ve been a good 
wdfe and mother and all that, but there is a line that 
you must stop at. You mustnH go too fur. There is 
some things in which a man must be foot-loose, and 
that is in the matter of dress. I shall have a white 
rosette on my hat, and some big white buttons up and 
down the back of my overcoat I That is my aim, 
Samantha, and 1 shall reach it if I walk through 
goar.” 

He uttered them fearful words in a loud fierce 
whisper which made the dog bark at him for more’n 
ten minutes stiddy, at the top of its voice, and in 
quick short yelps. 

If it had been her young child that wuz yellin’ at 
a visitor in that way and ketchin’ holt of him, and 
tearin’ at his clothes, the child would have been con- 
signed to banishment out of the room, and mebby 
punishment. But it wuzn’t her babe and so it re- 
mained, and it dug its feet down into the satin and 


I’ll tell you, Samantha, why them fellers feel above me.” page i8o. 



/ 


A SWEET LITTLE ANGEL, 183 

laces and beads of Miss Flamm’s dress, and barked 
to that extent that we couldn’t hear ourselves think. 

And she called it sweet little angel/’ and told it 
it might bark its little cunnin’ bark.” The idee of 
a angel barkin’ ; jest think on’t. And we endured it 
as best we could with shakin’ nerves and achin’ ear- 
pans. 

It wuz a curius time. The dog harrowin’ our 
nerve, and snappin’ at Josiah anon, if not oftener, and 
ketchin’ holt , of him anywhere, and she a callin’ it a 
angel ; and Josiah a lookin’ so voyalent at it, that it 
seemed almost as if that glance could stun it. 

It wuz a curius seen. But truly worse wuz to 
come, for Miss Flamm in an interval of silence, sez, 

We will go first to the Gizer Spring, and then, after- 
wards, to the Moon.” 

Or, that is what I understand her to say. And 
though I kep’ still, I wuz determined to keep my eyes 
out, and if I see her goin’ into anything dangerus, I 
wuz goin’ to reject her overtures to take us. But think- 
ses I to myself, We always said I believed we should 
travel to the stars some time, but I little thought it 
would be to-day, or that I should go in a buggy.” 

Josiah shared my feelin’s I could see, for he whis- 
pered to me, Don’t le’s go, Samantha, it must be 
dangerus ! ” 

But I whispered back, ^^Le’s wait, Josiah, and see. 
We won’t do nothin’ percipitate, but,” sez I, this is 
a chance that we most probable never will have ag’in. 


184 ^ GREAT UNDERTAKIN\ 

Don^t le’s be hasty.” We talked these things in se- 
cret, while Miss Flamm wuz a bendin’ over, and con- 
versin’ with the dog. /For Josiah would ruther have 
died than not be s’pozed to be Oh Fay,” as Maggie 
would say, in everything fashionable. And it has 
always been my way to wait and see, and count 10, 
or even 20, before speakin’. 

And then Miss Flamm sez sunthin’^ about what 
beautiful fried potatoes you could get there in the 
moon, and you could always get them, any time you 
'wanted ’em. 

And the very next time she went to kissin’ the dog 
so voyalently as not to notice us, my J osiah whispered 
to me and sez, Did you have any idee that wuz what 
the old man wuz a doin’? I knew he wuz always a 
settin’ up there in the moon, but it never passed my 
mind that he wuz a fryin’ potatoes.’*’ 

But I sez, ^‘Keep still, Josiah. It is a deep sub- 
ject, a great uudertakin’, and it requires caution and 
deliberation.” 

But he sez, I haint a goin’, Samantha ! Nor I haint 
a goin’ to let you go. It is dangerus.” 

But I kinder nudged him, /or she had the dog down 
on her lap, and was ready to resoom conversation. 
And about that time we got to the entrance of the 
spring, and one of her relatives got down and opened 
the carriage door. 

I wondered ag’in that she didn’t introduce us. But 
I didn’t care if she didn’t. I felt that I wuz jest as 


AT THE SPRINGi 


tm 


good as they wuz, if they wuz so haughty. Bat 
Josiah wantin’ to make himself agreeable to ’em (liO 
hankers after gettin’ into high society), he took off his 
hat and bowed low to ’em, before he got out, and se« 
he, I am proud to know you, sir,” and tried to shake 
hands with him. But the man rejected his overtoors 
and looked perfectly wooden, and oninterested. A 
big-feelin’, high-headed creeter. Josiah Allen is as 
good as he is any day. And I whispered to him and 
sez, “ Don’t demean yourself by tryin’ to force your 
company onto them any more.” 

“ Wall,” he whispered back, “ I do love to move in 
high circles.” 

Sez I, “ Then I shouldn’t think you would be so 
afraid of the undertakin’ ahead on us. If neighborin’ 
with the old man in the moon, and eatin’ supper with 
him, haint movin’ in high circles, then I don’t know 
what is.” 

But I don’t want to go into anything dangerus,” 
sez he. 

But jest then Miss Flamm.spoke to me, and I moved 
forward by her side and into a middlin’ big room, and 
in the middle wuz a great sort of a well like, with the 
water a bubblin’ up^, into a clear crystal globe, and a 
sprayin’ up out of it, in a slender misty sparklin’ spray. 
It wuz a pretty sight. And we drinked a glass full 
of it a piece, and then we wandered out of the back 
door-way, and went down into the pretty; old-fashioned 
garden back of the house. 


136 NATURE^ S CHOICE ABODE. 

Josiah and me and Miss Flamm went. The dog 
^nd the two relatives didn’t seem to want to go. The 
relatives sot up there straight as two sticks, one of 
’em holdin’ the dog, and they didn’t even look round 
at us. 

Felt too big to go with us,” sez Josiah, bitterly, 
as we went down the steps. They won’t associate 
with me.” 

“ Wall, I wouldn’t care if I wuz in your place, 
Josiah Allen,” sez I, “ you are jest as good as they be, 
and I know it.” 

‘^You couldn’t make ’em think so, dumb ’em,” 
sez he, 

I liked the looks of it down there. It seems some- 
times as if Happiness gets kinder homesick, in the big 
dusty fashionable places, and so goes back to the wild, 
green wood, and kinder wanders off, and loafs round, 
amongst the pine trees, and cool sparklin’ brooks and 
wild flowers and long shinin’ grasses and slate stuns, 
and etc., etc. 

I don’t believe she likes it half so well up in the 
big hotel gardens or Courtin’ yards, as she doe:^ down 
there. You see it seems as if Happiness would have 
to be more dressed up, up there, and girted down, and 
stiff actin’, and on her good behavior, and afraid of 
actin’ or lookin’ onfashionable. But down here by 
the side of the quiet little brook, amongst the cool, 
green grasses, fur away from diamonds, and satins, and 
big words, and dogs, and parasols, and so many, many 


JOSIAH DISGUSTED, 


187 


that are a chasin^ of her and a follerin’ of her up, it 
seemed more as if she loved to get away from it all, 
and get where she could take her crown off, lay down 
her septer, onhook her corset, and put on a long loose 
gown, and lounge round and enjoy herself (metafor). 

We had a happy time there. We went over the 
little rustick bridges which would have been spilte in 
my eyes if they had been rounded off on the edges, or 
a mite of paint on 'em Truly, I felt that I had seen 
enough of paint and gildin' to last me through a long 
life, and it did seem such a treat to me to see a board 
ag'in, jest a plain rough bass-wood board, and some 
stuns a lyin' in the road, and some deep tall grass that 
you had to sort a wade through. 

Miss Flamm seemed to enjoy it some down there, 
though she spoke of the dog, which she had left up 
with her relatives. 

3 big-feelin’ ones together," I whispered to Josiah. 

And he sez, Yes, that dog is a big-feelin' little 
cuss-tomer. And if I wuz a chipmunk he couldn't 
bark at me no more than he duz." 

And I looked severe at Josiah and sez I, If you 
don't jine your syllables closer together you will see 
trouble, Josiah Allen. You'll find yourself swearin' 
before you know it." 

‘^Oh shaw," sez he, '^customer haint a swearin' 
word ; ministers use it. I've hearn 'em many a time." 

Yes," sez I, “ but they don't draw it out as you 
did, Josiah Alien/' 


188 


A CRISIS IMPENDING. 


Oh ! wall ! Folks can^t always speak up pert and 
quick when they are ofiF on pleasure exertions and 
have been barked at as long as I have been. But 
now IVe got a minutes chance,” sez he, let me tell 
you aghn, don’t you make no arraihgments to go to 
the Moon. It is dangerus, and I won’t go myself, 
nor let you go.” 

Lety^ sez I to myself. ^^That is rather of a 
gaulin’ word to me. Won’t Ut me go.” But then I 
thought ag’in, and thought how love and tenderness 
wuz a dictatin’ the term, and I thought to myself, it 
has a good sound to me, I like the word. I love to 
hear him say he won’t let me go. 

And truly to me it looked hazerdus. But Miss 
Flamm seemed ready to go on, and onwillin’ly I fol- 
on after her footsteps. But I looked ’round, 
and said Good-bye ” in my heart, to the fine trees, 
and deer, brown waters of the brook, the grass, and 
the wild flowers, and the sweet peace that wuz over 
all. 

Good-bye,” sez I. I don’t see you ag’in, 

you’ll find some other lover that will appreciate you, « 
though I am fur away.” 

They didn’t answer me back, none on ’em, but I 
felt that they understood me. The pines whispered 
sunthin’ to each other, and the brook put its moist 
lips up to the pebbly shore and whispered sunthin’ to 
the grasses that bent down to hear it, I don’t know 
exactly what it wuz, but it wuz sunthin’ friendly I 


A DEFECTIVE GODDESS, 


189 


know, for I felt it speak right through the soft, sum- 
mer sunshine into my heart. They couldnT exactly 
tell what they felt towards me, and I couldnT exactly 
tell what I felt towards them, yet we understood each 
other ; curi’us^ haint it ? 

Wall, we got into the carriage ag’in, one of her 
relatives gettin’ down to open the door. They knew 
what good manners is ; I’ll say that for ^em. And 
Miss Flamm took her dog into her arms seemin’ly 
glad to get holt of him aghn, and kissed it several 
times with a deep love and devotedness. She takes 
good care of t^at dog. And what makes it harder 
for her to handle him is, her dress is so tight, and 
her sleeves. I s’pose that is why she can’t breathe 
any better, and what makes her face and hands red, 
and kinder swelled up. She can’t get her hands to 
her head to save her, and if a assassin should strike 
her, she couldn’t raise her arm to ward off the blow 
if he killed her. I s’pose it worrys her. 

And she has to put her bunnet on jest as quick as 
she gets her petticoats on, for she can’t lift he arms 
to save her life after she gets her corsets on. She 
owned up to me once that it made her feel queer to 
be a walkin’ ’round her room with not much on only 
her bunnet all trimmed off with high feathers and 
artificial flowers. 

But she ^id she wuz willing to do anythin’ neces- 
mry, and she felt that she must have her waist taper, 
no matter what stood in the way on’t. She loves the 
IS 


190 FLA MAPS lf)EAL GODDESS. 

looks of a waist that tapers. That wiiz all the fault 
she found with the Goddus of Liberty enlightenin’ the 
world in New York Harber. We got to talkin’ about 
it and she said, If that Goddus only had corsets on, 
and sleeves that wuz skin tight, and her overskirt 
looped back over a bustle, it would be perfect ! ” 

BuF I told her I liked her looks as well ag’in as 
she wuz. Why,” sez I, How could she Jift her 
torch above her head ? And how could she ever en- 
lighten the world, if she wuz so held down by her 
corsets and sleeves that she couldn’t wave her torch ? ” 

She see in a minute that it couldn’t be done. She 
owned up that she couldn’t enlighten the world in 
that condition, but as fur as looks went, it would be 
perfectly beautiful. 

But I don’t think so at all. But, as I say, Miss 
Flamm has a real hard time on’t, all bard down as 
she is, and takin’ all the care of that dog, day and 
night. She is jest devoted to it. 

Why jest before we started a little lame girl with 
a shabby dress, but a face angel sweet, came to the 
side of the carriage to sell some water lilies. Her 
face looked patient, and wistful, and she jest held out 
her flowers silently, and stood with her bare feet on 
the wet ground and her pretty eyes lookin’ pitifully 
into our’n. She wanted to sell ''em awfully, I could 
see. And I should have bought the hull of ’em im- 
megitly, my feelin’s was sech, but onfortionably I 
had left my port-money in my other pocket, and Jo- 


AT THE VICHY SPRING. 


191 


siah said he had left his (mebby he had). But Miss 
Flamm would have bought ^em in a minute, I knew, 
the child’s face looked so mournful and appealin’ ; 
she would have bought ’em, but she wuz so engrossed 
by the dog ; she wuz a holdin’ him up in front of her 
a admirin’ and carressin’ of him, so’s she never 
ketched sight of the lame child. 

No body, not the best natured creeter in the world, 
can see through a dog when it is held dost up to the 
eye, closer than anything else. 

Wall, we drove down to what they called Vichy 
Spring and there on a pretty pond dost to the spring- 
house, we see a boat with a bycycle on it, and a boy 
a ridin’ it. The boat wuz rigged out to look like a 
swan with its wings a cornin’ up each side of the boy. 
And down on the water, a sailin’ along closely and 
silently wuz another swan, a shadow swan, a follerin’ 
it right along. It wuz a fair seen. 

And Josiah sez to me, He should ride that boat 
before he left Saratoga ; he said that wuz a under- 
takin’ that a man might be proud to accomplish.” 

Sez I, Josiah Allen, don’t you do anything of the 
kind.” 

I mmty Samantha,” sez he. And then he got all 
animated about fixin’ up a boat like it at home. Sez 
he, Don’t you think it would be splendid to have one 
on the canal jest beyond the orchard ? ” And sez he, 
‘‘ Mebby, bein’ on a farm, it would be more appropriate 


192 


AN APPROPRIATE EMLEM, 


to have a big goose sculptured out on it; don’t you 
think so ? ” 

Sez I, Yes, it would be fur more appropriate, and 
a goose a ridin’ on it. But,” sez I, you will never 
go into that undertakin’ with my consent, Josiah 
Allen.” 

« Why,” sez he, it would be a beautiful recrea- 
tion ; so uneek.” ^ 

But at that minute Miss Flamm gin the order to 
turn round and start for the Moon, or that is how I 
understood her, and I whispered to Josiah and sez. 
She means to go in the buggy, for the land’s sake ! ” 
And Josiah sez, Wall, I haint a goin’ and you 
haint. I won’t let you go into anythin’ so dangerus. 
She will probably drive into a baloon before long, 
and go up in that way, but jest before she drives in, 
you and I will get out, Samantha, if we have to walk 
back.” 

I never heard of anybody goin’ up in a baloon 
with two horses and a buggy,” sez I. 

Wall, new things are a happenin’ all the time, 
Samantha. And I heard a feller a talkin’ about it 
yesterday. You know they are a havin’ the big 
political convention here, and he said, (he wuz a real 
cute chap too,) he said, ^ if the wind wasted in that 
convention could be utilized by pipes goin’ up out of 
the ruff of that buildin’ where it is held,’ he said, ^ it 
would take a man up to the moon.’ I heerd him say 
it. And now, who knows but they have got it all 


kEADY TO JUMP, 


m 


fixed. There wuz dretful windy speeches there this 
mornin’. I hearn ’em, and I’ll bet that is her idee, 
of bein’ the first one to try it ; she is so fashionable. 
But I haint a goin’ up in no sech a way.” 

‘^No,” sez I. ^^Norl nuther. It would be fur 
from my wishes to be carried up to the skies on the 
wind of a political convention. Though,” sez I 
reasonably, I haint a doubt that there wuz sights, 
and sights of it used there.” 

But jest at this minute Miss Flamm got through 
talkin’ with her relatives about the road, and settled 
down to caressin’ the dog ag’in, and Josiah hadn’t 
time to remark any further, only to say, Watch me, 
Samantha, and when I say jump, jump.” 

And then we sot still but watchful. And Miss 
Flamm kissed the dog several times and pressed him 
to her heart that throbbed full of such a boundless 
love for him. And he lifted his head and snapped 
a fly, and barked at my companion with a renewed 
energy, and showed his intellect and delightful 
qualities in sech remarkable ways, that filled Miss 
Flamm’s soul deep with a proud joy in him. And 
then he went to sleep a layin, down in her lap, a 
maskin’ down the delicate lace and embroidery and 
beads. He had been a eating the beads, I see him 
gnaw off more than two dozen of ’em, and I called 
her attention to it, but she said, “The dear little 
darlin’ had to have Some such recreation.” And she 
let him go on with it, a mowin’ ’em down, as long as 


194 


A KILLIM' CARB, 


he seemed to have a appetite for ’em. And ag^in she 
called him “ angel.” The idee of a angel a gnawin^ 
ofiP beads and a yelpin’ ! 

And 1 asked her, and I couldn’t help it. How her 
baby wuz that afternoon, and if she ever took it out 
to drive? 

And she said she didn’t really know how it wuz 
this' afternoon ; it wuzn’t very well in the mornin’. 
The nurse had it out somewhere, she didn’t really 
know just where. And she said, no, she didn’t take 
it out with her at all — fur she didn’t feel equal to the 
care of it, in this hot weather. 

Miss Flamm haint very well I could see that. The 
care of that dog is jest a killin’ her, a carryin’ it round 
with her all the time daytimes, and a bein’ up with it 
so much nights. She said it had a dretful chill the 
night before, and she had to get up to warm blankets 
to put round it ; its nerves wuz so weak,” she said, 
and it wuz so sensative that she could not trust it to 
a nurse.” She has a hard time of it ; there haint a 
doubt of it. 

Wall, it wuz anon, or jest about anon, that Miss 
Flamm turned to me and sez, Moon’s is one of the 
pleasantest places on the lake. I want you to see it ; 
folks drive out there a sight from Saratoga.” 

And then I looked at Josiah, and Josiah looked at 
me, and peace and happiness settled down ag’in onto 
our hearts. 

Wall, we got there considerably before anon and 


MOON'S. 


195 


we found that Moon’s insted of bein’ up in another 
planet wuz a big, long sort a low buildin’ settled right 
down onto this old earth, with a immense piazza 
stretchin’ along the side on’t. 

And Miss Flamm and Josiah and me disembarked 
from the carriage right onto the end of it. But the 
dog and her relatives stayed back in the buggy and 
Josiah spoke bitterly to me ag’in but low, ^‘They 
think it would hurt ’em to associate with me a little, 
dumb ’m ; but« I am jest as good as they be any day 
of the week, if I haint dressed up so fancy.” 

“ That’s so,” sez I, whisperin’ back to him, and 
don’t let it worry you a mite. Don’t try to act like 
Haman,” sez I. “ You are havin’ lots of the good 
things of this world, and are goin’ to have some fried 
potatoes. Don’t let them two Mordecais at the gate, 
poison all your happiness, or you may get come up 
with jest as Haman wuz.” 

I’d love to hang ’em,” sez he, as high as Haman’s 
gallows would let ’em hang.” 

Why,” sez I, they haint injured you in any way. 
They seem to eat like perfect gentlemen. A little too 
exclusive and aristocratic, mebby, but they haint done 
nothin’ to you.” 

No,” sez he, that is the stick on it, here we be, 
three men with a lot of wimmen. And they can’t 
associate with me as man with man, but set off by 
themselves too dumb proud to say a word to me, that 
is the dumb of it.” 


AT THE TABLES, 


i9e 

But at this very minute, before I could rebuke him 
for his feerful profanity, Miss Flamm motioned to us 
to come and take a seat round a little table, and con- 
sequently we sot. 

It was a long broad piazza with sights and sights 
of folks on it a settin’ round little tables like ouFn, 
and all a lookin’ kapj^y, and a laughin’, and a talkin’ 
and a drinkin’ different drinks, sech as lemonade, etc., 
and eatin’ fried potatoes and sech. 

And out in the road by which we had come, wuz 
sights and sights of vehicles and conveyances of all 
kinds from big Tally Ho coaches with four horses on 
^em, down to a little two wheeled buggy. The road 
wuz full on ’em. 

In front of us, down at the bottom of a steep though 
beautiful hill, lay stretched out the clear blue waters 
of the lake. Smooth and tranquil it looked in the 
light of that pleasant afternoon, and fur off, over the 
shinin’ waves, lay the island. And white-sailed boats 
wuz a sailin’ slowly by, and the shadow of their white 
sails lay down in the water a floatin’ on by the side 
of the boats, lookin’ some like the wings of that white 
dove that used to watch over Lake Saratoga. 

And as I looked down on the j^aceful seen, the 
feelin’s I had down in the wild wood, back of the 
Gizer Spring come back to me. The waves rolled in 
softly from fur off, fur off, bringin’ a greetin’ to me 
unbeknown to anybody, unbeknown to me. It come 
into my heart unbidden, unsought, from afur, afur. 


It wuz a long, broad piazza, with sights and sights of folks on it. 

page 196. 




m 


FEARFUL MEDITATIOm. 


Where did it come from that news of lands more 
beautiful than anj that lay round Mr. Moons’es, 
beautiful as it wuz. 

Echoes of music sweeter fur than wuz a soundin^ 
from the band down by the shore, music heard by 
some finer sense than heard that, heavenly sweet, 
heavenly sad, throbbin’ through the remoteness of 
that country, through the nearness of it, and fillin' 
my eyes with tears. Not sad tears, not happy ones, 
but tears that come only to them that shet their eyes 
and behold the country, and love it. The waves 
softly lappin' the shore brought a message to me ; my 
soul hearn it. Who sent it? And where, and when, 
and why? 

Not a trace of these emotions could be read on my 
countenance as I sot there calmly a eatin' fried pota- 
toes. And they did go beyond anything I ever see 
in the line of potatoes, and I thought I could fry po- 
tatoes with any one. Yes, such wuz my feelin's when 
I sot out for Mr. Moons'es. But I went back a 
thinkin' that potatoes had never been fried by me, 
sech is the power of a grand achievment over a infe- 
rior one, and so easy is the sails taken down out of 
the swellin’ barge of egotism. 

No, them potatoes you could carry in your pocket 
for weeks right by the side of the finest lace, and the 
lace would be improved by the purity of 'em. Fried 
potatoes in that condition, you could eat 'em with the 
lightest silk gloves on, and the tips of the fingers 


END OF THE RIDE. 199 

would be improved by W; fried potatoes, — -jest 
think on’t ! 

Wall, we had some lemonade too, and if you^ll be- 
lieve it, — I don^t s’pose you will but it is the truth, 
— there wuz straws in them glasses too. But you 
may as well believe it for I tell the truth at all times> 
and if I wuz a goin’ to lie, I wouldn’t lie about lem- 
ons. And then I’ve always noticed it, that if things 
git to happenin’ to you, lots of things jest like it will 
happen. That made twice in one week or so, that I 
had found straws in my tumbler. But then I have 
had company three days a runnin’, rainy days too 
sometimes. It haint nothin’ to wonder at too much. 
Any way it is the truth. 

Wall, we drinked our lemonade, I a quietly takin’ 
out the straws and droppin’ ’em on the floor at my 
side in a quiet ladylike manner, and Josiah, a bein’ 
wunk at by me, doin’ the same thing. 

And anon, our carriage drove up to the end of the 
piazza agin and we sot sail homewards. And the 
dog barked at Josiah almost every step of the way 
back, and when we got to our boardin’ place. Miss 
riamm shook hands with us both, and her relatives 
never took a mite of notice of us, further than to 
jump down and open the carriage door for us as we got 
out. (They are genteel in their manners,, and Josiah 
had to admit that they wuz, much as his feelin’s wuz 
hurt by their haughtiness towards him.) 

And then the dog, and Miss Flamm and Miss 
Flamm’s relatives drove off. 


XI. 


VISIT TO THE INDIAN ENCAMPMENT. 

It wuz a fair sunshiny mornin’ (and it duz seem 
to me that the fairness of a Saratoga mornin^ seems 
fairer, and the sunshine more sunshiny than it duz 
anywhere else), that Josiah and Ardelia and me sot 
eail for the Indian Encampment, which wuz en- 
<3amped on a little rise of ground to the eastward of 
where we wuz. 

Ardelia wuz to come to our boardin’ place at half- 
past 9 A. M., forenoon, and we wuz to set out together 
from there. And punctual to the very half minute 
I wuz down on the piazza, with my mantilly hung 
over my arm and my umberel in my left hand. Jo- 
siah Allen was on the right side on me. And as 
Ardelia hadn’t come yet we sot down in a middlin’ 
quiet part of the piazza, and waited for her. And as 
we sot there, 1 sez to Josiah, as I looked out on the 
fair pleasant mornin’ and the fair pleasant faces envi- 
ronin’ of us round, sez I, Saratoga is a good-natured 
place, haint it, Josiah ? ” 

And he said (I mistrust his corns ached worse than 
common, or sunthin’), he said, he didn’t see as it wuz 
any better-natured than Jonesville or Locmtown. 

200 


JOSIAH GETS CROSS. 


201 


And I sez, ‘^Yes it is, Josiah Allen.” Sez I, 
folks are happier here and more generous, the rich 
ones seem inclined to help them that need help to a 
little comfort and happiness. Jest as I have always 
said, Josiah Allen. When folks are happy, they are 
more inclined to do good.” , 

‘^Oh shaw I” sez Josiah. ^^That never made no 
difference with me.” 

^^Whatdidfft?” sez 1. 

I’m always good,” sez he, and he snapped out the 
words real snappish, and loud. 

And I sez mildly, Wall, you needn’t bring the 
ruff down to prove your goodness.” 

And he went on : I don’t see as they are so pesky 
good here ; I haint seen nothin’ of it.” 

“ Wall,” sez I, when I look over Yaddo, and 
Hilton Park, it makes me reconciled, Josiah, to have 
men get rich ; it makes me willin’, Josiah.” 

And he sez (cross). He guessed men would get rich 
whether I wuz willin’ or not; he guessed they 
wouldn’t ask me. 

Wall, you needn’t snap my head off, Josiah Al- 
len,” sez I, "because I love to see folks use their 
wealth to make pleasant places for poor folks to wan- 
der round in, and forget their own narrow rocky 
roads for a spell. It is a noble thing to do, Josiah 
Allen ; they might have built high walls round ’em 
if they had been a mind to, and locked the gates and 
^et out all the poor and tired-out ones. But they 


202 


ENOUGH SAID, 


didn’t, and I am highly tickled at the thought on’t, 
Josiah Allen.” 

Wall, I don’t shet up our sugar lot, do I ? and I 
have never heerd you say one word a praisin’ me up 
for that.” 

That is far different, Josiah Allen,” sez I, there 
is nothin’ there that can git hurt, only stumps. And 
you have never laid out a cent of money on it. And 
they have spent thousands and thousands of dollars, 
and the poorest little child in Saratoga, if it has beauty- 
lovin’ eyes, can go in and enjoy these places jest as 
much as the owners can. And it is a sweet thought 
to me, Josiah Allen.” 

Oh wall,” sez he, you have probable said enouglT 
about it.” 

Now I never care for the last word, some wimmen 
do, but I . never do. But still I wuzn’t goifa’ to be 
shet right eff from talkin’ about these places, and I 
intimated as much to him, and he said, Dumb it all ! 
I could talk about ’em all day, if I wanted to, and 
about Demorist’s Woods too.” 

Wall,” sez I, that is another place, Josiah Allen, 
that is a likely well-meanin’ spot. Middlin’ curius to 
look at,” sez I, reesonably. It makes one’s head 
feel sort a strange to see them criss-cross, curius poles, 
and floors up in Trees, and ladders, and teterin’ boards, 
and springs, etc., etc., etc. But it is a well-meanin’ 
spot, Josiah Allen. And it highly tickled me to think 
that the little fresh air children wuz brung up there 


CRAZY DOINGS. 


203 


by the owner of the woods and the poor little creeters, 
out of their dingy dirty homes, and filthy air, wan- 
dered round for one happy day in the green woods, in 
the fresh air and sunshine. That wuz a likely thing 
to do, Josiah Allen, and it raises a man more in my 
estimation when he^s doin’ sech things as that, than to 
set up in a political high chair, and have a lot of dirty 
hands clapped, and beery breaths a cheerin’ him on 
up the political arena.” 

‘^Oh wall,” sez Josiah, ^^the doin’s in them woods 
is enough to make anybody a dumb lunatick. The 
crazyest lookin’ lot of stuff I ever set eyes on.” 

Wall, anyway,” sez I, it is a good crazy, if it is, 
and a well-meanin’ one. ” 

Oh, how cross Josiah Allen did look as he heered 
me say these words. That man can’t bear to hear me 
say one word a praisin’ up another man, and it grows 
on him. 

But good land ! I am a goin’ to speak out my mind 
as long as my breath is spared. And I said quite a 
number of words more about the deep enjoyment it 
gin’ me to see these broad, pleasure grounds free for 
all, rich and poor, bond and free, hombly and hand- 
some, etc., etc. 

And I spoke about the charitable houses, St. Chris- 
tiana’s home, and the Home for Old Female Wim- 
men, and mentioned the fact in warm tones of how a 
good, noble-hearted woman had started that charity in 
the first ou’tt 


204 


HE IS MOLLIFIED. 


And Josiah, while I wuz talkin’ about these wim- 
men, became meak as a lamb. They seemed to quiet 
him. He looked real mollyfied by the time Ardelia 
got there, which wuz anon. And then we sot sail for 
the Encampment. 

The Encampment is encamped on one end of a big, 
square, wild-lookin’ lot right back of one of the big- 
gest tarvens in Saratoga. It is jest as wild lookin’ 
and appeerin’ a field as there is in the outskirts of 
Loontown or Jonesville. Why Uncle Grant Hozzle- 
ton’s stunny pasture don’t look no more sort a broke 
up and rural than that duz. . I wondered some why 
they had it there, and then I thought mebby they kep’ 
it to remember Nater by, old Nater herself, that runs 
a pretty small chance to be thought on in sech a place 
as this. 

You know there is so much orniment and gildin’ 
and art in the landscape and folks, that mebby they 
might forget the great mother of us all, that is, right 
in the thickest of the crowd they might, but they 
have only to take these few steps and they will see 
Ma Nater with her every-day dress on, not fixed up 
a mite. And I s’pose she looks good to ’em. 

I myself think that Mother Nater might smooth 
herself out a little there with no hurt to herself or 
her children. I don’t believe in Mas goin’ round 
with their dresses onhooked, and slip-shod, and their 
hair all stragglin’ out of their combs. (I say this in 
metafor. I don’t spose Ma Nater ever wore a back 


AT THE ENCAMPMENT 


205 


comb or had hooks and eyes on her gown ; I say it 
for oritory, and would wish to be took in a oritorius 
way.) 

And I don’t say right out, that the reeson I have 
named is the one why they keep that place a lookin’ 
so like furey, I said, Tnebby. But I will say this, 
that it is a wild-lookin’ spot, and hombly. 

Wall, on the upper end on’t, standin’ up on the top 
of a sort of a hill, the Indian Encampment is en- 
camped. There is a hull row of little stores, and there 
is swings, and public diversions of different kinds, 
krokay grounds, etc., etc., etc. 

Wall, Ardelia stopped at one of these stores kep’ by 
a Injun, not a West, but a East one, and began to 
price some wooden bracelets, and try 'em on, and 
Josiah and me wandered on. 

And anon, we came to a tent with some good verses 
of Scripter on it ; good solid Bible it wuz ; and so I 
see it "WUZ a good creeter in there anyway. And I 
asked a bystander a standin’ by. Who wuz in there, 
and Why, and When ? 

And he said it wuz a fortune-teller who would look 
in the pamm of my hand, and tell me all my fortune 
that wuz a passin’ by. And I said I guessed I would 
go in, for I would love to know how the children 
wuz that mornin’ and whether the baby had got over 
her cold. I hadn’t heerd from ’em in over two days, 

Josiah kinder hung ’round outside though he wuz 
willin’ to have me go in. He jest worships the chil- 
14 


YOU WILL GET HIM, 


206 

dren and the baby. And he sees the texts from Job 
on it, with his own eyes. 

So I bid him a affectionate farewell, and we see the 
woman a lookin^ out of the tent and witnessin' on’t. 
But I didn^t care. If a pair of companions and a 
pair of grandparents can’t act affectionate, who can ? 
And the world and the Social Science meetin’ might 
try in vain to bring up any reeson why they shouldn’t. 

So I went in, with my mind all took up with the 
grandchildern. But the first words she sez to me 
wuz, as she looked close at the pamm of my hand, 
Keep up good spirits. Mom ; you will get him in 
spite of all opposition.” 

Get who ? ” sez I, ^‘And what ? ” 

^^A man you want to marry. A small bald- 
headed man, a amiable-lookin’, slender man. His 
heart is sot on you. And all the efferts of the light- 
complected woman in the blue hat will be in vain to 
break it up. Keep up good courage, you will marry 
him in spite of all,” sez she, porin’ over my pamm 
and studyin’ it as if it wuz a jography. 

For the land’s sake ! ” sez I, bein’ fairly stunted 
with the idees she promulgated. 

Yes, you will marry him, and be happy. But 
you have had a sickness in the past and your line of 
happiness has been broken once or twice.” 

Sez I, “ I should think as much ; let a woman live 
with a man, the best man in the world for 20 years, 
and if her line of happiness haint broke more than 


BROKEN LINES. 207 

once or twice, why it speaks well for the line, that is 
all. It is a good, strong line.” 

“ Then you have been married ? ” says she. 

“ Yes, Mom,” sez I. 

Oh, I see, down in the corner of your hand is a 
coffin, you are a widow, you have seen trouble. But 
you will be happy. The mild, bald gentleman will 
make you happy. He will lead you to the altar in 
spite of the light-complected woman with the blue 
hat on.” 

Ardelia Tutt had on a blue hat, the idee ! But I 
let her go on. Thinkses I, I have paid my money 
and now it stands me in hand to get the worth on^t.” 
So she comferted me up with the hope of gettin’ my 
Josiah for quite a spell. 

Gettin^ my pardner ! Gettin’ the father of my 
childern, and the grandparent of my grandchildren I 
Jest think on’t, will you? 

But then she branched off and told me things that 
wuz truly wonderful. Where and how she got ^em 
wuz and is a mistery to me. True things, and 
strange. 

Why it seemed same as if them tall pines, that wuz 
a whisperin’ together over the Encampment wuz a 
peerin’ over into my past, and a whisperin’ it down to 
her. Or, in some way or other, the truth wuz a bein’ 
filtered down to her comprehension through some 
avenue beyond our sense or sight. 

It is a curious thing, so I think, and so Josiah 



** Keep up good spirits, Mom ; you will get him in spite of 
all opposition.” “ Get Who ? ” sez I. “And What?” “A 
man you want to marry. A small bald-headed man, a 
amiable lookin’ slander man. His heart is sot on you, and 
all the effects of the light-complected woman in the blue hat 
will be in vain to break it up.” page 206. 




JOSIAH ON JIMSON WEEDS. 209 

thinks. We talked it over after I came out, and we 
wuz a wanderin’ on about the Encampment. I told 
him some of the wonderful things she liad told me and 
he didn’t believe it. For,” sez he, I’ll be hanged 
if I can understand and I won’t believe anything 
that I can’t understand ! ” 

And I pointed with the top of my umberel at a 
weed growin’ by the side of the road, and sez I, 
When you tell me jest how that weed draws out of 
the back ground jest the ingredients she needs to make 
her blue foretop, and her green gown, then I’ll tell 
you all about this secret that Nater holds back 
from us a spell, but will reveel to us when the time 
comes.” 

Oh shaw ! ” sez Josiah, I guess I know all about 
a jimson weed. Why they grow ; that is all there is 
about them. They grow, dumb ’em. I guess if you’d 
broke your back as many times as I have a pullin' ’em 
up, you would know all about ’em. Dumb their dumb 
picters,” sez he, a scowlin’ at ’em. 

It wuz the same kind of weed that growed in our 
onion beds. I recognized it. Them and white daisies, 
our garden wuz overrun by ’em both. 

But I sez, Can you tell how the little seed of this 
weed goes down into the earth and selects jest what she 
wants out of the great storehouse below ? She never 
comes out in a pink head-dress or a yellow gown. 
No, she always selects what will make the blue. It 
ehows that it has life, intelligence, or else it couldn’t 


210 


A STARTLING SIGHT. 


think, way down under the ground, and grope in the 
dark, but always gropin’ jest right, always a thinkin’ 
the right thing, never, Tiever in the hundreds and 
thousands of years makin’ a mistake. Why, you 
couldn’t do it, Josiah Allen, nor I couldn’t. 

“ And we set and see these silent mysteries a goin^ 
on right at our door-step day by day, and year by year, 
and think nothin’ of it, because it is so common. But 
if anything else, some new law, some new wonder we 
don’t understand comes in our way, we are ready to 
reject it and say it is a lie. But you know, Josiah 
Allen,” sez I, jest ready to go on eloquent — 

But I wuz interrupted j%st here by my companion 
hollerin’ up in a loud voice to a boy, Here ! you stop 
that, you young scamp ! Don’t you let me see you a 
doin’ that agin !” 

Sez I, What is it, Josiah Allen? ” 

Why look at them young imps, a throwin’ sticks 
at that feeble old woman, over there.” 

I looked, and my own heart wuz rousted up with 
indignation. I stood where I couldn’t see her face, 
but I see she wuz old, feeble, and bent, a withered poor 
old creeter, and they had marked up over her, her 
name. Aunt Sally. 

I too wuz burnin’ indignant to see a lot of yoimg 
creeters a throwin’ sticks at her, and I cried out loud, 
Do you let Sarah be.” 

They turned round and laughed in our faces, and 
I went on ; I’d be ashamed of myself if I wuz in 


Sez Josiah, Don’t you hit Sarah agin.* ** p. 212* 





212 JO SI AH PLUNGES INTO ACTION. 

your places to be a tlirowin’ sticks at that feeble old 
woman. Why don't you spend your strengths a try- 
in’ to do suntliin’ for her? Git her a home, and 
sunthin’ to eat, and a better dress. Before I’d do what 
you are a doin’ now, I’d growvel in the dust. Why, 
if you wuz my boys I’d give you as good a spankin’ 
as you ever had.” 

But they jest laughed at us, the impudent creeters. 
And one of the boys at that minute took up a slick 
and threw it, and hit Sarah right on her poor old 
head. 

Sez Josiah, Don’t you hit Sarah agin.” 

Sez the boys, We will,” and two of ’em hit her at 
one time. And one of ’em knocked the pipe right out 
of her mouth. She wuz a smokin’, poor old creeter. 
I s’pose that wuz all the comfort she took. But did 
them little imps care? They knocked her as if they 
hated the sight of her. And my Josiah (I wuz proud 
of that man) jest advanced onto ’em, and took ’em 
one in each hand, and * gin ’em sech a shakin’, that I 
most expected to see their bones drop out, and sez 
he between each shake, Will you let Sarah alone 
now ? ” 

I wuz proud of my Josiah, but fearful of the effect 
of so much voyalence onto his constitution, and also 
onto the boys’ frames. And I advanced onto the seen 
of carnage and besought him to be calm. Sez he, I 
won’t be calm I ” sez he, I haint the man, Samantha, 


SATISFACTORY EXPLANATION, 


213 

to stand by and see one of your sect throwed at, as I 
have seen Sarah throwed at, without avengin' of it.” 

And agin he shook them boys with a vehemence. 
The pennies and marbles in their pockets rattled and 
their bones seemed ready to part asunder. I wuz 
proud 6f that noble man, my pardner. But still I 
knew that if their bones was shattered my pardner 
would be avenged upon by incensed parents. And I 
sez, ‘^I'd let 'em go now, Josiah. I don't believe 
they'll ever harm Sarah agin.'' Sez I, « Boys, you 
won't, will you ever strike a poor feeble old woman 
agin ? '' Sez I, promise me, boys, not to hurt Sarah.'' 

I don't know what the effect of my words would 
have been, but a man came up just then and explained 
to me, that Aunt Sally wuz a image that they throwed 
at for one cent apiece to see if they could break her 
pipe. 

I see how it wuz, and cooled right down, and so 
did Josiah. And he gin the boys five cents apiece, 
and quiet rained down on the Encampment. 

But I sez to the man, I don't like the idee of 
havin' my sect throwed at from day to day, and week 
to week.'' Sez I, ^^Why didn't you have a man 
fixed up to throw at, why didn't you have a Uncle 
Sam ? '' Sez I, I don't over and above like it ; it 
seems to be a sort of a slight onto my sect.'' 

Sez the man winkin' kind a sly at Josiah, ^‘It 
won't do to make fun of men, men .have the power 



“And agin he shook them boys with a yehemence.” page 212 , 


THE MERMAID OE FANCY. 215 

in their hands and would resent it mebby. Uncle 
Sam can’t be used jest like Aunt Sally.” 

Sez I, That haint the right spirit. There haint 
nothin’ over and above noble in that, and manly.” 

I wuz Jiinder rousted np about it, and so wuz Jo- 
siah. And that is I s’pose the reasun of his bein’ so 
voyalent, at the next place of recreation we halted at. 
Josiah see the picture of the mermaid ; that beautiful 
female, a settin’ on the rock and combin’ her long 
golden hair. And he proposed that we should go in 
and see it. 

Sez I, ^^It costs ten cents apiece, Josiah Allen. 
Think of the cost before it is tod late.” Sez I, Your 
expenditure of money to-day has been unusial.” Sez 
I, The sum of ten cents has jest been raised by you 
for noble principles, and I honer you for it. But still 
the money has gone.” Sez I, Do you feel able to 
incur the entire expense?” 

Sez he, ^^All my life, Samantha, I have jest han- 
kered after seein’ a mermaid. Them beautiful creet- 
ers, a settin’ and combin’ their long golden tresses. I 
feel that I must see it. I fairly long to see one of 
them beautiful, lovely bein’s before I die.” 

Wall,” sez I, if you feel like that, Josiah Allen, 
it is not fur from me to balk you in your search for 
beauty. I too admire loveliness, Josiah Allen, and 
seek after it.” And sez I, I will faithfully follow 
at your side, and together we will bask in the rays of 


216 


TOWERING WRATH. 


beauty, together will we be lifted up and inspired by 
the immortal spirit of loveliness/^ 

So payin’ our 30 cents we advanced up the steps, I 
expectin’ soon to be made happy, and Josiah held up 
by the expectation of soon havin’ his eyes blest by 
that vision of enchantin’ beauty, he had so long 
dremp of. 

He advanced onto the pen first and before I even 
glanced down into the deep where as I s’posed she 
set on a rock a combin’ out her long golden hair, a 
singin’ her lurin’ and enchanted song, to distant mari- 
ners she had known, and to the one who wuz a showin’ 
of her off, — before I had time to even glance at her, 
the maid, I was dumbfounded and stood aghast, at the 
mighty change that came over my pardner’s line- 
ment. 

He towered up in grandeur and in wrath before 
me. He seemed almost like a offended male fowl 
when ravenin’ hawks are angerin’ of it beyond its 
strength to endure. I don’t like that metafor; I 
don’t love to compare my pardiier to any fowl, wild 
or tame ; but my frenzied haste to describe the fearful 
seen must be my excuse, and also my agitation in re- 
callin’ of it. 

He towered up, he fluttered so to speak majestic- 
ally, and he says in loud wild axents that must have 
struck terror to the soul of that mariner, Where is 
the hair-comb ? ” 

And then he shook his fist in the face of that mar- 


JOSIAH RAGES. 


217 


iner, and cries out once agin, Where is then- long 
golden tresses ? Bring ’em on this instant ! f^etch 
on that hair-comb, in a minute’s time, or I’ll prose- 
cute you, and sue you, and take the law to you ! ” 

The mariner quailed before him and sez I, My 
dear pardner, be calm ! Be calm ! ” 

I won’t be calm ! ” 

Sez I mildly, but firmly, You must, Josiah Allen ; 
you must ! or you will break open your own chest. 
You must be calm.” 

And I tell you I won’t be calm. And I tell you,’^ 
says he, a turnin’ to that destracted mariner agin I 
tell you to bring on that comb and that long hair, 
this instant. Do you s’pose I’m goifi’ to pay out ray 
money to see that rack-a-bone that I wouldn’t have a 
iayin’ out in my barn-yard for fear of scerin’ the 
dumb scere-crows out in the lot. Do you s’pose I’m 
goin’ to pay out my money for seein’ that dried-up 
mummy of the hombliest thing ever made on earth, 
the dumbdest, hombliest ,• with 2 or 3 horse hairs 
pasted onto its yellow old shell ! Do you spose I’m 
goin’ to be cheated by seein’ that, into tliinkin’ it is a 
beautiful creeter a playin’ and combin’ her hair? 
Bring on that beautiful creeter a combin’ out her long, 
golden hair this instant, and bring out the comb and 
I’ll give you five minutes to do it in.” 

He wuz hoorse with emotion, and he wuz pale 
round his lips as anything and his eyes under his for- 
ward looked glassy. I wuz fearful of the result. 


^18 


THE MERMAID OF REALITY, 


Thinkses I, I will look and see what has wrecked niy 
pardner^s happiness and almost reasen. I looked in 
and I see plain that his agitation was nothin’ to be 
wondered at. It did truly seem to be the hombliest, 
frightfulest lookin’ little thing that wuz ever made by 
a benignant Providence or ataxy-dermis. I couldn’t 
tell which made it. I see it all, but I see also, so firm, 
sot is my reasun onto its high throne on my heart, I 
see that to preserve my pardner’s sanity, I must con- 
trol my reasun at the sight that had tottered my pard- 
ner’s. 

I turned to him, and tried to calm the seethin’ wa- 
ters, but he loudly called for the comb, and for the 
tresses, and the lookin’ glass. And, askin’ in a wild 
sarcastic way where the song wuz that she sung to 
mariners? And hollerin’ for him to bring on that 
rock at that minute, and them mariners, and ordered 
him to set her to singin’. 

The idee ! of that little skeletin with her skinny 
lips drawed back from her shinin’ fish teeth, a singin’. 
The idee on’t! 

But truly, he wuz destracted and knew not what he 
did. The mariner in charge looked destracted. And 
the bystanders a standin’ by wuz amazed, and 
horrowfied by the spectacle of his actin’ and behavin’. 
And I knew not how I should terraonate the seen, 
and withdraw him away from where he wuz. 

But in my destruction and agony of sole, I be- 
thought me of one meens of quietin’ him and as it 


POETRY APPEASES HIM. 


219 


were terrifyin’ him into silence and be the meens of 
gettin’ on him to leave the seen. I begoned to Ardelia 
to come forward and I sez in a whisper to her, Take 
out your pencil and a piece of paper and stand up in 
front of him and go to writin’ some of your poetry,” 
And then I sez agin in tender axents, Be calm, 
Josiah.” 

And I tell you that I won^t be calm ! And I 
tell you,” a shakin^ his fist at that pale mariner, 

tell you to bring out ” 

At that very minute he turned his eyes onto 
Ardelia, who stood with a kind of a fur-away look in 
her eyes in front of him with the paper in her hand, 
and sez he to me, What is she doin ^ ? ” 

^‘She is composin’ some poetry onto you, Josiah 
Allen,” sez I, in tremblin’ axents ; for I felt that if 
that skeme failed, I wuz undone, for I knew I had no 
ingredients there to get him a extra good meal. No, 
I felt that my tried and true weepon wuz fur away, 
and this wuz my last hope. 

But as I thought these thoughts with almost a heat- 
lightnin’ rapidety, I see a change in his liniment. It 
did not look so thick and dark ; it began to look naore 
natural and clear. 

And sez he in the same old way I have heerd him 
say it so many times, Dumb it all ! What duz she 
want to write poetry on me for? It is time to go 
home.’^ And so sayin’, he almost tore us from the 
seen. 


220 


forbidden word. 


I gin Ardelia that night 2 yards of lute-string 
ribbon, a light pink, and didn’t begrech it. But I 
have never dast, not in his most placid and serene 
moments — I have never dast, to say the word Mer- 
maid ’ to him. 

Truly there is something that the boldest female 
pardner dassent do. Mermaids is one of the things 
I don’ dast to bring up. No I no, fur be it from me 
to say Mermaid ” to Josiah Allen. 




A DRIVE TO SARATOGA LAKE. 


JosiAH and me took a short drive this afternoon, 
he hirin’ a buggy for the occasion. He called it 
^^goin’ in his own conveniance,” and I didn’t say 
nothin’ aginst his callin’ it so. I didn’t break it up 
for this reasun, thinkses I it is a conveniance for us 
to ride in it, for us 2 tried and true souls to get off for 
a minute by ourselves. 

Wall, Josiah wuz dretful good behaved this after- 
noon. He helped me in a good deal politer than 
usual and tucked the bright lap-robe almost tenderly 
round my form. 

Men do have sech spells. They are dretful good 
actin’ at times. Why they act better and more 
subdueder and mellerer at sometimes than at others, 
is a deep subject which we mortals cannot as yet fully 
understand. Also visey versey, their cross, up head- 
eder times, over bearin’ and actin’. It is a deep 
subject and one freighted with a great deal of freight. 

But Josiah’s goodness on this afternoon almost 
reached the Scripteral and he sez, when we first sot 
out, and I see that the horse’s head wuz turned towards 
IS 221 


222 


RIDING ON. 


the Lake. Sez he, I guess we^ll go to the Lake^ 
but where do you want to go, Samantha ? I will go 
anywhere you want to go.” 

And he still drove almost recklessly on lakewards. 
And sez he, We had better go straight on, but say 
the word, and you can go jest where you want to.” 
And he urged the horse on to still greater speed. 
And he sez agin, Do you want to go any particular 
place, Samantha ? ” 

Yes,” sez I, “ I had jest as leves go there as not.” 

Wall, I knew there would be where you would 
want to go.” And he drove on at a good jog. But 
no better jog than we had been a goin’ on. 

Wall the weather wuz delightful. It wuz soft and 
balmy. And my feelings towered my pardner (owin’ 
to his linement) wuz soft and balmy as the air. And 
so we moved onwards, past the home of one who wuz 
true to his country, when all round him wuz false, 
who governed his state wisely and well, held the lines 
firm, when she wuz balky, and would have been 
glad to take the lines in her teeth and run away onto 
ruin ; past the big grand house of him who carried a 
piece of our American justice way off into Egypt and 
carried it firm and square too right there in the dark. 
I s’pose it is dark. I have always hearn about 
its bein’ as dark as Egypt. Wall, anyway he is 
a good lookin’ man. They both on ’em are and 
Josiah admitted it — after some words. 

Wall anon, or perhaps a little after, we came to 


SARATOGA LAKE. 


223 


where we could see the face of Beautiful Saratoga 
Lake, layin’ a smilin^ up into the skies. A little 
white cloud wuz a restin’ up on the top of the tree- 
covered mountain that riz up on one side of the lake, 
and I felt that it might be the shadow form of the 
sacred dove Saderrosseros a broodin’ down over the 
waters she loved. 

That she loved still, though another race wuz a 
bathin’ their weary forwards in the tide. And I won- 
dered as I looked down on it, whether the great heart 
of the water wuz constant ; if it ever heaved up into 
deep sithes a thinkin’ of the one who had passed away, 
of them wlio once rested lightly on her bosem, bathed 
their dark forwards and read the meanin’ of the 
heavens, in the moon and stars reflected there. 

I don’t know as she remembered ’em, and Josiah 
don’t. But I know as we stood there, a lookin’ down 
on her, the lake seemed to give a sort of a sithe and 
a shiver kind a run over her, not a cold shiver ex- 
actly, but a sort of a shinin’, glorified shiver. I see 
it a cornin’ from way out on the lake and it swept and 
sort a shivered on clean to the shore and melted away 
there at our feet. Mebby it wuz a sort o’ sithe, and 
mebby agin it wuzn’t. 

I guess it felt that it wuz all right, that a fairer 
race had brought fairer customs and habits of thoughts, 
and the change wuz not a bad one. I guess she looked 
forward to the time when a still grander race should 
look down into her shinin’ face, a race of free men^ 


224 


A ^‘UNEEjr^ BA EM 


and free wimmen ; eons and daughters of God, who 
should hold their birthright so grandly and nobly that 
they will look back upon the people of to-day, as we 
look back upon the dark sons and daughters of the 
forest, in pity and dolor. ^ 

I guess she thought it wuz all right. Any way 
she acted as if she did. She looked real sort o’ serene 
and calm as we left her, and sort o’ prophetic too, and 
glowin’. 

Wall, we went by a long first rate lookin’ sort of a 
tarven, I guess. It wuz a kind of a dark red color, 
and dretfully flowered off in wood — red wood. And 
there we see standin’ near the house, a great big round 
soiii of a buildin’, and my Josiah sez. 

There ! that is a buildin’ I like the looks on. 
That is a barn I like ; built perfectly round. That 
is sunthin’ uneek. I’ll have a barn like that if I live. 
I fairly love that barn.” And he stopped the horse 
stun still to look at it. 

And I sez in sort o’ cool tones, not entirely cold, 
but coolish ; What under the sun do you want with 
a round barn ? And you don’t need another one.” 

Wall, I don’t exactly need it, Samantha, but it 
would be a comfert to me to own one. I should 
dearly love a round barn.” 

And he went on pensively, — I wonder how much 
it would cost. I wouldn’t have it quite so big as this 
is. I’d have it for a horse barn, Samantha. It would 
look 60 fashionable, and genteel. Think what it would 


THE **OLD MATE'S WAYS** 


225 


be, Samantha, to keep our old mair in a round barn| 
why the mair would renew her age.” 

‘^She wouldn’t pay no attention to it,” sez 1. 
‘‘She knows too much.” And I added in cooler, 
more dignifieder tones, but dretful meanin’ ones, 
“ The old mair, Josiah Allen, don’t run after every 
new fancy she hears on. She don’t try to be fash- 
ionable, and she haint high-headed, except,” sez I, 
reasenably, “ when you check her up too much.” 

“ Wall,” sez he, “ I am bound to make some en- 
quiries, Hello ! ” says he to a bystander a cornin’ by. 
“ Have you any idee what such a barn as that would 
cost ? A little smaller one, I don’t need so big a one. 
How many feet of lumber do you s’pose it would 
take for it ? I ask you,” sez he, “ as between man 
and man.” 

I nudged him there, for as I have said, I didn’t 
believe then, and I don’t believe now, that he or any 
other man ever knew or mistrusted what they meant 
by that term “as between man and man.” I think 
it sounds kind o’ flat, and I always oppose' Josiah’s 
usin’ it ; he loves it. 

Wall, the man broke out a’ laughin’ and sez he, 
“ That haint a barn, that is a tree.” 

“A tree I ” sez I, a sort o’ cranin’ my neck forward 
in deep amaze. And what exclamation Josiah Allen 
'‘ ""tnade, I will not be coaxed into revealin’; no, it is 
better not. 

But suffice it to say that after a long explanation 


HE FELT MEACH/JT, 


226 

my companion at last gin in that the man wuz a tellin^ 
the truth, and it wuz the lower part of a tree-trunk, 
that growed once near the Yo Semity valley of Cali- 
fornia. 

Good land ! good land ! 

Josiah drove on quick after the man explained it, 
he felt meachin’, but I didn’t notice his linement so 
much, I wuz so deep in thought, and a wonderin’ 
about it ; a wonderin’ how the old tree felt with her 
feet a restin’ here on strange soil — her withered, dry 
old feet a standin’ here, as if jest ready to walk away, 
restless like and feverish, a wantin’ to get back by 
the rushin’ river that used to bathe them feet in the 
spring overflow of the pure cold mountain water. It 
seemed to me she felt she was a alien, as if she missed 
her strong sturdy grand old body, her lofty head that 
used to peer up over the mountains, and as if some 
day she wuz a goin’ to set off a walkin’ back, a tryin’ 
to find ’em. 

I thought of how it had towered up, how the sun 
tad kissed its branches, how the birds had sung and 
built their nests against her green heart, hovered in 
her great outstretched arms. The birds of a century, 
the birds of a thousand years. How the storms had 
beat upon her ; the first autumn rains of a thousand 
years, the first snow-flakes that had wavered down in 
a slantin’ line and touched the tips of her outstretched 
fingers, and then had drifted about her till her heart 
wuz almost frozen and she would clap her cold hands 


Think what it would be, Samantha, to keep our old mair in a round barn. 






228 ^ ^ BEEI7. 


together to warm ’em, and wail out a dretful moalfin* 
Bound of desolation, and pain. 

But the first warm rain drops of Spring wmuld 
come, the sunshine warmed her, she swung out her 
grand arms in triumph agin, and joined the majestic 
psalm of victory and rejoicing with all her grand 
sisterhood of psalmists. Tlie stars looked down on 
her, the sun lit her lofty forward, the suns and stars 
of a thousand years. Strange animals, that mebby 
we don’t know anything about now, roamed about 
her feet, birds of a different plumage and song sung 
to her (mebby). 

Strange faces of men and women looked up to 
her. What faces had looked up to her in sorrow and 
in joy? I’d gin a good deal to know. I’d have 
loved to see them strange faces touched with strange 
pains and hopes. Tribulations and joys of a thou- 
sand years ago. What sort of tribulatioils wuz they, 
and what sort of joys ? Sunthin’ human, sunthin’ 
that we hold in common, no doubt. The same pain 
that pained Eve as she walked down out of Eden, 
the same joy that Adam enjoyed while they and the 
garden wuz prosperus, wuz in their faces most prob- 
able whether their forwards wuz pinted or broad, their 
faces black, copper colored or white. 

And the changes, the changes of a thousand years, 
all these the old tree had seen, and I respected her 
dry dusty old feet and wuz sorry for ’em. And I 
reveryed on the subject more’n half the way home, and 


AM/D THE CROWDS. 


229 


couldn^t help it. Anyway my revery lasted till jest 
before we got to the big gate of the Race Course. 
And right there, right in front of them big ornamental 
doors, we see Miss G. Washington Flamm, with about 
a thousand other carriages and wagons and Tally ho’s 
and etcetry, and etcetry. Josiah thinks there wuz a 
million teams, but I don^t. I am mejum; there 
wuzn’t probable over a thousand right there in the 
road. 

Miss Flamm reco^ized us and asked us if we 
didn’t want to go in. Wall, Josiah wuz agreeable to 
the idee and said so. And then she said sunthin’ to 
the man that tended to the gate, probably sunthin’ in 
our praise, and handed him sunthin’, it might have 
been a ten cent piece, for all I know. 

But anyway he wuz dretful polite to us, and let us 
through. And my land ! if it wuzn’t a sight to be- 
hold ! Of all the big roomy places I ever see all 
filled with vehicles of all shapes and sizes and folks 
on foot and big high platforms, all filled with men 
and wimmen and children ! And Josiah sez to me, 
I thought the hull dumb world wuz there outside 
in the road, and here there is ten times as many in 
here.^^ 

And I sez, Yes, Josiah, be careful and not lose 
me, for I feel like a needle in a hay mow.^' 

He looked down on me and sort a smiled. I s’pose 
it wuz because I compared myself to a needle, and he 
sez, ‘‘A cambric needle, or a darnin’ needle?” 


GOIN^ LIKE LIGHTNIET 


230 

And I sez, I wouldn’t laugh in such a time as 
this, Josiah Allen.” Sez I, Do jest look over there 
on the race course.” 

And it wuz a thrillin’ seen. It wuz a place big 
enough for all the horses of our land to run ’round in 
and from Phario’s horses down to them of the present 
time. And beautiful broad smooth roads cut in the 
green velvet of the grass, and horses goin’ ’round jest 
like lightnin’, with little light buggys hitched to ’em, 
some like the quiver on sheet lightnin’ (only different 
shape) and men a drivin’ ’em. 

And then there wuz a broad beautiful race course 
with little clusters of trees and bushes, every little 
while right in the road, and if you’ll believe it, I don’t 
s’pose you will, but it is the livin’ truth, when ' them 
horses, goin’ jest like a flash of light, with little boys 
all dressed in gay colors a ridin’ ’em — when them 
horses came to them trees instid of goin’ ’round ’em, 
or pushin’ in between ’em, or goin’ back agin, they 
jumped right over ’em. I don’t spose this will be 
believed by lots of folks in Jonesville and Loonto^vn, 
but it is the truth, for I see it with both my eyes. 
Josiah riz right up in the buggy and cheered jest as 
the rest of ’em did, entirely unbeknown to himself, 
so he said, to see it a goin’ on. 

Why he got nearly rampant with excitement. And 
so did I, though I wouldn’t want it known by Tir- 
zah Ann’s husband’s folks and others in Jonesville. 
They call it steeple chasin’,” so if they should heer 


A STEEPLE CHASE. 


231 


on% it wouldn’t sound so very wicked any way. I 
should probable tell ’em if they said too much, ^^That 
it wuz a pity if folks couldn’t get interested in a steeple 
and chase it up.” f But between you and me I didn’t 
see no sign of a steeple, nor meetin’ house nor nuthin’. 
I s’pose they gin it that name to make it seem more 
righter to perfessors. I know it wuz a great comfort 
to me. (But I don’t think they chased a steeple, and 
Josiah don’t, for we think we should have seen it if 
they had.) 

Wall, as I say, we wuz both dretfully interested, 
excited, and wrought up, I s’pose I ort to say, when 
a chap accosted me and says to me sunthin’ about 
buyin’ a pool. And I shook my head and sez, “No, 
I don’t want to buy no pool.” 

But he kep’ on a talkin’ and a urgin’, and sez, 
“Won’t you buy a French pool, mom, you can make 
lots of money out of it.” 

“A pool,” sez I in dignified axents, and some stern, 
for I wuz weary with his importunities. “ What do 
I want a pool for ? Don’t you s’pose there’s any 
pools in Jonesville, and I never thought nothin’ on 
’em, I always preferred runnin’ water. But if I wuz 
a goin’ to buy one, what under the sun do you s’pose I 
would buy one way off here for, hundreds of miles 
from Jonesville?” 

“ I might possibly,” sez I, not wantin’ to hurt his 
feelin’s and try in’ to think of some use I could put 
it to, “ I mi^ht if you had a^good small American 



POOLS OR PONDS. 


233 


poolj that wuz a sellin^ cheap, and I could have it set 
right in our back yard, dost to the horse barn, why I 
might possibly try to make a dicker with you for it 
I might use it for raisin^ ducks and geese, though I’d 
rather have a runnin’ stream then. But how under 
the sun you think I could take a pool home on a tower, 
how I could pack it, or transport it, or drive it home 
is a mystery to me.” 

Again he sez mechinecally, " Lots of wimmen do 
get ’em.” 

Wall, some wimmen,” sez I mildly, for I see he 
wuz a lookin’ at me perfect dumbfoundered. I see 
I wuz fairly stuntin’ him with my eloquence. Some 
wimmen will buy anything if it has a French name 
to it. But I prefer my own country, land or water. 
And some wimmen,” sez I, “ will buy anything if 
they can get it cheap, things they don’t need, and 
would be better off without, from a eliphant down to 
a magnificent nothin’ to call husband. They’ll buy 
any worthless and troublesome thing jest to get ’em 
to goin’. Now such wimmen would jest jump at that 
pool. But that haint my way. No, I don’t want to 
purchase your pool.” 

Sez he, “You are mistaken, mom !” 

“ No I haint,” sez I firmly and with decesion. “No 
I haint. I don’t need no pool. It wouldn’t do me 
no good tp keep it on my hands, and I haint no no- 
tion of settin’ up in the pool or pond business, at my 
age.” 


234 


HER DIGNITY AROUSED. 


^^And then/' sez I reasonably, the canal runs jest 
down below our orchard, and if we run short, we 
could get all the water we wanted from there. And 
we have got two good cisterns and a well on the 
place.” 

Sez he, What I mean is, bettin' on a horse. Do 
you want to bet on which horse will go the fastest, 
the black one or the bay one ? " 

No,” sez I, I don't want to bet.” 

But he kep' on a urgin' me, and thinkin' I had 
disappinted him in sellin' a pool, or rather pond, I 
thought it wouldn't hurt me to kinder gin in to him 
in this, so I sez mildly, Bettin' is sunthin' I don't 
believe in, but ^eein' I have disappinted you in sellin' 
your water power, I don't know as it would be wicked 
to humor you in this and say it to please you. You say 
the bay horse is the best, so I'll say for jest this once 
— There I I'll bet the bay one will go the best.” 

Where is your money?” sez he. ^^It is five 
dollars for a bpt. You pay five dollars and you have 
a chance to get back mebby 100.” 

I riz right up in feerful dignity, and the buggy and 
I sez that one feerful word to him, Gamblin' ! ” He 
sort a quailed. But sez he, ^^you had better take 
a five-dollar chance on the bay horse.” 

No,” sez I, with a freezin' coldness, that must 
have made his ears fairly tingle it wuz so cold, no 
I shall not gamble, neither on foot nor on horse- 
back.” 



**tnz right up in feerful dignity and I sez to hina, Gam* 

blin*.” p. 234, 



236 


two SWEEPING TIDES. 


Then I sot down and I sez in the same loftj tones 
to Josiah Allen, “Drive on, Josiah, instantl/ and to 
once.” 

He too had heerd the fearful word and hi® prince- 
pies too wuz rousted up. He driv right on rapidly, 
out of the gate and into the highway. But as he 
druv on fast and almost furius I heerd him murmur 
words to himself, that accounted for hi* eager looks 
while the man wuz dickerin^ about the pool. He 
sez, “ It is dumb hard work pumpin’ water for so 
many head of cattle.” He thought a pool would 
come handy, so I see. But it wuz all done and I 
would have done the same thing if it was to do over 
agin, so I didn’t say nuthin’, but kep’ a serene silence, 
and let him drive along in quiet ; and anon, I see the 
turbelence of his feelin’s subsided in a measure. 

It wuz a gettin’ along towards sundown and the air 
wuz a growin’ cool and balmy, as if it wuz a blowin’ 
over some balm flowers, and we begun to feel quite 
well in our minds, though the crowd in the road wuz ^ 
too big for comfert. The crowd of carriages and 
horses, and vehicles of all kinds, seemed to go in two 
big full rows or streams, one a goin’ down on one side 
of the road, and the other a goin’ up on the other. 
So the 2 tides swept past each other constantly — but 
the bubbles on the tide wuzn’t foam but feathers, and 
bows, and laces, and parasols, and buttons, and dia- 
monds, and etcetry, etcetry, etcetry. 

And all of a sudden my Josiah jest turned into a 


BEAUTIFUL DRIVES. 


25T 


big gate that wuz a standin^ wide open and we drove 
info a beautiful quiet road that went a windin' in 
under the shadows of the tall grand old trees. He 
did it without askin' my advice or sayin' a word to 
me. But I wuzn't sorry. Fur it wuz beautiful in 
there. It seemed as if we had left small cares and 
vexations and worryments out there in the road and 
dust, and took in with us only repose and cjalmness, 
and peace, and they wuz a journeyin' along with us 
on the smooth road under the great trees, a bendin' 
down on each side on us. And pretty soon we came 
to a beautiful piece of water crossed by a rustick 
bridge, and all surrounded by green trees on every 
side. Then up on the broad road agin, sweepin' 
round a curve where we could see a little ways off a 
great mansion with a wall built high round it as if to 
shet in the repose and sweet home-life and shet out 
intrusion, sort a protect it from the too curius glances 
of a curius generation. Some as I hold my hand up 
before my face to keep off the too-scorchin' rays of 
the sun, when I am a lookin' down the western road 
for my Josiah. 

It wuz a good lookin' spot as I ever want to see, 
sheltered, quiet and lovely. But we left it behind us 
as ^ rode onwards, till we came out along another 
broad piece of the water, and we rode along by the 
side of it for some time. 

Beautiful water with the trees growin' up on eveiy 
side of it, and their shadows reflected so clearly in the 

16 


238 


HOMEWARD BOUND. 


shinin’ surface, that they seemed to be trees a growin* 
downwards, tall grand trees, wavin’ branches, goin’^ 
down into the water and livin’ agin in another world, 
— a more beautiful one. 

The sun wuz a gettin’ low and piles of clouds wuz 
in the west and all their light wuz reflected in the 
calm water. And the beautiful soft shadows rested 
there on that rosy and golden light, some like the 
shadow of a beautiful and sorrowful memory, a 
restin’ down and reposin’ on a divine hope, an infinite 
•weetness. 



/ 


XIIL 


VISITS TO NOTABLE PLACES. 

It is a perfect sight to behold, to set on the piazzas 
at Saratoga, and see the folks a goin’ past. 

Now in Jones ville, when there wuz a 4th of July, 
or carap-meetin’, or siinthin’ of that kind a goin’ on, 
why, I thought I had seen the streets pretty full. 
Why, I had counted as many as seven teams in the 
road at one time, and I had thought that wuz pretty 
lively times. But good land ? Good land ! You 
would have gin up in ten minutes time here, that you 
had never seen a team (as it were). 

Why I call my head a pretty sound one, but I de- 
clare, it did fairly make my head swim to set there 
kinder late in the afternoon, and see the driviif a goin’ 
on. See the carriages a goin’ this way, and a goin’ 
that way ; liorses of all colers, and men and wimmen 
of all colers, and parasols of all colers, and hats, and 
bonnets and parasols, and satins, and laces, and rib- 
bins, and buttons, and dogs, and flowers, and plunks, 
and parasols. And horses a turnin’ out to go by, and 
horses havin’ gone by, and horses that hadn’t gone by. 
And big carriages with folks inside all dressed up in 
239 


240 


ON THE PIAZZAS. 


every coler of the rain beaux. And elligent gentle* 
men dressed perfectly splendid, a settin’ up straight 
behind. With thin yellow legs, or stripes down the 
side on ’em, and their hats all trimmed off with orne- 
ments and buttons up and down their backs. 

Haughty creeters they wuz, I make no doubt. 
They showed it in their looks. But I never loved so 
much dress in a man. And I would jest as soon have 
told them so, as to tell you. I hain’t one to say things 
to a man’s back that I won’t say to his face, whether 
it be a plain back or buttoned. 

Wall, as I say, it wuz a dizzy sight to set there on 
tiiem piazzas and see the seemin’ly endless crowd a 
goin’ by ; back and forth, back and forth ; to and fro, 
to and fro. I didn’t enjoy it so much as some did, 
though for a few minutes at a time I looked upon it 
as a sort of a recreation, some like a circus, only more 
wilder. 

But some folks enjoyed it dretfiilly. Yes, they set 
a great deal on piazzas at Saratoga. And when I say 
set on ’em, I mean they set a great store on ’em, and 
they set on ’em a great deal. Some folks set on ’em 
so much, that I called them setters. Beal likely 
creeters they are too, some on ’em, and handsome ; some 
pious, sober ones, some sort a gay. Some not married 
at all, and some married a good deal, and when I say 
a good deal I meen, they have had various companions 
and lost ’em, 

Now there wuz one woman that I liked (][uite well. 


MINGLED RECOLLECTIONS. 


241 


She had had 4 husbands countin^ in the present one. 
She wuz a good lookin’ woman and had seen trouble. 
It stands to reeson she had with 4 husbands. Good 
land ! 

She showed me one day a ring she wore. She had 
took the weddin’ rings of her 4 pardners and had ’em 
all run together, and the initials of their first names 
carved inside on it. Her first husband’s name wuz 
Franklin, her next two wuz Orville and Obed, and 
her last and livin’ one Lyman. Wall, she meant well, 
but she never see what would be the end on’t and how 
it would read till she had got their initials all carved 
out on it. 

She wuz dretfully worked up about it, but I see 
that it wuz right. For nobody but a fool would want 
to run all these recollections and memories together, 
all the different essociations and emotions, that must 
cluster round each of them rings. The idee of run- 
nin’ ’em all together with the livin’ one ! It wuz 
ectin’ like a fool and it seemed fairly providential that 
their names run in jest that way. 

Why, if I had had 2 husbands, or even 4, 1 should 
want to keep ’em apart — settin’ up in high chairs on 
different sides of my heart. Why, if I’d had 4, I’d 
have ’em to the different pints of the compass, east, 
west, north, south, as far apart from each other as my 
heart would admit of. Ketch me a lumpin’ in all the 
precious memories of my Josiah with them of any 
other man, bond or free, Jew or Genteel; no, and 


f 


242 TH^ DEAD, 

I’d refrain from tellin’ to the new one about the other 
ones. 

No, when a pardner dies and you set out to take 
another one, bury the one that has gone right under 
his own high chair in your heart, don’t keep him up 
there a rattlin’ his bones before the eyes of the 2d, and 
angerin’ him, and agonizen’ your own heart. Bury 
him before you bring a new one into the same room. 

And never ! never ! even in moments of the greatest 
anger, dig him up agin or even weep over his grave, 
before the new pardner. No ; under the moonlight, 
and the stars, before God only, and your own soul, 
you may lay there in spirit on that grave, weep over 
it, keep the turf green. But not before any one else. 
And I wouldn’t advise you to go there alone any too 
often. I would advise you to spend your spare time 
ornementin’ the high chair where the new one sets, 
wreathin’ it round with whatever blossoms and trail- 
in’ vines of tenderness and romance you have left over"* 
from the first great romance of life. 

It would be better for you in the end. 

I said some few of these little thoughts to the female 
mentioned ; and I s’pose I impressed her dretfully, I 
s’pose I did. But I couldn’t stay to see the full 
effects on’t, for another female setter came up at that 
minute to talk with her, and my companion came up 
at that very minute to ask me to go a walkin’ with him 
up to the cemetery. 

That is a very favorite place for Josiah Allen. He 


SOLEMN AMUSEMENTS, 


243 


often used to tell the children when they wuz little, 
that if they wuz real good he would take 'em out on 
a walk to the grave-yard. 

And when I first married to him, if I hadn't broke 
it up, that would have been the only place of resort 
that he would have took me to Summers. But I 
broke it up after a while. Good land ! there is times 
to go any where and times to stay away. I didn't 
want to go a trailin' up there every day or two ; jest 
married too ! 

But to-day I felt willin' to go. I had been a look- 
in' so long at the crowd a fillin' the streets full, and 
every one on 'em in motion, that I thought it would be 
sort a restful to go out to a place where they wuz still. 
And so after a short walk we came to the village that 
haint stirred by any Commotion or alarm. Where the 
houses are roofed with green grass and daisies, and 
the white stun doors don't open to let in trouble or 
joy, and where the inhabitants don't ride out in the 
afternoon. 

Wall, if I should tell the truth which I am fur 
from not wantin' to do, I should say that at first 
sight, it wuz rather of a bleak, lonesome lookin' spot, 
kinder wild and desolate lookin'. But as we went 
further along in it, we came to some little nooks and 
sheltered paths and spots, that seemed more collected 
together and pleasant. There wuz some big high 
stuns and monuments^ and some little ones, but not 


244 


AN ENGINEER'S EPITAPH. 


one so low that it hadn’t cast a high, dark shadow 
over somebody’s life. 

There wuz one in the shape of a big see shell. I 
s’pose some mariner lay under that, who loved the 
sea. Or mebby it wuz put up by some one who had 
the odd fancy that put a shell to your ear you will 
hear a whisperin’ in it of a land fur away, fur away. 
Not fur from this wuz a stun put up over a young en- 
gineer who had been killed instantly by his engine. 
There wuz a picture of the locomotive scraped out on 
the stun, and in the cab of the engine wuz his photo- 
graph, and these lines wuz underneath : 

My engine now lies still and cold, 

No water does her boiler hold ; 

The wood supplies its flames no more, 

My days of usefulness are o’er. 

We wended our way in and out of the silent streets 
for quite a spell, and then we went and sot down on 
the broad piazza of the sort of chapel and green-house 
that stood not fur from the entrance. And while we 
sot there we see another inhabitent come there to the 
village to stay. 

It wuz a long procession, fur it wuz a good man 
who had come. And many of his friends come with 
him jest as fur as they could : wife, children, and 
friends, they come with him jest as fur as they could, 
and then he had to leave ’em and go on alone. 
How weak love is, and how strong. It wuz too weak 


AMUSING READING. 


245 


to hold him baok, or go with him, though they would 
fain have done so. But it wuz strong enough to 
shadow the hull world with its blackness, blot out the 
sun and the stars, and scale the very mounts of 
heaven with its wild complaints and pleadin’s. A 
strange thing love is, haint it ? 

Wall, we sot there for quite a spell and my com- 
panion wantin^, I s^pose, to make me happy, took out 
a daily paper out of his pocket and went to readin^ 
the deaths to me. He always loves to read the deaths 
and marriages in a paper. He sez that is the litera- 
ture that interests him. And then I s’pose he thought 
at such a time, it wuz highly appropriate. So I 
didn’t break it up till he began to read a long obituary 
piece about a child’s death ; about its being cut down 
like a flower by a lightin’ stroke out of a cloudless 
sky, and ab6ut what a mysterious dispensation of 
Providence it wuz, etc., etc. And then there wuz a 
hull string of poetry dedicated to the heart-broken 
mother bewarin’ the mystery on’t, and wonderin’ why 
Providence should do such strange, onlookedfor 
things, etc., and etcetery, and so 4th. 

And I spoke right up and sez, That is a slander 
onto Providence and ort to be took as such by every 
lover of justice.” ^ 

Josiah wuz real horrified, he had been almost 
sheddin’ tears he wuz so afiected by it ; to think the 
little creeter should be torn away by a strange chance 
of Providence from a mother who worshipped her. 


246 


FASHION'S HIGH-FLYERS. 


and whose whole life and every thought WU 25 jest 
wrapped up in the child, and who never had thought 
nor cared for anything else only just the well bein’ of 
the child and wardin’ trouble off of her, for so the 
piece stated. And he sez in wild amaze, What do 
you mean, Samantha ? What makes you talk so ? ” 
Because,” sez I, I know it is the truth. I know 
the hull story ; ” and then I went on and told it to 
him, and he agreed with me and felt jest as I did. 

You see, the mother of the child wuz a perfect 
high flyer of fashion and she always wore dresses so 
tight, that she couldn’t get her hands up to her head 
to save her life, after her corset wuz on. Wall, she 
wuz out a walkin’ with the child one day, or rather 
toddlin’ along with it, on her high-heeled shoes. 
They wuz both dressed up perfectly beautiful, and 
made a most splendid show. Wall, they went into 
a store on their way to the park, and there wuz a 
big crowd there, and the mother and the little girl got 
into the very middle of the crowd. They say there 
wuz some new storks for sale that day, and some cat- 
tail flags, and so there wuz naturelly a big crowd of 
wimmen a buyin’ ’em, and cranes. And some way, 
while they stood there a heavy vase that stood up 
over the child’s head fell down and fell onto it, and 
hurt the child so, that it died from the effects of it. 

The mother see the vase when it first begun to 
move, she could have reached up her hands and stid- 
died it, and kep’ it from failin’, if she could have got 


A NEEDLESS CALAMITY. 


247 


^em up, but with that corset on, the hull American 
continent might have tumbled onto the child’s head 
and she couldn’t have moved her arms up to keep it 
off ; couldn’t have lifted her arms up over the child’s 
head to save her life. No, she couldn’t have kep’ 
one of the States off, nor nothin’. And then talk 
about her wardin’ trouble offen the child, why she 
couldnH ward trouble off, nor nothin’ else with thaifc 
corset on. She screemed, as she see it a cornin’ down 
onto the head of her beloved little child, but that wuz 
all she could do. The child wuz wedged in by the 
throng of folks and couldn’t stir, and they wuz all 
engrossed in their own business which wuz pressin’, 
and very important, a buyin’ plates, and plaks, with 
bull-rushes, and cranes, and storks on ’em, so natu- 
relly, they didn’t mind what wuz a goin’ on round 
’em. And down it come ! 

And there it wuz put down in the paper, A mys- 
terious dispensation of Providence.” Providence 
slandered shamefully and I will say so with my last 
breath. 

What are mothers made for if it haint to take care 
of the little ones God gives ’em. What right have 
they to contoggle themselves up in a way that they can 
see their children die before ’em, and they not able to 
put out a hand to save ’em. Why, a savage mother 
is better than this, a heathen one. And if I had my 
way, there would be a hull shipload of savages and 
heathens brought over here to teach and reform our 


248 


OFF TO the: toboggen, . 


too civilized wimmen. I’d bring ’em over this very 
summer. 

Wall, we sot there on the stoop for quite a spell 
and then we wended our way down to the highway, 
and as we arrived there my companion proposed that 
we should take a carriage and go to the Toboggen 
slide. Sez I, “ Not after where we have been to-day, 
Josiah Allen.” 

And he sez, Why not ? ” 

And I sez, It wouldn’t look well, after visitin’ 
the folks we have jest now.” 

Wall,” sez he, they won’t speak on’t to anybody, 
if that is what you are afraid on, or sense it them- 
selves.” 

And I see in a minute, he had some sense on his 
side, though his words shocked me some at first, 
kinder jarred aginst some sensitive spot in my nater, 
jest as pardners will sometimes, however devoted they 
may be to each other. Yet I see he wuz in the right 
on’t. 


They wouldn’t sense anything about it. And as 
for us, we wuz in the world of the livin’ still, and I 
still owed a livin’ duty to my companion, to make 
him as happy as possible. And so I sez, mildly. 
Wall, I don’t know as there is anything wrong in 
slidin’ down hill, Josiah. I s’pose I can go with 
ydu.” 

‘^No,” sez he, there haint nothin’ wrong about 
sliclm’ down hill unless you strike too hard, or tip 


THROUGH SARATOGA. 


245 


over, or sunthin\” So he bagoned to a rarriage that 
wuz passin’, and we got into it, and sot sail for the 
Toboggen slide. 

We passed through the village. (Some say it is a 
city, but if it is, it is a modest, retirin’ one as I ever 
see; perfectly unassumin’, and don’t put on a air, not 
one.) 

But howsumever, we passed through it, through 
the rows and rows of summer tarvens and boardin’ 
houses, good-lookin’ ones too ; past some good-lookin’ 
private houses — a long tarven and a pretty red brick 
studio and rows of summer stores, little nests that are 
filled up summers, and empty winters, then by some 
more of them monster big tarvens where some of the 
200,000 summer visitors who flock here summers, find 
a restin’ place ; and then by the large respectable 
good-lookin’ stores and shops of the natives, that 
stand solid, and to be depended on summer and win- 
ter ; by churches and halls, and etc., and good-lookin’ 
houses and then some splendid-lookin’ houses all 
standin’ back on their .grassy lawns behind some trees, 
and fountains, and flower beds, etc., etc. 

Better-lookin’ houses, I don’t want to see nor 
broader, handsomer streets. And pretty soon fur 
away to the east you could see through the trees a 
glimpse of a glorious landscape, a broad lovely view 
of hill and valley, bounded by blue mountain tops* 
It was a fair seen — a fair seen. To be perfectly sur- 
rounded by beauty where you wuz, and a lookin’ off 


250 


CONVENT WALLS, 


onto more. There I would fain have lingered, but 
time and wagons roll stidily onward, and will not 
brook delay, nor pause for women to soar over 
scenery. 

So we rolled onwards through still more beautiful 
and quiet pictures. Pictures of quiet woods and 
bendin’ trees, and a country road windin’ tranquilly 
beneath, up and down gentle hills, and anon a longer 
one, and then at our feet stood the white walls of a 
convent, with 2 or 3 brothers, a strollin’ along in 
their long black gowns, and crosses, a readin’ some 
books. 

I don’t know what it wuz, what they wuz a readin’ 
out of their books, or a readin’ out of their hearts. 
Mebby sunthin’ kinder sad and serene. Mebby it 
wuz sunthin’ about the gay world of human happi- 
ness, and human sorrows, they had turned backs to 
forever. Mebby it wuz about the other world that 
they had sot out for through a lonesome way. Mebby 
it wuz Never ” they wuz a readin’ about, and mebby 
it wuz Forever.” I don’t know what it wuz. But 
we went by ’em, and anon, yes it wuz jest anon, for it 
wuz the very minute that I lifted my eyes from the 
Father’s calm and rather sad-lookin’ face, that I 
ketched sight on’t, that I see a cornin’ down from the 
high hills to the left on us, an immense sort of a 
trough, or so it looked, a cornin’ right down through 
the trees, from the top of the mountain to the bottom. 
And then all acrost the fields as fur, as fur as from 


HE A INJUN? 


251 


ouiy house way over to Miss Pixley’s wuz a sort of a 
road, with a row of electric lights along the side on’t. 

We drove up to a buildin’ that stood at the foot of 
that immense slide, or so they called it, and a female 
woman who wuz there told us all about it. And we 
went out her back door, and see way up the slide, or 
trough. There wuz a railin^ on each side onT, and a 
place in the middle where she said the Toboggen 
came down. 

And sez Josiah, Who is the Toboggen, any way ? 
Is he a native of the place or a Injun ? Anyway,’’ 
sez he, I’d give a dollar bill to see him a cornin’ 
down that place.” 

And the woman said, A Toboggen wuz a sort of 
a long sled, that two or three folks could ride on, and 
they come down that slide with such force that they 
went way out acrost the fields as far as the row of 
lights, before it stopped.” 

Sez I, Josiah Allen, did you ever see the beat 
on’t ? ” Sez I, Haint that as far as from our house 
to Miss Pixley’s ? ” 

Yes,” says he, and further too. It is as far as 
Uncle Jim Hozzleton’s. 

‘‘ Wall,” says I, I believe you are in the right 
on’t.” 

And sez Josiah, How do they get back agin ? ” 
Do they come in the cars, or in their own conven- 
iences ? ” 


252 


ffOW IT WORKS, 


There is a sleigh to bring ’em back, but sometimes 
tiiey walk back,” sez the woman. 

‘‘ Walk back ! ” sez I, in deep amaze. Do they 
walk from way out there, and deer up that mountain 
agin ? ” 

“ Yes,” sez she. Don’t you see the place at the » 
side for ’em to draw the Toboggen up, and the little 
flights of steps for ’em to go up the hill ? ” 

Wall,” sez I, in deep amaze, and anxius as ever 
to get information on deep subjects, where duz the 
fun come in, is it in walkin’ way over the plain and 
up the hills, or is it in cornin’ down ? ” 

And she said she didn’t know exactly where the 
fun lay, but she s’posed it wuz cornin’ down. Any- 
way, they seemed to enjoy it first rate. And she said 
it wuz a pretty sight to see ’em all on a bright clear 
night, when the sky wuz blue and full of stars, and the 
earth white and glistenin’ underneath to see 7 or 800, 
all dressed up in the gayest way, suits of white 
blankets, gay borders and bright tasseled caps of every 
color, and suits of every other pretty color all trimmed 
with fur and embroideries, to see ’em all a laughin’ 
and a talkin’, with their cheeks and eyes bright and 
glowin’, to see ’em a cornin’ down the slide like flashes 
of every colored light, and away out over the white 
glistenin’ plains; and then to see the long line of 
happy laughin’ creeters a walkin’ back agin’ drawin’ 
the gay Toboggens. She said it wuz a sight worth 
seein’. 


^JEST A RED flash: 


253 


" Do they come down alone ? ” sez Josiah. 

Oh no ! sez she. Boys and their sweethearts, 
men and wives, fathers and mothers and children, 
sometimes 4 on a Toboggan.^’ 

Sez Josiali, lookin’ anamated and clever, ^^I’d love 
to take you on one on ’em, Samantha.’ 

Oh no ! ” sez I, I wouldn’t want to be took.” 

But a bystander a standin’ by said it wuz a sight 
to behold to stand up on top and start off. He said 
the swiftness of the motion, the brightness of the 
electric lights ahead, the gleam of the snow made it 
seem like plungin’ down a dazzlin’ Niagara of white- 
ness and glitterin’ light ; and some, like bein’ shot out 
of a cannon. Why, he said they went with such 
lightnin’ speed, that if you stood dost by the slide a 
waitin’ to see a friend go by, you might stand so near 
as to touch her, but you couldn’t no more see her to 
recognize her, than you could recognize one spoke 
from another in the wheel of a runaway carriage. 
You would jest see a red flash go by, if so be it wuz 
a red gown she had on. A red flash a dartin’ through 
the air, and a disappearin’ down the long glitterin’ 
lane of light. 

You could see her a goin’ back, so they said, a 
laughin’ and a jokin’ with somebody, if so be she 
walked back, but there wuz long sleighs to carry ’em 
back, them and their Toboggens, if they wanted to 
ride, at the small expenditure of 10 cents apiece. 
They go in the fastest time anybody can make till they 


254 


THE MODEL TOBOGGEN. 


go on the lightnin’, a way in which they will go be- 
fore long, I think, and Josiah duz too. 

“ They said there wuzn^t nothin’ like it. And I said, 
“ Like as not.” I believed ’em. And then the wo- 
man said, This long room we wuz a standin’ in,” for 
we had gone back into the house, durin’ our interview, . 
this long room wuz all warm and light for ’em to 
come into and get warm, and she said as many as 600 
in a night would come in there and have supper 
there. 

And then she showed us the model of a Toboggen, 
all sculped out, with a man and a woman on it. The 
girl wuz ahead sort a drawin’ the Toboggen, as you 
may say, and Jier lover. (I know he wuz, from his 
looks.) He wuz behind her, with his face right dost 
to her shoulder. 

And I’ll bet that when they started down that 
gleamin’ slide, they felt as if they 2 wuz alone under 
the stars and the heavens, and wuz a glidin’ down 
into a dazzlin’ way of glory. You could see it in 
their faces. I liked their faces real well. 

But the sight on ’em made Josiah Allen, crazier’ n 
ever to go too, and he sez, I feel as if I mml To- 
boggen, Samantha ! ” 

Sez I, Be calm ! Josiah, you can^t slide down hill 
in July.” 

How do you know ? ” sez he, I’m bound to en- 
quire.” And he asked the woman if they ever Tp- 
boggened in the summer. 


”A POWERFUL WEEPONP 


m 


never! sez she. 

And I sez, “You see it can’t be done.” 

“ She never see it tried,” sez he. “ How can you 
tell what you can do without tryin’ ? ” sez he lookin’ 
shrewdly, and longingly, up the slide. I trembled, 
for I knew not what the next move of his would be. 
But I bethought me of a powerful weepon I had by 
me. And I sez, “ The driver will ask pay for every 
minute we are here.” 

And as I sez this, Josiah turned and almost flew 
down the steps and into the buggy. I had skairt 
him. Truly 1 felt relieved, and sez I to myself, 
“ What would wimmen do if it wiizn’t for these little 
weepons they hold in their hands, to control their 
pardners with.” I felt happy. 

But the next words of Josiah knocked down all 
that palace of Peace, that my soul had betook herself 
to. Sez he, “ Samantha Allen, before I leave Sara- 
toga I shall Toboggen.” 

Wall, I immegetly turned the subject round and 
talked wildly and almost incoherently on politicks. I 
praised the tariff* araost beyond its deserts. I brung 
up our foreign relations, and spoke well on ’em. I 
tackled revenues and taxation, and hurried him from 
one to the other on ’em, almost wildly, to get the idee 
out of his head. And I congratulated myself on 
havin’ succeeded. Alas! how futile is our hopes, 
sometimes futiler than we have any idee on ! 

By night all thoughts of danger had left me, and 



** Josiah turned and almost flew down the siteps and into 

the buggy.” p. 255. 




IS HE KIDNAPPED ? 


257 


I slept sweetly and peacefully. But, early in the 
raornin’ I had a strange dream. I dreamed I wuz in 
the woods with my head a layin’ on a log, and the 
ground felt cold that I wuz a layin’ on. And then 
the log gin way with me, and my head came down 
onto the ground. And then I slept peaceful agin, but 
chilly, till anon, or about that time, I heard a strange 
sound and I waked up with a start. It wuz in the 
first faint glow of mornin’ twilight. But as faint as 
the light wuz, for the eye of love is keen, I missed 
my beloved pardner’s head from the opposite pillow, 
and I riz up in wild agitation and thinkses I, Has 
rapine took place here ; has Josiah Allen been abducted 
away from me ? Is he a kidnapped Josiah ? 

At that fearful thought my heart begun to beat so 
voyalently as to almost stop my breath, and I felt I 
wuz growin^ pale and wan, wanner, fur wanner than 
I had been sense I came to Saratoga. I love Josiah 
Allen, he is dear to me. 

And I riz up feelin^ that I would find that dear 
man and rescue him or perish in the attempt. Yes, 
I felt that I must perish if I did not find him. What 
would life be to me without him ? And as I thought 
that thought the light of the day that wuz a breaking 
looked sort of a faint to me, and sickisli. And like 
a flash it came to me, the thought that that light 
seemed like the miserable dawns of wretched days 
without him, a pale light with no warmth or bright- 
ness in it. 


A WILD EFFORT, 


t63 

But at that very minute I heard a noise outside the 
door, and I heard that beloved voice a sayin’ in low 
axents the words I had so often heard him speak, 
words I had oft rebuked him for, but now, so weak 
will human love make one, now, I welcome them 
gladly — they sounded exquisitely sweet to me. T'he 
words wuz, Dumb ’em I ” 

And I joyfully opened the door. But oh ! what a 
sight met my eye. There stood Josiah Allen, arrayed 
in a blanket he had took from our bed (that 
accounted for my cold feelin’ in my dream). The 
blanket wuz white, with a gay border of red and 
yellow.^ He had fixed it onto him in a sort of a 
dressy way, and strapped it round the waist with my 
shawl strap. And he had took a bright yeller silk 
handkerchief of hisen, and had wrapped it round his 
head so’s it hung down some like a cap, and he wuz a 
try in’ to fasten it round his forward with one of my 
stockin’ supporters. He couldn’t buckle it, and that 
is what called forth his exclamations. At his feet, 
partly upon the stairs, wuz the bolster from our bed 
(that accounted for the log that had gin way). And 
he had spread a little red shawl of mine over the top 
on’t, and as I opened the door he wuz jest ready to 
embark on the bolster, he wuz jest a steppin’ onto it. 
But as he see me he paused, and I sez in low axents^ 
What are you a goin’ to do, Josiah Allen?” 

^ I’m a goin’ to Toboggen,” sez he. 


What are you goin’ to do, Josiah Allen ? * I*tn goin’ to Toboggan,’ sez he.” p. 258; 




260 


SAMANTHA'S FINAL EFFORT 


Sez I, Do you stop at once, and come back into 
your room/' 

No, no ! ” sez he firmly, and preparing to embark 
on the bolster, I am a goin’ to Toboggen. And you 
come and go to. It is so fashionable,” sez he, such 
a genteel diyersion.” 

Sez I, Do you stop it at once, and come back to 
your room. Why,” sez I, ‘Hhe hull house will be 
routed up, and be up here in a minute.” 

Wall,” sez he, they’ll see fun if they do and 
fashion. I am a goin’, Samantha ! ” and he stepped 
forward. 

Sez I, They’ll see sunthin’ else that begins with 
a f, but it haint fun or fashion.’ And agin I sez, 
^‘Do you come back, Josiah Allen. You’ll break 
your neck and rout up the house, and be called a 
fool.” 

Oh no, Samantha ! I must Toboggen. I must 
go down the slide once.” And he fixed the bolster 
more firmly on the top stair. 

Wall,” sez I, feelin’ that I wmz drove to my last 
ambush by him, sez I, probably five dollars won’t 
make the expenses good, besides your doctor’s bill, 
and my mornin’. And I shall put on the deepest of 
crape, Josiah Allen,” sez I. 

I see he wavered and I pressed the charge home. 
Sez I, That bolster is thin cloth, Josiah Allen, and 
you’ll probably have to pay now for draggin’ it all 
over the floor. If anybody should see you with it 


A NEW EXPERIMENT. 


261 


there, that bolster would be charged in your bill. 
And how would it look to the neighbors to have a 
bolster charged in your bill ? And I should treasure 
it, Josiah Allen, as bein’ the last bill you made before 
you broke your neck ! ” 

" Oh, wall,” sez he, I s’pose I can put the bolster 
back.” But he wuz snappish, and he kep’ snappish 
all day. 

He wuzn’t quelled. Though he had gin in for the 
time bein’, I see he wuzn’t quelled down. He acted 
dissatisfied and high-headed, and I felt worried in my 
mind, not knowin’ what his next move w^ould be. 

Oh ! the tribulations it makes a woman to take 
care of a man. But then it pays. After all, in the 
deepest of my tribulations I feel, I do the most of the 
time feel, that it pays. When he is good he is dretful 
good. 

Wall, I went over to see Polly Pixley the next 
night, and when I got back to my room, there stood 
Josiah Allen with both of his feet sort a bandaged 
and tied down onto sumthin’, which I didn’t at first 
reco^ize. It wuz big and sort a egg shaped, and 
open worked, and both his feet wuz strapped down 
tight onto it, and he wuz a push in’ himself round the 
room with his umberell. 

And I sez, “ What is the matter now, Josiah Allen ; 
whaf are you a doin’ now?” 

‘^Oh I am a walkin’ on snow-shoes, Samantha! 
But I don’t see,” sez he a stoppia’ to rest, for he 


262 


SICK OF THE IDEA. 


seemed tuckered out, I don’t see how the savages got 
round as they did and performed such journeys. You 
put ’em on, Samantha,” sez he, and see if you can 
get on any faster in ’em.” 

Sez I, coldly, The savages probable did’nt have 
both feet on one shoe, Josiah Allen, as you have. I 
shall put on no snow-shoes in the middle of July ; 
but if I did, I should put ’em on accordin’ to a little 
mite of sense. I should try to use as much sense as 
a savage any way.” 

“ Why, how it would look to have one foot on that 
great big snow-shoe. I always did like a good close 
fit in my shoes. And you see I have room enough 
and to spare for both on ’em on this. Why it 
wouldn’t look dressy at all, Samantha, to put ’em on 
as you say.” 

Sez I very coldly, I don’t see anything over and 
above dressy in your looks now, Josiah Allen, with 
both of your feet tied down onto that one shoe, and 
you a tryin’ to move off when you can’t. I can’t see 
anything over and above ornamental in it, Josiah 
Allen.” 

^^Oh ! you are never willin’ to give in that I look 
dressy, Samantha. But I s’pose I can put my feet 
where you say. You are so sot, but they are too big 
for me — I shall look like a fool.” 

I looked at him calmly over my specks, and sez I, 

I guess I sha’n’t notice the difference or realize the 
change. I wonder,” sez I, in middlin’ cold axents, 


FEELING LIKE A SAVAGE 263 

*^how you think you are a lookin^ now, Josiah 
Allen.” 

Oh ! keep a naggin’ at me ! ” sez he. But I see 
he wuz a gittin' kinder sick of the idee. 

What you mean by puttin’ ’em on at all is more 
than I can say,” sez I, a tryin to walk on snow- 
shoes right in dog-days.” 

I put ’em on,” Samantha, sez he, a beginnin’ to 
unstrap ’em, I "put ’em on because I wanted to feel 
like a savage.” 

Wall,” sez I, I have seen you at times durin’ 
the last 20 years, when I thought you realized how 
they felt without snow-shoes on, either.” 

(These little interchanges of confidence will take 
place in every-day life.) But at that very minute 
Ardelia Tutt rapped at the door, and Josiah hustled 
them snow-shoes into the closet, and that wuz the last 
trial I had with him about ’em. He had borrowed 
’em. 

Wall, Ardelia wuz dretful pensive, and soft actin’ 
that night, she seemed real tickled to see us, and to 
get where we wuz. She haint over and above suited 
with the boardin’ place where she is, I think. I don’t 
believe they have very good food, though she won’t 
complain, bein’ as they are relations on her own side. 
And then she is sech a good little creeter anyway. 
But I had my suspicions. She didn’t seem very 
happy. She said she had been down to the park that 
afternoon, she and the young chap that has been a 


f 



“Oil, I am walkin’ on snow-shoes, Samantha.” page 261. 




SICKENING OF BIAL, 


265 


payln^ her so much attention lately, Bial Flamburg. 
She said they had sot down there by the deer park 
most all the afternoon a watchin’ the deer. She spoke 
dretful well of the deer. And they are likely deer for 
anything I know. But she seemed sort a pensive and 
low spirited. Mebby she is a beginnin’ to find Bial 
Flamburg out. Mebby she is a beginnin’ to not like 
his ways. He drinks and smokes, that I know, and 
Vve mistrusted worse things on him. 


XIV. 

LAKE GEORGE AND “MOUNT M^GRE«OR. 

It wuz on a nice pleasant day that Ardelia Tutt, 
Josiah Allen, and me, met by previous agreement 
quite early in the mornin’, A. M., and sot out for 
Lake George. It is so nigh, that you can step onto 
the cars, and go out and see George any time of day. 

It seemed to me jest as if George wuz glad we had 
come, for there wuz a broad happy smile all over his 
face, and a sort of a dimplin’ look, as if he wanted to 
laugh right out. All the beckonin’ shores and islands, 
with their beautiful houses on ’em, and the distant 
forests, and the trees a bendin’ over George, all seemed 
to sort a smile out a welcome to us. We had a most 
beautiful day, and got back quite late in the afternoon, 
P. M. 

And the next day, a day heavenly calm and fair, 
Josiah Allen and me sot sail for Mount McGregor — 
that mountain top that is lifted up higher, in the 
hearts of Americans than any other peak on the con- 
tinent — fur higher. For it is the place where the 
memory of a Hero lays over all the peaceful landscape 
266 


ASCENDING THE MOUNT. 267 

like a inspiration and a benediction, and will rest there 
forever. 

The railroad winds round and round the mountain 
sometimes not seemingly goin’ up at all, but gradually 
a movin’ on towards the top, jest as this brave Hero 
did in his career. If some of the time he didn’t seem 
to move on, or if some of the time he seemed to go 
back for a little, yet there wuz a deathless fire inside 
on him, a power, a strength that kep’ him a goin’ up, 
up, up, and drawin’ the nation up with him onto the 
safe level ground of Victory. 

We got pleasant glimpses of beauty, pretty pictures 
on’t, every little while as we wended our way on up 
the mountains. Anon we would go round a curve, a 
ledge of rocks mebby, and lo ! far otf a openin’ through 
the woods would show us a lovely picture of hill and 
dell, blue water and blue mountains in the distance. 
And then a green wood picture, shut in and lonely, 
with tall ferns, and wild flowers, and thick green 
grasses under the bendin’ trees. Then fur down agin’ 
a picture of a farm-house, sheltered and quiet, with 
fields layin’ about it green and golden. 

^ut anon, we reached the pretty little lonesome 
station, and there we wuz on top of Mount McGregor. 
W«« disembarked from the cars and wended our way 
up the hill up the windin’ foot path, wore down by 
the feet of pilgrims from every land, quite a tegus walk 
though beautiful, up to the good-lookin’, and good 
appearin’ tarven. 


268 


A STARVING MAN. 


I would fain have stopped at that minute at the 
abode the Hero had sanctified by his last looks. But 
my companion said to me that he wuz in nearly a 
starvin’ state. Now it wuzn’t much after 11 A. M. 
forenoon, and I felt that he would not die of starva- 
tion so soon. But his looks wuz pitiful in the extreme 
and he reminded me in a sort of a weak voice that he 
didn’t eat no breakfast hardly. 

I sez truthfully, I didn’t notice it, Josiah.” But 
sez I, I will accompany you where your hunger can 
be slaked.” So we went straight up to the tarven. 

But I would stop a minute in front of it, to see the 
lovely, lovely seen that wuz spread out before our 
eyes. For fur off could we see milds and milds of 
the beautiful country a layin’ fur below us. Beauti- 
ful landscape, dotted with crystal lakes, laved by the 
blue Hudson and bordered by the fur-away moun- 
tains. 

It wuz a fair seen, a fair seen. Even Josiah wuz 
rousted up by it, and forgot his hunger. I myself 
wuz lost in the contemplation on it, and entirely by 
the side of myself. So much so, that I forgot where 
I wuz, and whether I wuz a wife or a widow, or what 
I wuz. 

But anon, as my senses came back from the realm 
of pure beauty they had been a traversin’, I recollected 
that I wuz a wife, that Providence and Elder Mink- 
ley had placed a man in my hands to take care cm ; 


JOSIAH IN PERIL. 260 

and I see he wuz gone from me, and I must look him 
up. 

And I found that man in one of the high tallish 
lookin’ swing chairs that wuz a swingin’ from high 
poles all along the brow of the hill. They ^f^oked 
some like a stanchol for a horse, and some like a pair 
of galluses that criminals are hung on. 

Josiah wuzn’t able to work it right and it did re- 
quire a, deep mind to get into one without peril. And 
he wuz on the brink of a catastrophe. I got him out 
by siezin’ the chair and holdin’ it tight, till he dis- 
mounted from it — which he did with words unadapted 
to the serenity of the atmosphere. And then we went 
out thfe broad pleasant door-yard up into the tarven, 
and my companion got some coffee, and some refresh- 
ments, to refresh ourselves with. And then he, feelin’ 
clever and real affectionate to me (owin’ partly I s’pose 
to the good dinner), we wended our way down to the 
cottage where the Hero met his last foe and fell victo- 
rious. 

We went up the broad steps onto the piazza, and I 
looked off from it, and over all the landscape under 
the soft summer sky, lay tliat same beautiful tender 
inspired memory. It lay like the hush that follows a 
prayer at a dyin’ bed. Like the glow that rests on 
the world when the sun has gone down in glory. Like 
the silence full of voices that follows a oriter’s inspired 
words. 

The air, the whole place, thrilled with that memory, 

IS 


270 


THE GREAT ARMY. 


that presence that wuz with us, though unseen to the 
eyes of our spectacles. It followed us through the 
door way, it went ahead on us into the room where the 
pen wuz laid down for the last time, where the last 
words wuz said. That pen wuz hung up over the bed 
where the tired head had rested last. By the bedside 
wuz the candle blowed out, when he got to the place 
where it is so light they don’t need candles. The 
watch stopped at the time when he begun to reckon 
time by the deathless ages of immortality. And as I 
stood there, I said to myself, “ I wish I could see the 
faces that wuz a bondin’ over this bed, August 11th, 
1885 .” 

All the ministerin’ angels, and heroes, and con- 
querors, all a waitin’ for him to join ’em. All the 
Grand Army of the Republic, them who fell in moun- 
tain and valley ; the lamented and the nameless, all, 
all a waitin’ for the Leader they loved, the silent, 
quiet man, whose soul spoke, who said in deeds what 
weaker spirits waste in language. 

I wished I could see the great army that stood 
around Mount McGregor that day. I wished I could 
hear the notes of the immortal revelee, which wuz a 
soundin’ all along the lines callin’ him to wake from 
his earth sleep into life-— callin’ him from the night 
here, the night of sorrow and pain, into the mornin’. 

And as I lifted my eyes, the eyes of the General 
seemed to look deer down into my soul, full of the 
secrets that he could tell now, if he wanted to, full of 



272 


- INSIDE THE COTTAGE, 


the mysteries of life, the mysteries of death. The 
voiceless presence that filled the hull landscape, earth 
and air, looked at us through thefn- eyes, half mourn- 
ful, prophetic, true^ and calm, they’-wuz a lookin^ 
through all the past, .through all the future. What 
did they see there? I, couldn’t tell, iioi^Josiah. 

In another roohi ^vtiz the flowers. from^many climes. 
Flowers sti^wed- pnjtp the stage from hands all over 
the world, When the foot lights burned low, and the 
dark curtain went down for the last time.on the Hero. 
Great masses of flowers,^vi^ry one >oji, ’em, bearin’ the 
world’s loVe,^ tl^ world’s sorj^Wi, over our nation’s 
loss. , 

I had a large quantity of emnti!ena,as i^stood, there, 
probably^as, -many as 48 a miiiufce.for quite ^ a spell, 
and that’is a , lai’ge number of emotion^ tqdiave^ when 
the size of ’em is a#darge ^as, theisizps of ’em .wuz. I 
thcjught as I jstopd.^tl^re of what I had.bearn tlie Hero 
said oiwe in ,his; lastTllness,^tha^^^ up hif grand 

right arm; that had eaved the Nation, 'jte/iaaid^^^' .l; am 
on duty from four to six.'’ ^ ■ 

Yes, thinkses I, he wuz on duty><all through the 
shadows and the darkness of war, all through the 
peril, and the heartache, and the wild alarm of war, 
calm and dauntless, he wuz on duty till, the mornin’ 
of peace came, and the light wuz shinin’. 

On duty through the darkness. No one believed, 
BO one dared to think that if peril had come again to 
the country, he would not have been ready,- — ready 


ON DUTY, 


273 


to face danger and death for the people he had saved 
once, the people whom he loved, because he had dared 
death for ^em. 

Yes, he wuz on duty. 

There wuz a darker shadow come to him than any 
cloud that ever rose over a battle-field when, honest 
and true himself as the light, he still stood under the 
shadow of blame and impendin’ want, stood in the 
blackest shadow that can cover generous, faithful 
hearts, the heart-sickenin’ shadov/ of ingratitude ; 
when the people he had saved from ruin hesitated, 
and refused to give him in the time of his need the 
paltry pension, the few dollars out of the millions he 
had saved for them, preferring to allow /am, the 
greatest hero of the world, the man who had repre- 
sented them before the nations, to sell the badges and 
swords he had worn in fightin’ their battles, for bread 
for himself and wife. 

But he wuz on duty all through this night. 
Patient, uncomplainin’. And not one of these war- 
riors fightin’ their bloodless battle of words aginst 
him, would dare to say that he would not have been 
ready at any minute, to give his life agin for these 
very men, had danger come to the country and they 
had needed him. 

And when hastened on by the shock, and the sus- 
pense, death seemed to be near him, so near that it 
seemed as if the burden must nefeds be light — the 
tardy justice that came to him must have seemed like 


274 


AN ADMIRING NATION. 


an insult, but if he thought so he never said it ; no, 
brave and patient, he wuz on duty. 

And all through the long, long time that he looked 
through the shadows for a more sure foe than had 
ever lain in Southern ambush for him, he wuz on duty. 
Not an impatient word, not an anxious word. Of all 
the feerin’, doubtin’, hopin’, achin’ hearts about him, 
he only wuz calm. 

For, not only his own dear ones, but the hull coun- 
try, friends and foes alike, as if learnin’ through fear 
of his loss how grand a hero he wuz, and how greatly 
and entirely he wuz beloved by them all, — they sent 
up to Heaven such a great cloud of prayers for his 
safety as never rose for any man. But he only wuz 
calm, while the hull world wuz excited in his behalf. 

For the sight of his patient work, the sight of him 
who stopped dyin’ (as it were) to earn by his own 
brave honest hand the future comfort of his family, 
amazed, and wonderin’ at this sj)ectacle, one of the 
greatest it seems to me that ever wuz seen on earth, 
the hull nation turned to him in such a full hearted 
love, and admiration, and worship, that they forgot 
in their quicker adorin’ heart-throbs, the slower 
meaner throbs they had gin him, this same brave 
Hero, jest as brave and true-hearted in the past as he 
wuz on his grand death-bed. 

They forgot everything that had gone by in their 
worship, and I don’t know but I ort to. Mebby I 
had. I shouldn’t wonder a mite if I had. But all 


THE WATCH RELIEVED. 


275 


the while, all through the agony and the labor, and 
when too wearied he lay down the pen, — he wuz on 
duty. 

Waitin^ patiently, fearlessly, till he should see in 
the first glow of the sunrise the form of the angel 
cornin’ to relieve his watch, the tall, fair angel of Rest, 
that the Great Commander sent down in the mornin’ 
watches to relieve his weary soldier, — that divinest 
angel that ever comes to the abode of men, though 
her beauty shines forever through tears, led by her 
hand, he has left life’s battle-field forever ; and what 
is left to this nation but memory, love, and mebby 
remorse. 

But little matters it to him, the Nation’s love or 
the Nation’s blame, restin’ there by the calm waters 
he loved. The tides come in, and the tides go out ; 
jest as they did in his life ; the fickle tide of public 
favor that swept by him, movin’ him not on his heav- 
enly mission of duty and patriotism. 

The tides go out, and the tides come in ; the wind 
wails and the wind sings its sweet summer songs ; but 
he does not mind the melody or the clamor. He is 
resting. Sleep on. Hero beloved, while the world 
wakes to praise thee. 

Wall, we sot sail from Mount McGregor about 
half-past four P. M., afternoon. And we wound round 
and round the mountain side jest as he did, only goin’ 
down into the valley instid of upwards. But the 
trees that clothed the bare back of the mountain 


276 


DAISY STATION. 


looked green and shinin’ in the late afternoon sun- 
light, and the fields spread out in the valley looked 
green and peaceful under the cool shadows of ap- 
proachin’ sunset. 

And right in the midst of one of these fields, all 
full of white daisies, the cars stopped and the con- 
ductor sung out : Five minutes’ stop at Daisy sta- 
tion. Five minutes to get out and pick daisies.” 

And sez Josiah to me in gruff axents, when I asked 
him if he wuz goin’ to get out and pick some. Sez 
he, Samantha, no man can go ahead of me in hatin’ 
the dumb weeds, and doin’ his best towards uprootin’ 
’em in ray own land ; and I deeply sympathize with 
any man who is over run by ’em. But why am I 
beholdin’ to the man that owns this lot ? Why 
should I and all the rest of this carload of folks, all 
dressed up in our best too, lay hold and weed out 
these infernal nuisances for nothin’ ? ” 

Yes, he said these fearfully profane words to me 
and I herd him in silence, for I did not want to make 
a seen in public. Sez I, Josiah, they are pickin’ 
’em because they love ’em.” 

iore ’em ! ” Oh, the fearful, scornful unbelievin’ 
look that came over my pardner’s face, as I said these 
peaceful words to him. And he added a expletive 
which I am fur from bein’ urged to ever repeat. It 
wuz sinful. 

Love ’em ! ” Agin he sez. And agin follerd a 
expletive that wuz still more forcible, and still more 


PICKING DAISIES. 


277 


sinful. And I felt obliged to check him which I 
did. And after a long parlay, in which I used my 
best endeavors of argument and reason to convince 
him that I wuz in the right orl’t, I see he wuzn’t con- 
vinced. And then I spoke about its bein’ fashicjnaHe 
to get out and pick ’em, and he looked different to 
once. I could see a change in him. All my argu- 
ments of the beauty and sweetness of the posies had 
no effect, but when I said fashionable, he faltered, and 
he sez, Is it called a genteel diversion ? ” 

And I sez, Yes.” 

And finally he sez, Wall, I s’pose I can go out 
and pick some for you. Dumb their dumb picters.” 

Sez I, Don’t go in that spirit, Josiah Allen.” 

Wall, I shall go in jest that spirit,” he snapped 
out, if I go at all.” Ard lie went. 

But oh ! it wuz a sight to set and look on, and see 
the look onto his face, as he picked the innocent Mos- 
soms. It wuz a look of such deep loathin’, and 
hatred, combined with a sort of a genteel, fashionable 
air. 

Altogether it wuz the most curius, and strange look, 
that I ever see outside of a menagery of wild animals. 
And he had that same look onto his face as he came 
in and gin ’em to me. He had yanked ’em all up by 
their roots too, which made the Bokay look more 
strange. But I accepted of it ii^ silence, for I see by 
his mean that he wuz not in a condition to brook 
another word. 


278 


PAINTING THE STEEPLE. 


And I trembled when a bystander a standin’ by 
who wuz arrangin’ a beautiful bunch of ’em, a hand- 
lin’ ’em as flowers ort to be handled, as if they had a 
soul, and could feel a rough or tender touch, — this 
man sez to Josiah, I see that you too love this beau- 
tiful blossom.” 

I wuz glad the man’s eyes wuz riveted onto his 
Bokay, for the ferocity of Josiah Allen’s look wuz 
sunthin’ fearful. He looked as if he could tear him 
lim’ from lim’. 

And I hastily drawed Josiah to a seat at the other 
end of the car, and voyalently, but firmly, I drawed 
his attention off* onto Religion. 

I sez, Josiah, do you believe we had better paint 
the steeple of the meetin’-house, white or dark col- 
ered?” 

This wuz a subject that had rent Jonesville to its 
very twain. And Josiah had been fearfully exer- 
cised on it. And this plan of mine succeeded. He 
got eloquent on it, and I kinder held off, and talked 
offish, and let him convince me. 

I did it from principle. 


XV. 


ADVENTURES AT VARIOUS SPRINGS. 

A FEW days after this, Josiah Allen came in, and 
sez he, “ The Everlastin’ spring is the one for me, 
Samantha ! I believe it will keep me alive for hun- 
dreds and hundreds of years.” 

Sez I, I donft believe that, Josiah Allen.” 

Wall, it is so, whether you believe it or not. 
Why, I see a feller just now who sez he don’t believe 
anybody would ever die at all, if they kep’ themselves 
kind a wet through all the time with this water.” 

Sez I, Josiah Allen, you are not talkin’ Bible. 
The Bible sez, ^ all flesh is as grass.’ ” 

Wall, that is what he meant ; if the grass wuz 
watered with that water all the time, it would never 
wilt.” 

Oh, shaw I ” sez I. (I seldom say shaw, but this 
seemed to me a time for shawin’.) 

But Josiah kep’ on, for he wuz fearfully excited. 
Sez he, ‘^Why, the feller said, there wuz a old man 
who lived right by the side of this spring, and felt 
the effects of it inside and out all the time, it wuz so 
healthy there. Why the old man kep’ on a livin’, 

279 


280 


THE DEAD ALIVE. 


and a livin’ till he got to be a hundred. And he 
wuz kinder lazy naturally and he got tired of livin’. 
He said he wuz tired of gettin’ up mornin’s and 
dressin’ of him, tired of pullin’ on bis boots and 
drawin’ on his trowsers, and he told his grandson 
Sam to take him up to Troy and let liim die. 

“Wall, Sam took him up to Troy, and he died 
right away, almost. And Sam bein’ a good-hearted 
chap, thought it would please the old man to be 
buried down by the spring, that, healthy spot. So he 
took him back there in a wagon he borrowed. And 
when he got dost to the spring, Sam heard a sithe, 
and he looked back, and there the old gentleman wuz 
a settin’ up a leanin’ his head on his elbo and he sez, 
in a sort of* a sad way, not mad, but melancbolly, 
'You hadn’t ort to don it, Sam. You hadn’t ort to. 
I’m in now for another hundred years.’ ” 

I told Josiah I didn’t believe that. Sez I, “I 
believe the waters are good, very good, and the air is 
healthy here in the extreme, but I don’t believe that.” 

But he said it wuz a fact, and the feller said he 
could prove it. “Why,” Josiah sez, “with the min- 
erals there is in that spring, if you only take enough 
of it, I don’t see how anybody can die.” And sez 
Josiah, “ I am a goin’ to jest live on that water while 
I am hera” 

“ Wall,” sez I, “ you must do as you are a mind 
to, with fear and tremblin’.” 

I thought mebby quotin’ Scripture to him would 


GUZZLING THE 11>ATEE. 


281 


kinder quell him down, for he wuz fearfully agitated 
and wrought up about the Everlastin’ spring. And 
he begun at once to calculate on itj on how much he 
could drink of it, if he begun early in the mornin’ 
and drinked late at night. 

But I kep^ on megum. I drinked the waters that 
seemed to help me and made me feel better, but wuz 
megum in it, and didn’t get over excited about any on 
’em. But oh ! oh ! the quantities of that water that 
Josiah Allen took ! Why, it seemed as if he would 
make a perfect shipwreck of his own body, and wash 
himself away, till one day he came- in fearful excited 
agin, and sez he, in agitated axents, I made a mis- 
take,' Samantha. The Immortal spring is -the one for 
me.” 

‘‘Why?” sez 1. • . 

“Oh, I have jest seen a feller that has been a 
tellin’ me about it.” 

“ What did he say ?” sez I, in calm axents. 

“ Wall, I’ll tell you. It has acted on my feelin’s 
dretful.” Says he, “ I have shed some tears.” (I see 
Josiah Allen had been a cry in’ when he came in.) 

A.nd I sez agin, “ What is it ? ” 

“ Wall,” he said, “ this man had a dretful sick wife. 
And he wuz a carryin’ her to the Immortal spring 
jest as fast as he could, for he felt it would save her, 
if he could get her to it. But she died a mile and a 
half from the spring. It wuz night, for he had 
traveled night and day to get her there, and the 



CRYING IN THE WRONG PLACE, 


28 a 


tarvens wuz all shut up, and he laid her on the 
spring-house floor, and laid down himself on one 
of the benches. He took a drink himself, the last 
thing before he laid down, for he felt that he must 
have sunthin’ to sustain him in his afiliction. 

Wall, in the night he heard a splashin’, and he 
rousted up, and he see that he had left the water 
kinder careless the night before, and it had broke 
loose and covered the floor and riz up round the body, 
and there she wuz, all bright and hearty, a splashin’ 
and a swimmin’ round in the water.” He said the 
man cried like a child when he told him of it. 

And sez Josiah, “It wuz dretful afiectin^ It 
brought tears from me, to hear onft. I thought what 
if I had been you, Samantha ! ” 

“ Wall,” sez I, “ I donft see no occasion for tears, 
unless you would have been sorry to had me brung 
to.” 

“ Oh ! ” sez Josiah, “ I didnft think ! I guess I 
have cried in the wrong place.” 

Sez I coldly, “ I should think as much.” 

And Josiah put on his hat and hurried out. He 
meant well. But it is quite a nack for pardners to 
know jest when to cry, and when to lafP. 

Wall, he follered up that spring, and drinked more, 
fur more than wuz good for him of that water. And 
then anon, he would hear of another one, and some 
dretful big story about it, and he would fuller that 
up, and so it went on, he a follerin' on, and I a beia^ 


284 


HORROR! 


megum, and drinkin^ stiddy, but moderate. And as 
it might be expected, I gained in health every day, 
and every hour. For the waters is good, there haint 
no doubt of'it. 

But Josiah takin’ ’em as he did, bobbin’ round from • 
on^ to the other, drinkin’ ’em at all hours of day and 
night, and floodin’ himself out with ’em, every one ofi 
’em — why, he lost strength and health every day, till 
I felt truly, that if it went on much longer, I should 
go home in weeds. Not mullein, or burdock, or any- 
thing of that sort, but crape. 

But at last a event occurred that sort a sot him to 
thinkin’ and quelled him down some.^ 'One day we 
sot out for a Walk, Jo^iah and Ardelia Tiitt and me. 
And in spite pf all my protestations, pay jiardner had 
drinked ll^glasse| full of the, spring hp^iiz a follerin’ 
then. And he looked white roiind the lips as any- 
thing. And, A^'d^lia, and I^wuz,. a si.ttin’ in a ^ood 
shady place, arid Josiah a little distance off, when a 
man ackosted him, a man with black eyes and black 
whiskers, and sez, You look pale. Sir. Y^at water 
are you a driiij^iq’ 

And Josiah told him that at that time he wuz a 
drinkip’ the water from the Immortal spring. 

: “Drinkin’ that water?” sez the man, startin’ back 
bo^refied. 

Yes,” sez Josiah, turnin’ jmler than ever, for the 
man’s looks wuz skairful in the extreme. 

Oh ! oh ! ” groaned the man. And you are a 


There she wuz, all bright and hearty, a splashirf^ and swimmin* round in the water.” p. 283. 






286 


DEADL y POISON, 


married man ? he groaned out mournfullj, a lookia* 
pitifully at him. With a family ? 

Yes/’ sez Josiah, faintly. 

Oh dear,” sez the man, must it be so, to die, so 
— so lamented ? ” 

To die ! ” sez Josiah, turnin’ white jest round the 
lip. 

Yes, to die ! Did you not say you had been a 
drinkin’ the water from the Immortal spring ? ” 

Yes,” sez Josiah. 

Wall, it is a certain, a deadly poison.” 

** Haint there no help for me ? ” sez Josiah. 

Yes,” sez the man, You must drink from the 
Live-forever spring, at the other end of the village. 
That water has the happy effect of neutralizin’ the 
poisons of the Immortal spring. If anything can 
save you that can. Why,” sez he, folks that have 
been entirely broke down, and made helpless and 
hopeless invalids, them that have been brung down 
on their death-beds by the use of that vile Immortal 
water, have been cured by a few glasses of the pure 
healin’ waters of the Live-forever spring. I’d advise 
you for your own sake, and the sake of your family, 
who would mourn your untimely decese, to drink from 
that spring at once.” 

But,” sez Josiah, with a agonized and hopeless 
look, I can’t drink no more now.” 

Why ? ” sez the man. 

Because I don’t hold any more. I don’t hold 


WONDERFUL WATERS. 2S1 

but two quarts, and I have drinked 11 tumblers full 
now.” 

Eleven glasses of that poison ? ” sez the man. 

Wall, if it is too late I am not to blame. IVe 
warned you. Farewell,” sez he, a graspin’ holt of 
Josiah’s hand. Farewell, forever. But if you do 
live,” sez he, if by a miricle you are saved, remem- 
ber the Live-forever spring. If there is any help for 
you it is in them waters.” 

And he dashed away, for another stranger wuz ap- 
proachin’ the seen. 

I, myself, didn’t have no idee that Josiah wuz a 
goin’ to die. But Ardelia whispered to me, she must 
go back to the hotel, so she went. I see she looked 
kinder stran^^ and I didn’t object to it. And when 
we got bade she handed me some verses entitled : 

Stanzas on the death of Josiah Alien.” 

She handed ’em to me, and hastened away, quick. 
But Josiah Allen didn’t die. And this incident made 
him more megum. More as I wanted him to be. 
Why, you have to be megum in everything, no matter 
how good it is. Milk porridge, or the Bible, or any- 
thing. You can kill yourself on milk porridge if you 
drink enough. And you can set down and read the 
Bible, till you grow to your chair, and lose your eye- 
sight. 

Now these waters are dretful good, but you have 
got to use some megumuess with ’em, it stands to 
reason you have. Taint megum to drink from 10 to 



USING THE WATERS. 


289 


12 glasses at a time, and mix your drinks goin’ roundf 
from spring to spring like a luny. No ; get a good 
doctor to tell you what minerals you seem to stand in 
need on the most, and then try to get ^em with fear 
and tremblin’. You’ll get help I haint a doubt on’t. 
For they are dretful good for varius things that afilict 
the human body. Dretful I 


XVI. 


AT A LAWN PARTY. 

Wall, the very next mornin’ Miss Flamm sent 
word for Josiab and me to come that night to a lawn 
party. And I sez at once, I must go and get some 
lawn.” 

Sez Josiah, What will you do with it?” 

• And I sez, Oh, I s’pose I shall wrap it round me, 
Fll do what the rest do.” 

And sez, Josiah, ^^Hadn^t I ort to have some too? 
If it is a lawn party and everybody else has it, I shall 
feel like a fool without any lawn.” ' 

And I looked at him in deep thought, and through 
him into the causes and consequences of things, and 
sez I, I s’pose you do ort to have a lawn necktie, or 
handkerchief, or sunthin’.” 

Sez he, How would a vest look made out of it, a 
kinder sprigged one, light gay colors on a yaller 
ground* work ? ” 

But I sez at once, You never will go out with 
me, Josiah, with a lawn vest on.” And I settled it 
right there on the spot. 

Then he proposed to have some wrapped round his 
290 


A MOURNFUL MUSICIAN 291 

hat, sort a festooned. Bat I stood like marble aginst 
that idee. But I knew I had got to have some lawn, 
and pretty soon we sallied out together and wended 
our way down to where I should be likely to find a 
lawn store. 

And who should we meet a cornin’ out of a store 
but Ardelia. Her 3d cousin had sent her over to get 
a ingregient for cookin’. Good, willin’ little creeter ! 
She walked along with us for a spell. And while she 
wuz a walkin’ along with us, we come onto a sight 
that always looked pitiful to me, the old female that 
wuz always a’ sittin there a singin’ and playin’ on a 
accordeun. And it seemed to me that she looked 
pitifuller and homblier than ever, as she sot there 
amongst the dense crowd that mornin’ a singin’ and 
a playin’. Her tone wuz thin, thin as gauze, hombly 
gause too. But I wondered to myself how she wuz 
a feelin’ inside of her own mind, and what voices she 
heard a speakin’ to her own soul, through them hom- 
bly strains. And, ontirely unbeknown to myself, I 
fell into a short revery (short but deep) right there in 
the street, as I looked down on her, a settin’ there so 
old, and patient and helpless, amongst the gay movin' 
throng. 

And I wondered what did she see, a settin’ there 
with her blind eyes, what did she hear through them 
hombly tones that she wuz a singin’ day after day to 
a crowd that wuz indifferent to her, or despised her? 
Did she hear the song of the mornin’, the spring time 


292 WHAT MAY YET CO ME, 

©f life ? Did the song of a lark come back to her, a 
lark Ilyin’ up through the sweet mornin’ sky over the 
doorway of a home, a lark watched by young eyes, 
two pairs of ’em, that made the seein’ a blessedness ? 
Did a baby’s first sweet blunders of speech, and happy 
laughter come back to her, as she sot there a drawin’ 
out with her wrinkled hands them miserable sounds 
from the groanin’ instrument? Did home, love, hap- 
piness sound out to her, out of them hombly strains? 
I’d have gin a cent to know. 

And I’d have gin a cent quick to know if the tread 
— tread — tread of the crowd goin’ past her day after 
day, hour after hour, seems to her like the trample of 
Time a marchiii’ on. Did she heaivin ’em the foot- 
steps of child, or lover, or friend, a steppin’ away from 
her, and youth and happiness, and hope, a stiddy goin’ 
away from her? 

Did she ever listen through the constant sound of 
them steps, listen to hear the tread of them feet that 
she must know wuz a cornin’ nigh to her — the icy 
feet that will approach us, if their way leads over 
rocks or roses ? 

Did she hate to hear them steps a cornin’ nearer to 
her, or did she strain her ears to hear ’em, to welcome 
em ? I thouglit like as not she did. For thinkses 
I to myself, and couldn’t help it, if she is a Christian 
she must be glad to change that old accordeun for a 
harp of any size or shape. For mournfuller and 
more melancholy sounds than her voice and that in- 


MISREADING SIGNS, 293 

strument made I never beam, nor ever expect to hear, 
and thin. 

Poor, old, hombly critter, I gin her quite a lot of 
change one day, and she braced up and sung and 
drawed out faster than ever, and thinner. Though 
I’d have gladly hearn her stop. 

When I come up out of my revery, I see Ardelia 
lookin’ at her stiddy and kind a sot. And I mis- 
trusted trouble wuz ahead on me, and I hurried Josiah 
down the street. Ardelia a sayin’ she had got to turn 
the corner, to go to another place for her 3d cousin. 

Jest as we wuz a crossin’ a street my companion 
drawed my attention to a sign that wuz jest overhead, 
and sez he, ‘‘ That m^ns me, I’m spoke of right out, 
and hung up overhead.” 

And sez I, What do you mean ? ” 

Sez he, ^^Kead it — ^ The First Man-I-Cure Of The 
Day.’ That’s me, Samantha ; I haint a doubt of it. 
And I s’pose I ort to go in and be cured. I s’pose 
probably it will be expected of me, that I should go 
in, and let him look at my corns.” 

Sez I, Josiah Allen, I’ve heerd you talk time and 
agin aginst big feelin’ folks, and here you be a talkin’ 
it right to yourself, and callin’ yourself the first man 
of the day.” 

“Wall,” sez he firmly, “I believe it, and I be- 
lieve you do, and you’d own up to it, if you wuzn’t 
60 aggravatin’.” 

“ Wall, sez I mildly, “ I do think you are th« 


294 


SETTLING JO SIAN. 


first in some things, though what them things are, I 
would be fur from wantin^ to tell you. But,” I con- 
tinued on, I don’t see you should think that means 
you. Saratoga is full of men, and most probable 
every man of ’em thinks it means him.” 

Wall,” sez he, I don’t think it means me, I hnow 
it. And I s’pose,” he continued dreamily, they’d 
cure me, and not charge a cent.” 

^^Wall,” sez I, ^^wait till another time, Josiah 
Allen.” And jest at this minute, right down under 
our feet, we see the word ^^Pray,” in big letters 
scraped right out in stun. And Josiah sez, I won- 
der if the dumb fools think anybody is goin to kneel 
down right here in the street, and be run over. Why 
a man would be knocked over a dozen times, before 
he got through one prayer, Now I lay me down to 
sleep, or anything.” 

‘‘ Wall,” sez I, mildly, I don’t think that would 
be a very suitable prayer under the circumstances. It 
haint expected that you’d lay down here for a nap — 
howsumever,” sez I reesunably — their puttin’ the 
word there shows what good streaks the folks here 
have, and I don’t want you to make light on’t, and if 
you don’t want to act like a perfect backslider you’ll 
ceese usin’ such profane language on sech a solemn 
subject.” 

Wall, we went into a good lookin’ store and I wuz 
jest a lookin’ at some lawn and a wonderin’ how many 


I wuz jest a lookin’ at some lawn, and a wonderin’ how many yards I should 

want.” page 294. 






296 


A GARDEN PARTY. 


yards I should want, when who should come in but 
Miss Flamm to get a rooch for her neck. 

And she told me that I didn’t need any lawn, and 
that it wuz a Garden party, and folks dressed in any- 
thing they wuz a mind to, though sez she, A good 
many go in full dress.” 

Wall,” sez I calmly, I have got one.” And 
she told me to come in good season. 

That afternoon, Josiah a bein’ out for a walk, I took 
out of my trunk a dress that Alminy Hagidon had 
made for me out of a very full pattern I had got of a 
peddler, and wanted it all put in, so’s it would fade 
all alike, for I mistrusted it wouldn’t wash. It w^ua 
gethered-in full round the waist, and the sleeves wuz 
set in full, and the waist wuz kinder full before, and 
it had a deep high ruffle gathered-in full round the 
neck. It wuz a very full dress, though I haint proud, 
and never wuz called so. Yet anybody duz take a 
modest pleasure in bein’ equal to any occasion and 
cornin’ up nobly to a emergency. And I own that I 
did say to myself, as I pulled out the gethers in front, 
Wall, there may be full dresses there to-night, but 
there will be none fuller than mine.” 

And I wuz glad that Alminy had made it jest as 
she had. She had made it a little fuller than even I 
had laid out to have it, for she mistrusted it would 
shrink in washin’. It wuz a very full dress. It wuz 
cambriok, dark chocolate, with a set flower of a kind 


JUST THE THING. 297 

of a cinnamon brown and yellow, it wuz bran new 
and looked well. 

Wall, I had got it on, and wuz contemplatin’ its 
fullness with complacency and a hand-glass, a seein’ 
how nobly it stood out behind, and how full it wuz, 
when Josiah Allen came in. I had talked it over 
with him, before he went out — and he wuz as tickled 
as I wuz, and tickleder, to think I had got jest the 
right dress for the occasion. But he sez to me the 
first thing. — You are all wrong, Samantha, full dress 
means low neck and short sleeves.” 

Sez I, I know better ! ” 

Sez he, It duz.” 

Sez I, Somebody has been a foolin’ you, Josiah 
Allen ! There ain’t no sense in it. Do you s’pose 
folks would call a dress full, when there wuzn’t more’n 
half a waist and sleeves to it. I’d try to use a little 
judgment, Josiah Allen ! ” 

But he contended that he wuz in the right on’t. 
And he took up his best vest that lay on the bed, and 
sot down, and took out his jack knife and went a rip- 
pin’ open one of the shoulders, and sez I, What are 
you doin’, Josiah Allen ? ” 

“ Why, you can do as you are a mind to, Samantha 
Allen,” sez he. But I shall go fashionable, I shall 
go in full dress.” 

Sez I, Josiah Allen ! do you look me in the face 
and say you are a goin’ in a low neck vest, and 
everything, to that party to-night?” 


298 BOUND TO BE FASHIONABLE. 

Yes, mom, I be. I am bound to be fashionable.” 
And he went to rollin’ up his shirt sleeves and turnin’ 
in the neck of his shirt, in a manner that wuz per- 
fectly immodest. 

I turned my head away instinctively, for I felt that 
my cheek wuz a gettin’ as red as blood, partly through 
delicacy and partly through righteous anger. Sez I, 
“ Josiah Allen, be you a calculatin’ to go there right 
out in public before men and wimraen, ashowin’ your 
bare bosom to a crowd? Where is your modesty, 
Josiah Allen ? Where is your decency ? ” 

Sez he firmly, I keep ’em where all the rest do, 
who go in full dress.” 

I sot right down in a chair and sez I, Wall there 
is one thing certain ; if you go in that condition, you 
will go alone. Why,” sez I, to home, if Tirzah Ann, 
your own daughter, had ketched you in that perdick- 
erment, a rubbin’ on linement or anything, you would 
have jumped and covered yourself up, quicker’n a 
flash, and likeways me, before Thomas Jefferson. 
And now you lay out to go in that way before young 
girls, and old ones, and men and wimmen, and want 
me to foller on after your example. What in the 
world are you a thinkin’ on, Josiah Allen?” 

Why I’m a thinkin, on full dress,” sez he in a 
pert tone, a kinder turnin’ himself before the glass, 
where he could get a good view of his bones. His 
thin neck wuzn’t much more than bones, anyway, and 
so I told him. And I asked him if he could see any 


GROANS AND SIGHS. 


299 


beauty in it, and sez I, “ Who wants to look at our old 
bare necks, Josiah Allen ? And if there wuzn^t any 
other powerful reeson of modesty and decency in it, 
youM ketch your death cold, Josiah Allen, and be laid 
up with the newmoan. You know you would,” sez 
I, you are actin’ like a luny, Josiah Allen.” 

It is you that are actin’ like a luny,” sez he bit- 
terly. I never propose 'anything of a high fashion- 
able kind but what you want to break it up. Why, 
dumb it all, you know as well as I do, that men haint 
called as modest as wimmen anyway. And if they have 
the name, why shouldn’t they have the game ? Why 
shouldn’t they go round half dressed as well as wim- 
men do ? And they are as strong agin ; if there is any 
danger to health in it they are better able to stand it. 
But,” sez he, in the same bitter axents, you always 
try to break up all my efforts at high life and fash- 
ion. I presume you won’t waltz to-night, nor want 
me to.” 

I groaned several times in spite of myself, and 
sithed, Waltz ! ” sez I in awful axents. “A class- 
leader ! and a grandfather ! and talkin’ about waltz- 
in’ ! ” 

Sez Josiah, “ Men older than me waltz, and foller 
it up. Put their arms right round the prettiest girls 
in the room, hug ’em, and swing ’em right round ” — 
sez he kinder spoony like. 

I said nothin’ at them fearful words, only my groans 
and sithes became deeper and more voyalent And 


HE SURRENDERS, 


r>oo 

in a minute I see through the fingers with which 
I had nearly covered my face, that he wuz a pullin^ 
down his shirt sleeves and a puttin’ his jack knife in 
his pocket. 

That man loves me. And love sways him round 
often times when reesun and sound argument are 
powerless. Now, the sound reesun of the case didn’t 
move him, such as the indelicacy of makin’ a exhibi- 
tion of one’s self in a way that would, if displayed 
in a heathen, be a call for missionarys to convert 
’em, and that makes men blush when they see it in a 
Christian woman. 

The sound reason of its bein’ the fruitful cause of 
disease and death, through the senseless exposure. 

The sound reason of the worse than folly of old 
and middle-aged folks thinkin’ that the exhibition is 
a pretty one when it haint. 

The sound reason of its bein’ inconsistent for a 
woman to allow the familiarity of a man and a 
stranger, a walkin’ up and puttin’ his arm round her, 
and huggin’ her up to him as dost as he can ; that 
act, that a woman would resent as a deadly insult and 
her incensed relatives avenge with the sword, if it 
occurred in any other place than the ball-room and 
at the sound of the fiddle. The utter inconsisten(y 
of her meetin’ it with smiles, and making frantic 
efforts to get more such affronts than any otiier woman 
present — her male relatives a lookin’ proudly on. 

The inconsistency of a man’s bein’ not only held 


IFIfAT FIDDLES DO. 


301 


guiltless but applauded for doin^ what, if it took 
place in the street, or church, would make him out- 
lawed, for where is there a lot of manly men who 
would look on calmly, and see a sweet young girl 
insulted by a man’s ketchin’ hpld of her and embracin’ 
of her tightly for half an hour, — why, he would be 
turned out of his club and outlawed from Christian 
homes if it took place in silence, but yet the sound of 
a fiddle makes it all right. 

And I sez to myself mildly, as I sot there, Is it 
that men and wimmen lose their senses, or is there a 
sacredness in the strains of that fiddle, that makes 
immodesty modest, indecency decent, and immorality 
moral ? ” And agin I sithe heavy and gin 3 deep 
groans. And I see Josiah gin in. All the sound 
reasons weighed as nothin’ with him, but 2 or 3 
groans, and a few sithes settled the matter. Truly 
Love is a mighty conqueror. 

And anon Josiah spoke and sez, Wall, I s’pose I 
can gin it all up, if you feel so about it, but we shall 
act like fools, Samantha, and look like ’em.” 

Sez I sternly, Better be fools than naves, Josiah 
Allen ! if we have got to be one or the other, but we 
haint. We are a standin’ on firm ground, Josiah 
Allen,” sez I. The platform made of the boards 
of consistency, and common sense, and decency, is 
one that will never break down and let you through 
it, into gulfs and abysses. And on that platforha we 
will both stand to-night, dear Josiah.” 

20 



••’Why, Fm a thinkin’ on full dress,” sez he. page 29S. 


A SIGHT TO BEHOLD. 


303 


I think it is always best when a pardner has 
gin in and you have had a triumph of principle, to be 
bland ; blander than common to him. I always love 
at such times to round my words to him with a sweet 
affectionateness of mean. I love to, and he loves it. 

We sot out in good season for the Garden party. 
And it wuz indeed a sight to behold ! But I did not 
at that first minute have a chance to sense it, for 
Miss Flamm sent her hired girl out to ask me to 
come to her room for a few minutes. Miss Flamm’s 
house is a undergoing repairs for a few weeks, sunthiff 
had gin out in the water works, so she and her hired 
girl have been to this tarven for the time bein\ The 
hired girl got us some good seats and telliff Josiah to 
keep one on ’em for me, I follered the girl, or maid,” 
as Miss Flamm calls her. But good land ! if she is 
a old maid, I don’t see where the young ones be. 

Miss Flamm had sent for me, so she said, to see if 
I wanted to ride out the next day, and what time 
would be the most convenient to me, and also, to see 
how I liked her dress. She didn’t know as she 
should see me down below, in the crowd, and she 
wanted me to see it. (Miss Flamm uses me dretful 
well, but I s’pose |ds of it, is on Thomas J’s account. 
Some folks think she is goin’ to have another law- 
suit, and I am glad enough to have him convey her 
lawsuits, for they are good, honorable ones, and she 
pays him splendid for carry in’ ’em.) 

Wall, she had her skirts all on when I went in, all 


^4 WHERE IS THE WAIST? 

a foamin’ and a shinin’, down onto the carpet, in a 
glitterin’ pile of pink satin and white lace and posys. 
Gorgiis enough for a princess. 

And I didn’t mind it much, bein’ only females 
present, if she wuz exposin’ of herself a good deal. I 
kinder blushed a little as I looked at her, and kep’ my 
eyes down on her skirts all I could, and thinkses I to 
myself, — What if G. Washington should come in ? 
I shouldn’t know which way to look.” But then the 
very next minute, I says to myself, Of course he 
won’t be in till she gets her waist on. I’m a bor- 
rowin’ trouble for nothin’.” 

At last Miss Flamm spoke and says she, as she 
kinder craned herself before the glass, a lookin’ at her 
back (most the hull length on it bare, as I am a livin’ 
creeter) ; and says she, How do you like my dress ? ” 

Oh,” says I, wantin’ to make myself agreeable 
(both on account of principle, and the lawsuit), the 
skirts are beautiful but I can’t judge how the hull 
dress looks, you know, till you get your waist on.” 

My waist ? ” says she. 

Yes,” says L 

I have got it on,” says she. 

‘‘Where is it?” says I, a lookin’ at her closer 
through my specks, “ Where is the waist ? ” 

“ Here,” says she, a pintin’ to a pink belt ribbon, 
and a string of beads over each shoulder. 

Says I, “ Miss Flamm, do you call that a waist ? ” 
“ Yes,” says she, and she balanced herself on her 






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306 


RATHER LOW. 


little pink tottlin’ slippers. She couldn^t walk in ^em 
a good honorable walk to save her life. How could 
she, with the instep not over two inches acrost, and 
tlie heels right under the middle of her foot, moreen 
a finger high ? Good land, they wuz enuff to lame a 
Injun savage, and curb him in. But she sort o’ bal- 
anced herself unto ’em, the best she could, and put 
her hands round her waist — it wuzn’t much bigger 
than a pipe-stem, and sort’ o’ bulgin’ out both ways, 
above and below, some like a string tied tight round 
a piller, — and says she complacently, I don’t believe 
there will be a dress shown to-night more stylish and 
beautiful than mine.” 

Says I, ^^Do you tell me. Miss Flamm, that you 
are a goin’ down into that crowd of promiscus men 
and women, with nothin’ but them strings on to cover 
you ? ” Says I, Do you tell me that, and you a per- 
fesser and a Christian ? ” 

Yes,” says she, I paid 300 dollars for this dress, 
and it haint likely I am goin’ to miss the chance of 
showin’ it off to the other wimmen who will envy me 
the possession of it. To be sure,” says she, it is a 
little lower than Americans usually wear. But in 
fashion, as in anything else, somebody has got to go 
ahead. This is the very heighth of fashion,” says 
she. 

Says I in witherin’ and burnin’ skorn, It is the 
heighth of immodesty.” 

And I jest turned my back right ont’ her, A«d 


A WRATHFUL SEPARATION. 


307 


sailed out of the room. I wuzn’t a goin’ to stand 
that, lawsuit or no lawsuit. I wuz all worked up in 
my mind, and by the side of myself, and I didn’t get 
over it for some time, neither. 

Wall, I found my companion seated in that comfort- 
able place, and a keepin’ my chair for me, a^nd so I 
sot down by him, and truly we sot still, and see the 
glory, and the magnificence on every side on us. 
There wuz 3 piazzas about as long as from our house 
to Jones ville, or from Jonesville to Loontown, all 
filled with folks magnificently dressed, and a big gar- 
den layin’ between ’em about as big as from our house 
to Miss Gowdey’s, and so round crossways to Alminy 
Hagidone’s brother’s, and back agin’. It wuz full as 
fur as that, and you know well that that is a great 
distance. 

There wuz some big noble trees, all twinklin’ full 
of lights, of every coler, and rows of shinin’ lights, 
criss-crossed every way, or that is, every beautiful 
way, from the high ornimental pillers of the immense 
house, that loomed up in the distance round us on 
every side, same as the mountains loom up round 
Loontown. 

There wuz a big platform built in the middle of 
the garden, with sweet music discoursin’ from it the 
most enchantin’ strains. And the fountains wuz 
sprayin’ out the most beautiful colers you ever see in 
your life, and failin’ down in pink, and yellow, and 
gold, and green, and amber, and silver water ; spark- 


308 


GORGEOUS THRONGS. 


lin’ down onto the green beautiful ferns and flowers 
that loved to grow round the big marble basin which 
shone white, risin^ out of the green velvet of the 
grass. 

Josiah looked at that water, and sez he, Saman- 
tha, IM love to get some of that water to pass round' 
evenings when we have company.’^ Sez he, It would 
look so dressy and fashionable to pass round pink 
water, or light blue, or light yeller. How it would 
make Uncle Nate Gowdey open his eyes. I believe 
I shall buy some bottles of it, Samantha, to take’ 
home. What do you say ? I don’t suppose it would 
cost such a dretful sight, do you ? ” 

Sez he, I s’pose all they have to do is to put 
pum{)s down into a pink spring, or a yeller one, as 
the case may be, and pump. And I would be willin’ 
to pump it up myself, if it would come cheaper.” 

But my companion soon forgot to follow up the 
theme in lookin’ about him onto the magnificent, 
seen, and a seein’ the throngs of men and wimmen 
growin’ more and more denser, and every crowd on 
’em that swept by us, and round us, and before us, a 
growin’ more gorgus in dress, or so it seemed to us. 
Gera ms of every gorgus coler under th^ heavens and 
some jest the coler of the heavens when it is blue and 
shinin’ or when it is purplish dark in the night time, 
or when it is full of white fleecy clouds, or when it is 
a shinin’ with stars. 

Why, one woman had so many diamonds on that 


CRUSHED WAISTS. 


309 


had a detective follerin’ her all round wherever 
she went. She wuz a blaze of splendor and so wuz 
lots of ^em, though like the stars, they differed from 
each other in glory. 

But whatever coler their gowns wuz, in one thing 
they wuz most all alike — most all of ’em had waists 
all drawed in tight, but a bulgin’ out on each side, 
more or less as the case might be. Why some of 
them waists wuzn’t much bigger than pipe’s tails and 
so I told Josiah. 

And he whispered back to me, and sez he, 
wonder if them wimmen with wasp w^aists, think 
that we men like the looks on ’em. They make a 
dumb mistake if they do. Why,” sez he, we men 
know what they be ; we know they are nothin’ but 
crushed bones and flesh.” Sez he, “ I could make my 
own waist look jest like ’em, if I should take a rope 
and strap myself down.” 

Wall,” sez I, in agitated axents, don’t you try 
to go into no such enterprise, Josiah Allen.” 

I remembered the eppisode of the afternoon, and I 
sez in anxius axents, and affectionate, “ Besides not 
lookin’ well, it is dangerous, awful dangerous. And 
how I should blush,” sez I, if I wuz to see you with 
a leather strap or a rope round your waist under your 
coat, a drawin’ you in ; a changin’ your good honor- 
able shape. And God made men’s and wimmen’s 
waists jest alike in the 'first place, and it is jest as 
smart for men to deform themselves in that way as it 


310 


SMALL FEET, 


is for wimmen. But oli, the agony of my soul if I 
should see you a tryin’ to disfigure yourself in that 
way.” 

You needn’t be afraid, Samantha,” sez he, I am 
dressy, and always wuz, but I haint such a fool as 
that, as to kill myself in perfect agony, for fashion.” 

I didn’t say nothin’ but instinctively I looked 
down at his feet, Oh, you needn’t look at my feet, 
Samantha, feet are very different from the heart, and 
lungs, and such. You can squeeze your feet down, 
and not hurt much more’n the flesh and bones. But 
you are a destroyin’ the very seat of life when you 
draw your waist in as them wimmen do.” 

“ I know it,” sez I, but I wouldn’t torture myself 
in any way if I wuz in your place.” 

I don’t lay out to,” sez he. I haint a goin’ to 
wear corsets, it haint at all probable I shall, though I 
am better able to stand it, than wimmen be.” 

I know that,” sez I. I know men are stronger 
and better able to bear the strain of bein’ drawed in 
and tapered.” I am reesonable, and will ever speak 
truthful and honest, and this I couldn’t deny and 
didn’t try to. 

*^Wall, dumb it, what makes men stronger?” sez 
he. 

Why,” sez I, I s’pose one great thing is their 
dressin’ comfortable.” 

Wall, I am glad you know enough to know it,’’ 
sez he, Why,” sez he, jest imagine a man tyiui’ 


ANXIETY ALLAYED, 


311 


a rope round his waist, round and round ; or worse 
yet, take strong steel, and whalebones, and bind and 
choke himself down with ^em, and tottlin' himself up 
on high heel slippers, the high heels cornin’ right up 
in the ball of his foot — -and then havin’ heavy skirts 
a holdin’ him down, tied back tight round his knees 
and draggin’ along on the ground at his feet — imagine 
me in that perdickerment, Samantha.” 

I shuddered, and sez I, Don’t bring up no such 
seen to harrow up my nerve.” Sez I, You know I 
couldn’t stand it, to see you a facin’ life and its solemn 
responsibilities in that condition. It would kill me 
to witness your sufferin’, ” sez I. And agin’ I shud- 
dered, and agin I sithed. 

And he sez, Wall, it is jest as reasonable for a 
man to do it as for a woman ; it is far worse and more 
dangerous for a woman than a man.” 

I know it,” sez I, between my sithes. “ I know 
it, but I can’t, I can’t stand it, to have you go into 
it.” 

Wall, you needn’t worry, Samantha, I haint a 
fool. You won’t ketch men a goin’ into any such 
performances as this, they know too much.” And 
then he resumed on in a lighter axent, to get my mind 
still further off from his danger, for I wuz still a 
sithin’, frequent and deep. 

Sez he, as he looked down and see some wimmen a 
passin’ below ; sez he, I never see such a sight in 


312 


SIGNIFICANT BLUSHES. 


my life, a man can see more here in one evenin^ than 
he can in a life time at Jonesville.’’ 

‘^That is so, Josiah,^’ sez I, ^^you can.” And I 
felt every word I said, for at that very minute a lady, 
or rather a female woman, passed with a dress on so 
low in the neck that I instinctively turned away ray 
head, and when I looked round agin, a deep blush 
wiiz mantlin^ the cheeks of Josiah Allen, a flushin’ up 
his face, clear up into his bald head. 

I don^t believe I had ever been prouder of Josiah 
Allen, than I wuz at that minute. That blush spoke 
plainer than words could, of the purity and soundness 
of my pardner’s morals. If the whole nation had 
stood up in front of me at that time, and told me his 
morals wuz a tottlin’ I would have scorned the sug- 
gestion. No, that blush telegraphed to me right 
from his soul, the sweet tidings of > his modesty and 
worth. 

And I couldn^t refrain from sayin’ in encouragin’, 
happy axents, Haint you glad now, Josiah Allen, 
that you listened to your pardner ; haint you glad 
that you haint a goin’ round' in a low necked coat and 
vest, a callin’ up the blush of skern and outraged 
modesty to the cheeks of noble and modest men ? ” 

^^Yes,” sez he, graspin’ holt of my hand in the 
warmth of his gratitude, for he see what I had kep’ 
him from. Yes, you wuz in the right or/t, Saman- 
tha. I. see the awfuliiess of the peril from which you 
rescued of me. But never,” sez he, a lookin’ down 


WRATH AT THE WALTZ. 


213 


agin over the railin’, onto some more wimmen a 
passin’ beneath, never did I see what I have seen 
here to-night. Not,” sez he dreemily, sense I wuz 
a baby.” 

Wall,” sez I, “ don’t try to look, Josiah ; turn 
your eyes away.” 

And I believe he did try to — though such is the 
fascination of a known danger in front of you, that 
it is hard to keep yourself from contemplatin’ of it. 
But he tried to. And he tried to not look at the 
waltzin’ no more than he could help, and I did too. 
But in spite of himself he had to see how dost the 
young girls wuz held ; how warmly the young men 
embraced ’em. And as he looked on, agin I see the 
hot blush of shame mantillied Josiah’s cheeks, and 
again he sez to me in almost warm axents, I realize 
what you have rescued me from, Samantha.” 

And I sez, ^‘You couldn’t have looked Elder 
Minkley in the face, could you ? if you had gone into 
that shameful diversion.” 

No, I couldn’t, nor into yourn nuther. I couldn’t 
have looked nobody in the face, if I had gone on and 
imposed on any young girl as they are a doin’, and 
insulted of her. Why,” sez he, if it wuz my Tirzah 
Ann that them men wuz a embracin’, and huggin’, 
and switchin’ her round, as if they didn’t have no 
respect for her at all, — why, if it wuz Tirzah Ann, I 
would tear ’em lim from lim.” 

And he looked capable on’t. He looked almost 


314 


FLEEING FOR HOME, 


sublime (though small). And I hurried him away 
from the seen, for I didn’t know what would ensue 
and foller on, if I let him linger there longer. He 
looked as firm and warlike as one of our bantam 
fowls, a male one, when hawks are a hoverin’ over the 
females of the flock. And when I say Bantam I say 
it with no disrespect to Josiah Allen. Bantams are 
noble, and warlike fowls, though small boneded. 

I got one more glimps of Miss Flamm jest as we 
left the tarven. She wuz a standin’ up in the parlor, 
with a tall man a standin’ up in front of her a talkin’. 
He seemed to be biddin’ of her good-bye, for he had 
holt of her hand, and he wuz a sayin’ as we went by 
’em, sez he, I am sorry not to see more of you.” 

Good land ! ” thinkses I, what can the man be a 
thinkin’ on ? the mean, miserable creeter ! If there 
wuz ever a deadly insult gin to a woman, then wuz 
the time it wuz gin. Good land ! good land ! ” 

I don’t know whether Miss Flamm resented it, or 
not, for I hurried Josiah along. I didn’t want to 
expose him to no sich sights, good, innocent old 
•reeter. So I kep’ him up on a pretty good jog till 
I got him home. 


A TRIP TO SCHUYLERVUiLE. 


It wuz a lovely mornin’ when my companion and 
me sot out to visit Schuylerville to see the monument 
that is stood up there in honor of the Battle of 
Saratoga, one of 7 great decisive battles of the 
world. 

Wall, the cars rolled on peacefully, though screechin’ 
occasionally, for, as the poet says, “ It is their nater 
to,” and rolled us away from Saratoga! And at first 
there wuzn^t nothin^ particularly insperin’ in the looks 
of the landscape, or ruther woodscape. It wuz mostly 
woods and rather hombly woods too, kinder flat lookin’. 
But pretty soon the scenery became beautiful and im- 
pressive. The rollin’ hills rolled down and up in 
great billowy masses of green and pale blue, accordin’ 
as they wuz fur or near, and we went by shinin’ water, 
and a glowin’ landscape, and pretty houses, and fields 
of grain and corn, etc., etc. And anon we reached a 
place where Victory Mills ” wuz printed up high, 
in big letters. When Josiah see this, he sez, Haint 
that neighborly and friendly in Victory to come over 
here and put up a mill ? That shows, Samantha,” 

31$ 


S16 


VICTORY MILLS. 


sez he, that the old hardness of the Kevolution is 
entirely done away with.” 

He wuz jest full of Kevolutionary thoughts that 
mornin', Josiah Allen wuz. And so wuz I too, but 
my strength of mind is such, that I reined ’em in and 
didn’t let ’em run away with me. And I told him 
that it didn’t mean that. Sez I, The Widder Albert 
wouldn’t come over here and go to millin’, she nor 
none of her family.” 

But,^’ sez he, the name must mean sunthin’. Do 
you s’pose it is where folks get the victory over things ? 
If it is, I'd give a dollar bill to get a grist ground out 
here, and,” sez he, in a sort of a coaxin’ tone, le’s 
stop and get some victory, Samantha.” 

And I told him, that I guessed when he got a 
victory over the world, the flesh, or the — David, he 
would have to work for it, he wouldn’t get it ground 
out for him. But anon, he cast his eyes on sunthin’ 
else and so forgot to muse on this any further. It 
wuz a fair seen. 

Anon, a big manufactory, as big as the hull side of 
Jonesville almost, loomed up by the side of us. And 
anon, the fair, the beautiful country spread itself out 
before our vision. While fur, fur away the pale blue 
mountains peeked up over the green ones, to see if they 
too could see the monument riz up to our National 
Liberty. It belonged to them, jest as much as to the 
hill it wuz a standin’ on, it belongs to the hull liberty- 
lovin’ world. 


317 


THE MONUMENT. 

Wall, the cars stopped in a pretty little village, a 
clean, pleasant little place as I ever see, or want to 
see. And Josiah and me wended our way up the 
broad roomy street, up to where the monument 
seemed to sort a beegon to us to come. And when 
we got up to it, we see it wuz a sight, a sight to be- 
hold. 

The curius thing on’t wuz, it kep a growin^ bigger 
and bigger all the time we wuz approachin’ it, till, as 
we stood at its base, it seemed to tower up into the 
very skies. 

There wuz some flights of stun steps a leadin’ up to 
some doors in the side on’t. And we went inside on’t 
after we had gin a good look at the outside. But 
it took us some time to get through gazin’ at the out- 
side on’t. 

Way up over our heads wuz some sort a recesses, 
some like the recess in my spare bed-room, only 
higher and narrower, and kinder nobler lookin’. 
And standin’ up in the first one, a lookin’ stiddy 
through storm and shine at the North star, stood 
General Gates, bigger than life considerable, but none 
too big ; for his deeds and the deeds of all of our old 
4 fathers stand out now and seem a good deal bigger 
than life. Yes, take ’em in all their consequences, a 
sight bigger. 

Wall, there he stands, a leanin’ on his sword. He’ll 
be ready when the enemy comes, no danger but what 
]k will. 

SI 


S18 


GENEJ^AL SCHUYLER. 


On the east side, is General Schuyler a horsback, 
ready to dash forward against the foe, impetuous, ar- 
dent, gallant. But oh ! the perils and dangers that 
obstruct his pathway; thick underbrush and high, 
tall trees stand up round him that he seemingly can^t 
get through. 

But his gallant soldiers are a helpin’ him onward, 
they are a cuttin’ down the trees so’s he can get 
through ’em and dash at the enemy. You see as you 
look on him that he will get through it all. No envy, 
nor detraction, nor jealousy, no such low underbrush 
full of crawlin’ reptiles, nor no high solid trees, no 
danger of any sort can keep him back. His big 
brave, generous heart is sot on helpin’ his country. 
he’ll do it. 

On the south side, is the saddest sight that a pa- 
triotic American can see. On a plain slab stun, lookin’ 
a good deal like a permanent grave-stun, sot up high 
there, for Americans to weep over forever, bitter tears 
of shames, is the name, ^^Arnold.” 

He wuz a brave soldier ; his name ort to be there ; 
it is all right to have it there and jest where it is, on 
a grave-stun. All through the centuries it will stand 
there, a name carved by the hand of cupidity, selfish- 
ness, and treachery. 

On the west side. General Morgan is standin’ up 
with his hands over his eyes, lookin’ away into the 
sunset. He looked jest like that when he wuz a 
lookin’ after prowlin’ red skins and red coats ; when 


GENERAL MORGAN 


319 


the sun wuz under dark clouds, and the day wuz dark 
100 years ago. 

But now, all he has to do is to stand up there and 
look off into the glowin’ heavens, a watchin’ the 
golden light of the sun of Liberty a rollin’ on west- 
ward. He holds his hand over his eyes ; its rays 
most blind him, he is most lost a thinkin’ how fur, 
how fur them rays are a spreadin’, and a glowin’, — 
way, way off, Morgan is a lookin’ onto our future, 
and it dazzles him. Its rays stretch off into other 
lands ; they strike dark places ; they burn ! they 
glow ! they shine ! they light up the world ! 

Hold up your head, brave old General, and your 
loyal steadfast eyes. You helped to strike that light. 
Its radience half-frights you. It is so heavenly 
bright, its rays, may well dazzle you. Brown old 
soldiers, I love to think of you always a standin’ up 
there, lifted high up by a grateful Nation, a lookin’ 
off over all the world, a lookin’ off towards the 
glowin’ west, toward our glorious future. 

On the inside too, it wuz a noble seen. After you 
rose up the steps and went inside, you found yourself 
in a middlin’ big room all surrounded by figures in 
what they called Alto Relief y or sunthin’ to that effect. 
I don’t know what Alto they meant. I don’t know 
nobody by that name, nor I don’t know how they 
relieved him. But I s’pose Alto when he wuz there 
wuz relieved to think that the figures wuz all so noble 
and impressive. Mebby he had been afraid they 


320 


ROYALTY AND LIBERTY. 


wouldn’t suit him and the nation. But they did, they 
must have. He must have been hard to suit, Altd 
must, if he wuzn’t relieved, and pleased with these. 

On one side wuz George the 3d of England, in his 
magnificent palace, all dressed up in velvet and lace, 
surrounded by his slick drestup nobles, and all of ’em 
a sittin’ there soft and warm, in the lap of Luxury, 
a makin’ laws to bind the strugglin’ colonies. 

And right acrost from that, wmz a picture of them 
Colonists, cold and hungry, a havin’ a Eally for Free- 
dom, and a settin’ up a Town meetin’ right amongst 
the trees, and under-brush that hedged ’em all in and 
tripped ’em up at every step ; and savages a hidin’ 
behind the trees, and fears of old England, and dread 
of a hazerdous unknown future, a hantin’ and cloud- 
in’ every glimpse of sky that cara^ down on ’em 
through the trees. But they looked earnest and good, 
them^ old 4 fathers did, and the Town meetin’ looked 
determined, and firm principled as ever a Town meet- 
in’ looked on the face of the earth. 

Then there wuz some of the women of the court, 
fine ladies, all silk, and ribbons, and embroideries, 
and paint, and powder, a leanin’ back in their cush- 
ioned arm-chairs, a wantin’ to have the colonies taxed 
still further so’s to have more money to buy lace with 
and artificial flowers. And right acrost from ’em wuz 
some of our old 4 mothers, in a rude log hut, not 
strong enough to keep out the cold, or the Injuns, 
One wuz a cardin’ wools, one of- ’em wuz a spinnin’ 


NOBLE WOMEN 


^em, a tryin’ io make clothes to cover the starved, 
half-naked old 4 fathers who wuz a tramplin' round 
in the snow with bare feet and shiverin' lims. And 
one of 'em had a gun in her hand. She had smuggled 
the children all in behind her and she wuz a lookin* 
out for the foe. These wimmen hadn't no ribbons on^ 
no, fur from it. 

And then there wuz General Schuyler a fellin' tree^ 
to obstruct the march of the British army. And Miss 
Schuyler a settin' fire to a field of wheat rather than 
have it help the enemy of her country. Brave old 4 
mother, worthy pardner of a grand man, she wuz a 
takin' her life in her hand and a destroyin' her own 
property for the sake of the cause she loved. A 
emblem of the way men and women sot fire to their 
own hopes, their own happiness, and burnt 'em up on 
the altar of the land we love. 

And there wuz some British wimmen a follerin' 
their husbands through the perils of danger and 
death, likely old 4 mothers they wuz, and thought 
jest as much of their pardners as I do of my Josiah. 
I could see that plain. And could see it a shinin' 
still plainer in another one of the pictures — Lady 
Aukland a goin' over the Hudson in a litile canoe 
with the waves a dashin' up high round her, to get to 
the sick bed of her companion. The white flag of 
truce wuz a wavin' over her head and in her heart 
wuz a shinin' the clear white light of a woman's death- 
less devotion. Oh ! there wuz likely wimmea 


322 ? JENNIE McCREA. 

amongst the British, I haint a doubt of it, and men 

too. 

And then we dim a long flight of stairs and we see 
some more pictures, all round that room. Alto 
relieved agin, or he must have been relieved, and 
happified to see ^em, they wuz so impressive, I 
myself had from 25 to 30 emotions a minute while I 
stood a lookin’ at em^ — big lofty emotions too. 

There wuz Jennie McCrea a bein’ dragged oflen 
her horse, and killed by savages. A dreadful sight 
— a woman settin’ out light-hearted toward happiness 
and goin’ to meet a fearful doom. Dreadful sight 
that has come down through the centuries, and hap- 
pens over and over agin amongst female wimmen. 
But here it wuz fearful impressive for the savages that 
destroyed her wuz in livin’ form, they haint always 
materialized. 

Yes, it wuz a awful seen. And jest beyond it, wuz 
Burgoyne a scoldin’ the savages for the cruelty of the 
deed. Curius, haint it ? How the acts and deeds of 
a man that he sets to goin’, when they have come to 
full fruition skare him most to death, horrify him by 
the sight. I’ll bet Burgoyne felt bad enough, a 
lookin’ on her dead body, if it wuz his doin’s in the 
first place, in lettin’ loose such ignerance and savagery 
onto a strugglin’ people. 

Yes, Mr. Burgoyne felt bad and ashamed, I haint 
a doubt of it. His poet soul could sufier as well as 
enjoy — and then I didn’t feel like sayin’ too much 


BURGOYN'E^S SURRENDER. 


323 


ftginst IVIr. Biirgoyne, Lavin’ meditated so lately in 
the treachery of Arnold, one of our own men doin’ 
a act that ort to keep us sort a humble-minded to this 
day. 

And then there wuz the killin’ and buryin* of 
Frazier both impressive. He wuz a gallant officer 
and a brave man. And then there wuz General 
Schuyler (a good creeter) a turnin’ over his command 
to Gates. And I methought to myself as I looked 
on it, that human nater wuz jest about the same then ; 
it capered jest about as it duz now in public affiairs 
and offices. Then there wuz the surrender of Bur- 
goyne to Gates. A sight impressive enough to fur- 
nish one with stiddy emotions for weeks and weeks. 
A thinkin’ of all he surrendered to him that day, and 
all that wuz took. 

The monument is dretful high. Up, up, up, it 
soars as if it wuz bound to reach up into the very 
heavens, and carry up there these idees of ourn about 
Free Rights, and National Liberty. It don’t go clear 
up, though. I wish it did. If it had, I should have 
gone up the high ladder clear to the top. But I de- 
sisted from the enterprise for 2 reasons, one wuz, that 
it didn’t go, as I say, clear up, and the other wuz 
that the stairs wuzn’t finished. 

Josiah proposed that he should go up as he dim up 
our well, with one foot on each side on’t. He said he 
wuz tempted to, for he wanted dretfully to look out 
of them windows on the top. And he said it would 


324 


THE SCHUYLER MANSION. 


probable be expected of him. And I told him that 1 
guessed that the monument wouldn’t feel hurt if he 
didn’t go up; I guessed it would stand it. I dis- 
couraged the enterprise. 

And anon we^ went down out of the monument, 
and crossed over to the good-lookin’ house where the 
man lives who takes care of the monument, and shows 
off its good traits, a kind of a guardian to it. And 
we got a first-rate dinner there, though such is not 
their practice. And then he took us in a likely 
buggy with 2 seats, and a horse to draw it, and we 
sot out to see what the march of 100 years has left us 
of the doin’s of them days. 

Time has trampled out a good many of ’em, but 
we found some. We found the old Schuyler mansion, 
a settin’ back amongst the trees, with the old knocker 
on it, that had been pulled by so many a old 4 father, 
carryin’ tidin’s of disappointment, and hope, and tri- 
umph, and encouragement, and everything. We 
went over the threshold wore down by the steps that 
had fell there for a hundred years, some light, some 
heavy steps. 

We went into the clean, good-lookin’ old kitchen, 
with the platters, and shinin’ dressers and trays ; the 
old-fashioned settee, half-table and half-seat. And 
we see the cup General Washington drinked tea out 
of, good old creeter. I hope the water biled and it 
wuz good tea, and most probable it wuz. And we 
see lots of arms that had been carried in the war, and 


A GOOD 6ld house. 


825 


cannon balls, and shells, and tommy-hawks, and 
hatchets, and arrows, and etc., etc. And down in one 
room all full of other curiosities and relicts, wuz the 
skull of a traittyr. I should judge from the looks on’t 
that besides bein' mean, he wuz a hombly man. 
Somebody said folks had made efforts to steal it. 
But Josiah whispered to me, that there wuzn't no 
danger from him, for he would ruther be shet right 
up in the Tombs than to own it, in any way. 

And I felt some like him. Some of his teeth had 
been stole, so they said. Good land ! what did they 
want with his teeth ! But it wuz a dretful interestin' 
spot. And I thought as I went through the big 
square, roomy rooms that I wouldn't swap this good 
old house for dozens of Queen Anns, or any other 
of the fashionable, furbelowed houses of to-day. The 
orniments of this house wuz more on the inside, and 
I couldn't help thinkin' that this house, compared 
with the modern ornimental cottages, wuz a good deal 
liie one of our good old-fashioned foremothers in her 
plain gown, compared with some of the grandma's 
of to-day, all paint, and furbelows, and false hair. 

The old 4 mothers orniments wuz on the inside, 
and the others wuz more up on the roof, scalloped off 
and ginger-breaded, and criss-crossed. 

The old house wuz full of rooms fixed off beau- 
tiful. It wuz quite a treat to walk through 'em. But 
the old fireplaces, and mantle tray shelves spoke to 
our hearts of the generations that had poked them 



With my mind’s eye I see ’em, and I follcred ’em down the narrow, steep stair-case.” page 327. 



OLD THINGS. 


327 


fires, and leaned up against them mantle trays. They 
went ahead on us through the old rooms ; I couldn^t 
see ^em, but I felt their presence, as I follered ’em 
over the old thresholts their feet had worn down a 
hundred years ago. Their feet didn’t make no sound, 
their petticoats and short gowns didn’t rustle against 
the old door ways and stair cases. 

The dear old grandpas in their embroidered coats, 
didn’t cast no shadow as they crossed the sunshine that 
came in through the old-fashioned window panes. 
No, but with my mind’s eye (the best eye I have got, 
and one that don’t wear specks) I see ’em, and I fol- 
lerd ’em down the narrow, steep stair case, and out 
into the broad light of 4 p. M., 1886. 

Anon, or shortly after, we drove up on a corner 
of the street jest above where the Fish creek empties 
into the Hudson, and there, right on a tall high brick 
block, wuz a tablet, showin’ that a tree once stood 
jest there, under which Burgoyne surrendered. And 
agin, when I thought of all that he surrendered that 
day, and all that America and the world gained, my 
emotions riz up so powerful, that they wuzn’t quelled 
down a mite, by seein’ right on the other side of the 
house wrote down these words, Drugs, Oils, etc.” 

No, oil couldn’t smooth ’em down, nor drugs drug 
’em ; they wuz too powerful. And they lasted jest 
as soarin’ and eloquent as ever till we turned down a 
cross street, and arrove at the place, jest the identical 
six>t where the British stacked their arms (and stacked 


828 


A MOTHER^S SOUL. 


all their pride, and their ambitious hopes with ^em). 
It made a high pile. 

Wall, from there we went up to a house on a hill, 
where poor Baroness Riedesel hid with her three 
little children, amongst the wounded and dyin’ offi- 
cers of the British army, and stayed there three days 
and three nights, while shots and shells wuz a bom- 
bardin’ the little house — and not knowin’ but some 
of the shots had gone through her lover husband’s 
heart, before they struck the low ruff over her head. 

What do you s’pose she wuz a thinkin’ on as she 
lay hid in that suller all them three days and three 
nights with her little girls’ heads in her lap ? Jest 
the same thoughts that a mother thinks to-day, as she 
cowers down with the children she loves, to hide from 
danger ; jest the same thoughts that a wife thinks to- 
day when her heart is out a facing danger and death, 
with the man she loves. 

She faced danger, and died a hundred deaths in the 
thought of the danger to them she loved. I see the 
very splinters that the cruel shells and cannon balls 
split and tore right over her head. Good honorable 
splinters and not skairful to look at to-day, but hard, 
and piercin,’ and harrowin’ through them days and 
nights. 

Time has trampled over that calash she rode round 
so much in (I wish I could a seen it) ; but Time has 
ground it down into dust. Time’s hand, quiet but 
heavy, rested down on the shinin’ heads of the three 


ON TO OBLIVION. 


329 


little girls, and their Pa and Ma, and pushed ’em 
gently but firmly down out of sight ; and all of them 
savages who used to follow that calash as it rolled on- 
wards, and all their canoes, and war hoops, and snow-- 
shoes, etc., etc. 

Yes, that calash of Miss Riedesel has rolled away, 
rolled away years ago, carryin’ the three little girls, 
their Pa and Ma and all the fears, and hopes, and 
dreads, and joys, and heartaches of that time it has 
rolled on with ’em all ; on, on, down the dusty road 
of Oblivion, — it has disappeared there round the turn 
of road, and a cloud of dust comes up into our faces, 
as we try to follow it. And the Injuns that used to 
howl round it, have all follered on the trail of that 
calash, and gone on, on, out of sight. Their canoes 
have drifted away down the blue Hudson, away off 
into the mist and the shadows. Curius, haint it ? 

And there the same hills and valleys lay, calm and 
placid, there is the same blue sparklin’ Hudson. 
Pretful curius, and sort a heart breakin’ to think on’t 
— haint it ? Only jest a few more years and we, too, 
shall go round the turn of the road, out of sight, — 
out of sight, and a cloud of dust will come up and 
hide us from the faces of them that love us, and 
them, too, from the eyes of a newer people. 

All our hopes, all our ambitions, all our loves, our 
joys, our sorrows, — all, all will be rolled away or 
floated away down the river, and the ripples will rip- 
ple on jest as happy; the sunshine will kiss the hilvls 


330 


PASSING AWAY, 


jest as warmly, and lovingly; but other eyes will look 
on ’em, other hearts will throb and burn within ’em 
at the sight. 

Kinder sad to think on, haint it ? 



XVIIL 

THE SOCIAL SCIENCE MEETING. 

One day Josiah and me went into a meetin’ where 
they wuz kinder fixin^ over the world, sort a repairin’ 
of it, as you may say. Some of the deepest, smartest 
speeches I ever hearn in my life, I hearn there. 

You know it is a middlin’ deep subject. But they 
rose to it. They rose nobly to it. Some wuz^ for 
repairin’ it one way, and some another — some wanted 
to kinder tinker it up, and make it over like. Some 
wanted to tear it to pieces, and build it over new. But 
they dll meant well by the world, and nobody 
could help respectin’ ’em. 

I enjoyed them hours there with ’em, jest about as 
well as it is in my power to enjoy anything. They 
wuz all on ’em civilized Christian folks and philan- 
thropists of different shades and degrees, all but one. 
There wuz one heathen there. A Hindoo right from 
Hindoostan, and I felt kinder sorry for him. A 
heathen sot right in the midst of them folks of refine- 
ment, and culture, who had spent their hull lives a 
tryin’ to fix over the world, and make it good. 

This poor little heathen, with a white piller case, 

331 


332 


QUEER PROCEEDINGS, 


or sunthin’ wound round his head (I s’pose he hadn’t 
money to buy a hat), and his small black eyes lookin' 
out kinder side ways from his dark hombly little faj/e, 
rousted up my pity, and my sympathy. There had 
been quite a firm speech made against allowin’ for- 
eigners on our shores. And this little heathen, in 
his broken speech, said, It all seemed so funny to him, 
when everybody wuz foreigners in this country, to 
think that them that got here first should say they 
owned it, and send everybody else back. And he 
said. It seemed funny to him, that the missionarys we 
sent over to his land to teach them the truth, told 
them all about this land of Liberty, where everybody 
wuz free, and everybody could earn a home for them- 
selves, and urged ’em all to come over here, and then 
when they broke away from all that held ’em in their 
own Lnd, and came thousands and thousands of milds, 
to get to this land of freedom and religion, — then 
they wuz sent back agin, and wuzn’t allowed to land. 
It seemed so funny. 

And so it did to me. And I said to myself, I 
wonder if they don’t lose all faith in the missionarys, 
and what they tell them. I wonder if they don’t 
have doubts about the other free country they tell ’em 
about. The other home they have urged ’em to 
prepare for, and go to. I wonder if they haint 
afraid, that when they have left their own country 
and sailed away for that home of Everlastin’ freedom, 
they will be sent back agin, and not allowed to land. 


A HEFTY JOB, 


333 


But it comferted me quite a good deal to meditate 
on^t, that that land didn^t have no laws aginst foreign 
emigration. That its ruler wuz one who held the 
rights of the lowest, and poorest, and most ignerent 
of His children, of jest as much account as he did the 
rights of a king. Thinkses I that poor little head 
with the piller case on it will be jest as much looked 
up to, as if it wuz white and had a crown on it. And 
I felt real glad to think it wuz so. 

But I went to every meetin’ of ^em, and enjoyed 
every one of ’em with a deep enjoyment. And I said 
then, and I say now, for .folks that had took such a 
hefty job as they had, they done well, nobody could 
do better, and if the world wuzn’t improved by their 
talk it wuz the fault of the world, and not their’n. 

And we went to meetin’ on Sunday mornin’ and 
night, and hearn good sermons. There’s several high 
big churches at Saratoga, of every denomination, and 
likely folks belong to the hull on ’em. There is no 
danger of folks losin’ their way to Heaven unless they 
want to, and they can go on their own favorite paths 
too, be they blue Presbyterian ^aths, or Methodist 
pasters, or by the Baptist boat, or the Episcopalian 
high way, or the Catholic covered way, or the Unitar- 
ian Broadway, or the Shadow road of Spiritualism. 

Ho danger of their losin’ their way unless they want 
to. And I thought to myself as I looked pensively at the 
different steeples, What though there might be a good 
deal of wranglin’, and screechin’, and puffin’ off steam, 


334 


JOSIAWS SCHEME. 


at the diiFerent stations, as there must always be 
w'here so many difiPerent routes are a layin^ side by 
side, each with its own ditFerent runners, and conduct- 
ors, and porters, and managers, and blowers, still it 
must be, that the separate high ways would all end at 
last in a serener road, where the true wayfarers and 
the earnest pilgrims would all walk side by side, and 
forget the very name of the station they sot out from. 

I sez as much to my companion, as we wended our 
way home from one of the meetings, and he sez, 
There haint but one right way, and it is a pity folks 
can’t see it.” Sez he a sithin’ deep, ^^Why can’t 
everybody be Methodists ? ” 

We wuz a goin’ by the ’Piscopal church then, and 
he sez a lookin’ at it, as if he wuz sorry for it, What 
a pity that such likely folks as they be, should be- 
lieve in such eronious doctrines. Why,” sez he, I 
have beam that they believe that the bread at com- 
munion is changed into sunthin’ else. What a pity 
that they should believe anything so strange as that 
is, when there is a good, plain, practical, Christian 
belief that they might believe in, — when they might 
be Methodists. And the Baptists now,” sez he, a 
glancin’ back at their steeple, ‘^why can’t they be- 
lieve that a drop is as good as a fountain ? Why do 
they want to believe in so much water ? There haint 
no need on’t. They might be Methodists jest as well 
as not, and be somebody.” 

And he walked along pensively and in deep thought, 


WHAT CHURCH TO JINE. 


335 


and I a feelin’ somewhat tuckered didn’t argue with 
him, and silence rained about us till we got in front 
of the hall where the Spiritualists hold their meetin’s, 
and we met a few a cornin’ out on it and then he 
broke out and acted mad, awful mad and skernful, 
and sez he angrily, Them dumb fools believe in 
supernatural things. They don’t have a shadow of 
reason or common sense to stand on. A man is a fool 
to gin the least attention to them, or their doin’s. 
Why can’t they believe sunthin’ sensible ? Why can’t 
they jine a church that don’t have anything curius in 
it? Nothin’ but plain, common sense facts in it: 
Why can’t they be Methodists ? ” 

The idee ! ” sez he, a breakin’ out fresh. “ The 
idee of believin’ that folks that have gone to the other 
world can come back agin and appear. Shaw ! ” sez 
he, dretful loud and bold. I don’t believe I ever 
heard a louder shaw in my life than that wuz, or more 
kinder haughty and highheaded. 

And tlien I spoke up, and sez, Josiah, it is always 
well, to shaw in the right place, and I am afraid you 
haint studied on it as much as you ort. I am afraid 
you haint a shawin’ where you ort to.” 

“ Where should I shaw ? ” sez he, kinder snappish. 

Wall,” sez I, “ when you condemn other folkses 
beliefs, you ort to be careful that you haint a con- 
demin’ your own belief at the same time. Now my 
belief is grounded in the Methodist meetin’ house 
like a rock ; my faith has cast its ancher there inside^ 


336 


THE SUPERNATURAL, 


of her beliefs and can’t be washed round by any 
waves of opposin’ doctrines. But I am one who can’t 
now, nor never could, abide bigotry and intolerance 
either in a Pope, or a Josiah Allen. 

And when you condemn a belief simply on the 
ground of its bein’ miraculous and beyond your com- 
prehension, Josiah Allen, you had better pause and 
consider on what the Methodist faith is founded. 

^^All our orthodox meetin’ houses, Presbyterian, 
Baptist, Methodist, Episcopalian, every one on ’em, 
Josiah Allen, are sot down on a belief, a deathless 
faith in a miraculous birth, a life of supernatural 
events, the resurrection of the dead. His appearance 
after death, a belief in the graves openin’ and the 
dead cornin’ forth, a belief in three persons inhabitia’ 
one soul, the constant presence and control of spirit- 
ual influences, the Holy Ghost, and the spirits of just 
men. And while you are a leanin’ up against that 
belief, Josiah Allen, and a leanin’ heavy, don’t shaw 
at any other belief for the qualities you hold sacred in 
your own.” 

He quailed a very little, and I went on. 

If you want to shaw at it, shaw for sunthin’ else 
in it, or else let it entirely alone. If you think it 
lacks active Christian force, if you think it is not ag- 
gressive in its assaults at Sin, if you think it lacks 
faith in the Divine Head of the church, say so, do ; 
but for mercy’s sake try to shaw in the right place.” 

Wall,” sez he, they are a low set that follers it 


NO BIGOTRY. 337 

up mostly, and you know it.” And his head was 
right up in the air, and he looked very skernful. 

But I sez, ‘^Josiah Allen, you are a shawiii’ agin in 
the wrong place,” sez I. what you say is true, 

remember that 1800 years ago, the same cry wuz riz 
up by Pharisees, ‘ He eats with Publicans and sinners.’ 
They would not have a king who came in the guise 
of the poor, they seemed a spiritual truth that did 
not sparkle with worldly lustre. 

Buk it shone on ; it lights the souls of humanity 
to-day. Let us not be afraid, Josiah Allen, Truth 
is a jewel that cannot be harmed by deepest investiga- 
tion, by roughest handlin’. It can’t be buried, it will 
shine out of the deepest darkness. What is false will 
be washed away, what is true will remain. For all 
thisTrettin’, and chafing, all this turbelence of con- 
flectin’ beliefs, opposin’ wills, will only polish this 
jewel. Truth, calm and serene, will endure, will 
shine, will light up the world.” 

He begun to look considerable softer in mean, and 
I continued on : Josiah Allen, you and I know what 
we believe the beautiful religion (Methodist Episcopal) 
that we both love, makes a light in our two souls. 
But don’t let us stand in that light and yell out, that 
everybody else’s light is darkness ; that our light is 
the only one. No, the heavens are over all the earth ; 
the twelve gates of heaven ai'c open and a shinin’ 
down on all sides of us. 

Jonesville meetin’ house (Methodist Episcojgal) 


338 


OPEN GATES. 


haint the only medium through which the light 
streams. It is dear to us, Josiah Allen, but let us 
not think that we must coller everybody and drag 
’em into it. And let us not cry out too much at other 
folkses superstitions, when the rock of our own faith, 
that comforts us in joy and sorrow, is sot in a sea of 
supernaturalism. 

“ You know how that faith comforts our two souls, 
how it is to us, like the shadow of a great rock in a 
weary land, but they say, their belief is the same to 
them, let us not judge them too hardly. No, the 
twelve gates of heaven are open, Josiah Allen, and a 
shinin’ down onto the earth. We know the light that 
has streamed into our own souls, but we do not know 
exactly what rays of radience may have been reflected 
down into some other lives through some one of those 
many gates. 

The plate below has to be prepared, before it can 
ketch the picture and hold it. The light does not 
strike back the same reflection from every earthly 
thing. The serene lake mirrors back the light, in a 
calm flood of glory, the flashin’ waterfall breaks it into 
a thousand dazzlin’ sparkles. The dewy petal of the 
yellow field lily, reflects its own ray of golden light 
back, so does the dark cone of the pine tree, and the 
diamond, the opal, the ruby, each tinges the light with 
its own coloring, but the light is all from above. And 
they all reflect the light, in their own way for which 
the Divine skill has prepared them. 


WHAT WE SEE. 


339 


*^Let us not try to compel the deep blue Ocean 
waves and the shinin’ waterfall, and the lily blow, to 
reflect back the light, in the same identical manner. 
No, let the light stream down into high places, and 
low ones, let the truth shine into dark hearts, and 
into pure souls. God is light. God is Love. It is 
His light that shines down out of the twelve gates, 
and though the ruby, or the amethyst, may color it 
by their own medium, the light that is reflected, back 
is the light of Heaven. And Josiah Allen,” sez I in 
a deeper, earnester tone, let us w^ho know so little 
ourselves, be patient with other ignerent ones. Let 
us not be too intolerent, for no intolerence, Josiah 
Allen is ^o cruel as that of ignerence, an’ stupidity.” 

Sez Josiah, I won’t believe in anything I can’t 
«ee, Samantha Allen.” 

I jest looked round at him witheringly, and sez I, 
What have you ever seen, Josiah Allen, I mean that 
is worth seein’? Haint everything that is worth 
bavin’ in life, amongst the unseen ? The deathless 
loves, the aspirations, the deep hopes, and faiths, that 
live in us and through us, and animate us and keep 
us alive, — Whose spectacles has ever seen ’em? 
What are we, all of us human creeters, any way, but 
little atoms dropped here. Heaven knows why, or how, 
into the midst of a perfect sea of mystery, and unseen 
influences. What hand shoved us forwards out of 
the shadows, and what hand will reach out to us from 
the shadows and draw us back agin ? Have you seen 


340 


MYSTERIES. 


it Josiali Allen? You have felt this great onseen 
force a movin’ you along, but you haint sot your eyes 
on it. 

What is there above us, below us, about us, but a 
waste of mystery, a power of onseen influences ? 

You won’t believe anything you can’t see : — Did 
you ever see old Gravity, Josiah Allen, or get ac- 
quainted with him ? Yet his hands hold the worlds 
together. Who ever see the mysterious sunthin’ in the 
North that draws the ship’s compass round ? Who 
ever see that great mysterious hand that is dropped 
down in the water, sweepin’ it back and forth, makin’ 
the tides come in, and the tides go out ? Who ever 
has ketched a glimpse of them majestic fingers, Josiah 
Allen? Or the lips touched with lightnin’, whose 
whispers reach round the' world,' and through the 
Ocean ? You haint see ’em, nor I haint. No, Josiah 
Allen, we don’t know much of anything, and we 
don’t know that for certain. We are all on us only 
poor pupils down in the Earth’s school-room, learnin’ 
with difficulty and heart ache the lessons God sets 
for us. 

Tough old Experience gives us many a hard 
floggin’, before we learn the day’s lessons. And we 
find the benches hard, long before sundown. And it 
makes our hearts ache to see the mates we love droop 
their two tired heads in sleep, all round us before 
school is out. But we grind on at our lessons, as best 
we may, Learnin’ a little maybe. Havin’ to onlearn 


SCHOOL OF EXPERIENCE. 


341 


a sight, as the pinters move on towards four. Clasp- 
ing hands with fellow toilers and (hard task) enclaspin’ 
’em, as they go up above us, or down nearer the foot. 
Havin’ little ‘intermissions’ of enjoyment, soon over. 
But we plod on, on, and bimeby — and sometimes we 
think we do not care how soon — the teacher will say 
to us, that we can be ‘dismissed.’ And then we 
shall drop out of the rank of learners, and the school 
wdll go without us, jest as busily, jest as cheerfully^ 
jest as laboriously, jest as sadly. Poor learners at 
the hard lessons of life. Learnin’ out of a book that 
is held out to us from the shadows by an onseen, in- 
exorable hand. Settin’ on hard benches that may fall 
out from under us at any time. Poor ignerent cree- 
ters that we are, would it not be a too arrant folly for 
us to judge each other hardly, we, all on us, so de- 
plorably ignerent, so weakly helpless ? ” 

Sez Josiah, in earnest axcents, “ Le’s walk a little 
faster.” 

And, in lookin’ up, I see that he wuz readin’ a ad- 
vertisement. I ketched sight of a picture ornamentin’ 
of it. It wuz Lydia Pinkham. And as I see that 
benine face, I found and recovered myself. Truly, I 
had been a soarin’ up, up, fur above Saratoga, Patent 
Medicines, Josiah Allen, etc., etc. 

Blit when I found myself by the side of Josiah 
Allen once more, I moved onwards in silence, and 
soon we found ourselves right by the haven where I 


342 


AT THE HAVEH. 


desired to be, — our own tried and true boardin’ 
house. 


Truly eloquence is tuckerin’, very, especially when 
you are a soarin’ and a walkin’ at the same time. 



ST. Christina’s home. 


Wall, it wuz that very afternoon, almost imme* 
getly after dinner, that Josiah Allen invited me 
warmly to go with him to the Eoller Coaster. And 
I compromised the matter by his goin’ with us first 
to St. Christina’s Home, /and then, I told him, I 
would proceed with him to the place where he would 
be. They wuz both on one road, nigh to each other, 
and he consented after some words. 

I felt dretfully interested in this Home, for it is a 
place where poor little sick children are took to, out 
of their miserable, stiflin’, dirty garrets, and cellars, 
and kep’ and made well and happy in their pleasant, 
home-like surroundin’s. And I thought to myself, 
as I looked ont on the big grounds surroundin’ it> 
and walked through the clean wide rooms, that the 
change to these children, brought out of their narrow 
dark homes of want and woe, into this great sun- 
shiny Home with its clean fresh rooms, its good food, 
its cheery Christian atmosphere, its broad sunshiny 
playgrounds, must seem like enterin’ Paradise to ’em. 

And I thought to myself how thankful I wuz that 

343 


344 


CLEANS AS A PIN, 


this pleasant House Beautiful, wuz prepared f^r the 
rest and refreshment of the poor little pilgrims, worn 
out so early in the march of life. And I further 
thinkses I, Heaven bless the kind heart that first 
thought on’t, and carried out the heavenly idee.” 

The children\s faces all looked so happy, and 
bright, it wuz a treat to see ’em. And the face of the 
sister who showed us round the rooms looked as calm, 
and peaceful, and happy, as if her face wuz the sun 
from which their little lights wuz reflected. 

Up amongst the rooms overhead, every one on ’em 
clean as a pin and sweet and orderly, wuz one room that 
specially attracted my attention. It wuz a small chapel 
where the little ones wuz took to learn their prayers 
and say ’em. It wuzn’t a big, barren barn of a room, 
such as I have often seen in similar places, and which 
I have always thought must impress the children 
with a awful sense of the immensity and lonesomeness 
of space, and the intangebility, and distance of tiie 
Great Spirit who inhabiteth Eternity. No, it wuz 
small, and cozy, and cheerful, like a home. And the 
stained glass window held a beautiful picture of 
love and charity, which might well touch the chil- 
dren’s hearts, sweetly and unconsciously, with the 
divine worth of love, and beauty, and goodness. 

And I could fancy the dear little ones kneelin’ 
here, and prayin’ Our Father, who art in Heaven,” 
and feelin’ that He 5yuz indeed their Father, and not 
a stranger, and that Heaven wuz not fur off from ’em. 


Samantha and Josiah take a ride on the roller coaster, page J4.2. 





IVASTTNG TIME. 


346 

And I thought to myself Never ! never ! through 
all their life will they get entirely away from the 
pure, sweet lessons they learn here,” 

I enjoyed the hour I spent here with a deep, heart 
enjoyment, and so did Josiah. Or, that is, I guess 
he did, though he whispered to me from time to time, 
or even oftener, as we went through the buildin^, 
that we wuz a devourin’ time that we might be 
spendin’ at the Roller Coaster. 

Wall, at last, greatly to my pardner’s satisfaction, 
we sot out for the place where he fain would be. On 
our way there we roamed through another Indian 
Encampment, a smaller one than that where we had 
the fearful incident of the Mermaid and Sarah. 

No, it wuzn’t so big, but it had many innocent di- 
versions and a photograph gallery, and other things 
for its comfert. And a standin’ up a leanin’ aginst 
a tree, by one of the little houses stood a Injun. He 
wuz one of the last left of his tribe. He seemed to 
be a lookin’ pensively on — and seein’ how the land 
that had belonged to ’em, the happy himtin’-grounds, 
the springs they believed the Great Spirit had gin to 
’em, had all passed away into the hands of another 
race. 

I wuz sorry for that Injun, real sorry. And 
thinkses I to myself, we feel considerable pert now, 
and lively, but who knows in another three or four 
hundred years, but what one of the last of our race, 
may be a leanin’ up aginst some new tree, right in 


ARDELIA AND BIAL. 


347 

the same spot, a watchin’ the old places passed away 
into other hands, mebby black hands, or some other 
colored ones; mebby yellow ones, who knows? I 
don^t, nor Josiah don’t. But my pardner wuz a hur- 
ryin’ me on, so I dropped my revery and my umberell 
in my haste to foller on after his footsteps. 

Josiah picked up my umberell, but he couldn’t 
pick up* my soarin’ emotions for me. No, he haint 
never been able to get holt of ’em. But suffice it to 
say, that soon, preceded by my companion, I found 
myself a mountin’ the nearly precipitus stairs, that 
led to the Roller Coaster. 

And havin’ reached the spot, who should we find 
there but Ardelia Tutt and Bial Flamburg. They 
had been on the Roller Coaster seven times in succes- 
sion, and the car. And they wuz now a sittin’ down 
to recooperate their energies, and collect their scattered 
wits together. The Roller Coaster is very scatterin’ 
to wits that are not collected firm and sound, and ce- 
mented by strong common sense. 

The reason why the Roller Coaster don’t scatter 
such folkses wits is supposed to be because, they don’t 
go on to it. Ardelia looked as if her idees wuz scat- 
tered to the four pints of the compass. As for Bial, 
it seemed to me, as if he never had none to scatter. 
But he spoke out to once, and said, he didn’t care to 
ride on ’em. (Bial Flamburg’s strong pint, is his 
truthfulness, I can’t deny that.) 

Ardelia wouldn’t own up but what she enjoyed it 


348 


JOSIAB^S HOPES, 


dretfiilly. You know folks are most always so. If 
they partake of a pleasure and recreation that is 
doubtful in its effects, they will always say, what a high 
extreme of enjoyment they enjoyed a partakin’ of it. 
Curius, haint it? Wall, Josiah had been anticipatiif 
so much enjoyment from the exercise, that I didn’t 
make no move to prevent him from embarkin’ on it — 
though it looked hazardous and dangerous in the ex- 
treme. 

I looked down on the long valleys, and precipitous 
heights of the assents and desents, in which my pard- 
ner wuz so soon to be assentin’ and desentin’ and I 
trembled, and wuz jest about to urge him to forego 
his diversion, for the sake of his pardner’s happiness, 
but as I turned to expostulate with him, I see the 
beautiful, joyous, hopeful look on his liniment, and 
the words fell almost dead on my tongue. I felt that 
I had ruther suffer in silence than to say one word to 
mar that bliss. 

Such is the love of pardners, and such is some of 
the agonies they suffer silently to save from woundin’ 
the more opposite one. No, I said not a word ; but 
silently sat, and see him makin’ his preparations to 
embark. He see the expression onto my face, and he 
too wuz touched by it. He never said one word to 
me about embarkin’ too, which I laid to two reasons. 
One wuz my immovable determination not to embark 
on the voyage, which I had confided to him before. 


GOOD-BYE. 349 

And the other wuz, the added expenses of the journey 
if he took his companion ^vith him. 

No, I felt that he thought it wuz better we should 
part temporarily than that the expenditure should be 
doubled. But as the time drew near for him to leave 
me, I see by his meen that he felt bad about leavin’ 
me. He realized what a companion I had been to 
him. He realized the safety and repose he had always 
found at my side and the unknown dangers he wuz a 
rushin’ into. 

And he got up and silently shook hands with me. 
He would have kissed me, I make no doubt, if folks 
hadn’t been a standi n’ by. He then embarked, and 
with lightnin’ speed wuz bore away from me, as he 
dissapeared down the desent, his few gray hairs waved 
back, and as he went over the last precipitus hill, I 
heard him cry out in agonizin’ axents, Samantha ! 
Samantha ! ” 

And I rushed forwards to his rescue but so light- 
nin’ quick wuz their movements that I met my com- 
panion a cornin’ back, and I sez, the first thing, I 
heard your cry, Josiah ! I rushed to save you, my 
dear pardner.” 

Yes,” sez he, I spoke out to you, to call your 
attention to the landscape, over the woods there ! ” 

I looked at him in a curious, still sort of a way, 
and didn’t say nothin’ only just that look. Why, 
that man looked all trembly and broke up, but he kep’ 
on. 


23 


JOSIAH SCREAMS, 


Yes, it wuz beautiful and inspirin', and I knew 
you wuz such a case for landscapes, I thought I would 
call your attention to it." 

Sez I, coldly, You wuz skairt, Josiah Allen, and 
you know it.” 

Skairt ! the idee of me bein’ skairt. I wuz callin’ 
your attention to the beauty of the view, over in the 
woods.” 

“ What wuz it ? ” sez I, still more coldly ; for I 
can’t bear deceit, and coverin’ up. 

Oh, it wuz a house, and a tree, and a barn, and 
things.” 

great seen to scream about,” sez I. It would 
probable have stood there till you got back, but you 
couldn’t seem to wait.” 

No, I have noticed that you always wanted to see 
things to once. I have noticed it in you.” 

I could most probable have waited till you got 
back, to see a house and a tree.” And in still more 
frigid axents, I added, ^^Or a barn.” And I sez, 
kinder sarkastikly, You enjoyed your ride, I s’pose.” 

Immensely, it wuz perfectly beautiful ! So sort a 
free and soarin’ like. It is jest what suits a man.” 

You’d better go right over it agin,” sez I. 

Yes,” sez the man who runs the cars. You’d 
better go agin.” 

Oh no,” sez Josiah. 

“ Why not ? ” sez I. 

Why not ? ” sez the man. 


**KINDER CLOUDY.' 


351 


Josiah Allen looked all around the room, and down 
on the grass, as if trying to find a good reasonable 
excuse a layin^ round loose somewhere, so’s he could 
get holt of it. 

You'd better go,^' sez I, I love to see you happy, 
Josiah Allen.’^ 

Yes, you’d better go,” sez the man. 

No ! ” sez Josiah, still a lookin’ round for a excus(k, 
up into the heavens and onto the horizon. And ab 
last his face kinder brightenin’ up, as if he had foiiml 
one : No, it looks so kinder cloudy, I guess I won’t 
go. I think we shall have rain between now and 
night.” And so we said no more on the subject and 
sot out homewards. 

Ardelia wrote a poem on the occasion, wrote it 
right there, with rapidity and a lead pencil, and 
handed it to me, before I left the room. I put it into 
my pocket and didn’t think on it, for some days after- 
wards. 

That night after we got home from the Koller 
Coaster, I felt dretful sort a down hearted about 
Abram Gee, I see in that little incident of the day, 
that Bial, although I couldn’t like him, yet I see he 
had his good qualities, I see how truthful he wuz. 
And although I love truth — I fairly worship it — yet 
I felt that if things wuz as he said they wuz, he 
would more’n probable get Ardelia Tutt, for I know 
the power of Ambition in her, and I felt that she 


352 


A CRISIS AT HAND. 


would risk the chances of happiness, for the name of 
bein’ a Banker’s Bride. 

So I sat there in deep gloom, and a chocolate 
colored wrapper, till as late as half past nine o’clock 
p. M. And I felt that the course of Abram’s love 
wuz not runnin’ smooth. No, I felt that it wuz run- 
nin’ in a dwindlin’ torrent over a rocky bed, and a 
percepitus one. And I felt that if he wuz with me 
then and there, if we didn’t mingle our tears together 
we could our sithes, for I sithed, powerful and fre- 
quent. 

Poor short-sighted creeter that I wuz, a settin’ in 
the shadow, when the sun wuz jest a gettin’ ready to 
shine out onto Abram and reflect off onto my envious 
heart. Even at that very time the hand of righteous 
Retribution had slipped its sure noase over Bial 
Flamburg’s neck, and wuz a walkin’ him away from 
Ardelia, away from happiness (oritory). 

At that very hour, half past nine P. M., Ardelia 
Tutt and Abram Gee had met agin, and rosy love and 
happiness wuz even then a stringin’ roses on the 
chain that wuz to bind ’em together forever. 

The way on’t wuz : It bein’ early when Ardelia 
got here, Bial proposed to take her out for a drive and 
she consented. He got a livery horse, and buggy, and 
they say that the livery man knew jest what sort of a 
creeter the horse wuz, and knew it wuz liable to break 
the buggy all to pieces and them to, and he let ’em 
have it for goin.’ But howsumever, whether that is 


TBE BANKER. 


353 


so or not, when they got about five or six milds from 
Saratoga the horse skeert out of the road, and throwed 
^em both out. 

It wuz a bank of sand that skeert it, a high bank 
that wuz piled up by a little hovel that stood by the 
side of the road. The ground all round the hut wuz 
too poor to raise anything else but sand, and had 
raised sights of that. 

A man and woman, dretful shabby lookin^, wuz a 
standin’ by the door of the hut, and the man had a 
shovel in his hand, and had been a loadin’ sand into 
a awful big wheelbarrow that wuz a standin’ by — 
seemin’ly ready to carry it acrost the fields, to where 
some man wuz a mixin’ some motar to lay the 
foundations of a barn. 

Wall, the old man stood a pantin’ by the side of the 
wheelbarrow, as if he had indeed got on too heavy a 
load. It wuz piled up high. The horse shied, and 
Ardelia wuz throwed right out onto the bank of sand, 
Bial by the side of her. And the old man and 
woman came a runnin’ up, and callin’ out, “ Bial, my 
son, my son, are you wounded ? ” 

And there it all wuz. Ardelia see the hull on it. 
The Banker wuz before her, and she wuz a layin’ on 
the bank. And the banker wuz a doin’ a heavy busi- 
ness, if anybody doubted it, let ’em take holt and 
cart a load on it acrost the fields. 

Wall, Ardelia wuz jarred fearful, in her heart, her 
ambition, her pride, and her bones. And as the 


V 



Bial, my son, my son, are you wounded ? ” page 353. 





KIND BUT COARSE, 


355 


horse wuz a fleein’ far away, and no other convey- 
ance could be found to transport her to the next 
house (Ardelia wouldn’t go into his’n), and night wuz 
approachin’ with rapid strides, the old Banker jest 
unloaded the load of sand (good old creeter, he would 
have to load it all over agin), and took Ardelia into 
the wheelbarrow, and wheeled her over to the next 
house and unloaded her. 

The old Banker told Ardelia that when his neigh- 
bor got home he would take her back to Saratoga, 
which he did. He had been to the village for neces- 
saries, but he turned right round and carried her back 
to Mr. Pixleyses. And I s’pose Ardelia paid him, 
mebby as high as 75 cents. As forBial, he tramped 
off into the house, and she didn’t see him agin, nor 
didn’t want to. Wall, I s’pose it wuz durin’ that 
ride on the wheelbarrow, that Ardelia’s ambition 
quelled to softer emotions. I s’pose so. She never 
owned it right up to me, but I s’pose so. 

Bial Flamburg hadn’t lied a w^ord to her. In all 
her agony she realized that. But she had built a high 
towerin’ structure of ambition on what he said, and 
it had tottered. And as is natural in times of danger, 
the heart turns instinctively to its true love, she 
thought of Abram Gee, she wanted him. And as if 
in answer to her deep and lovin’ thought, who should 
come out to the buggy to help her out at Mr. Pix^ 
leyses gate, but Abram Gee ? He had come unex- 


356 


IN abraEts arms. 


pected, and on the eight o’clock train, and wuz there 
waitin’ for her. 

If Bial Flamburg had been with her, he wouldn’t 
have gone a nigh tlie buggy, but he see it was a old 
man, and he rushed out. Ardelia couldn’t walk a 
step on her feet (owin’ to bein shaken up, in bones 
and feelin’s), and Abram jest took her in his strong 
lovin’ arms and carried her into the house, and she 
sort a clung round his neck, and seemed tickled 
enough to see him, 

But she wuz dretful shook up and agitated, and it 
wuzn’t till way along in the night some time, that 
she wuz able to write a poem called, a lay on a 
wheelbarrow ; or, the fallen one.” 

Which I thought when I read it, wuz a good name 
for it, for truly she had fell, and truly she had lay on 
it. Howsumever, Ardelia wrote that jest because it 
wuz second nater to write poetry on every identical 
thing she ever see or did. 

She wuz glad enough to get rid of Bial Flamburg, 
and glad enough to go back to her old love. Abram 
wuz too manly and tender to say a word to Ardelia 
that night on the subject nearest to his heart. No, 
he see she needed rest. But the next day, when they 
wuz alone together, I s’pose he put the case all before 
her. All his warm burnin’ love for her, all his jeal- 
ousy, and his wretchedness while she wuz a waverin’ 
between Banks and Bread, how his heart had been 


•<He took Ardelia into the wheel-barrow, and wheeled her over to the next house.” page 355* 




S5S 


ENGAGED. 


checked by the thought that Bial would vault ovei 
him, and in the end hold him at a discount. 

Why, I s’pose he talked powerful and melted 
Ardelia’s soft little heart till it wuz like the softest 
kind of dough in his hands. And then he went on 
tenderly to say, how he needed her, and how sho 
could mould him to her will. I s’pose he talked 
well, and eloquent, I s’pose so. Anyhow she accepted 
him right there in full faith and a pink and white 
cambric dress. 

And they came over and told me about it in the 
afternoon p. m. And I felt well and happy in my 
mind, and wished ’em joy with a full heart and a 
willin’ mind. 

They are both good creeters. And she bein’ so soft, 
and he so kinder hardy and stout-hearted, I believe 
they will get along firstrate. And when she once 
let her mind and heart free to think on him, she wor- 
ships him so openly and unreservedly (though soft), 
that I don’t believe there is a happier man in the 
hull country. 

Wall, I lay out to give ’em a handsome present when 
they be married, which will be in the fall. Mother 
Gee (who has got as well as can be expected) is goin’ 
to live with Susan. And I’m glad on’t. Mother 
Gee is a good old female no doubt, but it is resky 
work to take a new husband to live with, and when 
you take a mother-in-law too it adds to the resk. 


ABRAM^S LOVE, 359 

But she is goin’ to live with Susan ; it is her prefifer- 
ence. 

And Abram has done so well, that he has bought 
another five acres onto his place, and is a goin’ to fix 
his house all over splendid before the weddin^ daj. 
And Ardelia is to go right from the altar to her home 
— it is her own wishes. 

She knows enough in her way, Ardelia duz. And 
jBhe has a wisdom of the heart which sometimes I 
think, goes fur aliead of the wisdom of the head. 
And then agin, I think they go well together, wisdom 
of the head and the lieart too. (The times I think 
this is after read in’ her poetry.) 

But any way she will make Abram a good soft 
little wife, lovin’ and affectionate always. And good 
land ! he loves her to that extent that it wouldn’t 
make no difference to him if she didn’t know enough 
to come in when it rained. He would fetch her m, 
drippin’ and worship her, damp or dry. 




XX. 

AN ACCIDENT WITH RESULTS. 

W^ALL, it wuz on the very day before we laid o\it 
to leave for home. I wuz a settin’ in my room a men- 
din’ up a rip in my pardner’s best coat, previous to 
packin’ in his trunk, when all of a sudden Miso 
riamm’s hired girl came in a cryin’, and sez I, What 
is the matter ? ” 

And sez she, Ah ! Miss Flamm has sent for you 
and Mr. Allen to come over there right away. There 
has been a axident.” 

“ A axident ! ” sez I. 

Yes,” sez she. “ The little girl has got hurt, and 
they don’t think she will live. Poor little pretty 
thing,” sez the hired girl, and busted out a cryin’ 
agin. 

How did she get hurt ? ” sez I, as I laid down 
the coat, and went to tyin’ orx my bunnet mekani- 
cally. 

“ Wall, the nurse had her out with the baby and 
the little boys. And we s’pose she had been drinkin’ 
too much. We all knew she drinked, and she wuzn’t 
in a condition to go out with the children this morn- 
360 


A MOTHER'S SORROW, 


361 


in^, and Miss Flamm would have noticed it and kep’ 
^em in, but the dog wuz sick all night, and Miss 
Flamm wuz up with it most all night, and she felt 
wore out this mornin’ with her anxtety for the dog, 
and her want of sleep, and so they went out, and it 
wuzn’ moreen half an hour before it took place. She 
left the baby carriage and the little boys and girl in a 
careless place, not knowin^ what she wuz about, and 
they got run over. The baby and the little boys 
wuzn’t hurt much, but they think the little girl will 
die. Miss Flamm went right into a caniption fit,^^ sez 
she, “ when she wuz brung in.^^ 

It is a pity she hadn^t went into one before,^’ sez 
I very dryly, dry as a chip almost. My axents wuz 
fairly dusty they wuz so dry. But my feelings for 
Miss Flamm moistened up and melted down when I 
see her, when we went into the room. It didn’t take 
us long for they are still to the tarven, and we met 
Josiah Allen at the door, so he went with us. 

Yes, Miss Flamm felt bad enough, bad enough. 
She has got a mother’s heart after all, down under all 
the strings and girtins, and laces, and dogs, etc., etc., 
that have hid it, and surrounded it. Her face wuz jest 
as white and deathly as the little girl’s, and that wuz 
jest the picture of stillness and death. And I remem- 
bered then that I had heard that the little girl wuz 
her favorite amongst her children, whenever she had 
any time to notice ’em. She wuz a only daughter and^ 
a beauty, besides bein’ smart. 



'^PRA Y FOR me: 


363 


The doctor had been there and done what he could, 
and gone away. He said there wuz nothin’ more to 
do till she came out of that stuper, if she ever did. 

But it looked like death, and there Miss Flamm sot 
alone with her child, and her conscience. She wuzn’t 
a cryin’ but there wuz a look in her eyes, in her set 
white face that went beyond tears, fur beyond ’em. 
She gripped holt of my hand with her icy cold ones, 
and sez she, Pray for me ! ” She wuz bruug up a 
Methodist, and knew we wuz the same. My feelin’s 
overcame me as I looked in her face and the child’s, 
both lookin’ like dyin’ faces, and I sez with the tears 
a jest runnin’ down my cheeks and a layin’ my hand 
tender on her shoulder, Is there anything I can do 
for you, you poor little creeter?” 

Pray for me,” sez she agin, with her white lipa 
not movin’ in a smile, nor a groan. 

Now my companion, Josiah Allen, is a class-leader, 
and though I say it that mebby shouldn’t — That man 
is able in prayer. He prays as if he meant what he 
said. He don’t try to show off in oritory as so many 
do, or give the Lord information. He never sez, Oh 
Lord, thou knowest by the mornin’ papers, so and so.” 
No, he prays in simple words for what he wants. And 
iie always seems to feel that somebody is nigh to him, 
a bearin’ him, and if it is best and right, his requests 
will be granted. 

So I motioned for that man to kneel down by the 
bed and pray, which he did. He wuz to the fore side 


364 


TEARS: 


of the bed, and Miss Flamm and I on the other side. 
Wall, Josiah commenced his prayer, in a low, earnest 
askin’ voice, then all of a sudden he begun to hesitate, 
waver, and act dretful agitated. And his aetions and 
agitations seemed to last for some time. I thought it 
wuz his feelin’s overcomin’ of him, and of course, my 
hand bein’ over my eyes in a respectful, decent way, 
I didin’t see nothin’. 

But at last, after what wuz seemingly a great effort, 
he began to go on as usual agin. About that time I 
heard sunthin’ hit the wall hard on the other side of 
the room, and I heard a yelp. But then everything 
wuz still and Josiah Allen made a good prayer. And 
before it wuz through Miss Flamm laid her head down 
onto my shoulder, and busted into tears. 

And what wuz rooted up and washed away by 
them tears I don’t know, and I don’t s’pose anybody 
duz. Whether vanity, and a mistaken ambition, and 
the poor empty successes of a fashionable life wuz up- 
rooted and floated away on the awakened, sweepin’ 
tide of a mother’s love and remorse ; whether the dog 
floated down that stream, and low necked dresses, and 
high hazardus slippers, and strings for waists and cor- 
sets, and fashion, and folly, and rivalry, and waltzin’, 
and glitter, and buttons, and show ; whether they all 
went down that stream, swept along like bubbles on 
a heavin’ tumultuous tide, I don’t know, nor I don’t 
s’pose anybody duz. 

But any way, from that day on Miss Flamm has 


A DEAD DOG, 


S65 


been a different woman. I stayed with her all that 
night and the next day, she a not leavin’ the child’s 
bed for a minute, and we a not gettin’ of her to, 
much, as we tried to ; eatin’ w’hatever we could make 
her eat right there by the bedside. And on the 2d 
day the doctor see a change in the child and she began 
to roust a little out of that stuper, and in a wreck’s 
time, she wuz a beginnin’ to get well. 

We stayed on till she wuz out of danger and then 
we went home. But I see that she wuz to be trusted 
with her children after that. She dismissed that 
nurse, got a good motherly one, who she said would 
help her take care of the children for the future ; only 
help her, for she should have the oversight of ’em her- 
self, always. 

The hired girl told me (Miss Flamm never men- 
tioned it to me), and she wuz glad enough of it, that 
the dog wuz dead. It died the day the little girl wuz 
hurt. The hired girl said the doctor had told Miss 
Flamm, that it couldn’t live long. But it wuzn’t 
till we wuz on our way home that I found out one of 
the last eppisode^ in that dog’s life. You see, sick as 
that dog wuz, it wuz bound to bark at my pardner as 
long as it had a breath left in its body. And Josiah 
told me in confidence (and it must be kep’, it is right 
that it should be) ; he said jest after he had knelt 
down and began to pmy he felt that dog climb up 
onto his heels, and pull at his coat tails, and growA a 
low mad growl, and naw at ’em. 

24 


366 HINDRANCES TO PRAYER. 

He tried to nestle round and get it off quietly, but 
no, there it stood right onto Josiah Allen’s heels, and 
hung on, and tugged at them coat-tails, and growled 
at ’em that low deep growl, and shook ’em, as if de- 
termined to worry ’em off. And there my companion 
wuz. He couldn’t show his feelin’s in his face ; he 
had got to keep his face all right towards Miss 
riamm. And his feelin’s was rousted up about her, 
and he wuz a wantin’, and knew he wuz expected, 
to have his words and manner soothin’ and comfortin’, 
and that dog a standin’ on his heels and tearin’ off his 
coat-tails. 

What .to do he didn’t know. He couldn’t stop his 
prayer on such a time as this and kill a dog, though 
he owned up to me that he felt like it, and he couldn’t 
keep still and feel his coat-tails tore off of him, and 
be growled at, and shook, and nawed at all day. So 
he said after the dog had gin a most powerful tug, 
almost a partin’ the skirts asunder from his coat, he 
drew up one foot carefully (still a keepin’ his face 
straight and the prayer agoin’) and brung it back 
sudden and voyalent, and he heard the dog strike 
aginst the opposite side of the room with one short, 
sharp yelp, and then silence rained down and he 
finished the prayer. 

But he said, and owned it up to me, that it didn’t 
seem to him so much like a religious exercise, as he 
could wish. It didn’t seem to help his spiritual 
growth much, if any. 


Wall, he wuz a strugglin’ with it and with his feelin’s, for I Icep 
on a sayin’, *Josiah, do be calm ; do be careful about usin’ a profane 
word so nigh home, and at this time of day, and you just home from 
a tower.’ ” page 366, 


268 


A HARD PLACE, 


And I sez, I should think as much,” and I sei^ 

You wuz in a hard place, Josiah Allen.” 

And he sez, It wuz the dumbest hard place any 
one wuz ever in on earth.” 

And I sez, I don’t know but it wuz.” That 
man wuz to be pitied, and I told him so, and he 
acted real cheerful and contented at bearin’ my mind. 
He owned up that he had dreaded tellin’ me about 
it, for fear I would upbraid him. But, good land ! I 
w^ould have been a hard hearted creeter if I could up- 
braid a man for goin’ through such a time as that, * 
He said he thought mebby I would think it wuz 
irreverent or sunthin’, the dog’s actions, at such’ a 
time. 

Wall,” sez I, you didn’t choose the actions, did 
you? It wuzn’t nothin’ you wanted.” 

No,” sez he feelin’ly. Heaven knows I didn’t. 
And I done the best I could,” sez he sort a pitiful. 

Sez I, I believe you, Josiah Allen,” and sez I 
warmly, I don’t believe that Alexander, or Cezar, or 
Grover Cleveland, could have done any better.” 

He brightened all up at this, he felt dretful well to 
think I felt with him, and my feelin’s wuz all rousted 
up to think of the sufferin’s he had went through, so 
we felt real well towards each other. Such is some of 
the comforts and consolations of pardners. How- 
sumever, the dog died, and I wuz kinder sorry for 
the dog. I think enough of dogs (as dogs) and al- 
ways did. Always use ’em dretful well, only it mads 


THE HOME' TRIP, 


369 


me to have ’em put ahead of children, and sot up in 
front of ’em. I always did and always shall like a 
dog as a dog. 

Wall, they say that when that dog died, Miss Flamm 
hardly inquired about it, she wuz so took up in get- 
tin’ acquainted with her own children. And I s’pose 
they improved on acquaintance, for they say she is 
jest devoted to ’em. And she got acquainted with 
G. Washington too, so they say. He wuz a stiddy, 
quiet man, and she had got to lookin’ on him as her 
banker and business man. But they say she liked 
him real well, come to get acquainted with him. He 
always jest worshipped her, so they are real happy. 
There wuz always sunthin’ kinder good about Miss 
Flamm. 

Thos. J. is a carryin’ on another lawsuit for her 
(more money that descended onto her from her father, 
or that ort to descend). And he is carryin’ it stiddy 
and safe. It will bring Thomas Jefferson over 900 
dollars in money besides fame, a hull lot of fame. 

Wall, we sot sail for home in good spirits, and the 
noon train. And we reached Jones ville with no par- 
ticular eppisodin’ till we got to the Jonesville Depot. 
I ruther think Ardelia Tiitt wrote a poem on the cars 
goin’ home, though I can’t say for certain. 

She and Abram sot a feW seats in front of us, and 
I thought I see a certain look to the backside of her 
head that meant poetry. It wuz a kind of a sot look, 
and riz up like. But I can’t say for certain for she 



•• He would be dumbed if he didn’t leave it right there on tiM 
platform.” page 372. 


THE HEFTY. TRUNK, 371 

didn’t have no chance to tell me about it. Abram 
looked down at her all the time as if he jest wor- 
shipped her. And she is a good little creeter, and will 
make him a happy wife, I don’t make no doubt. As 
I said, the old lady is goin’ to live with Susan. They 
went right on in the train, for Ardelia’s home lays 
beyond Jones ville, and Abram wuz goin’ home with 
her by Deacon Tutt’s request. They are willin’. 

Wall, .we disembarked from the cars, and we found 
the old mair and the Democrat a waitin’ for us. 
Thomas J. wuz a cornin’ for us, but had spraint his 
wrist and couldn’t drive. Wall, Josiah lifted our 
saddul bags in, and my umbrell, and the band box. 
But when he went to lift my trunk he faltered. It 
wuz heavy. I had got relicts from Mount McGregor, 
from the Battlefield, from the various springs, miner- 
als, stuns, and things, and Josiah couldn’t lift it. 

What added to the hardness of the job, the han- 
dles had broken often it, and he had to grip hold on 
it, by the might of his finger nails. It wuz a hard 
job, and Josiah’s face got red and I felt, as well as 
see, that his temper wuz a risin’. And I sez, instinct- 
ively, Josiah, be calm ! ” For I knew not what on- 
guarded word he might drop as he vainly tried to 
grip hold on’t, and it eluded his efterts and came 
down on the ground every time, a carry in’ with it, I 
s’post, portions of his finger-nails, broke oft* in tfye 
fray. 

Wall, he wuz a strugglin’ with it and with his 


372 


A NEW HAND, 


feelings, for I kep’ on a sayin’, Josiah, do be calm ( 
Do be careful about usin’ a profane word so nigh 
home and at this time of day, and you jest home 
from a tower/’ 

And he kep’ his feelin’s nobly under control, and 
never said a word, only to wonder what under the 
High Heavens a woman wanted to lug round a ton 
of stuns in her trunk for.” And anon sayin’ that 
he would be dumbed if he didn’t leave it right there 
on the platform. 

Savin’ these few slight remarks that man nobly re- 
strained himself, and lugged and lifted till the blood 
almost gushed through his bald head. And right in 
the midst of the fray, a porter came up and went to 
liftin’ the trunk in the usual high-headed, haughty 
way Railroad officials have. But anon a change came 
over his linement. And as it fell back from his fin- 
gers to the platform for the 3d time, he broke out in 
a torrent of swearin’ words dretful to hear. 

I felt as if I should sink through the Democrat 
But Josiah listened to the awful words with a warm 
glow of pleasure and satisfaction a beamin’ from his 
face. I never saw him look more complacent. And 
as the man moistened his hands and with another 
frightful burst of profanity lusted it into the end of 
the buggy. 

Wall, I gin the man a few warnin’ words aginst 
profanity, and Josiah gin him a quarter for liftin’ ia 


JIOMB AGAIN f 373 

the trunk, he said, and we drove off in the meller 
glow of the summer sunset. 

But it wuz duskish before we got to the turn of 
the road, and considerable dark before we got to the 
Corners. But we went on thgough the shadows, a 
feelin’ we could bear ’em, for we wuz together, and 
we wuz a goin’ home. 

And pretty soon we got there ! The door wuz open, 
the warm light wuz a streamin’ out from doors and 
windows, and there stood the children ! 

There they all wuz, all we loved best, a waitin’ to 
welcome us. Love, which is the light of Heave% 
wuc a shinin’ on their and we h^ got home. 









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